“Let me see if I have this straight,” Ian said, taking her empty plate and setting it next to his on the coffee table. He then stretched an arm along the back of the sofa cushion and began to fiddle with her hair where it fell freely to her shoulders. “It was your dream, from when you were a kid, to be a doctor. You didn’t end up a doctor, but the guy who needed you to tutor him actually did finish medical school but discovered he doesn’t really like medicine?”
“I don’t think he ever really liked it. Or wanted to be a doctor, to tell you the truth. But his dad died when he was only a baby, his mother raised him on her own—they’re very close—and he doesn’t want to disappoint her.” Much the way Ian didn’t want to disappoint his father, Jenna thought, but she didn’t say that.
“And did this guy becoming a doctor derail you becoming a doctor?”
“I suppose so. Or at least I let myself be derailed. It was my choice to follow him to the college he got into. It wasn’t really the college I wanted to go to, but it was the only one that accepted Ted, so when my time came, that was where I went, too. When he graduated and the only medical school he could get into was in Mexico, I could have said no to going with him—”
“But you’d married him at Christmas.”
“Right. And that was the dilemma—did he give up medical school and crush his mother’s dreams to stay in the states while I became a doctor instead of him? Or did I make the sacrifice?” she asked rhetorically.
“You made the sacrifice.”
“Ted’s idea was that we go to Mexico, and while he went to medical school, I could become a nurse. That way, I could still work in medicine, earn a living to support us and then, after he finished his training, he could open an office, and we could still work side by side—”
“With him as the doctor and you as the nurse?”
“Yes.”
“You—the smarter of the two and the one who wanted to be a doctor from birth—should become a nurse to support him so he could become the doctor his mother wanted him to be? Was that what you wanted to do by then?” Ian asked.
“No, it wasn’t,” she said flatly. “I still wanted to be a doctor. But I thought that maybe once Ted was finished with school, I could apply to medical school after all.”
“But that wasn’t what happened, and instead it was you who sacrificed everything. You who gave up the dream you’d had all your life. No wonder you have regrets,” Ian said, giving her earlobe a comforting sort of tug.
“Actually, my bigger regret was that, as the result of following Ted around, I neglected my own family.” Her voice cracked.
“I imagine living in Mexico for four years made it tough to keep up with things here,” Ian said quietly, apparently seeing that this was difficult for her.
“And Mexico was just the beginning. Even when we came back to the states for Ted to do his internship and residency, we lived all over the country. Ted would get into a program, decide he hated whatever branch of medicine he was training for, quit and apply somewhere else to try another specialty—”
“Which meant you had to change jobs, too.”
“And find another place for us to live, get us moved and settled in. Then, because I was new to the job, I couldn’t take time off to come home, so I rarely got back here. I barely made it to my sister’s funeral, and I had to leave again so quick that even then I didn’t see beyond the surface—I believed my folks were doing all right and able to take on Abby. When they said during every phone call that they were okay, that everything here was okay, I believed them. I didn’t know what was really going on with them, with their health, with the farm, with anything because I wasn’t around! I was following Ted’s mother’s dream….”
“And eventually you got fed up with it,” Ian surmised.
“I finally gave Ted an ultimatum. We’d moved to Denver for a residency in cardiology, and after the first month, he was making his usual noises about how he didn’t like it, about how it wasn’t for him. I knew where that would go, and I told him that I’d had it. He said I wasn’t being supportive, that I didn’t understand. That he couldn’t help it if he’d hated every kind of medicine he’d tried, that he had to keep trying until he found one he didn’t hate, because he couldn’t disappoint his mother by giving up.” Jenna shook her head at the recollection.
“In other words, he wasn’t going to be a cardiologist, either.”
“No. I was at my wit’s end. I told you that I’d decided that I liked nursing, so I wasn’t hanging on to the idea of going to medical school myself anymore. But I wanted to settle in one place, I wanted to start a family—which I’d been pushing for for a few years, although Ted wouldn’t even talk about it. I wanted to be able to reconnect with my folks, to help them with Abby, to be a part of Abby’s life. I suggested we just come back here, that Ted go into family practice—which he could have done without any more training—and that maybe he would find his niche in the day-to-day of the job.”
“And he wouldn’t do it.”
“In the first place, his mother had moved away from Northbridge by then—she’s in Cincinnati now—and he said that wherever she was was where he was ending up. That Northbridge was out of the question. And as for going into family practice, he wouldn’t even consider that either. He said he was going to try surgery next, that his mother would love to say her son was a surgeon, so he’d applied to a program in Iowa, and I should start sending my résumé to hospitals there…”
Ian dropped his head far forward, shook it in disbelief as he said, “No….”
“That’s what I said,” Jenna confirmed with a mirthless laugh. “I finally just said no. Basically, I told him to choose me, our marriage and actually starting a life together, or his mother and what she wanted even though it was obviously not what he wanted.”
“And he chose wrong.”
“He said that, regardless of what I might have sacrificed for him, his mother had raised him on her own and sacrificed more. He actually said that when it came down to his mother or me, his first loyalty was to his mother, and he was going to do whatever she wanted to make her happy. Whether I liked it or not. Whether I went along or not….” Jenna shrugged yet again and fought off the emotions that brought moisture to her eyes.
“And you decided you weren’t going along anymore,” Ian said the words she was having difficulty getting out.
Jenna nodded. “I filed for divorce, and as that was being finalized, and I was about to move back to Northbridge, my mom had her heart attack.”
“Your sister died. Your mom died. Then you also found out about your dad’s failing health and that the farm was in too much trouble to save, and there was Abby in need of a mom and—”
“And here I am.”
“Whew!”
Somehow that eased some of her tension. Ian’s comforting caress on the back of her neck helped, too.
“You must feel like you’ve been under some dark clouds for a while now,” he said.
“A little bit,” Jenna confirmed with a laugh to lighten the tone. “But nothing is ever simple, is it? We all make our choices, and we all have to live with them. And hopefully learn from them—the way you said you learned from your mistakes.”
“You learned that you were happy being a nurse rather than a doctor….” Ian prodded, insinuating that he wanted to know what else she’d learned.
“For one. I also learned to stay away from any guy who isn’t his own man and that I needed to make up my own mind about the path my life takes and not choose based on what’s important to someone else.”
“And not to always sacrifice what you want,” he added, as if he thought she needed to be reminded of that.
“Well, I’m back in Northbridge where I want to be. I’m raising Abby, so I’m getting to start the family I wanted—even if it is a little unconventional.” She smiled because she was about to goad him a little. “I’m not caving in to selling the farm to you. So all in all, I’d say that for now, I’m not sacrificing any
thing for anyone.”
“Good for you!” he cheered. “Well, except that it would be better for you to sell the farm to me….”
Jenna laughed. “You can’t let it go, can you?”
“Just thought I should point it out….” he said with such boyish charm that she couldn’t help drinking him in. His handsomely sculpted features lit up with a smile as those pale blue eyes returned her gaze with a heat all their own.
Then, in a more serious tone, he added, “But I’m behind you all the way when it comes to doing what you want for a change.”
And in the interest of doing what she wanted…
Ooo, that was a dangerous thought!
Dangerously tempting as she sat there looking into his eyes, feeling his hand on her nape, remembering so vividly how the night before had ended….
The memory of how she’d put such an abrupt halt to things, and how Ian had complied and left, had been haunting her all day.
Along with a torturous hankering for a better ending tonight.
She’d begun the day trying to figure out how to keep herself from succumbing to Ian when she was with him again.
Partway through the day, she’d found herself wondering why succumbing would be so bad.
She’d countered that by reminding herself why it would be.
But now…
Here they were again—only at her place rather than at the Mackey–McKendrick compound where there was less privacy.
Here she was again, barely inches away from Ian. And he certainly hadn’t lost any appeal. He looked so good she couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was sexier than any man she’d ever known. He smelled like heaven. He was rubbing her neck with a big strong hand. And everything he’d aroused in her the previous evening hovered just beneath the surface, wanting the chance to rise again, to be satisfied and soothed.
And what she wanted at that moment—what she truly wanted, all she wanted at that moment—was him.
This isn’t the rest of your life, she told herself. It’s just now….
It didn’t have to alter anything in the future. It wouldn’t maintain the chaos or disruption that had been in play for so long now in her life. It wouldn’t—it couldn’t—change anything as long as she didn’t let it….
As long as she made sure it was just tonight. That it was just about doing what she wanted here and now, and only here and now.
And if she did that, then why not…
Jenna had only to tip her chin slightly upward in order to kiss Ian.
If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. He kissed her in response, without hesitation, but also without escalating that kiss beyond what she’d initiated.
So Jenna kicked it up a notch herself, parting her lips, glad that he parted his, too. His hand at her nape went from a light, consolation rub to a firmer grasp. She thought that while he might be restraining himself, he wasn’t giving any indication for her to stop.
And she didn’t. She went on kissing him, she raised a hand to his chest, she parted her lips farther, and she even let her tongue tease the very edges of his lips.
Apparently there was only so much he could endure with restraint, though, because when she did that, his other arm came around her and he pulled her nearer. Near enough for her breasts to brush his chest and make her realize that her nipples were already taut against the built-in bra of the bridesmaid dress. Taut and eager to be back in contact with him.
But she didn’t do anything to accomplish that. Instead she just concentrated on kissing him, losing track of whose mouth opened wider first, whose tongue made the bolder move and became more brazenly playful, who deepened that kiss and made it more sensual.
Because regardless of which of them led and which of them followed, that was still where things went. She found her other arm wrapped around Ian, her head in the cradle of his hand when it moved into her hair, her knees partially on his lap.
What they’d shared the night before had only whetted Jenna’s appetite, and it seemed that the same was true for Ian. That kiss became more and more intense, more heated, more sexy than sensual.
Jenna raised both of her hands to the back of Ian’s head, holding him firmly, testing the coarse texture of his hair, taking her turn plundering his mouth the same way he plundered hers.
The surface of her skin seemed to come alive, crying out for his touch, for the feel of it on every inch of her, but nowhere as desperately as on her breasts, which were straining against the fabric of her dress.
Ian’s arms tightened around her then, pulling her in closer yet, raising her higher up against him as he did and tilting back her head with the mere urging of his thumb and fingers on either side of her face, drawing their mouths apart.
He rained kisses along the arch of her neck, then to the hollow of her throat, where he found an incredibly sensitive spot that she’d never known was sensitive at all.
Tiny flicks of his tongue on that spot turned her on even more. Her shoulders drew back and her breasts rose toward him in silent plea.
A silent plea he answered by bringing one hand around from her back to clasp her breast.
Ah, but she needed that dress out of the way….
She’d made up her mind about this, about giving in to what she wanted tonight, and she couldn’t wait any longer.
She covered Ian’s hand at her breast for a moment, pressing, holding him to her before she took it away, kept hold of it and got up from the sofa.
But her attempt to make Ian get to his feet, too, didn’t work.
He stayed where he was, holding her hand but shaking his head as he looked up at her.
“I don’t want to be one of your regrets,” he said.
“You won’t be. You can’t be,” she whispered, knowing it was true because she wanted him too badly to ever regret bringing what had started between them to its natural conclusion.
She pulled on his hand again in encouragement, and she could tell he wasn’t completely convinced. But that he also couldn’t refuse what he wanted as much as she did.
So he got to his feet and let her lead him up the stairs and into her bedroom.
Moonlight reflected off the spring snow that blanketed the ground outside the two large windows in her room. It cast a milky glow that was just enough to see by.
When they reached the foot of the bed, Ian spun her around and brought her against him to kiss her anew. He caught her head in his grasp to brace her against an onslaught that was anything but restrained now.
Mouths were wide open, tongues pillaged and played, cavorted and careened around each other while Ian kicked off his shoes and then freed his other hand from Jenna’s so he could unzip her dress.
Jenna saw no reason not to act on her own impulse to unfasten the buttons of his shirt and pull its tails from his pants when she’d reached the waistband.
And once his shirt was open, she couldn’t resist slipping both of her hands inside to the hot silk of his chest and around to the broad expanse of his back.
Continuing to kiss her like there was no tomorrow, Ian pulled her arms away just long enough to peel down her dress and let it fall like a curtain around her ankles.
Then he guided her hands back inside his shirt before he wrapped his own arms around her and held her to him—bare breasts to bare chest. He massaged her back and made her sigh with the pleasure not only at his touch, but from having her naked torso against his.
His shirt just seemed in the way, so she removed it and let her hands become familiar with the pure glory of broad shoulders, of bountiful biceps. And if discovering the perfection of his honed pectorals and the solid washboard of his abs led her to the front of his slacks? That just seemed like a sign that it was time for those to go, too. A sign that she shouldn’t be the only one of them standing there in nothing but her lace bikini panties.
Delicately, she figured out how his pants were fastened and unfastened them, sliding his zipper down over what was burgeoning behind it.
She felt Ian sm
ile mid-kiss before he took something from his pocket to toss over his shoulder onto the bed. Then he completed her quest, dropping the tuxedo pants and underwear and even taking off his socks without moving his mouth too far from hers.
There was nothing left between them but her panties, so he slipped those off her hips, too. She stepped out of them, and Ian circled her with one arm, unhesitatingly bringing his other hand to her breast again.
That sudden contact took her breath away for a moment. And then she merely gave in to the joy of finally having what she’d been craving since she’d lost it last night—his hand encompassing her breast….
It just felt so good. Big and warm. Strong and infinitely gentle. Kneading and massaging. Tenderly pinching the very tip into diamond hardness that strained for more.
He held her tight as he eased them both onto her bed—Jenna on her back, Ian on his side, partially covering her, his thigh slung across hers. Their kisses grew urgent and hungry while his hand went from one breast to the other.
Things that had been long asleep inside of her, things she hadn’t even known she was capable of feeling, came more to life with every passing moment, every thrust of his tongue, every press of that hand at her breasts.
Jenna raised one of her legs to cover his, twisting slightly so she was facing him, further entwining them as her hands ran over every inch of his back and then lower, finding that his tight rear end felt even better than it looked.
He abandoned their kiss and bent low enough to put his mouth to her breast. To draw her in and amp up the desires he had already awakened in her.
With flicks of his magic tongue to her nipple, tiny nibbles of his teeth, sucking and releasing and bringing her every nerve ending to the surface of her skin, he had her nearly writhing even before his hand began making a trail down her stomach, down one of her thighs and then up again to the juncture of her legs.
She couldn’t quiet the moan that sounded deep in her throat when his fingers found her. And she couldn’t keep herself from reaching for him, from opening her eyes and studying the magnificence of the man on her bed.
Big Sky Bride, Be Mine! Page 14