by Imani King
"Of course daddy," I force myself to smile, and it reminds me of the smiles I see on Nicholas' face every now and then. Maybe that's why I am so attuned to that sadness he seems to have every now and then, because it echoes my own. I used to play a little bit of guitar, and when I was in high school music class, and one thing I noticed was that when you would play a note really loudly, some of the other guitars would ring along. I thought it was so beautiful. My teacher said it was called 'sympathetic vibration.' Sometimes I wonder if that doesn't happen between people too. When someone feels something really strongly, and that emotion exists in someone else, then their hearts vibrate sympathetically.
Or their souls.
I dunno, I haven't quite figured out how I feel on that subject. But suffice it to say, that when Nicholas smiles like he does sometimes, and I can see that cloud of sadness behind his blue eyes lift, I know that there's something between us. He probably doesn't even know I exist, exactly - I am just a cog in the wheel of his company - but I know that we have felt the same emotion. And right now, that's enough. If it weren’t for his wife, that is.
4
Nicholas
The memory of last Thanksgiving is in the back of my mind.
It'd been some time since I saw my family, but for the first time in my life I hadn't been looking forward to it. Having to explain why my marriage failed is not what I consider a really happening party. Luckily most of the time, we don't exactly go in for big emotional scenes. My parents are goofy and fun people, at least a lot of the time, so I figured if we could keep it on that level I'd be ok.
But still, when it finally came down to it I could barely do it. Go to Texas, that is. Luckily aside from my parents, only my brother Rowan was there, and he’s pretty easy to get along with.
Now my mind drifts, for some reason, and I am surprised to find that I'm thinking again of Adisa with an A. I wonder what she did for Thanksgiving this year, for Christmas? I bet she has a really close family. I picture her smiling and laughing, her dad (as I imagine him at least) carving a turkey, maybe all of them holding hands as they say grace, who knows. But what I do know is that her rich dark eyes and mocha skin would be glowing in the soft light as she looks on the scene. Her wild curls. Suddenly I too am in the scene I've concocted, sitting beside her, holding her hand. Maybe pulling her close for a kiss after we clink glasses in a toast to the family. Now that would be a nice holiday.
Or maybe she might be coming with me to visit my family, down in Texas, us driving in a rental car across the arid hills, finally getting to the ranch, holding hands as we walk in, greeting my parents as the smells of the holiday cooking tantalizes our noses. My parents greeting us both with a warm hug as they hand us each a tumbler of bourbon with a few ice cubes clinking inside. I wonder if Adisa likes bourbon?
Oh God, Nicholas, get it together. What are you doing? You hardly even know this girl, and you're already thinking of her meeting your family?
It's ridiculous.
I force myself to think of something else. Anything. But all that comes to mind are all the future holidays stretching along like a big expanse of emptiness. It won't be possible to always hide away at work, and avoid thinking of my failed marriage. Instead I'll have to face the holidays all alone each year in that empty house, or go back to Texas and see which of my brothers shows up as well. I love my family, but there’s just one word to describe that: dreary.
5
Adisa
I can barely keep my eyes open as the alarm screeches and sears into my brain. I would hit snooze, but it’s futile, since I can hear the thump of Darius and Chikae's feet as they run into the room. They'll be on my bed in 3... 2...BOOM!
There they are.
"I had a dream about mommy," Darius says as he snuggles his face into my arm. I can feel his hot breath on my skin. "She said she loved me, but she didn't seem exactly like herself. And then she turned into a cloud.“
"That's OK, baby," I say. The thought of dream mom telling him that makes me a little irrationally jealous but I push the feeling away. "She's always looking down at you, and she loves you more than anything. You too, Chikae," I say, squeezing her. “Maybe that’s why she was a cloud.”
"Can we go shopping soon?" She says. I look down at her big brown eyes fringed with soft lashes. How can I say no to that? "And get stuff to decorate for the birthday party?"
"You bet," I say, mentally making calculations as to how I will possibly manage everything. Sadly, including the money for the decorations. Should I really promise something that I'm not sure I can deliver? Jesus will provide, I tell myself grimly. I can stretch the grocery budget or something. Maybe I can wheel and deal. Maybe I can find some cheap used banners off of Craiglist or something. Or make something homemade out of post-it notes from the office.
"Yay!" The kids are shouting, dancing in the room.
"Quiet, now," I caution. "You'll wake up daddy."
They immediately start dancing silently, mimicking and mocking and sometimes earnestly doing silly moves. Where do they pick up that stuff, I wonder, as I fall out laughing, smothering the peals of laughter in my pillow. I gotta admit it - these kids are the light of my life.
Well - there is another light in my life, but that's just a crush. Someone who makes me feel butterflies: Nicholas.
Not that it's going anywhere.
“Don’t forget we are late at school tonight,”says Darius. School play rehearsal.”
“I’mma be a tree!” shouts Chikae and her brother shushes her as I wince.
Breakfast is smooth for once; the kids eat their meal without complaint, and soon I am off to work and they're safely off to school on the bus. Dad made a brief appearance this morning, grabbed some coffee and grunted, dark circles under his eyes. I wonder if he'll make it in to his job today. Who knows how long they'll be lenient with him? If he still has a job?
But one step at a time. I remember my mother saying the same thing to him. "One step at a time baby, that's all it takes. One step at a time." Are we going to make it, mama? I silently ask her, briefly looking up at the pale blue-gray sky, the bare branches stark and spidery against the pale sun.
A birthday party. Yes, the kids are right. We need to keep up the traditions and make sure we are looking forward. Maybe green balloons? The color of life.
And punch. I could really go for some spiked punch. An adult punch and a kid’s punch. Sounds good to me.
"Adisa!" Rain says as I walk in. "You all right?"
"All the better for seeing you," I smile.
"And him," she mouths, and discreetly sticks her thumb out toward my boss, as Nicholas walks in. My stomach gets the familiar butterflies. Then she winks. I hope to god he doesn't see. "Good morning, Mr. Corbett," she says in a schoolmarm voice.
"Nicholas is fine, Rain," he says as a grin dances onto his face for a moment before being whisked away. "Good morning Rain, good morning Adisa!"
I feel my cheeks grow warm as his deep eyes fall on me. "Good morning," I say. I hope, smoothly.
"Nicholas," he prompts.
"Nicholas," I say softly, the word playing with my tongue a little. The sound is warm, like chocolate. His eyes meet mine for a second and I see something else in them, before he smiles and slips into his office, shutting the door.
"What was that?" Rain stage-whispers. "Something happened there!"
"Nothing happened," I hiss back. Now my cheeks are on fire.
"Oh something happened," she says. "You could see that from space!" Her eyes are glowing.
"Just leave it alone," I plead. But she's right. I just can't talk about it right now. There was something there. Like a bolt of lightning to the heart. Or something. How does one describe a thing like that? His face swims in my consciousness, his beautiful eyes, his lips. Dammit. Keep your mind on your work, Adisa. One day at a time.
6
Nicholas
I can't stop pacing around the room. My heart is beating a mile a minute, my hands are sweaty. My kn
ees are weak. My name in her voice, in her mouth. I had no idea that it would, or could, have that kind of affect on me. Adisa with an A, what are you doing to me? Those full soft lips framing each vowel, each consonant of my name, so lovingly. I wonder what it would be like to lift her up on this desk and press our bodies together, my hand stroking the small of her back before wrapping my arms around her and pulling her to me, reaching up to cup her round breast in my hand.
Get it together, Nicholas.
Nicholas... She said my name.
I feel like jumping up and down. She said my name!
The rest of the day flies by as I attempt to wrap up whatever else needs to be done, but I can't really concentrate. Good thing I am really not too needed around here, because the way my mind is focused on a woman, I can't really be counted on. But the early afternoon darkness is falling, and I hadn't given the evening a single thought - beyond the fantasy of Adisa. But I could use some quiet time, a quick drink, maybe a light meal.
I poke my head out the door. "Rain? Adisa?"
They stop packing their things. "Do you need us to stay late this evening?" Rain asks, a slightly incredulous look on her face.
"No, nothing like that," I smile. "I was just wondering if you happen to know if there's anywhere good to get a bite and quick drink around here in the city?"
"Oh!" says Adisa. Her mouth perfectly round. "Um..."
"Funny you should ask," Rain says smartly, picking up the conversational slack. "Adisa was just telling me that she was planning on grabbing something this evening."
"Is that so?" I run my fingers through my hair to mask the fact that my hands have started trembling a little.
"Yes, sir," says Adisa. Oh my Lord, she is sexy.
"Nicholas," I correct her. Thinking of the way she said my name in the afternoon, I can't wait to hear it again. But she looks at me, and the corners of her soft mouth turn up invitingly, coyly, like she's too shy to say it again.
"I have to run," says Rain, quickly stuffing some items from her desk into a bag. "But you two can sort out this whole thing, I'm sure." She's gone before we can even say goodbye. And then, suddenly, Adisa with an A, and I am alone. Don't blow this, Nicholas, I think.
"So, you're feeling like grabbing a bite as well?" I manage to say.
"Yeah, my little brother and sister are staying late at school tonight, so I thought I would grab something before I go pick them up."
“Well why don’t we go together? My treat!”
The sudden warmth in her liquid brown eyes bowls me over. She's positively glowing. Then her face falls. "But I could never take advantage like that -" she begins.
"It would be my honor," I smile, in what I hope is a magnanimous, but not smarmy way. "You’re not here for much longer after all. Unless you want to be, of course. I would be happy to do my part to help make your time here work for you.
“You brighten up the office, if you don’t mind me saying." As I say it, I realize it's true. There's just something so beautiful about the way her eyes sparkle, the gentle curve of her nose, and the smile playing on her soft, full lips. "And besides, you do great work," I add.
"Well then, who could say no to that?" She asks. Her practiced hands arrange a light scarf around her neck and brush her wild curls away from her face. She grabs her purse.
"How does Justine’s sound? I’ve heard good things," It's only two blocks away. Is that rude to propose a date so soon? The problem is, I've come this far and I don't think I can turn back. All I want to do is pick her up and take her home with me. If only I could...
"Perfect," her voice is smooth and soft, almost mesmerizing. I'm almost embarrassed to say so but I find my pants getting a bit tighter across the front, thinking of her lips speaking my name earlier. I turn away from her, a little embarrassed, and afraid she will see the heat in my eyes.
"Well this will be a treat," I say. "Are you close to your brother and sister? I’d like to meet them sometime."
"That sounds fun! We'll have to count on it!"
"Do they like skating? Do they have skates?" The pond behind my house is frozen over now. I always pictured my own little ones swirling around the ice.
"I'm sure they'd love it, but they grew out of their skates last year," she says, a wry smile on her face.
"No problem. We can pick some up before then," I hold the door for her and watch her go through it, her curves catching my eye a little too well. Dial it back, Nicholas, I tell myself. Don't embarrass the poor girl.
"Really?" There's a peal of hope in her eyes, a childlike happiness. After all, I remember, these aren't her children -- they're her brother and sister. Perhaps she would like skates as well.
"Sure. You too, unless you're a size 8.5." I remember my ex's skates that went unused. She won't need them. "I have an extra pair of those."
"I could be, with a pair of thick socks," she smiles. Adorably.
"We'll give it a try. Sometime soon, maybe Saturday," I grin back. Hell, I'd buy her a new pair if she prefers. I'd buy her an arena so she could skate every day if she wants.
"So you're originally from Texas?" She asks."What made you move to New York?"
"Oh, you know, work," I say vaguely. It's mostly true. Work and I guess, Stephanie, my ex. She was a true New York woman, Bergdorf's, Bloomies, everything. I didn't realize that she wasn't what I was looking for, but by the time I realized it, it was too late. "But I did end up falling in love with the city. And some of my brothers live here so it’s a pretty natural fit."
We are reaching the parking garage. "Did you want to walk or shall I drive?"
“I think it would be nice to walk,” she says, and her arm wraps around mine. I could stay like this forever.
We walk at a good pace down the avenue, which is still lit up with winter decorations, making it sparkling and beautiful - but the wind is biting enough that she snuggles in further to my side. I almost put my arm around her, but I don’t want to pressure the poor girl.
By the time we get to Justine’s, it’s started to snow a bit. Adisa tries to catch a few flakes in her mittens. I’m rather glad she’s not catching them in her mouth. Seeing her pink tongue would be a bit much for me to bear right about now.
The place is warmly lit, the mahogany wood glowing from the light of old lanterns. We hang up our jackets and squeeze into a booth with dark red leather seats. She is absolutely luminous in the seat across from me, and for a moment I am speechless, just staring at her beautiful mocha skin, sparkling dark eyes, and unruly curls. She looks ageless, almost - the eyes of a teenager, the poise of a woman, the innocence of a girl. Luckily for me, before long a waitress comes to the table and breaks the tension.
“Hey there, you two! What can I get you to drink?”
“I’ll have a bourbon on the rocks,” she says. I’m impressed.
“Make that two.” I look at Adisa with new eyes. “I thought you might be a bourbon girl,” I say.
“For sure. I don’t drink too much or too often, but when I do I like to enjoy it.” Her smile lights up her eyes, and I am consumed with the urge to kiss her yet again.
“Exactly my thought.” The drinks arrive and our conversation begins to flow a little easier, a little smoother. At one point I take her hand and play with her fingers a bit, and there is an electrical spark at a mere touch of our skin. In the soft light can see a glimmer of lipstick on her glass and I am mesmerized by the thought of her lips. She must think I’m ridiculous, fawning over her like this, but I can’t help it. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. But she seems to be sneaking glances at me as well. Her lashes hide her eyes for a moment and then she looks up at me, I am almost stopped dead in my tracks.
The two hours pass like two minutes, sitting with Adisa. I’ve never simultaneously felt so excited to be with someone and so comfortable. I wish our time didn’t have to end so soon.
We walk back slowly, her arm back curled around mine, in a companionable silence, watching the snow fall and land on our coats,
then slowly melt into nothingness.
"I had a lovely time," she says, and smiles again, a light in her deep eyes. "But I have to pick up my little brother and sister for 7pm, so I’d better get a move on."
"Ok, well we'll talk about details for Saturday, but for now, is noon ok?"
"Wonderful," she says. Her skin glows. I almost can’t control the strong urge to gather her up in my arms and kiss her. First softly, then harder. Then all over. There seems to be a palpable electricity between us. But am I the only one who feels it? How do you tell?
"Great," I turn away. "See you later, Adisa with an A," I toss over my shoulder.
Her smile is bright against her mocha skin. "Bye, Nicholas," she says, before walking across the parking lot to her car. Damn, she is cute. And she said my name again. I want to jump in the air, I'm so filled with joy.
7
Adisa
I fumble with the door handle as I am getting into the car. I hope he doesn’t see. Those gorgeous blue eyes! Leaning my head back against the headrest, I try to take some deep breaths. I am shaking, thinking of how handsome he is. And when we were that close, I could even smell a hint of cologne - a woody, warm fragrance that invited me closer.
"Adisa, you're in trouble," I say to myself. Then I open my eyes suddenly. "And you're nearly late!" Looking at the clock, I worry I might not be able to make it to the school on time, and the kids will panic. Turning the key in the ignition, I expect the car not to leap into life exactly, but at least putter itself awake so that I can get to the kids' school. But nothing. Nothing happens. It's completely dead.
Oh great. What am I gonna do now? I reach in my purse and grab my phone, hoping I can get in touch with somebody. Anybody. A neighbor. I just don't want those kids to wait a minute longer than they absolutely have to. Things are hard enough. If I could just count on my dad, it would make things a heck of a lot easier. But now the phone is in my hand and I can't think of a single person to call.