by S. C. York
Sprinting across the short hall to my room I grab a pair of running shorts and my Block Island hoodie.
The house is eerily silent, none of the inside lights are on. Through the kitchen window I see why. Mom has TJ out back, sitting in our old Adirondack chairs staring at the flames from the fire pit. Each of them has a glass of wine in hand. I decide to make myself a quick dinner before joining them. Maybe leaving TJ alone with Mom will be a little payback. Laughing to myself, I throw together a chicken salad and eat alone in the dark.
Digging my hands into the pocket of my hoodie, I open the back door and enter the back yard. My heart sinks when the crisp night air chills my skin. The muggy humid nights of summer seem to be behind us and it’s the first warning that autumn is around the corner.
“Vanessa, thanks for joining us,” TJ says taking a sip of his wine.
“What? Has Mom’s complaining given you a migraine yet?”
“Vanessa!” My mom says looking hurt. Her eyes are glassy, either from tears or from the wine, I can’t tell.
“Actually, I was filling Cindy in on everything,” TJ tells me.
“What?” I’m shocked. I’ve kept her in the dark from all the drama. I can’t believe TJ told her so quickly, after keeping his secret hidden for so long.
“Vanessa, I’m an excellent listener if you take the time to confide in me. I’m not the crazy mom you always make me out to be,” she says quietly.
Sitting back, we watch sparks from the flames shoot up into the night sky. A few sticks snap in the fire with a few quick pops.
“I know, Mom. I just respect my friend’s privacy and didn’t want to say something I shouldn’t.”
“Vanessa, I would never gossip about something like this. Eva and TJ are like family. I’d never hurt them. By the way, we need to get ahold of Eva. This is serious. We need to make sure she is okay and is talking to somebody about what she’s been feeling.”
“Do you think she needs a therapist?” I ask.
“Yes. I’m calling her mother first thing tomorrow. That girl needs all the support she can get. TJ feels terrible for the part he played in what happened with Blake. I’ve already told him what I think about it. But I must admit it’s strange, to know two kids who’ve been with Blake Foster. I get chills just thinking about it. Oh, dang, this is ruining everything for me.” She thumps her hand on her thigh. “I was already envisioning Eva’s wedding dress.”
“Blake Foster could still get married, Mom. Heck, if that day ever comes it will definitely be in Coast and Country.”
“Ooh, you’re right! I can’t wait!” She claps her hands in glee.
Thank God, I never invited Blake over here, she’d probably tie him up in the basement.
“Vanessa, your mom’s pretty cool. I don’t know why you always complained about her. She’s great, even told me about her old boyfriend and all the crap he pulled on her.”
“Vanessa? Is that true? Do you talk negatively about me?”
“No—TJ’s just joking. Oh, that reminds me, do you still have those letters?”
“Yes,” she replies evenly.
“Let’s burn ‘em.”
Clapping his hands in agreement, TJ chimes in, “Burn them all.”
Mom shrugs as she takes the last sip of wine in her glass, “Why not, it’s beyond time. I’ll tell you kids—holding onto anger and resentment only makes the bitterness last longer. I should have destroyed those letters years ago.” Her eyes gaze into the flames clear of any of the pain that she had held onto for so long. I sit back and ponder the things I’m holding onto. Maybe physically releasing the ashes of my mom’s past will help me and TJ heal, too.
“Let’s get them, Mom.” I get up, holding my hand out to her and she takes it. She pulls me in for a hug and I’m optimistic that maybe some things are changing for the better.
“When will I meet Ryan?” She looks at me hopefully.
“Oh, shit. I forgot to call him back.”
TJ snorts as he stands up, “Vanessa, that guy has been in your head for months and you forgot to call him? You are changing.”
“Uh—that’s good?”
“Yes. You are growing up, my girl,” he says, giving me a pat on the back. I smile inside at the gleam of pride in his eyes as he looks at me.
“Whatever. Let’s go get those letters,” I say, turning away.
“I’ll get the letters and you kids get more wine.”
“Deal,” I say, leading us back into the house.
Tiny pieces of burnt paper turn to ash, as a breeze kicks some up, the broken promises of my mom’s past are carried away into the night.
“Mom, is this therapeutic for you? Seeing all those lies literally turning to dust?”
“Yes. I’m finding this very satisfying. I got over him a long time ago, but the pain of being lied to, the betrayal is what hurt me the most. That is why I am so concerned for Eva. She was lied to by a different man and it was a different type of lie but the feeling of betrayal is the same.”
We sit back in silence, each lost in our own thoughts. It’s quiet. The only sound comes from the cacophony of crickets singing from the shadows in the woods. Their symphony seems deafening when it’s the only noise. Sighing, I sit back and look up to study the stars out tonight. I make a wish for more time with Ryan and a chance to sort things out with Eva. But with every day that passes, moving day comes closer and I’m running out of time.
My phone rings breaking my thoughts.
“Hey, babe, it’s me.”
“Hey, Ryan. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back.”
“No worries. Vanessa, I want you to come to Boston this weekend. I just got off the phone with Blake and he personally wanted me to invite you. He said it would mean a lot to him to have you there for support when he tells Charles. Will you come?”
He sounds excited but I hear the stress in his voice and picture him alone in a dark office, his eyes bloodshot from staring at financial reports. I know he pours over them before his company decides to invest in a deal. He’s been putting in long hours and that’s also taken a toll on our relationship.
“I’d love to. Thanks for inviting me. I can’t wait to see where you live.” Getting up, I move away and head inside for some privacy.
“I’m sorry for being too curt with you on the phone. I’ve had a full plate at the office, while trying to strategize with Blake how he should tell Charles.”
“I understand. I’m sorry, too. I’m just scared. I’m moving away soon and instead of having the summer we always wanted, everything’s become unglued. Time is moving too fast, way too fast.”
“I know,” he sighs into the phone. “Listen, I’ve been thinking about something you should consider. I think you should quit your job at the Inn. There’s barely three weeks left until your job in the city starts. Take some time for yourself. Settle things with TJ and Eva and spend some time with your family.”
Moving through the moonlight-filled rooms of my parents’ house his words turn in my mind. He’s making a lot of sense. But quitting the hotel early is something that never occurred to me. I check the paper calendar Mom keeps pinned to the wall by the fridge with an old thumbtack. My index finger skims across each day until it reaches the circle Mom made, marking my moving date in bold, red ink. Maybe he’s right. These precious last few weeks is time we’ll never get back. I might regret it if I work until the end, leaving little time to resolve so many things.
“I don’t know, Ry— I’d love to have the spare time, but they’ve been so good to me at the Inn, how can I just leave them like this.”
“Vanessa, the summer’s winding down and you trained Anna well— they’ll be fine. Besides, this is a chance for us to be together. Come to Boston and spend the week with me. I’ll be at work every day but at least we’ll be together at night.”
“Sold. That’s all you had to say. I’d do anything to spend more time with you.”
“I’m so glad. I’ll see you after work Friday night. Pa
ck that dress you wore to the tent party. I’ll text you my address.”
“Okay. I can’t wait. I love you.”
“Love you, too. I need to go—I just got to the gym. I’ll call you after.”
“Alright, bye.” I’m relieved that our relationship is moving forward.
I finally got the invite to his place and will get a chance to meet his parents and I’m honored to be invited when Blake tells Charles. That is going to be a deciding moment in his life. I hope this weekend in Boston finally sets him free.
Rain pelts on my air conditioning unit slowly waking me up. I roll over to grab my phone and check the time. It’s 7:30 and a good morning to stay in bed. There’s nothing to do today since I quit the Inn a few days ago. The owners took my sudden departure better than I expected and even threw me a farewell party.
Ryan and I are back to reaching out to one another constantly and I’ve never been so happy. I know it’s awful when the rest of our group is in turmoil but I can’t help it. Maybe I’ll start packing for my vacation in Boston today. Crap, I’m sure I’ll hear plenty from Mom about that.
In the meantime, I need to find Eva and be a better friend.
I will help her through this.
Getting out of bed I grab a pair of leggings and pull out my rain boots. I grab my windbreaker off a hanger then pick up my purse and car keys.
Quickly knotting my hair into a bun and brushing my teeth I go downstairs. My parents are both in the kitchen reading The Day newspaper over the instant coffee they still brew.
“I can’t believe you both still read the paper.”
“Vanessa, you need to keep up with current and local events, honey.”
Giving my mom an eye roll I reach over and grab my tablet.
“Everything is online, including The Day. Save the paper and read everything digitally.”
“Oh, sweetie, all those tech things give me a headache. Did you know looking at the screen will burn out your brain cells if you stare at it too long? You wait and see, time will prove I’m right.”
“Uh-huh,” I say, shaking my head at how old they both are.
“Coffee?” Dad asks as he peruses the sports section.
“No. I don’t know how you drink that, it’s too watery.”
He laughs and takes a sip. He uses the same ugly ceramic mug that I made him in my junior high pottery class, and it’s sweet that it’s still his favorite.
“I was thinking of picking up some coffee and heading over to Eva’s to ambush her. She’s got to be there. I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s not.”
“Vanessa, honey, that is an idea I can approve of, just let me grab my purse.”
“Seriously, Mom? You can’t come.”
“Why not? TJ thinks I’m full of wisdom, besides she needs all the support she can get.”
“Mom, I appreciate the thought. I do, but you don’t know Eva like I do. Instead of feeling supported it will only cause her more embarrassment.”
She sits back down, her shoulders slump in dejection. Crap.
“What if I go over and see how she is. If she seems up for it, we could go out for a girls’ lunch?”
“You’re inviting your old, uncool mother to lunch?” I shift my eyes down to the scuffed wood floor embarrassed that an invite to lunch shocks her so much. I need to work on this relationship, too.
“Sure, I’ll let you know what she says.” I give them both quick pecks on the cheeks and leave.
Driving towards Esker Beach, I turn right onto Flanders Road. I spot Eva’s beat-up, old Wrangler parked in her driveway. Hitting the gas, I almost pop the curb in my eagerness to finally see her. Pulling up, I park across the driveway blocking her in.
Jogging up the short drive, I knock lightly on her door. Nothing. I ring the doorbell and wait. No one comes. Pulling out my phone I fire off a quick text.
You can’t escape me, I blocked your car.
Seriously Chica?
Yep, and I’ve got a double skinny latte…, I type back.
Her door slowly opens, and my sneaker darts in the jam preventing her from snatching the coffee and slamming the door in my face.
“Fine. Come in,” she says.
God, I’ve missed her no bullshit Eva voice. I follow her into the tiny ranch. Her home might be small, but it’s pristine. Her mom always says, “You don’t have to be rich to be clean.” There’s never a spot of clutter and the house always smells of lemons. Eva sits at the worn oak table in the kitchen and silently sips the coffee I brought her.
“Geez, you look forty,” I tell her staring at the dark circles under her eyes, her skin has a yellowish tinge, and her t-shirt sags on her body where a few weeks ago, it was snug on her breasts. She’s dropped at least ten pounds and her hair hangs limp and greasy, in a bird’s nest full of tangles.
“Eva, you look like complete shit, and you smell. When’s the last time you showered?”
“Thanks, Vanessa, it’s not like you’re the one who had a gay boyfriend cheat and lie to you.”
Wincing I sip my coffee and drop my shoulders. My attempt at humor was obviously a fail. “I’ve been worried about you. Please don’t shut me out. I miss you, Eva, let me be here for you.”
“You can’t.”
“Why not?”
“No one can understand what this has been like. What this feels like. I appreciate all the calls and texts. Heck, even your drive-by’s have been slightly stalkerish. Sean’s taught you well.”
“Eva, tell me what to do. How can I help you?”
“Nada, there’s nothing anyone can do. I need time. What you’ve been up to while I’ve been having a nervous breakdown?”
“Well, I quit the Wharf two weeks early.”
“What? That doesn’t sound like you.”
“I know. Ryan convinced me to do it so we can spend more time together before the fall. I’m going up to Boston tomorrow to spend the weekend with him. TJ said—”
“Are you joking? You’re talking to him?” Her eyes cut to mine with a look of pure hatred.
“Uh, well, yes?” I squeak out and wiggle in my chair unnerved by her dark stare.
“I can’t believe you. You were there—you saw them,” she gestures with her hands, “Behind my back, all our backs, it was insane. If that had happened to you, someone’s tires would be slashed and my dad’s golf iron would be smashing some windshields.”
“Yes, and you’d be in jail, and I’d be broke bailing your ass out. But I’m not you, Eva, I can’t be stuck in the middle like this. For what it’s worth, they both deeply regret it. I believe TJ when he says it was a one off, they weren’t having an affair or anything.”
“As if that makes it any better?”
“No, but—”
“Get out, just get out now!” She screams at me and bangs her hand on the table. I’m sad and slightly scared of her but her famous temper is back, and I’ll take that over the pale and sickly girl she was five minutes ago.
“Please just let me finish my coffee, we need to talk about this—about everything.”
“I can’t. I’m not ready.”
“If you won’t talk to me, please tell me there is somebody you are speaking to?”
“I have someone,” she tells me softly.
“Why not me, Eva?”
“Because you’re too close to the situation and I need distance. I’m sorry, but that’s what it is.”
“That’s alright, I understand,” I tell her, not in the least understanding.
We sit in awkward silence until I say,” Well, are you at least going to take a shower, maybe shave? Your leg hair’s so long I could braid it.”
“Shut up.”
“Are you up for lunch later?”
“No. I actually need to study. The summer semester is almost over and I have to write a few papers.”
“Okay, but next time I call you, you better answer.”
“Deal.” We hug and I feel a little better that at least she is keeping up with her su
mmer classes. If she’s going to that, she’s functioning on some level.
“Just keep your chin up, Eva, I love you.”
“Thanks, Chica.”
“And after you shower, do some laundry and make yourself an omelet.”
“Vanessa, you sound exactly like your mom.”
“Shit,” I reply, she’s right.
My hands shake slightly as I smooth out my gown and turn front to back in the mirror. “Relax,” Ryan whispers in my ear, giving me a quick kiss.
“I can’t. This is a big deal, Ry, meeting your parents and Blake coming out in the same night? It’s nerve-wracking.”
“They’re going to love you, babe, no worries. They have to be nice to you, or I won’t talk to them for another two years.”
“Is that how long it’s been?”
“Something like that. You look beautiful, absolutely stunning,” he says and starts to slowly unzip the back of my dress nipping at the skin it reveals with every inch he lowers. Before it falls into a pool at my feet, I have enough sense left to step to the side. His eyes full of lust meet mine in the mirror.
“No. No we cannot be late for this dinner. It’s too important.” I say firmly.
“But I want you now,” he says and continues to kiss the bare skin between my shoulder blades.
It feels good and I let him for a good fifteen seconds, my head falls back as he gently starts massaging my breasts.
“Ry…later. We’ll have time later.” I’m resolved to make a good first impression on his parents and know I can’t show up looking like a woman who’s been freshly made love to.
“Yes, we do, and all week. I’m so glad you decided to quit early. Now, we have more time together.”
“I know,” I answer with longing but hold firm, “Zip me back up.”
“Yes, my lady,” he answers playfully, completing the task with a quick slap to my butt.
I turn back to the mirror and smooth down my dress, this time with steady hands. He waits for me by the front door and my heels click across the hardwood floors of his condo when I cross to him, only stopping to pick up my clutch from the sofa table. He ushers me out, guiding me by the elbow as I walk down the front steps.