“Please,” I whisper.
“I feel like you’re not giving me the whole story, which is fine. But if you really want to help your friend, you need to be more forthcoming about details. I don’t want to pry, but it’s a little bit hard to psychoanalyze someone who only seems to have a stressful job by your account. I suspect the traumatic situation has to do with much more than a bad day at the office, and if I’m going to recommend some different treatments for you to suggest, I need to be clear on the severity of the situation. And right now, I’m just not.”
I let out a sigh. This was a stupid idea. “I know, and I’m sorry that I can’t share more insight with you. It’s just that…” Just that my boyfriend has pretty major criminal dealings and an assortment of guns, prostitutes, a raunchy sex club that caters to the elite, and drug dealers in his back pocket. “I’d hoped that maybe there was some general advice you could give me, under these, um, delicate circumstances.”
Professor Gary rises from his chair and grabs his tweed jacket, shrugging his arms into it. “It’s very subjective, Shaye. Not every patient displays the same symptoms, and every case is unique. It takes a lot of time to properly evaluate a person’s mental and emotional health to determine the proper treatment path to take.”
I collapse against the back of my chair. “I figured you’d say that.”
He comes around and sits on the edge of his wooden desk. “You’re a smart girl. You’ll figure out how to help your friend.”
His knees almost touch mine…something tells me that it’s on purpose…and the realization forces me to jump out of the chair. I swallow hard and grab my jacket, looking in every direction except his. Did I come here to help Nico? Or did I come to get a taste of normalcy, to have a real…well, almost real…conversation with a man? A man who is open and transparent and self-aware, a man who is unencumbered by death threats, night terrors, and chaotic sex dens, a man who has a simple job and a simple life and simple needs.
I’d always thought communication was key to resolving issues. It’s what I’ve learned in every psych class involving relationships. It’s ingrained in me.
But somehow, communicating with Nico brings us closer together only to drive us apart afterward. It’s like I can crack into the ice, but, hard as I try, I just can’t seem to melt it. I’m not making an impact. Nothing I’ve told him has jolted him into action and that frustrates the hell out of me. If I can’t get through to him, who the hell can?
Professor Gary stands up and inches toward me as I struggle with my jacket. A quick glimpse at the clock on his wall confirms that Sloane should be meeting me any second. I’ve already been in here too long, and judging from the look on the professor’s face, it’s definitely time to go.
This was a colossally huge mistake. I don’t care about transparency. Or night terrors. Or death threats. We can get through it. We have to, because the only man I want is the hot mess I have.
“I’m glad you stopped by, Shaye. I hope I was able to help,” he murmurs, moving closer still. I can smell his spicy aftershave, and that is way too damn close for comfort.
Shit! I gulp, backing away from his outstretched hand. I’m sure this is always how it happens. Dumb blonde co-eds make a bogus appointment with the professor for his insight into some bullshit problem when they really want insight into something else. My heel hits the back wall of the office, and I bang my head on a bookshelf. A sharp pain explodes across the base of my skull. “Yes, Professor, thank you. I, um, I’ll see you in class.”
I grip the doorknob and twist it left and right, unable to get the damn door open.
He slowly reaches around me and flips the lock. “It locks from the inside when it closes.”
“Oh, right. Uh, thanks again.” I push past him and his delicious musky scent. “Have a good day.” I manage a half-wave and spin around…directly into Sloane.
I cringe at the mischievous gleam in her eye as she regards Professor Gary and then me. And like most of the women on this campus, she peeks her head around me for a second to look at Professor Gary. And it’s a long look. I can’t bear to meet his gaze again, so I stare straight ahead, plaster a fake smile on my face for Sloane, and say, “Ready?”
“I think he definitely is,” she whispers, waving at the professor as I rush her out of the building.
“Holy shit, Shaye. What the hell happened back there? The temperature in that hallway was about a thousand degrees!”
“I had a meeting with him.” I cover my face with my hand. “I never should have gone. He totally got the wrong idea, and I—"
“And what, exactly, were you meeting about? I mean, I know psychology is all about the mind, but I think there was another head that wanted to get in on the action.” Sloane lets out a loud chuckle that tauntingly echoes in the open hallway of the building. Damn high ceilings.
“Just…a paper I’m writing.” I peek at Sloane out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes, the urge to sit my best friend down and spill all of my secrets is overwhelming. After all of this time, I’ve managed to keep her in the dark about most of the inner workings of my life. She’s my escape. She’s my normalcy.
Unlike Nico, who’s my chaos.
But the balance works for me. Sloane keeps me grounded, and Nico? He keeps me in the clouds.
She knows nothing of prostitution, sex clubs, drug running, or thug beat-downs.
There are plenty of times where I wish I knew nothing of those things, either.
“This paper…does it read like a dirty novel?” Her glossy lips curl into a wicked smile. “Is that what got him so hot?”
I let out a groan. “No, it’s actually about post-traumatic stress disorder, if you need to know so badly.”
She scrunches up her pert nose and jogs around to the driver’s side of her black Honda Accord. “Doesn’t sound sexy to me.”
“It’s not, trust me.” I pull open the door and sink into the leather seat.
“I don’t think Nico would be happy to know that his hot girlfriend’s hot professor wants to get inside of more than just her head.”
I smack my forehead with my hand as we fly through the West Village in the direction of the Lincoln Tunnel. “You’re impossible.”
“Nah, just bored on the guy front. I’d much rather focus on your drama than my own lack thereof.”
“Trust me, drama is way overrated.”
“It somehow finds you, though. Must be a gift.”
“More like a curse.”
“Is everything better with Nico? I remember you mentioning he’s a little stressed about work. Aren’t there enough bachelorette parties happening in the city every weekend to keep his business booming?” She laughs and speeds through a light leading us down into the tunnel.
That’s pretty much the extent of what Sloane knows of Nico’s business. She thinks he owns a dance club in lower Manhattan. Hell, I didn’t even have the full story before the other night, and it was more of an epic novel compared to what I’d conjured up in my head.
“He’s working through it. Things have been a little better.” And a little worse. It seems to depend on the hour these days.
“That’s good. I’d hate for you guys to have problems right after you give up your life in Miami to be with him up here.”
“Jesus, it was only college.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m thrilled to pieces that you’re home. But you wanted to put distance between your life here and your new college life. I get it. I know how overbearing my parents can be, and I would have been out of here in a hot second if I was…” She coughs and clears her throat. “I mean, it doesn’t really matter. We all make decisions for ourselves. Some good, some not so good. You know how it is.” She rushes to finish her sentence and bright sunlight blinds me as the Honda flies out of the tunnel and lands in New Jersey.
I turn a curious gaze on my friend. She obviously said too much for her own liking and tried to pull it back. “If you were?”
Sloane drags a hand thro
ugh her long dark hair and taps the steering wheel. “Um, if I was, you know, interested in other nursing schools.”
I nod. “Right. Or maybe if you weren’t hung up on something that happened in the past?”
The car screeches to a halt at a red light, and I grip the oh shit bar to keep me from kissing the windshield.
“Sorry,” Sloane mumbles.
“I guess I struck a nerve.”
“I guess your professor is going to whack it later while he pictures his head inside of yours.”
“Ha ha. You’re a real comedian.”
“It’s my fallback in case this nursing thing doesn’t work out.”
“It’s always good to have a Plan B.”
She smiles, but it’s a sad one, not a happy one. “Yeah, but sometimes Plan A is the only one that really fits, you know?”
“I do.” Hence, my current predicament.
Twenty minutes later, she’s pulling down my street. I need to grab some things to bring over to Nico’s later, and figure out what excuse I’m going to use to get out from my father’s watchful eye.
The car pulls up to the curb. “Your palace, madam.”
I roll my eyes and gather my things together. “Come inside. I want to show you a dress I just bought. I think I need to find a reason to wear it pretty damn soon. Maybe you can help me come up with a reason.”
She turns off the engine and hops out of the car. I don’t say anything about the fact that Max’s car is nestled in the back of the house, and she clearly missed it, too, otherwise I’m pretty sure she would have told me to text her a picture of the imaginary dress that I didn’t actually just buy.
She wants him. He wants her. They need each other. And now that Max is getting into more ‘respectable’ business dealings with the club and the real estate businesses, and not beating the shit out of goons on a daily basis, maybe things can work between them.
Unless her overbearing father puts a bullet in Max’s head first.
I stick my key into the lock and grasp the brass handle, pushing open the door. Both of us coming to a standstill at the loud voices assaulting our ears.
“What are you going to do now, Max? You’ve got nothing! How the hell am I supposed to help you when you keep fucking yourself?”
“I was doing just fine on my own, Dad! I don’t need your goddamn help! Every time you say you’re gonna help me, I end up getting fucked in the end. Don’t drag me into your big plans anymore, okay?”
“You say that now, but tell me, where are you gonna be in six months? Back to fucking square one! You had a good thing going, but you had to fuck it up as usual!”
“I know what I’m doing.”
“Just like you did when you ratted out Rocco? Look how well that turned out for you. In fact, it looks like your little buddy made out better than you did in the deal.”
Oh, crap.
Sloane’s eyes are so wide, I’m afraid they may pop out of her pretty little skull at any given second.
“Maybe I should just go—”
The door to my dad’s office swings open, and Max emerges, his face red, his jaw twitching, and his eyes spitting pure fire. My father appears behind him, looking perfectly calm. He even manages a smile for us, his captive audience.
“Girls, how was school? I picked up a pizza on my way home. Are you hungry?”
Sloane is still speechless. The look on her face tells me she wants to flee, but her feet are not ready to go just yet.
Maybe it’s because my brother is busy drinking her in like a dog at his water bowl on a hot summer’s day.
“Um, thanks, Dad.” I glance at Max, who can’t seem to peel his eyes off of Sloane. “Max, want to join us?”
He blinks fast, his head twisting in my direction like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t be. “No. I have to get home. There are some things I need to take care of.”
“Like your resume,” my father mutters under his breath, brushing past us. God, he can be a real tool sometimes. I know he’s my dad, but really? Did he have to cut Max down in front of Sloane like that?
“Everything okay?” I murmur to Max, placing a hand on his arm.
“Yeah.” He shrugs and forces a smile. “You know, same shit, different day.” His gaze flickers back to Sloane and his lips curl into a wistful smile. “Still okay with the blood and guts? You must see plenty with your internship.”
Sloane’s mouth falls open, and mine follows suit. He’s actually…engaging. Wow, what kind of a wake-up call did he get today?
“It’s, um, been more blood than guts so far, but there’s always next semester.” Her cheeks turn pink and she giggles. It’s a nervous one. One that shows she has no idea how to navigate this path. One that confirms she is still very much into Max.
And judging by his return smile, I finally feel like there may be a story there after all.
Why shouldn’t everyone get a happily ever after?
Events of the past months have proven that life is just too damn short to waste lusting after something you want.
Take it, enjoy it, and then pray for a whole lot of tomorrows.
Ones without mobsters, baseball bats, and guns.
Nico
The subway doors creak open at the Bleecker Street station, and a hot gust of urine-scented air blasts me as I step onto the platform. I usually avoid the subway like the bubonic plague, but today, I want to fly under the radar, and rolling up to a dingy shithole bar in Hell’s Kitchen in my Audi R8 is a definite red flag.
A red flag for a lot of people, namely the enemies tracking my every move.
They’re out there. I can sense them, just like they can sense me.
It’s only a matter of time before they make their move, and I’m trying to buy up as much of that time as I can in the meantime. It’ll give me a chance to get my plans in place. I need to make sure Viktor is in my corner, and that’s why I’m sweating my ass off in this hot-as-fuck subway station. This meeting, our meeting, is going to set us up for the future. I’ve already laid the groundwork. I just needed to find the right partner, a partner with resources…and I’m not just talking about money.
Money can buy you power, but loyalty can buy you so much more.
It’s the so much more that I’m after.
I wind through the maze of dirty, dank corridors in the underground station, sidestepping bums and panhandlers. I finally spot the staircase leading to the outside where the air will most likely still smell like piss, but at least it won’t be so damn thick, choking me like a noose around my neck. I jog up the steps, taking them two at a time in my Nikes. Perspiration drizzles down my back, and as soon as I hit the cool air on Bleecker Street, it morphs into icy cold trickles.
My Apple watch pings, and I see an incoming text from Shaye.
We need to talk.
Great. Talking. My favorite pastime these days, aside from eluding death.
I send her the thumbs-up emoji because I’m already late for my meeting, and I really don’t feel like recapping my blow out with Max right here on the street. I know that’s what she wants to talk about. But I am nowhere near being in the mood to rehash the whole thing for her, especially since it’s just one more reason for her to lay into me about the need to air my feelings. As if I really want to admit to my fears about this whole Luca shitstorm and its potential long-term effects on my life, Shaye’s life, the lives of my family members…
Yeah. Fuck talking.
Another ping.
Now.
My phone rings a second later. I clench my fists and round a corner to get out of sight.
I stab the Accept button because I know what’ll happen later if I don’t. “Hey.”
“You fucking fired him? Now? Are you insane?”
My eyes dart left and right. “Listen, now isn’t a good time to talk about this.”
“Why not?” I can see her hand on her hips, blue eyes narrowed, nostrils flared. “Is your best friend’s welfare not important to you anymore, either
? Is anything fucking important to you anymore? Because you’re drifting farther and farther away, and I have no idea how to pull you back!”
I grit my teeth and press my hand against my temple. “You don’t under—”
“Of course! That must be it! I just don’t get it!” Shaye’s voice rises about ten octaves. “You know what? I’ve tried to help you, Nico. I’ve tried to get you to talk to me, and you give me a little crumb here and there. Is that what this relationship is going to be from now on? You let me in the slightest bit and then shove me out the door again. Who the hell are you?”
“Listen,” I seethe. “You have to trust me. I’m trying to evade a fucking killer, to keep my business intact, to keep this whole family operational! And, oh, by the way, I’m trying to see if there are any fucking rats trying to sell me and my dad out! I’m sorry if I don’t always feel like talking about the shit I’m dealing with right now!”
“We’re supposed to be a team, Nico.” Her voice is no longer angry. It’s sad. And that’s something that makes my gut clench. I never want to see her upset. It’s my job to make sure she’s happy. And safe. And happy.
But I’m fucking failing…on all fronts. I don’t know who I am anymore, and I have to figure it out pretty fucking fast before I lose everything. There’s one person I can trust, and she’s stuck with me through all of this even though I’ve given her every reason to bolt.
“Babe, we are. I know every time you bring this up, you want to hear me say that things will be different, that we can go backward. But we can’t. Not yet.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.” I look around at the faces passing me by, wondering what their lives are like, wondering what their biggest fears and challenges are. Is someone hunting them, lurking in the shadows, angling to stick a gun to their temples and blow their fucking heads off? Fuck, is the money and all this power really worth it?
I feel like I ask myself that question a lot…more than I probably should, considering how I make my living. I wasn’t given the choice to do it any other way, and now as much as I hate to admit it, I’m scared. Scared to fail everyone. Scared to lose it all. Scared to lose myself in the process.
Screwing the Mob Page 27