‘Where’s your key?’ His words were raspy and full of hunger and it kicked off a whole new wave of wanting. ‘Mia. Give me the key.’ His eyes lifted and met mine. And I knew what I had to do.
‘I can’t do this, Hunter,’ I whispered. I felt him tense and a moment later he stood back from me, confusion clear on his face.
‘Do what?’
‘You know what.’
His brow was knotted and his jawline tight. ‘No. I don’t.’
I straightened my clothes and kept my eyes averted from him. ‘Oh, come on. All this “open up to me, Mia?” We both know what was going to happen here and what you really wanted. And it sure as hell wasn’t for me to open my mind to you. I’m sorry. But I refuse to be just another journalist you once slept with.’
Hunter’s face darkened. ‘You think you know me so well, don’t you?’ He let out a laugh devoid of humour. ‘You have no idea.’ He took a step away and my tangled emotions boiled into anger.
‘And whose fault is that?’
He stopped, turning back, his eyes blazing. ‘What?’
‘You make this big thing about how I don’t let you in? How hypocritical is that? What about you? There’s clearly something going on and I begged you to open up to me in India and in Malaysia. But you didn’t. You kept it all locked inside. Big, macho Hunter.’
‘Don’t.’ His teeth were gritted as he turned away again and started quickly down the corridor.
‘You don’t get to tell me what to do! And oh, what a surprise, you’re just going to walk away. You’re pretty damn good at that, Hunter Scott. Looks like some things never change.’
He didn’t look back.
Chapter Twenty One
Winter Wonderland was throbbing with colour, noise and people. Riders on the amusements screamed, music blared and lights flashed. As the day drifted into darkness, the colours brightened and the cold bit more deeply. The day had been bright and crisp and dry but clouds had now gathered and the snow was beginning to fall and settle around us. I snuggled down in my coat and kept the smile in place for Liv and Sandeep. Laughing when I was supposed to, speaking when it was appropriate and generally pretending I was happy to be here when, after last night, I’d have given good money to be anywhere but.
‘This is surprisingly good!’ Sandy observed as he tucked into a burger, which, thanks to the Germanic name they’d given it, in accordance with the theme, enabled them to charge twice as much.
Hunter was sitting next to me and, busy making light work of his own burger, made a sound of agreement. To be honest, I thought we both deserved BAFTAs, or at least nominations, for the performances we had put on today. The wedding was just a couple of days away now and then it would all be over. I knew now I was never going to have the sort of closure Lorelei had talked about. Not with Hunter. It was never going to be all calm and kumbaya. It wasn’t his style. Or mine. He’d said his piece. I’d said mine. And now we were both just counting the days.
***
‘My darling!’ the bridal boutique owner exclaimed as Liv appeared from behind the screen. ‘You look so beautiful! Your groom will be the happiest man alive.’ The lady was petite, dressed sharply in black and slightly terrifying.
‘Oh, I hope so!’ Liv cooed as she swished this way and that in the dress, its fine layers rippling after her as she did.
‘He will!’ The lady’s heavy Russian accent pronounced it like an order. Standing behind her, I widened my eyes and bit down on the laugh that was desperately bubbling up. It was the first time I’d truly felt like laughing in days. As the woman bent her head and made a tiny adjustment to the dress, Liv looked over the top of her and begged me with her eyes to stop as she forcibly held back the giggles.
‘Sorry,’ I whispered as the owner marched off for a moment, barking orders at an assistant.
‘It’s all right. It’s nice to see you smiling.’
I gave her a quizzical look.
Olivia rested her head on my shoulder for a moment. ‘Don’t think we don’t appreciate the effort you’ve both made to make everything appear perfectly normal. And to anyone else, it would have worked. But we’ve just spent over two months solid with you both. Something clearly happened the night of the ice-skating. And you don’t have to tell me what. I just hope you’re both OK.’
So much for the BAFTA nominations.
‘Did you sleep with him?’
And so much for me not having to tell her what happened.
‘I’m sorry. I just said you didn’t have to tell me and then I go and ask anyway. Sandy always says I’m far too nosy for my own good.’
I gave her a squeeze. ‘No, you’re not. You’re lovely. And I can’t thank you enough for including me on this trip. It really has been amazing. I’ve done things I never thought I’d get the chance to.’
‘Does that include Hunter Scott?’
I laughed, but even I could hear the undertones of sadness.
‘It does not. Admittedly, it nearly did. But… no. It would have been a really bad idea.’
‘I’m hearing you say the words but I’m not feeling it.’
‘Hunter’s different now. I didn’t want to be just another forgettable notch on his camera strap.’
‘Does that mean you wanted to be something more than that?’ Liv said as we moved out from the private area to where her bridesmaids were now congregating around Liv’s own private photographer. He looked over the top of the women and a beautiful, genuine smile lit his face.
‘Wow,’ he said, stepping away from the gaggle. ‘You look breathtaking, Liv. Sandeep’s going to be a puddle on the floor.’ Behind him, there were sighs and I’m pretty sure I heard some ovaries pop.
‘Thank you.’
‘Can I take a few shots?’
‘Of course!’ Liv did some more swishing and I headed over to the table and, passing over the champagne, chose an orange juice and kept out of the way as more bridesmaids joined the impromptu photo shoot and a chiffon and silk cloud enveloped the group. Having made some more notes, I finished the juice and grabbed another drink, more for something to do than anything else.
‘And what do you do? Youare not bridesmaid?’ The Russian woman appeared beside me, seemingly from nowhere, and I jumped about a foot in the air. Behind her, Liv held her hand across her mouth, stifling the giggles as I’d done earlier. Giggle karma had come back and bitten me in the arse.
‘Oh! I’m… no. Not a bridesmaid. I’m helping document things for Olivia.’
‘You don’t take photos?’
‘No. I’m just the words. He’s the… Oh!’ I pointed across the room with my glass to where Hunter was. Except he wasn’t there any more. He was next to me. And he was now wearing my almost full glass of orange juice over what just moments ago had been a pure white shirt.
‘F… lip!’ Hunter exclaimed as he caught the owner’s eye mid exclamation.
‘Oh God! I’m so sorry! I was just… I thought you were over there.’
‘I’m rather wishing I’d stayed over there now,’ he said, peering down at his shirt.
‘Take it off!’ the owner exclaimed and several bridesmaids’ heads snapped round.
‘Excuse me?’
‘The shirt. Take it off. Now. The juice will stain. It is good shirt. Take it off. I have replacement for you to wear and we will get shirt back to you by this evening. Good as new. I know many tricks.’
‘Oh. Umm. That’s very kind of you but I’m OK, really. It wasn’t expensive at all and I’m sure it’ll come out in the wash anyway.’ Hunter had begun stepping backwards as the petite woman advanced on him, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. Misjudging, he bumped into a wall. His eyes found Liv and sent out a silent plea.
‘I’m sure the hotel laundry will do a great job on the shirt, Miss Poliakov. You really needn’t trouble yourself,’ Liv charmed.
‘No trouble. Shirt off, please.’
Liv looked over the top of the woman’s head and gave Hunter a shrug. He switched his
gaze from her back to Miss Poliakov, who held out her hand, waiting for the shirt. An assistant now stood beside her holding another for him to change into while the rest of us watched the scene play out.
Hunter tipped his head back against the wall and did a wide-eyed blink before letting out a deep, resigned sigh. His gaze dropped to meet mine, holding it steadily as his fingers worked quickly at the buttons, before stripping the shirt off, revealing the hard, toned body his clothing had only hinted at. A few comments whispered behind hands and one loud wolf-whistle seemed to go unnoticed by him as he grabbed the other shirt and speedily slid his arms in, tucking it in around his back, fussing for a moment with the collar. My eyes were fixed on him, unable to turn away. He lowered his gaze momentarily, the deep breaths he was taking showing with the rise of his shoulders. And then he lifted his eyes again and met mine, now awash with tears.
‘Mia…’ He stepped towards me but I shoved at his chest, pushing past and out of the studio, forgetting until the instant I stepped outside that London was in the middle of a wonderfully festive, but bloody freezing, snowstorm. I’d quickly grabbed my bag as I rushed out, but had completely forgotten my coat. I couldn’t go back in there. Not right now. Thoughts tumbled and twisted through my mind and I needed to understand them before I went anywhere near Hunter Scott again.
‘Mia!’ his voice called out over the wind now whipping snow into my eyes.
‘Don’t come near me. I don’t want to hear it now.’
‘Mia. You’re going to freeze to bloody death. Here.’ He held out the arms of my coat. Hesitating a moment, I quickly pushed my arms down into the sleeves and belted it around me. I might be stubborn but I wasn’t stupid.
‘We need to talk.’
I shook off the hand he’d laid on my arm. ‘I tried to do that before and you weren’t interested! Now I… I can’t Hunter, I’m sorry.’
I turned to leave.
‘Now who’s walking away?’ His voice was even, but I could hear the strain in it.
Quickly I spun back. ‘That’s not fair and you know it. I wanted to help and you wouldn’t let me in! You told me nothing was wrong! That nothing had happened! But the fact that there are two huge, angry scars on your chest and stomach that sure as hell weren’t there before tells me that’s not exactly true. No wonder you never took your T-shirt off at the pool, and always slept in one when we had to share a room. You hid that from me. Purposely! But Liv and Sandeep know, don’t they? That’s what she nearly put her foot in, isn’t it? Before, in the hotel bar? And as for this…’ I reached out and lifted the fine chain he wore – on the end of which was the engagement ring he’d put on my finger six years earlier. ‘What the hell is this? What? You just carry it around so you’ll have one handy the next time you find someone else you fancy becoming engaged to for a while?’
He caught my hand as I let go of the chain. ‘You know why I wouldn’t let you in, Mia?’
I met his eyes, and suddenly I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the reason. ‘I wouldn’t let you in because I was afraid that, if I did, I wouldn’t let you go again! I did that once and it nearly killed me. I wasn’t prepared to put myself through that again!’
‘And now?’ I said, eventually.
Hunter moved us out of the flow of the pedestrian traffic, towards the lee of the building. The snow twirled in the wind, stinging our faces and chilling us to the core.
‘I walked away before and it’s something I’ll always regret.’
I stared at him, my mind turning over everything that had happened since Hunter had walked back into my life. All punctuated by what I’d just seen.
‘Why would you regret it? You don’t even like me.’
He gave a wry smile. ‘Of course I like you.’
‘You didn’t want to be anywhere near me! You said that yourself!’
‘I did say that. But the reason wasn’t that I didn’t want to be near you. The reason was exactly the opposite. I wanted to see you, and be with you, more than I could say. It didn’t matter what my brain told me, my heart just kept ignoring it. And frankly, that scared the shit out of me. I thought avoidance was the best option. I underestimated how much you were valued, which I’m sorry for. That was arrogant of me and I apologise. But I also underestimated you, which I should have learned never to do. It didn’t matter how uncomfortable I tried to make it, hoping you’d quit – you never did.’
‘I couldn’t. It hurt to see how much you hated me, but I had to do it. And not because I wanted to prove anything, like you think. But because I knew it was an opportunity that might not come again.’
‘I’ve never hated you, Mia. Please don’t think that.’ His hand brushed my face, the palm caressing my jawline. ‘I was angry at you – at us both – for letting pride, and stupidity and insecurity ruin everything we had together. But I never, ever hated you.’ He cupped my face with cold hands. ‘Mia, I’ve never stopped loving you. Even when I was mad as hell at you, I still loved you. I’m crazy about you. I always have been. Why do you think I was such a pain in the arse when you hit your head? The thought of something happening to you…’ He stopped and ran a hand over his hair, dislodging and dissolving the flakes of snow that had settled there. ‘It’s more than I could bear. When I saw you come out of that changing room, your face all tear-stained, all I wanted to do was hold you, take care of you and do everything in my power to make things OK for you. But I knew you wouldn’t let me, even if I’d told you how I felt. You never trusted me enough to let me do that. I know I handled things badly before. When I talked about families, I never realised you might find that threatening, or unsettling, because the same set-up had only brought you pain and hardship. But I can see that now.’
‘Why are you telling me all this?’
‘Because it’s time to stop running. Time to stop hiding. I’ve seen enough to know you don’t always get a second chance in this world.’ He squinted up at the sky. ‘Come on, let’s get you somewhere warm.’ His arm slipped around me.
I stayed where I was. ‘And you’ll tell me about the scars? And why you’re still carrying my engagement ring?’
He pulled me closer as a group of teenagers hustled by, bumping my arm. ‘I’ll tell you everything. I promise.’
We headed up the road in silence, but my mind was anything but. Everything I’d seen, everything Hunter had said so far, turned around in there, my thoughts clambering over each other as I tried to make some sort of sense out of them, and vainly attempted to decide exactly what it was I felt. I knew now that, if what he said was true, I needed to be sure my attraction towards him wasn’t just basic and fleeting. I’d broken his heart before, unintentionally. This time I would know exactly what I was doing. I had to be unequivocally sure.
‘It always worries me when you’re this quiet,’ Hunter chuckled.
I gave him a sideways glance and a half-smile. ‘Just thinking.’
‘That’s what worries me.’
I poked him in the side with my finger and he laughed again.
‘Here. This looks warmer.’ We stopped outside a coffee shop and Hunter pushed open the door. Christmas music and chatter combined and flowed over us the moment we stepped in. It was busy and noisy and I could see from Hunter’s face it wasn’t going to be right for whatever it was that he planned to tell me.
‘Let’s go somewhere else,’ I said, taking his hand and leading him back to the door.
He hesitated a moment before nodding, relief on his face as he let me lead him back out into the streets. The daylight was nearly gone now and Christmas decorations stretched from one side of the street to the other, colours pulsing and changing as icicle lights chased their way down the displays. We glanced up and down the street as people hurried past us, laden down with bags and parcels and enormous rolls of wrapping paper jutting out like medieval lances.
‘There’s another café up there. Let’s try that.’ Hunter tilted his head in the direction of the next possible venue.
‘It’s like
ly to be as busy as that one with this weather,’ I said, swallowing a few snowflakes as I spoke. The wind had picked up and the fall of snow was steadily increasing. ‘Let’s go back to the hotel.’
Hunter waggled his eyebrows, teasing.
‘I know you’ve won awards for your photography. I’m stunned you haven’t won one for your wit.’
God, his smile was so damn beautiful.
‘Must have been an oversight.’
‘Clearly,’ I replied, spotting a cab and flinging my arm out to signal it.
Chapter Twenty Two
Half an hour later we were back at the hotel, in Hunter’s room, warming up with coffee and choosing food from the room-service menu. He rang through and placed the order while I sat on the couch and peered out of the window at the London streets below, watching the lights, the bustle of people, and wondering if I really wanted to hear everything I’d made such a fuss about being told.
‘You OK?’ Hunter pulled the chair away from the desk and set it opposite me, before sitting on it.
The Christmas Holiday Page 23