by Toni Aleo
Because she was crazy.
Why did it matter? Who cared what he thought?
She did, which was sad all in itself.
Fallon rolled her eyes and slid her feet into her yellow flannel Kate Spade flats. She went to her closet, grabbing a bag that matched her shoes before transferring everything over. Once she was ready, she slowly walked out her room, passing by the bathroom where the shower was running. Audrey was up late this morning, which was surprising. Audrey was always up early.
Fallon shrugged her shoulders as she went down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, she looked up to see that Aiden’s last show was about to end. Her heart started to pick up when she thought about Lucas leaving with Aiden. Where would they go? What would they do? Would Aiden miss her?
When Lucas stood up suddenly, Fallon’s eyes went wide. He moved his arms up, stretching, and Fallon could see every muscle in his back move underneath the shirt he wore. Her mouth watered at the sight, and her fingers itched to touch each of the muscles of his back. Fallon had to force herself to look away just as Aiden turned to see her.
“Lucas’ whole day is mine, Momma! Isn’t that cool!” Aiden exclaimed.
Fallon smiled as she nodded. “Sure is honey, so what are y’all gonna do?”
Lucas turned, shrugging his shoulders. “Not sure, what are we going to do bud?”
Aiden thought for a minute. “Can we go to the zoo?”
Lucas nodded with a grin on his face. “That sounds great.”
“It does. Aiden loves the zoo,” Fallon said as she came around the couch, wrapping an arm around her perfect little boy. “Don’t you, honey?”
“It’s pretty much my favorite place, other than the Adventure Science Museum.”
“We’ll go there Monday since I’ve never been. I haven’t been to the zoo either, so I hope you’re a good guide.”
Aiden nodded his head quickly. “I am, ain’t I Momma?”
Aiden looked up at her with his smoky gray eyes glowing with excitement. “The best,” she basically croaked out as her eyes filled with tears. Oh God, this was hard.
“Okay, well you ready buddy?” Lucas asked as he clapped his hands together.
“Yup! I gotta get my shoes,” Aiden said, running around them to go to the stairs.
“Grab your coat too, Aiden James. It might get chilly,” Fallon added before he ran out of sight. She looked over at Lucas and he gave her a reassuring smile.
“He’ll be okay with me.”
“I know,” Fallon said quietly. “I’m just nervous.”
When he took her free hand in his, she quickly looked up at him. “Don’t be.”
She blinked twice before looking down at their hands. The palm of her hand burned against his but it felt at home. She cleared her throat before pulling her hand away and tucking it into her back pocket.
“Um, you can’t listen to what you were listening to when you pulled up,” she blurted out. Lucas started to laugh.
“What?” he asked with an amused grin on his face.
“The music, when you pulled up. I know that you weren’t listening to Justin Bieber. Basically don’t listen to rap around Aiden.”
Lucas’ eyebrows pulled together. “Why? He doesn’t understand that stuff.”
“I don’t care. I don’t want my kid listen to men rap about fucking bitches and slapping hoes. If you can’t do that, then he ain’t leaving with you.”
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad, and you used to like that music,” he challenged, and by God, Fallon would never tell him she still did. She loved her rap music as much as he did, but Aiden didn’t know anything about it, neither did Audrey.
“I don’t anymore,” she lied as she looked away. “Listen to the radio.”
“I hate the radio.”
“Fine, Aiden can bring a CD for y’all,” she said. Fallon turned to look up the stairs, waiting for Aiden to appear. When he did, Fallon said, “Aiden, bring a CD. Lucas doesn’t have anything good in his car.”
“Okay, Mommy!”
“Yes I do! I have the best rappers ever in my car,” Lucas said through his teeth.
Fallon knew she was hitting a cord with Lucas. She knew not to mess with his music. He was very adamant about what he listened to and what he liked. Fallon wanted to laugh out loud at the face he was making but figured she didn’t want to fight with him this morning. Well, at least not more than they already had.
They both looked up the stairs as Aiden came running down with a CD and coat in his hands.
“I’m ready, Lucas!” he gushed as he jumped off the last step, stumbling into Lucas’ legs.
“Whoa buddy, be careful,” Lucas said nervously with his arms bracing Aiden’s shoulders.
“Sorry,” Aiden said before looking over at Fallon.
“No don’t be. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
Aiden looked up at Lucas as the brightest grin came across his face. It made breathing unfeasible, her baby was so beautiful.
“What CD did you bring?” Lucas asked. Aiden held the CD up as high as he could for Lucas.
“Big Time Rush! They are the best.”
Fallon choked on her laughter as Lucas’ eyes went wide. “There are still boy bands?”
She had to look away or she was really going to laugh in his face. Fallon didn’t answer as she turned, going towards the door for her light jacket.
“Yeah and they are the best!” Aiden gushed as Fallon put her jacket on.
“I don’t know if I agree with you on this kid,” Lucas said, still holding the CD up as he looked at the back. Aiden stood there grinning as Fallon came over, wrapping her arms around him.
“I gotta go honey, have a good day. If you need me, call me okay. Lucas has my number.”
“I will Mommy, bye,” Aiden said before placing a sweet kiss on Fallon’s lips. She took Aiden’s hand in hers and they headed out the door, with Lucas behind them, still looking at the back of the CD. Lucas was parked behind her, so she opened the back door for Aiden, seeing that Lucas had gone shopping for a car seat for Aiden.
“Is this even music?” Lucas asked. Fallon watched Aiden climbed into his seat, buckling his seat belt.
“Bye honey,” Fallon said before shutting the door. She turned to looked at Lucas, “Sure, it’s great.”
Fallon knew she was wrong for lying but hey, just the thought of Lucas driving around a huge black Escalade, rocking out to Big Time Rush would have her grinning the whole day.
“I’m pretty sure you’re lying to me,” Lucas said with a grin on his face. He looked down at her. “But if you give me a sweet little kiss, I’ll forgive you,” he said with a wink.
Fallon laughed as she turned away from him, heading for her car. “Good thing I’m not looking for forgiveness.”
She gave him another smile before waving at Aiden and getting into her car. She took in a deep breath as she watched Lucas shake his head and get into his car through her rearview mirror. He opened the CD, and placed it into the CD player with a look of disdain on his face. When Aiden’s head started moving to music, Fallon couldn’t help the wide smirk that came across her face, or the giggle that escaped when she saw Lucas roll his eyes.
**********************************
Lucas wanted to bash his head in.
“Your boy boy b-b-b-b-b-boyfriend. Your boy boy b-b-b-b-b-boyfriend,” Aiden sang.
While his son sung about being some girl’s boyfriend, all Lucas could do was bite his tongue. Who in the world made these guys famous? This wasn’t even music, more like torture in the form of sound. Lucas looked in his rearview mirror to see Aiden breaking it down as he sung the chorus, his hand moving with every note he hit. The kid could sing, but Lucas wished it was something better than this crap.
When he saw the sign for the Zoo, he almost yelled out in happiness. He reached for the volume button, turning it all the way down.
“Hey, it was getting to the good part,” Aiden complained.
There was a good part?
“Sorry bud, we don’t want to scare the animals do we?” Lucas asked as he rolled down his window to get his parking ticket.
“Yeah, you’re right. Your car is really loud. I like it!” Aiden gushed from the backseat as Lucas grabbed his ticket.
“Thank you,” Lucas said to the guy before driving off. “Cool, I’m glad you like riding with me.”
“Mommy would, too. She likes her music loud, even though she won’t do it when I’m in the car, but I always here when she comes home. AA always says that Mommy is gonna blow her eardrums out!” he said with a giggle. It made Lucas smile.
There wasn’t a time in the car when his and Fallon’s music wasn’t ear-splitting loud. They both liked it like that, the feel on the bass shaking the car or the way it tickled their chest. Even though he still rode with his music loud, it was the best when he had Fallon’s hand in his.
Boy, how he missed those times.
Lucas parked the truck and got out, letting Aiden out too. They walked beside each other and when Aiden’s hand slid into Lucas’, he couldn’t breathe. He looked down at Aiden, and he was looking ahead of them, a smile on his face. A wide smile went across Lucas’ face as they crossed the road and went to the ticket booth. While Lucas paid, Aiden grabbed them both maps and was basically bouncing with excitement beside Lucas.
“Where to first, bud?” Lucas asked as he put his card back into his wallet before sliding it in his back pocket.
“Um, monkeys!”
Lucas laughed as Aiden practically pulled him through the walkways towards the monkeys. He had to admit, the monkeys had always been his favorite too.
“Mommy doesn’t like the monkeys, her favorite is the elephants. She usually sits on the bench while I watch,” Aiden said after 10 minutes of watching the monkeys be monkeys.
Lucas shrugged his shoulders. “I love the monkeys and the elephants.”
Aiden face broke into a grin. “Awesome.”
They watched some more before Aiden directed them to the elephants. The Nashville Zoo was beautiful, each exhibit was done perfectly and Lucas loved that he was sharing his first time there with his little guy. As they walked in silence, taking in the beautiful scenery, Aiden looked up at Lucas.
“Do you work?”
Lucas nodded. “I do. I am a professional hockey player for the Nashville Assassins.”
“Really!” Aiden gushed, bouncing up and down. “AA loves that team, and the Predators. She just loves hockey altogether. Mommy hates it though.”
Lucas scoffed. “I doubt that. I remember when that was the only sport your mom liked.”
Aiden looked confused as he said, “She says she don’t like it.”
“Maybe she doesn’t. I really don’t know your mom now.”
“You used to know my mom?” Aiden asked with his eyebrows drawn in together.
“Yup, we used to be… friends,” Lucas lied, and hated it, but he didn’t know what to say. Fallon and he should probably discuss that.
“Oh, that’s cool.”
“Yeah.”
“So do you leave a lot? Mr. Shea does, and Mr. Jakob.”
“I do. I play with them, but right now I’m on break,” Lucas said as they passed some really fat-looking pig. He wanted to stop and look at it but it seemed that Aiden was on a mission to get to these elephants.
“Why?” Aiden asked.
“Um well, I just moved here and I needed some time to get used to things,” Lucas said. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth. Truth was, he had had a break down in front of his team and Elli told him to take a week.
“That’s cool. Do you like living here?”
“I do, do you?”
“Yeah, my mommy and AA are cool. So are my Grandpa and Grammie. I like my school and its way better than Shelbyville, that’s where the vineyard is.”
Lucas nodded. “Cool, I’ve never been there.”
“It’s really boring. Just a whole bunch of grapes and stuff. No kids for me to play with, but sometimes Grandpa will play with me, which is cool.”
“Yeah,” Lucas agreed. They both leaned against the gate, looking out the field at the four large elephants that roamed the grounds. “Wow, those are some big elephants.”
“Yeah, Mommy’s favorite is Rosy. She is that one,” Aiden said, pointing to the fattest elephant of the bunch. “They did a party here once and Mommy got to feed her.”
“That’s awesome.”
They watched the elephants some more before leaving for another part of the zoo. Lucas learned that Aiden liked to talk a lot. The kid jumped from subject to subject faster than Lucas could pass the puck. They had covered the best superhero, which they both agreed was Spiderman. Best food? Waffles, hands down. Favorite drinks? Aiden was a strawberry milkshake kid, while Lucas preferred chocolate. Lucas hadn’t talked so much in life and was surprised that he loved every minute of it.
“Do you have a mommy?” Aiden asked as they watched the zebras.
Lucas smiled. “I do. Her name is Molly.”
“That’s a pretty name. My mommy’s name is weird. No other mommies have her name.”
“I think her name is pretty. Plus, like you said, no other mommies have her name, so she is one in a million according to you,” Lucas defended. He loved Fallon’s name, always had.
Aiden thought for a minute before a grin came across his sweet flushed face. “You’re right!”
Lucas laughed before they started for the exhibit. As they walked, Aiden asked, “Do you have a daddy?”
Lucas looked down at Aiden, but Aiden wasn’t looking up at him like he usually did. Lucas looked up at the sky, a small smile on his face. “I did, but he died a long time ago.”
“Oh,” Aiden said as he leaned against the rail, looking in at a red panda. “Do you miss him?”
“I do,” Lucas said with a nod, “He was the best.”
“What was his name?”
Lucas swallowed loudly. “James.”
“Like my name and yours.”
“Yup.”
Aiden nodded, and Lucas wondered if he knew that Lucas was his dad. Aiden looked away before quietly saying, “I don’t know my dad.”
Lucas couldn’t breathe as his heart hammered against his chest. Sweat gathered between his shoulder blades while he didn’t know what to say. So he just stood there, watching the panda climb a tree.
“My mommy says that he lives in another state. That’s why I can’t see him,” Aiden went on, but Lucas still could breathe or even forms words.
Neither one of them said anything as they left the exhibit and headed to the next one. His heart told him to tell Aiden that he was his daddy, but his brain knew to wait for Fallon. Not only because he didn’t know how to tell the innocent little boy, but because if he wanted even a glimmer of chance with Fallon, he needed to play by her rules — even if he didn’t agree with them.
He looked down to see that Aiden was looking up at him with sadness in his eyes. Sadness that didn’t belong there, and if Lucas said those four little words, they could maybe make Aiden happy. But what if it scared him, or hurt him? Lucas didn’t know, so he had to wait it out, and give Aiden a chance to see that he could be a great dad. Just like his dad was.
“Do you want to know your dad?” Lucas found himself asking a little while later when they were walking towards the flamingos.
Aiden’s head bounced up and down. “Yeah I do, but I won’t be able to till I’m older.”
“Why when you’re older?” Lucas asked. Aiden shrugged his shoulders.
“’Cause then I can do what I want. I can get on a plane and fly to the state he’s in or I can drive there. Right now Mommy and AA do everything for me. I gotta wait till I can do it myself.”
Lucas smiled. “You got it all planned out, huh?”
Aiden grinned up at him. “Yeah, I’m pretty smart.”
Lucas laughed. “You sure are. Come on, I saw an Icee hut that is calling our names.”
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“You saw it too? Awesome,” Aiden gushed as they headed for the Icee hut. Lucas loved that Aiden planned things, and he hated to be the one to break up his plans, but he was pretty sure Aiden wouldn’t mind in the long run. Aiden was going to know his dad, and hopefully love him.
Chapter 14
“So do you think my mommy is pretty?”
Lucas looked up from the four hotdogs that sat in front of him. Aiden had mustard all over his face, a hotdog in each hand and a big grin on his face. Lucas smiled back, loving that the kid ate like he did, but a little confused by the question.
“Yeah, I do. Why?”
“Just wondering. A lot of dads think my mommy is pretty. Like my coach, he’s in love with my mom. AA always teases her.”
Lucas raised his eyebrow. “What coach?”
“My baseball coach.”
Lucas’ face scrunched up. “You play baseball?”
Lucas hated baseball, loathed it. Stupidest sport imaginable!
“Yeah,” Aiden groaned. “Mom makes me. I hate it.”
Aiden really was his kid.
“Me too, that’s why I play hockey,” Lucas said, hoping that Aiden would ask to play. That would make his day even better.
“Yeah, it’s dumb, but Mommy likes it, so does Grandpa. I have a game tomorrow, but I don’t want to go ‘cause the whole time Coach smiles at my mom. It’s gross.”
Lucas laughed, hiding the jealousy that ate at him. “Does your mom smile back?”
“Sometimes. They are weird.”
Lucas nodded before taking a bite of his hotdog. When he looked over at Aiden, he was looking up at him with his eyes wide. “Do you wanna come to my game tomorrow?”
Lucas smiled as he nodded again. “I would love too.”
“Cool!” Aiden said before he started stuffing his face. They ate in silence, with the random sounds of animals and families around him. Lucas was having the best day of his life; he just hoped Aiden was having a great day too. He seemed to be — he was always smiling — but maybe he was just a happy kid. Lucas hoped that he would tell Fallon that he had a great day, hopefully that would help things between them.