by S. L. Scott
“I am.” She moves to get up. “Is the nearest bathroom in the house?”
“Just through the office in the corner over there. Sorry, it’s small.”
“No worries. I’ll be right back.”
I lay there, my chest burning. Putting my arm across my forehead, I stare up past the netting and through the glass, the moon seeming bigger and brighter than usual. My mind drifts to the woman I just made love to, curious if we can move beyond this night. The door opens and I look over, watching her, wanting us to be more than tonight, wanting it more than I have ever wanted anything else.
When she returns, she crawls under the covers and I take my turn in the bathroom. I come back and start turning out the candles.
She takes one and looks at it. “It’s battery-operated. That’s cool.”
“Can’t have the greenhouse filling with smoke.”
“Clever.”
“Not my idea, but I’ll let Cynthia know.”
She laughs lightly, then says, “Let’s go to bed.”
After I turn off the last candle, we lay in the dark, letting our eyes adjust. Lying on our backs, we look up as moonlight fills the greenhouse. “We should have made love with just the moon above.” Cuddling into my side, she closes her eyes.
Whispering, I say, “Keep your eyes open just a few minutes longer.”
She readjusts and looks up. As if on command, the first one lights up on her side of the bed. Sitting up abruptly, she says, “Are those fireflies?”
“They are. Lay back with me.”
Slowly, she lays back down and smiles. “It’s magic. Butterflies and fireflies. You gave me magic, Dex. It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen.”
“You deserve romance and more. I’ll give you everything I can because you gave me a reason to live. You gave me life.” Rolling onto my side, I run my hand over her arm. “I never thanked you properly for saving me.”
“I didn’t save you, Dex. I think you might have saved me though. You fill my heart where a hole used to exist. Expecting more would be greedy.”
Caressing her cheek, I lean forward. “I like you greedy… and horny.” I slide my hand between her legs and her eyes look up to meet mine as a small, devious expression appears.
“Let’s be greedy and horny together.”
Under the moon, in a house made of glass, we make love slow and gentle, taking our time, frivolous in the knowledge of having a forever together.
When I wake up in the morning, I open my eyes, and see the love of my life asleep next to me. An orange, black, and white butterfly sits on her temple, slowly opening and closing its wings. Both of them true beauty personified. I take a mental picture since I know it will fly away if I move.
Cautiously, I put my finger to her temple and the butterfly moves onto my finger. When I lift it up, it flies around the enclosure of the mosquito netting before finally settling on the sheer fabric.
“A fairytale,” she whispers and I look over before following her gaze up. The outside of the netting is covered in butterflies of all different sizes and colors. Rochelle kisses me on the cheek and says, “Enchanting.”
I kiss her hand, letting my tongue taste her sweetness. “Like you, my love. Good morning.”
“Good morning.”
“We should go soon. We have a long drive back.”
“Can’t we stay forever?” Although I know it’s rhetorical, the way she asks makes me want to make her dreams come true.
“I promise you, I’ll fill your life with magic.”
“I don’t need magic, Dex. I just need you.”
Dex has been quiet for a large portion of the trip. “What’s on your mind?” I risk breaking the silence just to hear his voice again.
He glances over while sliding his hand from my thigh to my knee and giving it a little squeeze. “Sorry.” He smiles. It’s small, but thoughtful. “I didn’t mean to be so quiet. Just lost in my head. The will stuff and Gage. My mom.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Dex has a way of confessing with such honesty. He’s direct and sometimes it catches me by surprise. With his eyes back on the road, he says, “Gage isn’t my brother by blood. My mom told me the night before the will was read. Gage found out during the reading and they made him leave the room.”
Not sure what to say, I blurt, “I’m sorry.” I have no idea if that’s appropriate in this situation or not.
“He’s an asshole for sure, but he’s kind of always been my asshole of a brother. Know what I mean?”
I nod.
He continues, “I’m just not sure where this leaves us. He screwed me over before and now he’s just lecherous since his wife left him. His life is unraveling and he’s the one pulling the string. I’m not sure what to think about things.”
“It’s a lot to take in. You need time to process.”
“Yeah maybe.” He nods this time, then exhales heavily. “Thanks for being here.”
“Thanks again for inviting me.”
Changing the subject, he smiles and an excitement comes over him. “So there’s this spot I want to take you to. It’s a little off the beaten path, but we’ll only lose a few minutes in drive time. Is it okay if we go?”
I can’t deny him this happiness. “I’d like that.”
We veer from the highway and travel about ten minutes, then down a secluded road near a house perched on the hillside. He stops the car and parks on the dirt shoulder just in case any traffic comes. He takes the top of the car down and I sit up on the edge of the door and look out at the ocean that stretches the entire expanse of the horizon before us. The sun is still high since it’s before noon, but I imagine the sunsets here are incredible. “It’s amazing here.”
Moving around the car, Dex comes to my side and faces me. “You’re more amazing.”
“Charmer.”
“I’m not charming you. I’m just telling the truth.” He leans forward and kisses me.
I pull him closer, loving the freedom I feel here in the open to love him.
With an eager expression, he asks, “Wanna do it?”
I burst out laughing. “Sure. Let’s do it,” I say, teasing him while poking him in the ribs. When I see he’s not joking, surprise takes over my face. “You’re serious right now?”
“Dead.”
“Don’t say dead.”
His expression softens. “Yes, I’m serious. I want you.” He slides his hands up my thighs, stopping on my hips.
Looking around, expecting to find an audience, I say, “We can’t. This is like someone’s property or something. We could get busted and arrested. I can’t be arrested, Dex.”
“It’s mine.”
“What’s yours?”
“It’s my property. All the way from the main road down this private street, which is technically a drive.” He points to the house. “I own that house too. And right down there,” he says, pointing further down the drive. “I’m going to build a house with a wall of windows overlooking the ocean. Right there on the side of that cliff.”
My mouth must be hanging open because he adds, “Nobody other than my lawyer knows I own this property, but I wanted you to know. I’ve imagined bringing you here many times, an escape from the rest of the world. The boys can hike the cliffs with me and explore the beach. I don’t know, just seems kind of idyllic.”
Moving my fingers through his hair, I kiss the side of his lips, lingering a moment before I say, “It is idyllic.”
With a mischievous look in his eyes, he asks, “So we can do it then?”
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I whisper, “C’mon, handsome. No time like the present.” I slip back into the seat and he hops the door and falls into the backseat.
His hands go behind his head and he smirks. “I want you on top.”
“God, you’re so demanding.”
“Say that again.”
I laugh as I’m climbing into the backseat. “You’re so demanding.”
“N
o, the other part.”
Tilting my head, it’s my turn to smirk. “God?”
His smile widens and he nods so arrogantly and so fucking sexily. “You’re so bad.”
“I think you should punish me over and over again by sitting right about… are you wearing underwear?”
Adjusting on top of him, I sit, looking down. “Yeeeesss, of course.”
“I don’t approve of that at all.”
I roll my eyes. “I think you’ll survive. After all, it is me wearing them, not you.”
“I want them off.” He lifts up and I stand the best I can, allowing him room. He undoes his pants and slides his jeans down… he has no worries of underwear since he’s not wearing any.
Lifting my flowy skirt, I reach under and slip off my panties…
Dex is fast with the condom, but slow with his kisses and caresses. At one point, he sits up with me on his lap, our bodies joined together. His gentle rocks and thrusts are not hurried, but slow and languid, building my inner desire, twisting my insides until I come, squeezing him in the process.
With his lips pressed to my neck, he opens his mouth and his teeth scrape lightly while he holds me tight. A couple more thrusts and his body tenses as moans fill the open air around us—his and mine together.
When normally our bodies are allowed to go slack, relaxing in the aftermath of the euphoria, Dex holds me closer and kisses me with the passion most give before sex. I relish it, taking his passion and absorbing his heat. The moment is intense like he is and though our declarations have been spoken aloud, I feel his love filling my soul.
I pull back, wanting to see his eyes. When he opens them, he looks at me just as curiously as I look at him. “What?” he asks.
“You love me,” I respond.
“Yes, I do, but you know that.”
“No. I’ve heard you say it, but…” I know I must sound insane right now, but I say it anyway. “It’s different. I feel it.”
“Good.” He smiles—gentle and satisfied. “Love is not for the ears, but for the heart.”
I shouldn’t cry. I really shouldn’t, but I feel his love. I feel amazingly lucky and happy. The tears come from a place of joy and I don’t bother to hide them. He readjusts back down and I come with him, resting on his chest. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
His hand slides under the back of my shirt and rubs, the touch is warming and comforting. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because I heard you say it and I’ve seen it in your eyes, but I never allowed myself to feel it until now.”
With my ear pressed to his chest, I hear his breathing and heart beating just as he whispers, “I love you, Rochelle.”
“I love you too.”
We get back to LA just after the kids arrive home from school. When we walk in, my boys run to me. It was only one night away, but I missed them just as much. In a three person hug huddle, I rest on my knees so I can fully embrace my sweet boys. But then I feel a nudging. Out of the corner of my eye, I spy CJ’s arm around Dex’s leg, including him in our group hug. I wrap my arm around his leg too until my hand holds my youngest as well. Dex takes all of us in when he spans his arms around our small family. And there we stay for a minute or two.
When we stand up, I give my boys more kisses, then meet Beth’s eyes. She has a wide grin on her face and I realize she’s a witness to the start of something new, the start of something that feels like it could become a constant, something permanent. “Welcome home,” she says. “Did you have a nice time?”
“I did. Thank you for coming on such short notice.”
Her eyes glance to Dex before coming back to me. “No problem. I love spending extra time with the boys. They were great. Right, guys?”
Neil laughs, obviously not telling the whole truth. “Yep, we were super good for Beth.”
CJ’s face is serious when he says, “I only got sent to time-out two times, Mama. Only two.”
Trying to stifle my own laugh, I say, “Well done, buddy. Maybe next time, you won’t go at all.”
“I try harder.”
“That’s my boy.”
Neil asks Dex, “I’ve been working on some new beats. Can I show you?”
Dex seems surprised. “Yeah, absolutely.”
Neil takes his hand and drags him through the living room and down the hall to his room. CJ announces that he’s hungry and disappears into the kitchen looking for a snack. Beth remains, smiling at me. That smile that says she knows that I not only had sex but that I’m obviously head over heels for Dex. I don’t even have a chance to say anything before she says, “Wow, that must have been some night.”
Sitting down on the couch, I play dumb. “What?” I shrug. “He needed a friend to talk to. I’m glad I could be there for him.”
“You mean in the friends with benefit kind of way?”
“Not everything has to end in sex, you know.”
She crosses her arms and looks at me incredulously. “Really? You’re gonna pretend like nothing happened between you two?”
“Who says I’m pretending anything?”
Pointing at me, her finger swirls in the air. “Then explain that hickey that’s forming on the right side of your neck?”
“Uh!” I gasp, jumping up to see in the mirror.
“You totally just gave yourself away. There’s no hickey.”
“You play dirty, Beth.”
“Eh, it’s a gift really.” She walks to the kitchen door and says, “But I want you to stop trying to hide the obvious and accept whatever you’ve got going on with Dex. It’s making you all sunshiny and shit and you look good happy.”
I roll my eyes, but smile after. “Sunshiny and shit? Nice.”
“I’m just telling you the truth.”
“I’m really liking all the truths I’ve been getting lately.”
With a loud laugh, she goes into the kitchen leaving me there with my own thoughts on the matter. A hand touches my shoulder making me jump a few moments later. Beth says, “I’m gonna go.” She takes her purse and backpack from the floor near my feet and adds, “Call me if you need me.”
“Thank you for being here. I know the boys love spending time with you.” I stand and walk her to the door. “So tomorrow after school?”
“I’ll be here,” she replies walking down the steps and to the gate.
I close the door and lean my back on it, wondering how long Dex and I can really hide our relationship from the outside world when apparently everything about me is oozing it. But just thinking about the word ‘oozing’ makes the smile disappear and makes me want to take a shower.
CJ walks out with a PB & J and we join Neil and Dex in his room. Sitting on the floor, CJ makes himself at home on my lap and I wrap my arms around him, holding him close. Neil and Dex have an interesting dynamic. There’s a mutual respect for each other that is heard through the way they talk to each other and their patience. Maybe I’m witnessing the beginning of a friendship, the start of a bond that can last. I hope so.
Dex shows Neil one more beat that he’s been working on then says, “I’ll send you a demo of it. I want you to practice it until you’ve nailed it. Then you’re gonna play it for me on my drums. Okay?”
Neil excitedly agrees.
CJ gets up when he’s done eating and says, “I want to learn too.”
Dex, who’s on his knees bends down until he’s eye-level with him and smiles. “You still have the sticks I gave you?”
“Yep.”
“Then how about I get you a drum pad too? Would you like that, CJ?”
CJ turns to me and says, “I gonna be like Dex and Neil, Mama.”
I nod, but in that moment, the walls waver around me. Using the wall to help steady myself, I feel my way up and hurry out. I tug the back door open abruptly and run outside. My lungs feel lighter the second I inhale the fresh air. Closing my eyes, I raise my chin to the sky and breathe slowly.
“I know how hard it is to ask for help,” Dex says, his voice quieter than
normal, controlled. Turning to look over my shoulder, I see him standing in the doorway. He continues, “I think you need to talk to someone, Rochelle. Someone who can help with these attacks.”
“I just wanted fresh air. That’s all.” I shrug, but I can tell he doesn’t believe me.
“You’re in denial.”
Turning my whole body around now, I feel my defenses growing. “About what?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“That back there with your sons, with Cory’s sons.” He steps closer and his voice gets even quieter. I assume so the boys don’t hear. “I’m not gonna replace him.”
“They want to be drummers.”
“They aren’t him.”
I raise my voice though I don’t mean to yell. “They’d be playing guitar if he was here.”
Despite my emotions, his voice is soothing. “They still can because you’re here to teach them.”
A lump forms in my throat making it hard to swallow.
I’m face to face with him now, his hands holding my arms gently as they slide down until my hands are taken by his. He says, “Every time I see the excitement for music in Neil’s eyes, I see Cory again. When I look at CJ’s face, I see Cory. And they both have this kindness about them that they get from you. You both made them who they are, shaped them in features and personality. I won’t let them forget who their father was, but if I can help them, I want to, if you’ll let me.”
Looking down between us, I sniffle. When I look into his caring eyes, I say, “You’re a good man, Dex Caggiano. Not many men would want to take on two crazy kids and their even crazier mom.”
“You’re not crazy, Rochelle, but I do think you’ve never allowed yourself to grieve the way you should. Let your friends and family be here for you now.”
I hug him and when his arms wrap around me, I close my eyes and take in his scent. Just like always with him, I feel my body calming.
“Hello.” We move apart quickly when we hear Janice.
Pushing the hair out of my face, I say, “Hi, how are you?” I’m too rushed, feeling guilty. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Hi Dex,” she says, her smile not quite tight, but not welcoming either. She holds out a casserole dish. “I brought homemade spinach lasagna. I made an extra for you and the boys.”