by Imani King
"It's modest, but it's ours," she says, seeing me survey the place.
"I love it." I hope she understands that I mean that sincerely. "It's so warm and homey."
Her smile lights up her face, and my heart grows warm in return.
"Have a seat," she says, and I fold a leg under me as I sink into the couch. She sits beside me. "Thanks for being here," her long lashes momentarily obscure her downcast eyes. “I really can use the company right now. It's guess it’s strange that it feels so natural, you being here, since you’re my boss and all. But not for long I guess, right?"
"Sure," I say. It's a bit awkward but I guess we have to discuss it sometime. "Are you going to be ok, once the term's over in a couple weeks?"
"Yeah, I have my work at the restaurant." She studies her hands. "And this was mostly just to give my brother and sister a great year...and great birthdays... they deserve it after the year they've just been through. But now the year’s not over and daddy’s in the hospital, and their birthdays are not exactly my first priority even if I wanted them to be. They’re just little kids, I have to remember. I really wanted to keep everything as stable as possible for them right now. And now that daddy can’t do his part, it’s even more up to me. I need to do everything I can to make a difference."
"You deserve a great year too," I say softly, and her eyes float up to look at me.
"Thank you," she murmurs. "Hey, would you mind if I just kind of... snuggled up to you for a bit?"
My heart is in my throat. "Of course not," I say. "In fact, I'd love it."
She wastes no time, and soon her body is curled next to mine. I wonder if she can hear my heart beating? It's practically leaping out of my chest. But we just sit there, and I put my arm around her, and listen to her breathe. I wonder what she's feeling right now? I stroke her upper arm gently as I feel her body relax against my chest. The tea sits on the table, nearly forgotten. Nothing could feel as good as this - nothing.
13
Adisa
I can't believe I asked him that! Leaning up against him, I breath in his scent. Woody, warm, masculine. His muscles feel firm and pliable against my hand, and my head in his shoulder feels like it was always meant to be there. After a while, our breath synchronizes, and I watch his pec muscles rise and fall. I hope he doesn't mind me leaning on him like this, quite literally. But I don't believe he does. The way he looks at me makes me feel like the most special woman in the world, in fact, the only woman in the world... and besides, why would he come meet me at the hospital if he wasn't interested in me?
I cuddle into him a little more, and in return he squeezes me nearer to him gently. It's so peaceful. Before I know it, he leans over and kisses the top of my head. I look up, frozen, and our eyes meet. I could stare into his eyes forever, they're so beautiful and blue. He leans down, and our lips touch - gently at first, soft, tentative, and I can barely move, as electricity shoots up my spine and down into my core. But then I can't hold back, and my hand is in his hair, so thick and soft.
"Adisa," he breathes. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and tingles run through my body as he kisses down my cheek, my ear, nibbling the tender skin there. I'm gasping for breath, and little noises are coming out of my mouth. "Are you sure you're ok with this? The last thing I would want to do is take advantage."
"I'm sure," I say as my arms encircle him, feeling the ripple of the muscles in his back, the warmth under the soft thick shirt he's wearing. And I am sure. I realize how long I've wanted this with him. Ever since I first saw him, I knew that I was attracted to him and not only because he was gorgeous, and not just because of the way he looked at me. No, it's also because there's something inside him that is also inside of me. Some kind of pain, some kind of wound, and just knowing that I'm not alone in feeling that way but he does as well makes me feel so close to him. And also there is the hope that we can heal that pain together.
His hand reaches up and cups my breast, the thumb moving in tiny circles over my nipple and my breath quickens even more. We fall down on the couch, a tangle of limbs, lips and tongues mingling, heat rising.
"Look I love this couch and all," he starts, pulling away from me slightly and looking in my eyes. "But is there somewhere we could be that’s a little more comfortable?"
I giggle. Yes, it must be hard for someone like him, so tall and everything. "Sure." I grab his hand and lead him up to my bedroom, thankful that I recently cleaned it and changed the sheets, because there hasn't been much time for anything these days. He stops me at the threshold and says again,
"Are you sure, Adisa?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," I say. With those words he grabs me hard and kisses me like I have never been kissed before. His mouth is so pure, his passion so evident. I can feel his hard length against my hip and unconsciously I push against it, grinding, and a moan escapes his soft lips.
"Nicholas," I breathe, savoring his name. We gradually peel off each other's clothes.. his cut musculature, my soft curves.
"I love the way you say my name," he growls, and then we are on the bed, his lips fixed on the hard tips of my nipples, licking and sucking as I writhe under him. "You're so goddamned sexy..."
My core is aflame, and I wrap my legs around him, the thickness of his cock teasing me.
"Are you on the pill?" He asks. "Or do we need a condom?"
I remember I still have one left from when Jamal last came over. It's a little over a year old, but it will do.
"Hang on, I think I have one in the nightstand." Thinking about Jamal is not what I want to be doing right now. He was honestly a trifling man. But Nicholas wouldn't be like that. He's the opposite of Jamal. I get up to grab the condom, and the feeling is hard to shake, remembering Jamal and how wrong I went choosing him. And the pain of it ending, nonetheless.
"What's the matter?" Asks Nicholas softly. He's at my side now and his arm slips around me. He tips my chin up with his finger and I can see the concern shining in his eyes.
"Nothing," I say firmly. "Nothing that bothers me anymore - just a bad memory."
His face darkens for a moment. "I know what that's like," he says. He sits down on the side of the bed, and I can't help but admire his abs, his pecs, his shoulders. "Hey Adisa?"
I sit beside him.
"Look, as you know I just got divorced, and that's all behind me," he begins. "Finally. But I want to start off on the right foot with you. I know we don't know each other that well, but I just feel I can trust you. In fact, I know it. I have real respect for what you're doing with, and for, your family. Plus, I'm not the kind of guy who's a player. I am not promiscuous. I haven't been with a lot of women, and that's by choice. But I just find it really hard to resist you. And it's not just because you're beautiful." He thinks I'm beautiful? "I mean, I'm a man, full red-blooded Texan man, and I notice all that, don't get me wrong. It would be hard to miss. But the main thing that draws me to you is that you just seem like a beautiful person inside. I just don’t want to do anything unless you’re fully sure. Because this thing between us may not have gone on long, but I feel it could be something really good." He heaves a sigh like he just put down something heavy. "Do you understand what I mean?"
Something inside me softens and I am suffused with tenderness. And desire. "I do," I say, "perhaps more than you know." He’s like gravity to me and I can’t help but lean in. When he kisses me this time, there's something more. It's slow, it's soft, like there's energy flowing between us - circling, coursing through my body and shivering over my lips to his. I feel my heart glowing golden again as his hand touches my neck and strokes it as he kisses me. His lips move down to my chest, and he sucks gently on one nipple, then the other, until I’m compelled to pull him back to my mouth to express my pleasure, my gratitude somehow... my love?
Is that what this is?
His unclothed body feels so good, so pure, against mine, his skin so soft. I revel in the sensations, my heart feeling as if it will burst from
my chest. Before long, I can't stand it anymore and I press the condom into his hand, which he takes and turns away for a minute. When he turns back, his length is sheathed, and he lays beside me, kissing me again with a more than a hint of fierceness. I reach around to his backside, taking a passionate grip of his firm butt cheek, and guide him toward me. Then we roll together until he is inside me, opening me, stretching me as he pulls me to him, causing waves of pleasure to ebb and flow through my core. The incredible closeness of it, the intimacy of all this, loosens something inside my heart and before long we are moving together in a strong rhythm, our kisses become wild, and I wrap my arms and legs around him tightly as we move together. He looks into my eyes, and my lips tremble with vulnerability, until we both cry out in ecstasy and he finally collapses on me.
"Am I too heavy?" He finally asks, voice muffled against my breast. I giggle a bit.
"No," I say. "You're perfect." And I mean it.
Our breathing slows and softens.
"You're perfect," he says as he looks up. His voice is throaty. "Really."
We kiss again and our mouths fuse together tenderly. Finally he pulls away to take care of the condom, and I roll over and hug my pillow. I wonder how I got so lucky to have a man like this in my bed? When he comes back he strews little kisses all over my face. Oh he is something else, this man.
"Are you hungry?" He asks. "We can take a quick shower and then I can make something for you, or we can go out and grab something. Or if you need to sleep, that's ok too." His eyes search mine.
"I am definitely hungry!" I grin at him. "We really worked up a sweat there."
His face breaks into a wide smile, and I can see the crinkles form at the edges of his eyes. I almost swoon. "Ok, well what do you fancy?"
"Honestly?"
He nods.
I’m a little embarrassed to say it but..."I could really go for a burrito."
"Perfect!" He cries happily. "Did I mention I'm from Texas?” He asks with a wink. “Tex-mex is my favorite food!"
We both look at each other. "Hot sauce!" We say in unison, and then fall out with laughter.
I'm supposed to be getting some sleep, but all this feels too good to waste by sleeping. Right now, as I wait for (the hopefully good) news about my dad, to have Nicholas' companionship and his loving feels like more than I could ever dream of, much less ask for. And it’s all infinitely better than what I would have done otherwise - compulsively cleaning the house, or birthday shopping online, or whatever it might be to try to while away the hours without worrying.
When I get in the shower, Nicholas is close behind. I don't know if I'll be able to handle seeing him in there with soap dripping all over his muscles, his strong, muscular arms held over his head as he washes his hair, without taking him again. It's almost too much pleasure to be with this man.
We giggle and laugh in the shower, and as I predicted his body looks delectable with the suds swirling over him. He opens one eye under the covering of shampoo and says, "What are you looking at, girl?"
"A damn fine man," I answer, and trail a finger down his chest…and if I were a betting woman, I would say he was blushing.
"Why thank you ma'am," he returns, tipping an imaginary cowboy hat before grabbing my hand and kissing it.
"You weren't kidding when you said you were from Texas, were you?"
"No ma'am, I was plumb serious."
We switch places and he rinses. I like this Texan Nicholas. This version of him seems so much more real, more earthy -- and what’s more, infinitely more happy and light-hearted than the guy in the office. Of course it might just be because the man just got laid, but still - I wonder if he wouldn't be happier there? In Texas I mean? I watch his body as I soap up. I’ve never been with a man so physically beautiful. He looks like an underwear model or something. Except without the underwear. Lucky for me.
"Do you ever miss it?" I say as we crank the shower faucet to off and step out to towel dry.
"Texas?" He runs his hand through his hair and squints at me. "Nah, not really. But I go back every now and then to see the folks, and some or all my brothers. Whoever’s around."
"That's nice that you have a big family." I smooth some coconut oil on my skin and then wrap the soft terry cloth around my body.
"Sure," he says, and then pulls me to him. "I would love to make it even bigger some day," he smiles at me and looks into my eyes, "if I find the right girl..." The way he looks at me tells me exactly who he thinks that might be.
"And if you treat her right," I volley, "It'll probably happen!" With him so close to me and both of us just in towels makes the potential of more a whole lot sooner than either of us can handle, I figure, since that was my last condom. So, I kiss him on the cheek and then pull away. This relationship may be moving fast, but it doesn’t have to move that fast.
We grin at each other like stupid little kids and then pull on our clothes to go for breakfast burritos. My troubles aren't forgotten, exactly - but I know that there's something more than pain to focus on for once - I don't have to be the one keeping everything together. I can be the one who has a great morning with an amazing man and delicious breakfast date. I can be the one who is living her dreams for once.
So far, this may not be exactly how I thought it would be with Nicholas, but somehow I feel like it might be even better.
Around noon, sated and happy from the coffee and burrito, I finally get the call from the hospital, saying that my father is awake, alert, and ready to have immediate family visitors. Nicholas and I are still hanging out, but he offers to drop me off at the door of the hospital, as he says he doesn’t want to intrude. He tells me he’ll have his car service pick me up when I am ready to leave, and then he takes my keys to get my car fixed. I can't fathom anyone being more caring or more helpful at this point, at the time when I really need someone.
I'm truly blown away.
His kiss when we pull up to the hospital doors is tender, sweet, and short. "I don't want to embarrass you," he says as he pulls away, his fingertips still at my cheek. “But I could kiss you forever.”
"I feel the same way. And besides, nothing you could do could embarrass me, I imagine." I'm still trembling a little. Probably from lack of sleep, the vertigo of his kisses, and the newness of everything.
"OK, well, Raymond, my driver, will be here to wait for you in an hour. That doesn’t mean you have to leave then. He’s used to waiting so take all the time you need to visit with your father and then get where you need to go. I'll figure out what's required for your car, and if the repair is going to take a lot of time or the vehicle is completely unsalvageable, I'll find a company car for you until you figure out another solution. How does that sound?"
"It sounds amazing," I breathe. "How did I get so lucky to have you here?"
"You know, that's funny, because I feel like I’m most definitely the lucky one." In anyone else's mouth, those words might sound cheesy, but maybe it's because his eyes are so open and honest, so undefended, that I can believe him wholeheartedly. He's a strong man, this Nicholas. He's not afraid of putting himself out there.
14
Nicholas
I don't know what's happened to me with this girl.
After the near-misery I endured with Stephanie, my ex-wife, to have these strong feelings for Adisa so suddenly and so naturally, I can’t help but be a little concerned. I hope it's not just some sort of rebound, but if I’m honest with myself it doesn’t feel like it. It feels natural and important, almost like I had to endure what I went through with Stephanie to realize what I have with Adisa. Not that I wouldn’t have always noticed her and been attracted — she’s not a woman that you just overlook — I just can see her specialness in such strong relief now that I am free of Stephanie’s specter, her influence, her presence.
Of course, in some ways the relationship is a rebound. I am rebounding against the fact that Stephanie never wanted kids, never wanted a family, and wasn’t upfront about it. Clearly, th
e most important thing in Adisa's life is her family - she shows that by everything she does. And not just when things are good either. She is stepping up when it’s hard, when things are not settled, when she could be concentrating on what she wants and letting her family, fend for themselves. Despite the Corbett fame, or money, or whatever it is, Adisa’s attitude when times get tough makes me feel that the real honor would be if I could be part of her family... and if we could create a new family, of our own, then all my dreams really would be coming true.
But don't fool yourself, Nicholas - it's not just for family reasons that you like her, says my twin's voice in my mind. She is a fine piece of woman and you are incredibly lucky to be able to even put your arms around her. And she thinks she's lucky to have you, a danged rancher from Texas, a divorced man with a failed marriage, a lonely guy with a big house in the middle of nowhere.
I gotta call my mechanic about that piece of rust car she's driving. I think we have some decent cars in the 'stable' at work, for company business and for clients who come in. Stable. Reminds me of the ranch again. Why am I thinking of it so much today?
The clean smell of the freshly mucked-out barn, the feeling of complete and utter freedom when you're riding alone across a stretch of golden land...the camaraderie of my parent's home, their easy relationship, the love that didn't always get spoken but was always as strong as the bedrock under our feet. That's what I miss, I guess. That last part. That's what I was hoping to build when I married, when I worked so hard to try to get a strong foundation for Stephanie and I. But maybe that was it. I worked so hard to create the financial conditions for security, and I gave up what made our relationship in the first place.