by Imani King
We sit down at the table, and I take it and look at the box, which promises “99% accuracy” in big bold yellow letters. My heart jumps as I trace them with my fingers. Am I ready? Should I take the test now? We stare into each other's eyes, and he reaches for my hand, stopping its nervous movement.
"Whatever it says, we're in this together." His hand softly traces the lines of mine, then he picks it up and kisses it softly on the back, and then turns it over and kisses my palm tenderly, giving me shivers. "Know that I love you, Adisa."
"And I love you, Nicholas, with all my heart. I don't know how this all happened, but it did. And if I have anything to say about it, it's going to last." My heart feels open as the blue sky, and his eyes are shining with love that I can’t help but return.
After a long moment, we stand up, and he gives me a big hug, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing before leading me to the bathroom.
"Time to pee on a stick," I whisper, trying to lighten the moment a little, hoping laughter will somehow assuage my fear. My grin probably is making me look like a crazy person. But what can I do? I’m nervous, excited, full of love, and scared as anything.
"Go for it," He grins back and pats me lightly on the butt as I go into the bathroom.
Once I close the door, the possibility of this pregnancy seems so real it makes my hands shake, but I try to wrap my feelings in Nicholas' soothing words. Jamal never would have said something like what Nicholas has to me. He’d have probably said something like, “You on your own, baby. Shoulda taken that pill, it’s your own fault.”
Thank heaven I’m not going through this with a trifling man like Jamal. Crazy that I felt at first like he and I were meant to be together. When a man like Nicholas was in store for me!
I know that Nicholas won't let me down -- the long talks we had told me that he really does want kids. And so do I, with him. Maybe I wouldn't have chosen this exact moment to have them, but even so, I'm sure I can handle it. Or we can. Together. That’s what he said.
I unwrap the package, and am glad to see my hands are shaking a bit less. The instructions are pretty clear. Just uncap, pee on the stick, put the cap back on, wait for three minutes. One line, not pregnant. Two lines, pregnant.
Unzip my pants, do the deed, and then wait - that’s all there is to it, right? I peer at the window, where my fate lies. Well, our fate. There's a pink line. But is there another? I think I see something. Oh god, I do see something. It's very faint, but there's clearly another line appearing. I put the test down on the vanity and look myself in the eye in the mirror I’ve been staring in since I was a little girl.
"Can I do this?" I ask myself quietly, but another voice answers me, internally. The soft voice of my mother, a soft voice with an edge of steely strength.
"Darn right you can. Just take it -"
"One day at a time." I whisper it to myself. "One day at a time." I see in my eyes, in the antique glass: the fortitude of my mother, and in the slight creases in the corners, her humor. I know I am part her, and I know I can have this baby.
I can do this. And with Nicholas at my side, I can do anything.
Taking a deep breath, I turn the handle and peek out, expecting to see him. But he's not waiting outside the door now, so I put the test in my pocket and go looking. I find him in the kitchen, getting the kettle on.
"Your dad woke up and said he could use a cup of tea after all, and I thought you might want one too," he says. The expression on his face belies his curiosity.
"Baby," I put my hand on his arm. He puts down the kettle.
"Baby?" He asks, and I hand him the test.
"Baby!" We say together, and laugh. He hugs me and spins me around.
"Oh Adisa, I'm so happy," he says into my hair. "I can't believe this."
"Me neither." His strong arms feel so good around me, so reassuring. And with more than a hint of that electricity, that chemistry that flows between us right down to my core. "I guess it wasn't a bad burrito after all, huh?"
"I guess not!" We smile at each other, and in his eyes I can see the love and affection I've always dreamed of having in my life; the pure joy at the news, and the simultaneous realization for both of us that we are going to spend our lives together. I've never felt so purely happy.
The kettle whistles, and I can hear my dad's voice calling from the other room. "Hey lovebirds, don't forget the tea!"
"You got it dad," I say, and we break apart reluctantly, but when I sneak a look at Nicholas' face, there's a smile so beautiful and peaceful, I’m filled with even more excitement. I know we're going to be ok.
Epilogue
Chikae sits, beatific look on her face, as I place baby Addison in her arms. She looks down at him with such a proud expression on her face, then I see a little tear running down her cheek.
"What's wrong?" I ask her, picking up Nikki from the bassinet and gingerly sitting down beside Chikae, trying not to jostle little Nikki in my arms since we’ve just gotten her to sleep.
Chikae meets my eyes. "I'm growing up," she says. "I'm not the baby of the family anymore."
"Well, sure you are," I reassure her. "You're still the baby of mommy and daddy's family, and I am your big sister."
"But the thing is, nowadays you sometimes feel more like my mama," she says softly. "And you're not, really. You’re their mama instead." Her brown eyes glisten with unshed tears.
We're curled up on Nicholas' leather couch, the cotton-knit blanket keeping us warm. Well I guess it’s mine and Nicholas’ couch, since I live here now.
"Aww, Chicky Boom Boom," I say as I lean over to kiss her cheek. "You'll always be very special to me. Nobody can take your place. Not ever, not at all."
Despite the tears her smile is brave, or at least as brave as an almost-eight-year-old can be. She's been through a lot of changes, this one, from losing our mom, to dad being in the hospital, to moving into the guest house on Nicholas' property with dad and Darius. Sure, the changes of late have been good ones, but at the same time they haven’t been exactly easy.
Nicholas comes striding into the room with a big smile on his face, comes and kisses me, and snuggles in beside us, putting his arm around me and getting Chikae in the hug too.
Then he senses the tension. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Chikae says quickly. Then she amends: "Well, I love Addison and Nikki, but I'm just feeling a little sad that I'm not the baby of the family anymore."
"Hm, I see," says Nicholas. His blue eyes scrunch. "Well I'm not rightly sure I agree with that, because you’ll always be the baby of your immediate family - but I can tell you one thing. Addison and Nikki are going to need a very special auntie to show them the ropes in life, and I can't think of one person who would be better at that than you, Chikae. Do you feel up to the task?"
"Really?" Chikae asks. “Well, I guess so.” She screws up her nose. “I’m sure I can be a good auntie. Are they really my niece and nephew?”
"Certainly," he says. "And they’re going to need someone so smart as you, a lot.” Nicholas brushes a curl out of her eyes. “I’m going to tell you something,” he says solemnly. “Family is very important. I don't know what I would've done without my brothers, and I'm sure that these little ones are gonna need you just as much."
She looks thoughtful. "I'm not sure that Darius was all that helpful," she muses.
We burst into peals of laughter.
"What'chu talking about?" Darius says as he walks in the room and strikes a pose, hand under his chin and squinted eyes. He's boisterous, ready to play. "Ah never mind. Say Nick, you want to play some catch? Or go riding?" His smile is beseeching, his head tilted winningly. He’s quite the little charmer.
"I'd love to, as long as we’re not needed here for chores or anything," Nicholas looks at me, eyes wide and open. "Do you want us to take care of anything, Adisa?"
I grin and shake my head. "You fellows go on. Chicky and I and the babies will have some super-snuggle bonding time." I pull her closer and she s
cooches in and I feel like I’m in heaven.
His kiss against my cheek is soft, with a whisper of stubble that tickles me and sends a shiver down my spine, to my core.
"Sounds good, thanks babe," he says, voice soft. Just that little contact and I can't wait to get him in bed with me tonight, once everyone has gone home to the guest house. He’s the sexiest man I can imagine, and his touch drives me wild.
Once they're gone, Chikae and I snuggle the babies as we lean on each other.
"I think Nikki looks more like you and Addison more like Nicholas," she says musingly.
"Really? Seems to me they're both a mix -- of all of us," I brush Nikki’s fine, fuzzy curls with the tips of my fingers.
"Addy has daddy's ears," she says. I look over and realize it's true.
"Is he still on his walk?" I ask. He's been going every day, a little more each time. He’s been keeping it up after the operation, and now that we’re here, he loves walking around the grounds of Nicholas' property which is almost ranch-like for a place up north. He's been dutifully taking the doctor's advice and working on his health, which is great to see him finally ready to live, after he gave up for that time after my mother's death.
"Daddy's a lot better these days," says Chikae, echoing my thoughts. "He spends more time with us."
"Yes, I'm so glad."
“Ever since the wedding. Your wedding was so beautiful, Addy. When I get married, I want it to be just like that. You looked like a princess.”
Ever since the wedding, when he gave me mama's pearl earrings as my something old, and handed me her pocket copy of the Bible as something borrowed, Daddy's been happier, more alive, and acting more like the dad again. Nicholas gave me my ‘something new’ - an amazing pair of pearl encrusted Jimmy Choo shoes to peek out from under my wedding dress, and of course Rain, my matron of honor, winked as she gave me the prettiest garter belt with a soft blue ribbon threaded through the lace.
But one of the most special things on that day was my dad walking me down the aisle - it is something I'll never forget. His face beaming, and how his warm, gently lined skin looked against the crisp white collar and silver tie, the clutch of his arm around mine. He kept patting my arm as he held it, and looked around at the members of the congregation, as if to say, "This is my daughter, isn't she beautiful? I'm so proud of her."
The wedding was a grander affair than I ever expected a wedding could be, and certainly turned out a lot fancier than we had been originally planning, but once Nicholas’ family got in on it, they kept showering us with gifts and ideas, and treating us to the next level up on whatever we chose... so everything was as sumptuous and elegant - and honestly? as fun - as possible.
It was full of my relatives and his as well. All of his brothers were there, except for Saint - he’s apparently the black sheep of the family, so I didn’t get to meet him, and everyone seemed to go a little bit quiet when I asked if he was coming or not. Nicholas said to set a place for him, but Christian, Rowan and Dylan were skeptical about it. I tried to forget about it, thinking I will meet him at some point, but up until the very last minute before the party ended, he hadn’t shown.
“Damn, Nick,” Rowan had said. “You may not be able to count on Saint, but you sure can count on me. You and Adisa have me behind you for the rest of our lives.” His smile was as infectious as his Texan drawl, the same one that slipped out occasionally from Nicholas if he had an extra glass of wine at dinner or if he was really tired. I grinned happily to meet these men who grew up with my Nicholas - their “Nick.” They’re such good men, the Corbett brothers, and I can’t help but wonder: whatever could Saint have done to become the bad boy of this upstanding and beautiful family? I might never know.
In any case, even though I wasn’t showing, I’m sure my dad cottoned on to the fact that I was pregnant at the time, or would have if he had given it any thought at all, but he never said a word. Just accepted the little ones being ‘born a little premature’ with complete and utter bliss, and took his job on as granddad with a new sense of purpose in life.
"Baby," he said to me with a huge smile when we first came home from the hospital, "you do good work." He held a baby in each arm, and grinned. “Twins! My lord. Twins!”
“Yes, I’ll say we do good work. I guess that’s what happens when you fall in love with your boss,” I joked at the time.
But that’s what I did. I fell in love, and I fell hard.
And over a year later, I’m even more in love.
I shake myself out of my reverie and turn back to Chikae who still seems thoughtful, and nudge her with my elbow. “What you thinking about? Your birthday celebration?”
“I am now!” She grins, ready for this conversation at least as evidenced by her smile that stretches from ear to ear. “Are we going to do a dual celebration like last year?”
“Is that what you want?” I ask.
“Sure! Darius is a pain but I love him,” she says thoughtfully and I giggle. “He and I will always have each other, so we might as well celebrate our birthdays together.” Her eyes narrow suddenly. “As long as we each get our own cake!”
“Isn’t that what we did last year?” I ask. “Daddy was in the hospital so it was quite a hectic time.”
“Well yeah, Nicholas was the one who organized it, right?” She closes her eyes in recollection. “And he got the best cakes ever! Can he organize it again? Please Addy?”
“We’ll see hon,” I say, slightly put out that Chikae preferred Nicholas’ cakes from the best bakery in New York to my store bought mixes, but I can’t really blame her. Who can say no to real buttercream?
“And can I have a pony?”
This question comes out of nowhere, but after thinking about it a moment, why couldn’t she have one? We already have horses, and plenty of land. I remember dreaming of one when I was a little girl, and someone should have that dream come true! Why shouldn’t it be Chikae?
“We’ll see,” I say. “Don’t get your hopes up, but we can look into it!”
“I can't wait!” She bounces Addison up and down as she jiggles in excitement and he lets out a little squeal of delight, which in turn wakes up Nikki. It’s so obvious that there’s a definite twin bond between the two little ones. They love to stare at each other from their bassinets side by side, and just a squeal from one elicits the same from the other until they’re both giggling.
That in turn makes Chikae and I fall out laughing as well. “Addy, thanks for taking care of us,” she says suddenly.
“It’s my pleasure,” I say, realizing that it’s true. At first, it was hard, and I didn’t know if I could, but now I feel stronger than ever, and with my husband by my side, my heart bursts from all the love I feel. “You guys are great kids!” My vision blurs suddenly and I realize that I’m crying from happiness.
“Don’t cry, Addy, everything is going to be ok,” Chikae says. “Right Addison?” He makes a sound halfway between a laugh and a hiccup and my tears subside. “I know, baby,” I grin. “It’s just from being so happy.” Her head falls on my shoulder.
We hear the boys return, and Darius is talking excitedly about his birthday while Nicholas uh-huhs and mm-hms. He’s going to be such a great daddy. Not that he isn’t already, but as they grow I know he’s always going to be interested in them, there for them. And there for me.
That night, when Nicholas finally takes me in his arms, I’m already wet for him, excited to be with him, and ready for him to come inside, but he teases me. He’s drawing his tongue over my breasts, my hard nipples, sucking on them, nibbling, kissing. I’m bucking, squealing in delight, knowing we are in a circle of love and trust, and after so long, alone in our own beautiful house, my family safe and taken care of close by and the babies snug in their beds. I writhe against his body, yearning to pull him inside of me, but he tantalizes me with the head of his cock, just caressing me with it while he kisses my neck until I just can’t take it anymore.
“Come inside, baby,” I croon
into his ear, squirming and pushing against him. “I need to feel you inside me now.
“Oh god Adisa, you make me so hot. You’re so sexy, you drive me crazy,” he murmurs back, his hand reaching around to grip my buttock, massaging the supple skin before leaning over me and plunging his lips into my delicate folds, licking me all over, sucking my clit while he enters me with his fingers. I feel the orgasm building and I can’t help but cry out as he tumbles me over the edge into a rippling climax that never seems to end. He expertly makes me come once, twice more, as I lose myself on the bed, moaning and breathing his name, my body convulsing in pleasure, eyes closed tight.
“Nicholas,” I tell him, as he comes up to lay beside me, on top of me, with me. “I love you so much...” And I do. I couldn’t love him more, really. My heart is full of him, and for so many reasons. The amazing lovemaking is only the icing on the cake. He’s helped me become a mother, a wife, he’s become part of my family. He’s given us a home, and hope, and happiness. He’s enabling me to follow my dreams once the kids are ready and in school, to study and become something more than I could ever achieve on my own. He’s truly more man than I could ever have imagined myself marrying, and in every way.
“I love you more.” He stares into my eyes as he opens my legs, and when he climbs on top of me he fills me over and over again with his hard length, breathing my name, moaning softly. We move together, achingly slowly, then faster, our breathing in time with our thrusts. He pulls me up and turns me over, and enters me from behind, the sound of his body slapping against my rear strangely arousing, and I cry out, as he fills me in ways I didn’t know I could be filled. His cock massages my walls, and I’m feeling sensations I didn’t know were possible. His hands grip my hips and he moves inside me, deeply, and I arch my back to let him in further. My feet wrap around his legs, drawing him closer and he bites my shoulder as I reach back to grasp his ass.