by J. S. Volpe
* * *
Two nights later Moe’s Tavern was packed. The two new barmaids Moe had hired to replace Illyana and Luornu were nearly dead on their feet as they rushed about trying to fill all the orders in a timely manner.
Moe smiled as he stood in his usual spot behind the bar and wiped out the used ale mugs. Business was booming, and the money was rolling in.
He suddenly remembered that he had to bring in more firewood from the shed next to the tavern, so he set down the mug and the rag, and made his way through the bar to the front door.
Along the way he passed several tables and overheard scraps of conversation.
“—need new clothes,” Merizen said at one table.
Across from her, Gaspard nodded and said, “We’ll get you some. Don’t worry. We might not have gotten that gold, but there are other riches out there. In fact I hear that Princess Zolastraya will be passing through town next week.”
“Ooh! She has the loveliest diamonds.”
“Yes, and I think I know how we can get them. If we pretend to be envoys from King Arbuthort we could—”
Then they were out of earshot. At the next table Lucifer Brown was saying, “—promise I will pay back Ms. Hecuba for her horse just as soon as I’ve made my fortune, which shouldn’t be too long now.”
“Oh, for galaxy’s sake, you never learn, do you?” Marcy said. “You were sure the gold in Ghost Gulch would be your ‘inevitable’ fortune, and that didn’t quite work out, did it?”
Lucifer shrugged. “It just means it wasn’t time yet, that’s all. And, hey, I’ve got one hell of an awesome chapter for my autobiography, don’t you think? ‘Chapter Sixteen: The Lost Treasure of Ghost Gulch.’ Maybe you can help me start writing it.”
Marcy groaned.
Moe next passed Mr. Sand and Mr. Stone’s table, where Mr. Stone was saying, “—bet you two glíands that Lieutenant Crabbe will be the new Chief Constable.”
“Oh, I doubt that,” said Mr. Sand. “I am putting my money on Lieutenant Cockbottom. He’s exactly the sort of obsequiant yes-man our wretched royals prefer in such positions of power.”
“Purple-blooded donkey-fornicators,” Mr. Stone growled into his ale.
“One day we shall find the means to topple them. One day—”
At the last table before the front door, Kirby sat across from a large man who bore an uncanny resemblance to Blunt except that instead of being bald he sported a red-brown buzz-cut.
“—never told me he had a brother,” Kirby was saying.
“Well, he told me all about you,” his companion said with the awed smile of a man finally getting the chance to meet his idol. “He said you were, like, the smartest guy in all of Glí.”
“Did he now?” Kirby said, his back straightening and his chest puffing out with pride. “Tell me, Blount, would you like to help me with a little scheme I’ve been working out?”
“Would I ever!”
And then Moe reached the front door. He stepped outside into the night and walked around to the shed on the west side of the tavern. As he pulled his keys from his pocket, two figures stepped out from behind the shed.
Moe started to reach for the dagger he carried on his belt, then saw that it was Illyana and Luornu. He grunted to himself. No doubt they were here to ask for their old jobs back, just as he had been expecting. Well, too bad. Their positions had been filled.
“Hey, girls,” he said coolly.
“Hey, Moe,” Illyana said.
“What can I do for you?”
Illyana licked her lips. “Remember all that stuff I said last time I saw you, about someone coming at you with a knife to get your coin-purse?”
“Uh-huh.” He suppressed an urge to roll his eyes. If she were hoping to soften him up with an apology for the mean things she had said, she was completely mistaken. She could apologize till her lips were numb, but it wouldn’t help her get her job back.
“Well, I was wrong,” she said.
“Uh-huh.”
“Yeah. Turns out it wasn’t knives after all. It was guns.”
She and Luornu whipped out semiautomatic pistols and thrust them into Moe’s shocked face.
“Now hand over that pouch, fatboy!” Illyana snarled.