by Malone, Nana
Zia…
It was a hug. Hugs were fine. And he clearly needed one.
Uh-huh. Then why do you feel like someone lit a sparkler in your vajayjay?
It was fine, I was totally going to ignore that. I held on for a second longer than I should have. That part of me that had wanted to love him was more than willing to forgive, but I had to be smart. I eased back. Theo didn’t look like he wanted to let go, but he did.
I led the way back into the hallway and one of the guards was waiting for us with an unfixed gaze. It was the standard blank, professional look they were supposed to have. See no evil, speak no evil.
As we were led to our temporary quarters in the palace, I told myself to keep my distance. It would be too easy to get pulled right back in, so I had to create distance. Otherwise I was going to be irrevocably broken.
But still, I couldn't get past the look on his face, the tightness around his mouth, or the way his brows pulled in. He was concerned about his mother.
Stay strong.
I opened the door to the suite we'd been given. And because we didn't know where Derrick was, we were still technically undercover. Sebastian had sent a team to the penthouse for our things. He'd also sent someone to Elena’s to inform her we’d be at the palace. God, I hoped she was okay. In the short time I'd gotten to know her, I'd gotten used to her robust manner. I liked her.
I was curious to know how she'd known Theo was Theo and not Derrick. She had raised him. She knew him inside and out. Of course, she knew that something was up with him. But to know that he was Theo? That meant she'd known about the twins, which was... God. Keeping family secrets like that was one hell of a burden.
When I opened the door, I went in first to double check that we were alone. Coming out of the two bedrooms, I then ushered Theo inside. "It's clear."
He gave me a terse nod.
"Are you okay?" I hated myself for asking that question. I hated myself for caring, but I could feel it, his tension. His turmoil.
"I guess for now. My mother is safe. Kyle is looking out for her. And Sebastian has offered some additional security coverage."
I frowned. "Sebastian sent a Royal Guard to guard your mother?"
Theo shook his head. "No, he sent a security company. Blake Security or something?"
My eyes went wide. "Oh." Blake Security were a bunch of badass dudes. I'd seen them in the palace once or twice for events. They were like the sexiest, baddest-asses I’d ever seen in my life. "They are really good at their job."
He eyed me quizzically. "You've heard of them?"
I nodded. "They've been here before. Your mother won’t even know they're there unless they want her too. They're discreet, and they will keep her protected."
Another terse nod.
Don't do it. Everything you know about him was a lie. None of it is real. Do not do this.
But I couldn't help it. He was hurting. Tentatively, I reached out to him and took his hand. "She'll be okay. They're going to protect her."
His gaze snapped down to where I touched him and then slowly shifted up to my face. His expression softened. His eyes, that intense silvery gray, stayed narrow though. I wanted to tell him that I was only offering comfort, but it was too late. I saw the look in his eyes.
"Zia—"
I shook my head. "Theo."
I reached for my handbag, but he was too fast and tugged me forward. "Zia, I miss you. I'm sorry."
I shook my head. "I can't talk to you about this. I cannot do this. Do you understand how pissed off Ariel is? She thinks my judgment is impaired. I’m on thin ice with her."
He nodded slowly, but he didn't release me. Instead, his thumb stroked slowly over my knuckles. "I know. I know this can't happen. I have a whole other life. And I lied to you."
I pursed my lips. "Yeah well, there's that."
He swallowed hard and wrapped his arms around me, locking me in place, forbidding me to move. Meanwhile, I hadn't actually moved a muscle. I just needed that intensity, that aura surrounding me. My body was not in charge here; his was. And God, I wanted him to be.
Stop being weak. Back away. Point out which room is his. Get to work.
But I couldn't move. I wanted to. I didn't want any of this.
Uh huh. Sure. Then why are your nipples hard?
He leaned his head down, and his forehead touched mine. I could do this. I could resist. I could ignore the pull. I could do a myriad of things. The problem was that I was doing none of them. I stood there in his arms as his scent and his heat wreaked havoc with my senses, making me want him even though I knew that he was a liar. Even though I knew he'd deceived me. Even though I knew I couldn't help it. I couldn't move away.
"Zia, I'm sorry."
His simple, soft-spoken apology cut me more deeply than anything else could have. Because it sounded sincere, and I knew I couldn't believe it.
"Theo, I can't. You didn't see the look on Ariel's face. I cannot do this with you. I'm so focused on you, I didn't do my job. I need to do it now."
"I know. I know. I just—all I want to do is hold you."
That sounded like a simple request. Holding me. Easy, right? There was nothing untoward about this.
That was my denial face. I couldn’t just hold him.
Oh God, I didn't even want him.
Liar.
I was a liar. I craved him.
But that wasn't the point. The point was he'd hurt me, and I wasn't going to do this again. I'd risked my job, my security. He was the first man who'd seen me. Really seen me. He let me be a badass but also went out of his way to help me.
Are you going to throw that away?
My goddamn subconscious was not helping right now.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know I don't deserve you forgiving me, but I never wanted to hurt you. I couldn't help how I feel."
His whispered words were everything I had ever wanted to hear. Everything I wanted to hear before I knew about Derrick and Theo. What he was saying was everything I needed, and a balm for my pain. The problem was I was getting this after the fact, and I didn't know if I could believe it.
Believe it. You know you want to. At least get your orgasm and then worry about not believing it later.
"I can't. I can't do this."
He nodded, but his forehead stayed pressed on mine. His thick lashes lay against his cheeks for a long moment as he closed his eyes. "I know, and I don't want to make things difficult. I just fucking miss you."
Goddamn it. I knew I needed to step away. My knees had turned to jelly, and the warm rush between my thighs told me I was weak, and I really, really wanted him.
Instead of stepping away though, I whimpered.
Theo's breath caught in his throat. And instead of letting me go, instead of releasing my hand, he tugged me closer, his hands sliding up my thighs, then my waist. His thumbs traced over my ribs. He licked his lips. "Zia, I'm trying to let you go. I'm trying to do the right thing."
"Then do it."
"For both of our sakes, I wish I could."
And then his lips were on mine, his tongue licking into my mouth, and God, it was as if molten lava were oozing out of me.
The kiss was mostly teeth and tongues, a clash of apologies and anger, and hurt.
Theo's hands were in my hair, angling me, kissing me deeper. I tugged futilely at his shirt. There were too many goddamn buttons. His hands tugged my blouse out of my skirt, and then he lifted the hem of the material. There were no words then. Just grunts, and whimpers, and moans. Before I knew what was going on, Theo had backed me up until the back of my knees hit the couch. And then we were falling down.
Oh God. This was bad. This was very, very bad... but oh, so good. Better than anything I had ever felt in my life, and I was coiling toward the pure bliss of it. His hands were on my thighs, sliding up. He still continued to kiss me, and there was an intensity, an urgency to his movements.
We were doing this.
We were going to fuck like rab
bits in the palace. And I knew I should care, knew I should have some kind of rational thought about this, but oh no, I just wrapped my legs around his back and tried to draw him closer.
He made this muffled laugh-growl against my lips, and his fingers found the edge of my panties. He shifted the elastic aside and then moaned against me. Without taking his lips from mine, he muttered against me. "Wet. Fuck." Those two words telling me just how far his brain had devolved into caveman territory.
And then he was sliding his fingers into me. Two of them. No preamble, no foreplay. Just finger fucking me. Sliding in and out of my wetness, my folds. And God, I loved every second of it. I didn't need the extras right now.
I was already so keen, so on-edge, and everything about this was wrong, and dirty, and so hot. I just need him closer. I needed more. I needed—
There was a loud banging at the door. Three sharp raps.
We both froze, our gazes snapping open. The color of his eyes shifted from that silvery liquid when he was turned on, to the stormy gray of agitation. I blinked rapidly as I tried to figure out what the hell I was doing. I cleared my throat. "Just a second."
He shifted his shoulders, and his brows snapped down. "What are you doing?"
"Answering the goddamn door. Take your fingers out of me."
We whispered back and forth to each other. He obliged, and then he blinked his eyes several times and shook his head. "Right."
He backed away and I watched as he discreetly adjusted himself.
I quickly righted myself, tucking my blouse back in as I jogged to the door and yanked it open.
Trace was on the other side.
If he noticed that it took us a moment to answer, he didn't say anything. "Hey, we're headed out in a minute. You're comms are out."
I glanced at the table where I'd set them when we first walked in. "Yeah. I hadn't put them in yet. I was just getting Theo settled."
His gaze flickered to Theo and back to me. His gaze narrowed at Theo imperceptibly, and he nodded. "Yeah. I'll see you at the north lot."
I nodded. "Are you okay?"
His lips pursed slightly. "Yeah. I'm good."
Everything about Trace’s posture said he was far from good. We'd both been caught up in whatever the hell was going on with Theo and his brother, and we both needed to see it through. I turned to Theo. "It's time to go."
"Right. We're not going to talk about what happened?"
I squared my shoulders. "There's nothing to talk about except that it can't happen again."
"Are you sure about that?"
"I’m not going to make any more stupid decisions.”
“Stupid decisions? Look, I know I hurt you. And I’m going to spend as much time as possible making that up to you. But this… we… aren’t a stupid decision. I feel it. You care about me the same way I care about you."
"You might think you know a lot about me, but I know nothing about you, so I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to jeopardize my future over something that snapped me up."
And then I strolled past him. I had to keep my legs closed around Theo Coleman. I wasn't going to screw up again.
8
Zia…
The sooner I could get out of Theo’s presence, the happier I’d be. But for the time being, I was stuck with him.
It also looks like you can’t keep your hands off of him.
It didn’t take long to get settled and when I walked out of my room, I found Theo in the sun washed living room with the balcony door open to the Rose Garden and a view of the ocean beyond the wall.
Theo ran his hand down his face as he leaned against the balcony windows. “That kiss, wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Even though he was right, I still rankled at him saying so and squared my shoulders. “You’ve got that right.”
He ran his hands through his hair. “We’re both stuck in this situation. And it isn’t your fault that I’m in a holding pattern. I just need to do something. I can’t just sit here and wait for my next crazy instructions. Derrick’s gone…again.”
I cracked my neck and tried desperately not to respond to the commanding baritone in his voice. “I don’t disagree, but there’s nothing to be done right now. We need a plan.”
“I have a plan.”
“Oh, do you? Because I’d say maybe you need to reevaluate your plan.”
He narrowed his gaze at me. Fine. Let him be pissed off. It would certainly match my mood. “I think I should go and speak to Elena. She’s the one who knows Derrick the best. Maybe she can shed light on where he’s gone.”
I frowned. Maybe I’d heard wrong. "You want to go where?"
He pushed away from the balcony door frame and sauntered over to me. I held my breath when I caught whiff of his cologne. I could not be weak. But his taste was still on my lips.
"I want to go see Elena. Right now, she's probably the only one who can give me answers."
I stared up at Theo. "Maybe I need to use kindergarten words with you. You see, we just left the penthouse. We don’t know if it’s safe or not. If Derrick was taken, then whoever took him might be watching the building. Returning would basically make you bait. And while I want to kill you. I get the impression some very bad people would like to rob me of that distinct pleasure."
Theo shook his head. "No. Not the penthouse. I checked the employee files. I know where she lives or at least where she goes on weekends and vacations. It's in the old city."
He was serious. He wanted to go looking for trouble. "Jesus Christ, Theo, you recognize that I'm trying to not lose my job, right?"
He nodded. "Yes, I get it. You're worried about your job. But I need to do this, so either you're coming or not."
The alarm on my wrist pinged. Shit. If things had gone according to plan, I was supposed to be relieved now. I was supposed to have accompanied Theo to the office, then headed into Royal Elite while Tamsin took over with Theo. Trace was supposed to be on Derrick while he recovered, but since he was gone, that was a moot point.
“You’re not going anywhere, Theo. Even if you don’t care if you live or die, I have to.”
There were two knocks on our suite door, then Trace walked. His gaze ping ponged between the two of us. “Everything okay in here?”
I tried to take a step back, by my ass hit the couch. Theo didn’t move. Just how close had we been standing.
Close enough that his scent lingered around me even though I’d created some space between us. “Trace, I’m supposed to be off shift right now. I don't know what Derrick’s disappearance does for rotation. Tamsin was supposed to relieve me at the office.”
He nodded. “It’s cool. The team knows we’re here and there’s no Derrick. Why don't you take off? I’ll watch Theo as I’m supposed to be on duty now anyway.”
I narrowed my gaze at Theo. “No funny business or crazy plans. Wait for the team to formulate something.”
He only crossed his arms and glowered at me.
I ignored him and spoke to Trace instead. “Call me back in if anything happens.”
“I got him. Don’t worry, I won’t lose this billionaire too.”
Theo threw up his hands. “Not a billionaire.”
But neither Trace nor I paid him any attention. I was getting the reprieve I wanted, and I was getting the hell out of dodge if even for a few hours. I needed space to think.
* * *
Theo…
Zia was angry. She had every right to be.
You fucked up your shit with that kiss.
I needed to get a handle on this. The sooner I knew what happened to Derrick the sooner I could get out of here. Maybe I could finally think if I didn’t have Zia’s scent all over me. Elena was my only lead. And instead of talking to her, I was expected to sit here and twiddle my fucking thumbs until someone could figure out where my fuckwit double went?
That was some bullshit.
“Am I a prisoner here?”
Trace shook his head. “Think of it like protective custo
dy.”
I crossed my arms. “Okay, you’re with me so I’m protected. Mind if we take a field trip?” I was totally asking Dad instead of Mom, but if it got me what I wanted, I didn't give a shit.
Trace shrugged. "Fine. No skin off my back. Zia will have my balls if I lose you though."
I shrugged. I hardly doubted Zia would give a fuck if something happened to me. That's what happens when you betray the woman you love. They have the right to stop giving a shit about you.
She didn't stop giving a shit about you. She needs time.
On the one hand, I understood that. Hell, I needed time after the shenanigans last night. But Zia walking away from me, backing off and shutting me out, it hurt. Even when I completely understood why.
Trace shrugged. "Fine. Let's go. I assume Zia told you no."
I nodded. "You guessed right. But you’re not going to tell me no."
Trace gave me a nod. “Nope, I’m not in love with you and hyper about your safety.”
I swallowed hard. “She doesn’t love me.”
Trace chuckled. “You’re an idiot. She’s just pissed off. For good reason.”
“Yeah, I got that loud and clear.”
But when we opened the door, someone unexpected was on the other side. "Alexi?" I recognized him from the basketball game. He was about my height, tousled dark hair, silver gray eyes.
He whistled low. "Yeah, well, Lex,” he corrected. “Christ, when Sebastian told me what was going on, I didn't believe him. But I suppose you could be either one of you and I wouldn't know."
I shrugged. "I'm Theo." I reached out to take his hand, and he shook it slowly.
"Ah, you're the one I liked."
I shook my head. "There's been a lot of that going on." I stepped back. "If you’re here to see him, you’re out of luck. He’s uh… unavailable."
Lex shook his head. "No, I was actually here to see you."
My brows lifted. "Really?"
He nodded. "Yeah. I was probably giving you more of a hard time than you deserved at the game, so I wanted to apologize. I mean, you know obviously Derrick is a bit of a prick, so a simple game came with baggage."