by Kamisa Cole
“You look really good, Kash,” Alec whispered as he eyed me from head to toe, and I was glad about the jeans and shirt I’d pulled on.
Doing what he did, I gave him a once-over, my mouth watering. He wore dark jeans and a tight-fitting t-shirt, going barefoot. “So do you,” I replied, meaning it. My voice was raspy, and I told myself to get a grip. He gave me a beaming smile and then turned on his heel, entering a door right across from the staircase.
“Come on in,” he invited, and I somehow didn’t want to. It didn’t matter that Alec did indeed live here, I knew it wasn’t his place. Instead he shared it with what? Two guys and a girl? Or even three guys?
“No one’s home,” he stated self-consciously when he realized I’d stopped.
“Okay.” I forced a smile onto my lips and felt the need to push my sleeves up before burying my hands in my pockets. Awkward didn’t even cut it.
I had no idea where to go from there, even though I knew what I wanted to do. That involved Baby Boy pinned against the wall, my lips claiming his because, fuck, he was too tempting. For a few seconds there was silence, then we both started talking together.
“I was thinking…”
“Let’s go to dinner.”
We both laughed and when he rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, I almost reconsidered the dinner invitation I’d just uttered. I wanted to bite that bicep, feel it bulging whenever he drew me near, or simply shifted.
Alec groaned, the sound almost painful. “Don’t look at me like that, handsome,” he pleaded.
“Like what?”
He swallowed. “Like you want to devour me, but I have a feeling if I allow that, you’ll walk out afterward and then I’ll feel cheated out of time with you, so… Yeah, late lunch sounds good. I just need to finish getting dressed.”
I nodded and he marched away. For a second, I considered staying where I was, then I followed him, leaning against the doorframe. If I got the chance to see his room, I’d use it. And besides, I didn’t mind watching him getting ready. Maybe it would settle the nerves I was still feeling.
When I joined him, he was standing in the middle of the room, his back toward me, his fingers linked behind his head. “I’ll be right there,” he called loudly, as if he hadn’t expected me to follow.
“What you wear is fine, Baby Boy,” I assured him, and he winced.
The tip of his ears reddened when he turned back to me. “I hadn’t realized you followed me. I wasn’t prepared for guests.”
I glanced from him to the room and chuckled. It was obvious he hadn’t expected anyone in here, unless they were into messes. There were clothes strewn all over, sketches spread out on almost every available surface, and I swore I even saw a dildo peeking out from under the bed.
I filed that away for later and then grinned. “Clearly. Makes me wonder, didn’t expect to get me into bed today or didn’t want to?”
He threw up his arms, frustration obvious on his handsome face. “I’m trying to do this right. Hell, I’m nineteen. You should be the one trying to do this right, and I should be the one allowed to imagine you’d march me into my room and push me onto my bed. Instead, now I’m just wondering where we’ll be going and if I can find anything decent to wear because you are out of this world beautiful and I’m—”
Rambling, I thought, but I didn’t let him finish. Instead I crossed the two steps between us and drew him against me, finally claiming his lips the way I’d wanted to since the first time he’d surprised me with his kiss.
ALEC
His scent filled my mind, all male, spices, and a hint of sweet, as if he’d indulged in chocolate before coming here.
If Kash thought this kiss was going to calm me down, he was sorely mistaken. Instead I didn’t know where to put my hands, because I worried curling them into his shirt would ruin the pretty button down and using them to grab his hair would ruin the perfectly crafted mused look.
Before I even realized that I wasn’t actively taking part in the kiss, Kash had pulled back with a sigh, resting his forehead against mine. He swallowed, his breath having quickened, and mine hadn’t had a chance to calm down. I’d panicked the moment I’d realized that I had no plan beyond having Kash over.
“This is not going to work,” he whispered and then stepped back. I reached for his jacket—too late remembering I could’ve curled my fingers into those lapels without a problem and drew him back.
“Let’s try again. I’m all good now. See?” I nodded toward my hands. “Got a grip now.”
My terrible joke didn’t even make him try to smile. Instead he cupped my cheek, and I leaned into the touch. “Put on some shoes and we’ll try talking and all that before we consider kissing again,” he decided and then pulled from my grasp, leaving my room.
I sat on the bed, mostly because I couldn’t believe that Kash was ready to take me out to dinner and I was busy being mad at myself because I’d longed for this second kiss so bad, only to ruin it in the end.
“Get a grip, buddy. I’m serious. I need to do this. And I can. I know I can. Come on. It’s Kash.” And holy shit, he looked edible with his black button-down, the dark denims and his usual black jacket over it. I almost expected him to roll up the sleeves because it seemed to be his go-to look, but clearly he was also worried about ruining the shirt.
Again, I was stalling, and probably making Kash think I was reconsidering. Drawing the nearest pair of sneakers close, I searched around for a pair of socks. Sniffing them briefly I was glad to find them clean. As I finished getting ready, I wondered why I was suddenly so nervous.
On the phone with him Thursday night flirting had been easy. Hell, I’d been sure I had this in the bag, that I’d be the one being all calm and collected while he wasn’t. Granted, his stint on the stairs had been reassuring and adorable. There I’d trusted myself to stay cool, but then…
“I can leave if you’re having second thoughts,” Kash said from the doorway and I met his eyes. He looked as if he regretted coming, and it was my fault because I couldn’t get my head into this.
“It’s not you,” I assured him and then chuckled. “I know how that sounds, but I mean it. I know how to do that burger and fumbling thing, but I have a feeling you’re more the wine-and-dine guy and I should’ve thought about that before. I mean… I didn’t want to prove that you have a reason to call me Baby Boy, but right now I’m acting all—”
“Nervous, and it’s endearing. Grab a jacket. We’re going.” He held out his hand for me and I reached for the first jacket I could find, then placed my palm in his. “Breathe. You cannot disappoint me, okay?”
I was about to protest when he glanced at me again. “And to level the playing field… This is my first date ever. I only did hookups that somehow ended in something more or less permanent. So… I have no idea what I should be doing.”
I wanted to suggest ‘grab my dick’ but had a feeling it wouldn’t exactly sound convincing.
He rolled his eyes with a grin. “I have a feeling there’s a not so innocent comment right on the tip of your tongue,” he teased.
“You cannot know that.”
He chuckled. “I can. You had that wicked glint in your eye. If it makes you feel better, say it.”
Taking my first deep breath since he’d rang the doorbell, I finally smiled too. “Nah, I’m gonna keep all the great pickup lines for later, when you drop me off again,” I told him, and then bit my lip as he smiled and kissed the back of my hand. I wasn’t even sure he realized how endearing that gesture was, but I wouldn’t point it out to him.
As if we were both worried about the lift ride, we went straight for the stairs, still holding hands, both still smiling. The night air was cool against my heated skin and helped calm me even more. Maybe I could do this after all.
He unlocked his car and then held the door open for me. “I can do that myself. You know, I’m not like Cam, all gay. I’m a guy. I don’t need you to open the door for me.”
He just shrugged
, and I had a feeling he’d still be doing it whenever I wasn’t fast enough.
And maybe I wouldn’t be. Once he was behind the wheel and had started the car, I turned on the radio. I didn’t care what was playing as long as there was some noise in the background.
I didn’t ask where he was driving us to because I didn’t care, not as long as he was with me. “Do you mean it?” I asked quietly, not sure if he’d want to talk about his comment or not.
“Do I mean what?”
I longed to hold his hand again, but he had one on the wheel and the other one on his chin, his fingers occasionally stroking his lips. I wanted to lick along the seam, but then reminded myself that we were talking.
“Am I really the first guy you’re taking on a date?”
KASH
“You are,” I confirmed. And if things went the way my heart wanted them to, he’d also be the last guy I’d ever take out. “I just… I don’t know. I’ve always been into guys, just never into doing official relationship things. I mean… God, this is hard to explain.” I searched my mind for the right words, trying to figure out how to make it obvious that while I hadn’t been into dating so far, I was serious about him and me.
“Okay? Try. I’m sure I can keep up,” he teased and then reached for my hand on the wheel, just holding out his to make it obvious he wanted to touch me.
I shifted and placed my free hand there before taking his. “I honestly… I… Like… My team. I’m close with them, or so I would have said, but up until we started at DiverCity I didn’t know that we all were kinda in the same boat, and it isn’t because I don’t care about them, it’s just that…”
“You don’t let people get close and sharing things about their sexuality or yours is a big thing?” he suggested, and I weighed that option in my mind.
“To me it simply doesn’t matter what you are. Gay, straight, bi, nothing… It’s all the same. Like… One thing isn’t more special than the other, so really, I don’t think you need to go around defining things, you know? And… relationships… I didn’t think I’d ever want to have something deep, something serious, with another human being. I like hanging out, having sex, and occasionally sharing breakfast, but I don’t think I even know what a real relationship is really like.”
I bit my tongue then to stop the rest of my insecurities from tumbling out. Alec was quiet next to me, focused on his own thoughts, and I decided to let him hang onto them.
We were almost there anyway, and when he spotted a real American diner, still with its original Sixties decorations and everything, he started beaming.
“Kash, this… I… Thank God.”
I had considered taking him to a fancy place, but really, the way he’d been earlier, all nervous and stiff, had made me realize that I didn’t care where we went as long as he was going to relax.
I chuckled and he hopped out before I’d even fully stopped the car. “Try to not get hurt while out on a date with me, okay?” I called after getting out, and he beamed at me, his disheveled hair making me wish we’d stayed back at the apartment.
Then I reminded myself about how nervous he’d been and was glad we were here instead.
There’d be nothing worse than him deciding he didn’t want to be serious with me after all.
He was inside before I’d reached the door and I sighed. So much for me being a gentleman and holding it open for him. The inside was just as I recalled. It had been more than a year since I’d last been here, but the checkered tiles and mint colored booths hadn’t changed at all. Even the juke box still stood on the corner.
“Handsome… I haven’t seen you here in forever,” the waitress greeted me, and I arched a brow, trying to remember her. Alec watched her as his smile vanished, while I struggled to find words.
“Hi, yeah, I…”
She sighed. “You don’t remember me, do you? You’ve been in so often until you didn’t anymore, and… Well…” She smiled sadly. “I’m Sandy. Where do you wanna sit?”
She’d been flirting with me, and clearly I’d never reacted to it. It couldn’t be more obvious in both her tone and the disappointment on her face.
I reached for Alec, making sure she understood it wasn’t her. “I don’t know.” I drew him into my side. “Any preference, Baby Boy?” I kissed the side of his head as he shook it, and Sandy’s eyes lit up again.
“Wrong gender. That explains so much. And I just thought… Never mind. Come on.”
I smiled and then let Alec take the lead, enjoying the way the jeans hugged his ass. I had no idea what exactly we should be talking about now, but I hoped he would give me a clue.
After sitting down in a corner booth, he started to browse the menu, but when he didn’t make a decision after a few minutes, I bent it backward to look at him. “What?”
He licked his lips, his blue eyes meeting mine. “I don’t know. I… Jesus, Kash, I heard about how the guys visiting DiverCity look at you. Savage and Nyra keep joking about the puddles of drool outside the door, and I tell myself it doesn’t matter. I mean… Of course, you’re a wet dream. But… Now it’s not only guys I have to worry about, but girls too. And being jealous about all that makes me feel childish and young, and I don’t want to be either of that in your eyes. In fact, I…”
He shook his head and then took the menu from my hand to hide behind it again. Sandy stepped to our table. “So, you two, what will it be?”
“Fries, a burger, sauce on the side, and a coke,” I ordered. “Oh, and hold the onions.” Because I was going to kiss Alec if he’d allow it.
“Chicken sandwich, cheese fries, and a bacon burger,” Alec stated and then finally closed the menu. “Also, a strawberry shake.”
After the waitress left, silence spread between us and it was uncomfortable at best. “I can take you home, Alec. No hard feelings,” I whispered, meaning it. The last thing I wanted was to make him feel as if he had to be here with me. I’d just try to be his friend after all, get to know him better, and then, maybe a few months from now, I’d ask him out for real.
No ‘come over and we’ll see what happens’, but a real date.
“Do you want to take me home?” His voice was breaking, and it made my heart hurt.
I leaned forward and said, “No. I want to sit next to you in that booth so I can feel your body pressed up against mine while we eat, since you are the only thing I’m absolutely sure and positive about right now.”
ALEC
My heart jumped at his words. I longed to be close to him, but hadn’t dared to mention it because… I didn’t know.
I needed to talk to Cam, needed to hash all this out because I didn’t know what I was doing with someone like Kash. I hadn’t lied about Sav and Nyra and all they were saying. Even Gage had mentioned how many people asked about Kash and how it pissed him off. It seemed we had patrons coming in because Kash was at the door. I didn’t think it bothered me, but with the way Sandy had stared at Kash?
Every single thing I could be worried about suddenly swallowed me whole.
What if he did decide I was too young?
What if I was acting childish?
What if someone else was catching his attention and they were bigger and better and more… Just more?
Or what if someone walked up to him, grabbed him, and then kissed him senseless?
What if five years from now I suddenly thought I’d missed out on things and should’ve done what Kash suggested, finding my way before I dated him?
What if I was too young to reach for my forever?
What if I ruined things between us and lost him? I didn’t think I could bear that. We weren’t even together, seeing each other in a serious way, and already I couldn’t fathom not seeing him, not longing for him.
Suddenly he sat next to me, his body against mine the way he’d described it, and my chin between his fingers. “Breathe, Alec. What the hell got you in such a panic?” I hadn’t even realized I was gasping for air until he pointed it out, and I held my breath.
/>
“What if I lose you?” That was what it boiled down to, and that was when I had no claim or right to him.
He blinked; his brow furrowed in confusion. “Why should you?”
I felt his thumb caressing my bottom lip and it almost distracted me. “Because I’m just me.”
He lowered his lashes, hiding the amusement in his eyes, before shaking his head. “There’s nothing ‘just’ about you, Alec. You’re resilient, fun, sweet, and sexy as hell without wanting to be or having to try. No one has ever captured my attention the way you have just by existing. So maybe it’s time for you and me to lay our insecurities to rest and take this hour by hour, day by day?”
I nudged his nose with mine, brushing his mouth with mine. “Does that mean I can kiss you at the club now and tell people you’re mine?”
He smirked against my lips. “You really are jealous.”
I shrugged. “Depends.”
“On?”
“If I’m just crushing on you or dating. If I’m crushing, I’m jealous, and if I’m dating you… I’m possessive. What’s mine is mine.”
Kash’s lips drew into a small smirk. “You are adorable.” He leaned in and kissed my neck, biting my pulse point. “So. Freaking. Adorable, Alec.”
Suddenly I missed him calling me Baby Boy because that was his nickname for me, and nicknames meant intimacy, and—
His lips nibbled on my earlobe and my mind went blank. For me that was one of my trigger points. I always made sure people didn’t come too close to my ears because those basically got my dick hard within seconds, and damn, that could be awkward.
It worked just as well now.
“Kash,” I rasped out.
“Be possessive all you want,” he finally mumbled against my skin, and my brain needed a moment to catch up.
“Mine?” I asked in utter disbelief.
“Only if I can kiss you now and you’re not going to get all passive on me again…and if you want. We’ll see where this goes, right?” he replied.