“I’m sorry I ran—”
“Shhh… let’s talk at home.”
“Okay.”
My arm stays around Kenzie with her head resting on my shoulder as Carter drives. I can’t begin to describe the relief I felt when I opened the door and found Kenzie sleeping in my office. I was convinced that she was so angry with me that she wouldn’t want to talk to me at all, yet I find out she never even left the building.
“Are you hungry? I’m sure Julie has something in here that I can heat up for you—”
“Actually, Hunter brought me something to eat before he left.”
“Oh, good. I’m glad you weren’t starving and bored out of your mind while you were waiting for me. How about a glass of wine while we talk?”
“Thank you.”
I pour us each a glass and head into the great room where she is sitting on the couch waiting for me. She has taken off her blazer and shoes and is sitting with her legs tucked underneath her, looking incredibly sexy just as she always does. I take off my suit jacket and loosen my tie before sitting down next to her on the couch.
“Kenzie, I’m sorry—”
“No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ran out on you. I shouldn’t have assumed that I knew what you meant when you said… well what you said. I should have realized that you didn’t regret having sex with me, per say, but that you regretted having it in your office in middle of the work day—”
“That’s what you think I meant?”
“I get it. You don’t want to look unprofessional, and any of your employees could have walked in, or needed you in that moment—“
“It’s my fucking company and my fucking building. If I want to have sex with my… with you in my office in the middle of the work day, it’s none of anyone’s damn business!”
“Okay… then I guess I really don’t understand what happened… earlier. If it wasn’t about where we had sex, why did you apologize?” her faces turns this adorable shade of pink as she asks me the question. Part of me wants to chuckle at how innocent she is that she blushes at the mere discussion of us having sex.
“Kenzie…” I run my fingers through my hair, trying to quickly find a way to explain to her exactly what I was apologizing for without fucking things up more than I already have. “I wasn’t apologizing for having sex with you; I was apologizing for fucking you.”
“I don’t think I understand what the issue is.”
“UGH, maybe I’m not explaining it right,” I sigh in frustration. “I was rough with you, rougher than I should have been. That’s why I was apologizing. I shouldn’t have been so rough with you—”
“Rough? You didn’t hurt me—”
“I nearly fucked you against the door! Hell, I would have if I didn’t need a condom—”
“And I would have let you!” she snaps back.
“You would have?”
“I’m not made of glass—I’m not going to break if you’re a little rough with me.”
“But—”
“Did you enjoy… what we did in your office today?”
“Of course but—”
“So did I—”
“Really? You did?”
“Nicholas…” her face turns an even deeper shade of red before she whispers, “it was really hot.”
“It was?”
“You didn’t think it was?”
“Of course I did! I just didn’t think you would have.”
“It was such a turn on to know that you were so… that you couldn’t wait until we got home. That you wanted me so much, that you couldn’t even wait to take my clothes off. I’ve never had someone… want me like that.”
“I’ve never wanted anyone like that before,” the words come out before I can even consider if I should admit that to her. “You’re sure I wasn’t too rough with you?”
“In case you failed to notice, I… came multiple times,” I smile as her voice drops in volume when she mentions her orgasms, like she doesn’t want anyone to know we’re talking about sex, not that anyone can hear us right now.
“I didn’t want… I was afraid you would think that I was like your ex—”
“Never,” she quickly shuts me up. “Nicholas, you are nothing like him in any way, shape or form.”
“But—”
“No, nothing you did or will do during sex will ever remind me of him. He wasn’t… aggressive or forceful in the bedroom if that’s what you’re worried about. The few times we did have sex, it was… very basic. I never… came—”
“What?” I did not just hear her correctly.
“He never could… I never…” She stutters while blushing an even deeper shade of red.
“He never made you come?”
“He used to say that it was proof of how lousy of a fuck I was, if I couldn’t even bring myself to enjoy it,” she shrugs her shoulders and looks away embarrassed.
“Kenzie,” I pull her onto my lap so she is straddling my legs as we face each other. “I hope I’ve proved to you just how wrong that asshole was about you. You make me lose control like no one ever has, and today was proof of that. That asshole clearly had his own issues in the bedroom, and instead of owning up to it, he blamed you for not being able to keep his dick up.”
“Nicholas!” she giggles in surprise at the bluntness of my words.
“I’m really sorry about earlier. I never meant for you to think that I was apologizing for having sex with you; I will never apologize for that. I was trying to tell you that I was sorry for how I behaved, for how rough I had been—”
“Don’t apologize for that. I liked it,” she runs her fingers lightly through my hair. “How… passionate and demanding you were, how turned on you were, how much you needed me… was incredibly hot.”
“You’re incredibly hot,” I whisper and lean up cautiously kissing her.
“Hmmm,” she moans against my lips.
My hands immediately go to her firm ass, and I groan in realization that she isn’t wearing any panties, the ones I ripped off of her probably left in the trash can in my office. With her lips still on mine, she slowly reaches for the buttons on my dress shirt, pulling the fabric from my chest before unbuttoning them. She slips off my lap and pulls the dress from her arms, slowly letting it fall to the floor and fuck if I don’t nearly lose it right then and there. She’s standing in the middle of my great room, wearing nothing but a red lace bra and a pair of black heels.
“Fuck,” I gasp, not able to take my eyes off of her.
Quickly standing up, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her against mine. She gasps just before I kiss her, devouring her, as my hands caress every part of her body that I can reach. She reaches between us, unbuttoning my pants until they slowly fall to the floor along with my underwear. I grab her ass and pull her back against me, my dick rubbing against her sex.
“I don’t have condoms out here,” I groan in realization.
“Go get one, I’ll wait here,” she winks before pulling away from me.
I glance back just before leaving the room and catch her reaching behind to unclasp her bra. I rush into bedroom, thankful that it is on the main floor and not upstairs and grab a condom from the nightstand drawer making a mental note to pick up more soon. When I return to the great room, she’s sitting on my couch, completely naked, waiting for me. Who knew something as simple as that could be so sexy?
“I need to start keeping condoms every room,” I sit next to her and yank her back onto my lap, desperate to feel her against me again.
“Or I could go on birth control so we wouldn’t have to use them anymore?”
“Yes,” I whisper, the thought of being inside of her without a barrier nearly pushes me over the edge. I’ve never been with a woman without a condom, never even considered it but since Kenzie—
“I’ll call tomorrow,” she kisses me.
Instead of the rush I was in at my office, this time I take my time slowly making love to her. Though she says I don’t need to apolo
gize, I still feel the need to show her just how sorry I am for what I said. I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when she stormed out of my office.
“Why don’t we take a shower and head to bed?” I suggest.
“Sounds good,” she giggles after a brief moment. “I need to run upstairs before we do that though.”
“Oh?”
“I need underwear,” she blushes despite the fact that she’s standing completely naked in front of me.
“They should be in my room.”
“They should?”
“I had Julie move all your clothing into my closet when you were meeting with Donnelly.”
“I could have done that, you didn’t need to ask her to.”
“I know, but I did and now your clothes are in my closet. Come, let’s go take a shower.”
Chapter 27
Kenzie
We’re at yet another business dinner, this time though we’re a few hours away from the apartment so we’re spending the night and driving back in the morning. I’m trying to focus on the conversations around me, but unlike most dinners, this one really is all business. I usually don’t check my phone when we’re out, but trying to starve off the boredom I decide to text Ginny to see how things are going at the bakery. I’m surprised to find I have a number of unread messages on it, no one usually texts me except for Nicholas.
Have you found out your husband’s secrets?
You’re never going to be good enough for him.
You will never be able to meet his needs.
He’s hiding things from you, from everyone… things he wants no one to know.
You should ask him why everyone runs from him.
You’re not like the others.
Ask him what he’s hiding.
Ask him about The Blue Moon.
He’s never taken you there, has he? And he won’t… because you’re not good enough for him.
I put the phone back into my purse, not wanting to see the text messages from the blocked number any longer. I try to focus on the conversations going on around me, but I can’t stop thinking about the text messages. Whoever is sending them seems to know Nicholas, at least on some level and especially more than some reporter might. After the initial meeting before we signed the contract with Bridget, I had researched him online eager to know what type of image he needed to change with the press. There were many articles written insinuating that he was hiding something, which was the reason he was pictured with so many different women. At that time, I hadn’t given it much thought, assuming it was just the press trying to stir things up. I like to think that I know him fairly well, especially after living with him for so long, but these text messages have me questioning everything I think I know.
What is the Blue Moon that the sender is referring to? Why are they implying that I’m not good enough to go there? Or good enough in general? What could someone who knows Nicholas possibly know about me?
“Everything okay?” Nicholas whispers during a lull in the conversation.
“Fine,” I lie.
“Gentleman, thank you for your time today and for sharing your evening with me,” he says after giving me a look, which tells me he knows I’m lying. “Each of you have played a fundamental part in the success over the last several months—success that would not be possible without your hard work, long hours and dedication. I look forward to coming back in the near future to learn the status of the items we identified in our meetings this afternoon. Thank you.”
He takes my hand, leading me out of the restaurant to where Carter is waiting for us in the lobby of the hotel. He wraps his arm around my waist, and I lean against him as we wait for the elevator to arrive.
“Kenzie, what’s going on? Is everything okay?” he asks as soon as the elevator door closes.
“Its fine,” I look from Nicholas to Carter, trying to convey that I don’t want to discuss it right now.
“Something is wrong. Your demeanor changed at dinner.”
“Can we discuss this later?”
“Fine.”
I can tell he isn’t happy, but I am not going to have this conversation in front of Carter or in the middle of an elevator when anyone could walk in. Plus, I still don’t even know what to say. I can’t stop the last text that I saw from repeating over and over again in my head: you’re not good enough for him. How could a complete stranger pick up on my biggest fear? I’ve known from the moment that I met Nicholas on the sidewalk in the rain storm that we were from different worlds. What could he possibly be hiding? We’ve been living together for more than a month now. What could he possibly be hiding that I don’t know about? Does it have to do with the Blue Moon… whatever that is?
“Okay, Kenzie… we’re alone now. What’s going on? Did something happen while we were at dinner? What didn’t you want to discuss in front of Carter?” He fires off the questions before our hotel room door is even completely closed.
“What is The Blue Moon?” It seems better to try to be more specific rather than just asking what he’s hiding.
“Wh… what?” He stutters and his face goes completely pale. My stomach drops at the sight which only confirms what the text message said: Nicholas is hiding something from me.
“What is The Blue Moon?”
“What… how did you hear about that?”
“When I glanced at my phone earlier, I received a number of text messages from a blocked number. They implied you were hiding something and told me to ask you about The Blue Moon. What is it?”
“It’s nothing,” he pulls his phone from his pocket and immediately starts typing away. “I need to get a hold of Carter and Brian to find out who is sending you these text messages. They should be able to trace the number the texts were sent from—”
“Stop,” I interrupt him. “Don’t go into CEO mode with me now. What is going on? Why are you so frazzled at the mention of The Blue Moon?”
“I’m not—”
“You are.”
“It’s nothing.”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
“It’s nothing, just drop it.”
“So the person who sent the text is right, you are hiding something from me.”
“It’s not important, drop it.”
“Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”
“Because…”
“Because why?”
“Because… I don’t want to lose what we have over this.”
“So you get to know my secrets, my past, but I don’t get to know yours?”
“Not about this, no.”
“Okay.”
I shake my head and walk toward the spare bedroom in the suite; we’ve only been here for two nights and until now the room hasn’t been used. I’m fuming… I’m pissed that he doesn’t trust me enough to tell me about this despite everything I’ve shared with him. After everything… how can he not trust me?
“Where are you going?”
“To bed.”
“Kenzie—”
“Don’t,” my hand is on the door of the spare bedroom, but I don’t turn around to look at him. I can’t let him see the tears that are threatening to fall.
“I don’t want to fuck this up. I can’t… I need you…”
Ah…right—because of our contract.
“Don’t worry, Nicholas… I won’t go back on our arrangement. I’ll accompany you to wherever you need me to go… I’ll do whatever you want to change how the press views you. This doesn’t change that.”
“Fuck the arrangement! That’s not what I meant!”
“Then what did you mean?” I turn to look at him, confused by his words. His hair is a mess, no doubt because he’s been running his hands through it for the last few minutes. “Why won’t you tell me about The Blue Moon?”
“Because, Kenzie!”
“Because, why?”
“Because I don’t want to lose you. And not because of the God damn arrangement.”
“Then why?” my vo
ice is barely above a whisper; I’m scared to know what his response will be.
“Because I fucking love you.”
Chapter 28
Nicholas
“Because I fucking love you.”
FUCK… I can’t believe I said that. I swore I wouldn’t open myself up like that again, that if I didn’t admit to anyone how I felt then the risk wouldn’t be there. I just ruined everything! She doesn’t feel the same way—
“I love you too, but that doesn’t mean you get to keep secrets from me! If you can’t trust me enough to tell me—”
“What did you say?”
I’m in front of her in two quick steps, needing to be closer to her when she says what I think she just said. I couldn’t have heard her correctly—she couldn’t have said what I think she just said. She couldn’t possibly love me… she can’t.
“I love you but—”
I turn her around so quickly she gasps in surprise just before my lips are on hers. I don’t give her a chance to say anything else. I don’t want to talk about anything else right now—if we continue talking she might change her mind. She might finally realize that I’m not the man that she deserves; that I’m not good enough for her. Her body immediately relaxes against mine when I pull her closer to me, her fingers comb through my hair as she opens herself to me. Desperate for this to not end, I urge her to move backwards, toward the bed that is on the other side of the door. With her back firm against the door, I take my time exploring her body, feeling each of her curves beneath the sexy dress she is wearing. Needing to feel more of her, I reach for the door knob, but the moment she senses what I’m doing, she pulls back.
“No,” she pants, her breathing still heavy.
“I want to make love to you,” I’ve never said those words to anyone other than Kenzie. I’ve never heard the desperation in my voice that is there right now. I’ve never needed someone as much as I need her right now. I’m not good at expressing how I feel with words—this is the only way I know I can show her how I feel about her.
On Her Terms (The Arrangement Duet Book 2) Page 27