by Pratt, Lulu
“Why? Where are you going?”
“Wherever my bike leads me.”
She put her hands on the table. “So that’s it? You’re just going to up and leave? I thought that as you had contacted me that you were interested in staying around for a while.”
“I never promised you anything, Lindsey.”
Her face turned sour. “What the fuck do you plan on finding when you get to the next town? Huh? Why can’t you settle down in one place?”
“It’s not what I want.”
“I think you’re scared.”
I chuckled and looked away. “I’m not scared.”
“I think you are. You’re afraid of giving someone a piece of your heart. You’re afraid that if you let someone in, they might hurt you. Haven’t you ever heard the term it’s better to have loved and lost—”
“I’m not a cliché! I know exactly what I want!”
Lindsey froze for a moment before storming off to the restroom. It wasn’t her fault I couldn’t find what truly made me happy. And, in a way, she was right. I was afraid of it.
After a few minutes, she returned. Her eyes puffy.
“Sorry,” I said.
“I know I’m not her,” she said, still looking out over the water next to the patio.
I felt my humility crumble to the ground. “Her?”
“Naomi? Is that her name?”
I lowered my head.
“I thought so. I don’t pretend to be oblivious to the fact that you’ve been thinking of her all evening. I know you’ve been looking for her.”
It was true. I’d searched high and low for her, going to different bars, restaurants, grocery stores, anywhere and everywhere in the hopes of running into her.
Lindsey shook her head, taking a sip of wine before continuing. “I don’t know who this woman is, but she must have been someone spectacular. I wish I could give you whatever she did, but I know I can’t. The one thing I can do is be here for you, be your companion, listen to you when you want to talk. Stop running off, Devlin. Let me take care of you.”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”
“I know you don’t. But you can let me. Give me a reason to get up in the morning. I don’t have anyone else in my life. You know that. Will you go with me to the beach party? Please?”
As much as I wanted to turn her down, I nodded and tipped my drink back.
“Good. You won’t regret it. You’ll have fun. I’ll make sure of it,” she smiled. “Anyway, it looks like I won’t be admiring a ceiling over your shoulder tonight, so I’ve already arranged an Uber to pick me up.”
“So, you’re sticking me with the bill?” I said with a smile.
“It’s the least you can do.” Lindsey stood and kissed me on the cheek. “See you in a couple of days.”
CHAPTER 5
Naomi
“SO, WHAT DO you think?” Mia pranced out of the bedroom, wearing a white bikini with a sarong wrapped around her waist.
I looked up from the couch and smiled. Her naturally dark skin was always flawless, making the white material stand out.
I whistled as she turned around, popping her arms up into the air. “Very nice,” I said. “Is it new?”
“It is. I bought it yesterday and I love it.”
“It looks amazing on you.”
“I was hoping. I’m trying to get Katie’s attention at the beach party.”
“She’s still not returning your calls?”
“No. I don’t know what her deal is,” Mia said softly.
“I thought for sure you two would have hit it off. You are so good together.”
“Tell her that. Anyway, what are you wearing?”
“I haven’t thought about it.”
“Well, you had better. It’s tomorrow. You aren’t going in last year’s suit. I won’t allow it.”
“I don’t know if I’m even going,” I sighed.
“What?” Mia’s eyes grew wide. “You have to go. You can’t miss the Labor Day beach party. It’s the big blowout at the end of summer before everything changes, and the beaches get shut down for the season. We go every year.”
“I don’t know. I’m just not feeling the best lately.”
“That’s an understatement. What’s wrong with you?” She plopped down next to me on the couch.
“I think it’s the ‘flu or something. I don’t know. I haven’t been very hungry and everything I do eat I want to throw back up again.”
She put her hand on my forehead and cocked her head. “You don’t feel warm. Maybe it’s something you ate.”
“Maybe,” I glanced at the trash can in the kitchen where I threw the pregnancy test away in hopes of no one finding it. The two tiny blue lines were still seared into my mind.
“Well, maybe getting out of the house and actually doing something fun will do you good. Say it with me, girl. Alcohol.”
“Maybe.”
“Come on. You haven’t done much in the last few months.”
“I know. I’ve been—”
“Don’t give me the I’ve been busy bit. You haven’t been that busy. You’re not even back at work yet.”
I didn’t have an argument. She had me.
“Naomi, I can’t pretend I haven’t noticed a change in you. I don’t know what’s up, but you really need to snap out of it. You seem, I don’t know, depressed.”
“What do you mean? I’m not depressed,” I sat up straight and held my chin up in a futile attempt to ward off any proof. “How have I changed?”
“Oh, gee. I don’t know. Seems like ever since the Fourth of July carnival you’ve been wallowing in your own private bubble. I believe I could say that Devlin had something to do with it.”
I felt a nauseous feeling crash over me, and I closed my eyes. “I was so stupid to go off with him that night.”
“No, you weren’t. What you were stupid about was falling for him.”
“I didn’t fall for him,” I scoffed, crunching my eyebrows together.
“You’re lying. You said it was the best sex of your life. Was there more to it than just that? You were only supposed to screw him for a good time and then pat on that nice ass of his to send him on his way. ”
“I… tried.”
“I know. Instead, he got into your head and changed you somehow.”
I looked at her wanting to tell her everything but not knowing how.
“I’m sorry you weren’t able to find him again, Naomi. But, I think it’s for the best. He probably would have broken your heart. It’s not like he’s the kind of guy to stick around, ya know? Hell, he’s probably five states away by now.”
“Yeah.” Tears welled up in my eyes, and I pushed the covers off my legs to get away before the waterworks began again.
“Naomi,” she called after me. “What’s wrong?”
I ran into the bathroom and locked the door. “I’ll be out in a minute,” I choked.
“It’s something more than Devlin and that night, isn’t it?”
I let the water run out of the faucet, the cold water smoothing my hands. The image I saw looking back at me in the mirror wasn’t the woman I knew. I wasn’t familiar with the pregnant eyes looking back. “How did I get here?” I asked the reflection in a whisper. “What do I do now?”
I cupped my hand and let the water pool up before bringing it to my mouth. The cold water running down into my stomach felt good. I covered my face with my hands and let the coldness battle the heat from my cheeks.
Truth was I have always wanted a child, a family of my own to care for, but I didn’t want to do it alone. This moment was supposed to be shared happily with the man I was in love with, the man I had married, the man I wanted to grow old with. Nausea hit my stomach again, and I pooled the water into my hands once more, bringing it to my mouth. Unfortunately, all the sips in the world would have done nothing that time, and I emptied what I had in my stomach into the toilet.
A soft knock on the door was followed by Mia�
��s tender voice. “Are you okay, Naomi? Can I get you anything?”
Devlin would be nice, I thought. I wondered how he would have reacted to my news. A drifter on his way through town being stopped by the likes of me and his unexpected offspring. What would he have done? I scoffed and shook my head at the thought. I would have been raising this child on my own regardless if he knew or not. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t find him.
I leaned against the bathroom wall and smiled at the memories of that night. He touched me with such passion, a feeling I had never known. He was so tender yet so dominant. I closed my eyes and relived the way he’d made love to me. I had fantasized about that night over and over again, wishing I could have seen him again. I never regretted my night with him, but I wondered how different things would have been if I had been a little smarter about it. I was like a sex-starved maniac only caring about the act itself and how amazing he was. I didn’t bother getting his phone number or last name. I didn’t bother about protection. And there I sat pregnant, single and with no way of contacting him.
I began to laugh.
“Naomi?” Mia knocked on the door again. She rattled the doorknob. “Open the door. Is there a demon in there possessing you or something?”
“No. I’m just realizing how comical my life is right now.”
“Yeah. Really funny in a boring, stay-at-home sort of way,” she replied.
If she only knew.
“You’re going to that beach party with us. I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I opened the door with a smile on my face and nodded. “Yes, I am.”
After a full day of shopping for the right swimsuit and cover-up, Camilla, Mia and I went to dinner. We feasted on everything we shouldn’t have, and when I chose water with lemon over their mai tais and Long Island iced teas, that warranted a curious look from Mia.
“I’m still not feeling the best,” I defended. “And you know I rarely drink.”
“Oh, yeah. The way you polished off your dinner I can see that. You’re totally under the weather.”
“I… was hungry. At least I got my appetite back. I guess the ‘flu is over after all.”
“Who puts syrup on steak, anyway?” asked Camilla. “Even the waitress looked at you weird when you asked for it.”
“I’m trying new things. I saw it on Pinterest. It’s actually pretty good. You should try it.”
“I’m good, thanks.”
She glanced at my plate with just a bit of the evidence of my odd cravings and frowned.
I didn’t know how long I could keep my pregnancy from them. I knew I had to tell them sooner or later. More added stress.
I awoke the next morning to a beautiful day — Labor Day — and I still hadn’t told anyone about my situation. I looked in the mirror at my stomach after I put on my new suit. I didn’t look any different, but I sure did feel different. Luckily, the nausea had subsided, and I was finally feeling upbeat. I wanted to have a good time at the beach, and I had decided to make the best of the situation. I was going to have this baby and raise it the best I knew how. I had my best friends by my side, and my mom was only a phone call away. I decided to tell them after the party was over if they weren’t too drunk to comprehend it all.
I was putting the iced tea I was planning on drinking next to my beach bag that was already full of all the necessities of a day at the beach when I hear a knock at my front door. I took a big breath, and walked across the room, opened the door, and smiled. Mia and Camilla waltzed in parading around in their perfect swimsuits with their perfect bodies. All the while, there I was feeling defective. I slid my hand over my stomach and tried to join in on their happiness.
“Looks like you are ready for the day,” Mia said.
“I am. I can’t wait to get to the beach.”
She eyed me curiously before saying, “Let’s get this party started.”
I grabbed my beach bag and followed them out the door.
By the time we had got there, a line of grills were smoking and loaded with every kind of meat one could imagine. A few guys we hung out with were busy flipping burgers with a spatula in one hand and a beer in the other and hitting on every pretty girl who passed them by.
“Hey, ladies,” one of them called out. He held his beer up and smiled. “Lookin’ good.”
“Hey, Jamie,” Camilla cooed.
“God, some things never change,” Mia scoffed.
“Let’s hope not.” Camilla had her eyes glued on him as she slowly turned around walking beside us.
We found a spot near some other friends playing frisbee, and Camilla threw her things down and ran up to them. “I’ll play!” She was never one to hold back from the fun.
I laid my beach blanket down and pulled the sun lotion out of my bag. Mia sat next to me and cracked open a fruity drink from her cooler.
“This is nice,” she said. “I’m glad you decided to come with us.”
“Like I had a choice?”
She giggled and held her drink up. “Touché. I’m your best friend. I wasn’t going to let you stay at home and sulk over whatever you are still sulking over. What kind of friend does that? Now, where’s your drink?”
“I’ll get one. I’m not ready yet.”
I covered myself with sun lotion and took my time rubbing it in before laying back. I still had my cover-up on for fear of too much sun on the baby. I didn’t know all the rules yet, and maybe I was being overly cautious, but I didn’t care.
I closed my eyes and listened to everyone around me.
Mia interrupted my thoughts of the baby. “Some of the guys are going to the other side of the reefs to do some scuba diving. Wanna go?”
“Sure. That sounds fun. Is the water warm enough to dive down to the reefs?”
“They said it is. They have extra suits if we need them. It’s worth the walk anyway. There are a bunch of people over there already.”
Mia grabbed an extra drink, and we motioned for Camilla to join us.
“I’m going to stay and play some more,” she yelled back while secretly pointed to one of the other players who looked damned good shirtless.
Mia’s mouth dropped open, and she giggled. “Let me know how it is.”
“She’s hopeless,” I said, shaking my head.
“Agreed. Come on. Let’s get over there,” Mia grabbed my hand, and we ran along the shoreline until we reached the reefs. There were more people on the beach there than there were at the other one.
I took a sip of my drink and looked around. Mia gasped, and I snapped my head to her. She quickly looked at me with wide eyes grabbing my hand.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she blurted. “I’m just excited to scuba dive.”
“You’re acting weird. What gives?”
“Come on,” she jerked me in her direction and led me to the edge of a rock where some of the guys were jumping off into the water with scuba suits on.
“What is it with you?” I asked, fumbling along behind her. “You haven’t left my side from the moment we got here.”
“I just want to have fun with you. Is that a crime?”
“I’m beginning to think it should be.”
“You’ll be going back to work when school starts,” she said, barely looking at me. “This might be our last big party together.”
“I’m going back to work, not going off to war,” I turned to look behind me since that was where she seemed to give all of her attention, but she pulled me forward when I tried.
“Come on.”
I gave up trying to figure her out and chalked it up to lust for some guy — or girl in her case — in the crowd. We stood on top of the large rock and looked down into the deep blue water. I pretended to be interested in what was going on below all the while keeping my eye on Mia.
She kept looking behind us as if she was trying to keep an eye on someone. Then my curiosity got the best of me.
“Mia? Are you scoping someone out?” I turned and looked at a group
of people.
She sighed and took my hand. “No, but you should be,” her voice calm, and she looked at me almost with a sympathetic look. She pulled me off the rock and to the crowd. When we got our feet into the sand, I yanked my hand back and stared at her.
“What is wrong with you?” I demanded.
“I’m trying to show you.”
“No. Just tell me. First, you want me to go scuba diving, then you try to pull me away. You haven’t left my side all day. Are you feeling okay?”
“I wanted to be sure before I showed you. Just come with me. It will all make sense in just a few moments.” She grabbed my hand again and led me in the same direction.
“What will make sense?”
We walked up to the group of people, and she nudged a couple of them out of the way. “Excuse me,” she said. “We need to get in here.”
“Mia,” I whispered sharply. “What are you doing?”
She pulled me around from behind her and pushed me to the middle until I was face to face with Devlin. The chatter died down, and he looked at me with wide eyes.
I could only stare back.
“Naomi? What are you doing here?” He was as surprised to see me as I was of him.
How was this possible? He was supposed to be at least five states away. Fear struck me, and I froze. When I managed to move, I looked at Mia and the big grin on her face. She quickly lost the grin and looked pissed.
“Mia? What the hell?” I whispered.
She leaned into me, her mouth close to my ear, and she whispered to me. “I know your secret, Naomi. Don’t keep it from him like you kept it from me.” She stood up straight and glared at me.
All my energy left my body and dumped onto the sand. “You knew?”
She cocked her head to the side.
“I’m sorry, Mia. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I was going to tell you tonight.”
She shook her head, looked at Devlin, and walked away from me, leaving me in the middle of a bunch of people I didn’t know.
Her words struck me like a knife in the stomach, and I wrapped my arms around my waist. I felt light-headed pushing it away with a few deep breaths.
“Are you okay?” Devlin put his hands on my arms and leaned down to me.