by Toni Aleo
“He said I didn’t want him.”
“I know, but I’m going to fix it. I promise.”
Lucas shook his head, running his hands through his hair once more before taking in a deep breath. “This is my fault. I should have chased after you, but nope, I was too fucked up.”
Fallon was toe to toe with him before he even finished the sentence. “This is nowhere near your fault, Lucas. I should have told you. I should have been a good woman and told you about your son. This is my fault and I’ll fix it.”
Lucas shook his head. “I don’t think you can. I think he hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just scared. I’ll talk to him. I promise, everything will be fine.”
Lucas’ eyes filled with tears and Fallon found it hard to catch her breath. If he started to cry in front of Fallon, she was pretty sure she would pass out. Lucas never showed emotion before and in the past week that was all she had seen from him.
Maybe he had changed?
“Okay,” Lucas said with a nod. Fallon nodded back and reached for his hand, squeezing it with a small smile on her face. She didn’t even pull away when he leaned forward and pressed his lips softly to hers. She basked in the feel of his lips, the warmth of his skin against hers, everything, because she still craved it. When he pulled back, she gave him one last smile before heading down the steps to go to the car.
Fallon’s mind was reeling.
Did she really just kiss Lucas while around them the world was falling apart? And why didn’t it feel like the world was crashing down around them when his lips were on hers?
Damn, she was messed up.
Aiden didn’t say anything the entire ride back to their house. Every time Fallon looked in the rearview mirror, he was looking out the window, his chin on his hand. All her past fears came rushing back to her, and she wished like hell that she hadn’t left Lucas’ house. At least she would have him there for support, but not now. She was on her own. The way it should be. She made this mess, and she needed to fix it. It was obvious that Lucas needed Aiden, and Fallon couldn’t help but think Aiden needed Lucas. She thought she could do this all on her own, but just in the past week she saw a difference in Aiden. He was happier.
And it was all because of Lucas.
When they pulled into the driveway, Fallon got out and let Aiden out, shutting the doors behind them. He slid his hand into hers as they walked up the walkway. Once inside, Aiden headed for the stairs as Fallon went to lay her things down. As she checked her phone before turning it off, she heard Aiden’s door slam. She took in a jagged breath and prayed for the strength and knowledge to do this. After sliding off her pumps, and running her hands through her hair, she figured she had stalled enough. She started climbing the stairs and with each step her heartbeat picked up in speed.
What was Aiden going to say?
Was he going to hate her?
Did he hate Lucas?
Questions filled her head as she took each step, getting closer and closer to her baby boy’s door. When Aiden’s blue door came into sight, she took in another deep breath before pushing the door open. Aiden lay on his side with his back to the door.
“Aiden?” she asked as she shut the door behind her.
“Yeah?” Aiden said, not turning to look at her. Fallon walked around the random toys on Aiden’s floor and decided that she would yell at him to clean up later. Aiden cleaning his room was at the bottom of Fallon’s list of worries. Fallon sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hand on the outside of Aiden’s thigh. Nothing was said for a few minutes as Fallon watched tears roll down Aiden’s cheeks and over his chin. She felt horrible and prayed that Aiden would understand that at the time she thought she was helping him.
“Honey, we need to talk about what happened at Lucas’ house.”
Aiden nodded, still not looking at her as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “Lucas said he is my dad.”
Fallon moved her hand up and down Aiden’s leg. “He is.”
Aiden looked over at her as if she had just told him that dinosaurs were roaming the earth as they speak. “He is?”
“Yes honey,” Fallon said, confused. Did he think Lucas was lying?
“You knew?”
Fallon bit her lip as her heart started to race. She nodded as she said. “I did.”
Aiden looked up at Fallon, his eyes full of tears as he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Fallon’s heart broke at the sounds of his little whimper. She hated that she had hurt him and wished she could take it all back. Fallon reached for Aiden’s hands, holding them in hers as she said, “I wanted to wait until you got to know him, baby. I didn’t want to throw everything at you at once.”
Fallon was starting to think he wasn’t going to say anything as he looked down at his hands, but then he looked up as her before saying, “Why didn’t he want me?”
Fallon reached for Aiden as the tears threatened to fall. She never thought that Aiden would ask that. She had always made sure to tell him that Lucas loved him and that he wanted him but maybe that wasn’t enough. Maybe she had ruined their relationship because how was she going to explain to a six year old that Lucas did want him after all this time? She had fucked up enormously bad, and she could honestly say she didn’t know how she was going to fix it.
Aiden buried his face in Fallon’s neck as she prayed for the right words to say, the right way to tell Aiden. “Honey, Lucas does want you.”
“But not before,” Aiden cried. Fallon swore that with every tear, her heart broke more. She hated when Aiden cried. Fallon pulled back, looking down at Aiden.
“Baby, I never told Lucas about you.”
Aiden’s eyebrows came together as he looked up at Fallon. “Why not?”
Shit. How’d she know he was going to say that?
“Well, when we broke up and I found out I was pregnant with you, instead of telling him, I came home so that AA, Grammie and Grandpa could help me.”
“Why didn’t you ask Lucas to help you?”
Because she was stupid.
“Well, Mommy was really mad at him.”
“Why?”
Damn it! Why didn’t they write books on how to do this?!
“Because Lucas kissed another girl. I got mad and left him.”
Aiden’s little eyes got so wide as he looked up at Fallon. “He kissed another girl when you were his girlfriend? Even I know not to do that.”
Say what?!
Fallon pointed her finger at Aiden. “You better not be kissing any little girls,” she warned. Aiden smiled bashfully for the first time since leaving Lucas’. Fallon smiled back and hugged him close to her. “Lucas loves you so much, baby. If he would have known about you before he would have been here. Mommy was just mad and didn’t want him around. It’s all my fault for keeping him away from you. I’m so sorry.”
Aiden nodded, snuggling closer to her chest. “It’s okay.”
Fallon smiled against his temple as she held him close. Aiden was pretty much the best kid imaginable and Fallon knew that they were going to be okay. His and Lucas’ relationship wouldn’t be affected by Fallon’s deception. In the long run they would both love each other the way she loved them both, and everything would be perfect.
At least for them.
Fallon on the other hand would always love a man that she couldn’t trust. She would always yearn for him and wish like hell that she could be with him. She knew that she would have to watch him be with someone else because Lucas Brooks wasn’t going anywhere and he wasn’t going to be single for long. He would forever be in Aiden’s life, and Fallon would have to learn to deal with her jacked-up emotions. She would have to learn to let go, to understand that what she and Lucas had would never come back. Too much had happened, too much time had passed.
But maybe one day she would be able to move on. Maybe then she would be able to be with him. Maybe he would still be single and want her. Maybe they could all be a happy family.
&nb
sp; Maybe.
Aiden had fallen asleep in Fallon’s arms, so she slowly laid him down before sneaking out the room. As she went down the stairs all she could think of was Lucas’ face when she came to his massive house. He looked so sad, so hurt. Fallon shook her head, picking her phone up off the back of the couch. After finding the number she needed, she put the phone to her ear, waiting for him to answer.
“Hello?” Lucas asked. He sounded anxious.
“Hey, he’s asleep right now, but I’m pretty sure every things okay.”
Lucas let out a long sigh before saying, “Does he hate me?”
“Not at all Lucas. Don’t ever think that. He was just confused. Everything is fine, I explained the situation to him and he is okay.”
Lucas paused for a moment, then said, “I leave tomorrow, can I come over in the morning?”
Fallon’s heart stopped. “You’re leavin’?”
“Yeah, tomorrow night. I wanted to spend the day with him before I left.”
“Oh, of course. That’s fine,” she said and really, she wanted to cry. She knew that he would be leaving so why did it feel like he was ripping her heart out all over again? Would Aiden be okay? Would she be okay? This was one of the main things she hated about Lucas’ career. She hated the goodbyes, and Lucas was full of them.
“Cool. Do you, maybe, want to go to breakfast? As a family?”
Fallon’s heart stopped. A family?
“Um, I don’t know. I don’t want to confuse Aiden.”
“I know, but maybe it would help.”
Fallon sat for a minute listening to Lucas breathe. If she didn’t go she wouldn’t see him again until Aiden’s birthday when Molly would be there. She wanted to see him, and who said she couldn’t torture herself by going as this so-called family? It was what she had dreamed of when they were together, so why not go?
Because it was a bad idea.
Fallon knew she would dwell on it. Wonder about the ‘what ifs’, when she knew darn well that Lucas Brooks was so freaking wrong for her. He had hurt her once, he would do it again. But even knowing that stuff, it didn’t keep her from saying, “Yeah, come on over in the morning.”
She could basically see the grin on his face as he said, “Great.”
Yeah, it was a bad choice, but when did Fallon ever make the right choices?
Chapter 20
Lucas was nervous.
He was never nervous but he was as he walked up the sidewalk that led up to the little condo that Fallon, Aiden, and Audrey lived in. He hated this condo. He hated that the woman he loved and his child lived there. Lucas wanted them to live with him in his house. Aiden’s room was ready and Lucas was sure that Fallon would like his room. He would even let her put some of her pink crap up on the walls. He didn’t care, he just wanted them with him. He wanted Fallon to forgive him; he wanted her back.
Lucas wanted his family.
Lucas ran his hand through his hair nervously as he climbed the steps to the door. After Fallon called the night before he was finally able to go to sleep, but it didn’t mean he got a good night’s sleep. He tossed and turned with images of Aiden’s scared gray eyes. It broke Lucas’ heart every time he thought of Aiden looking up at him with fear in his eyes. Lucas had sworn a long time ago that he only wanted to make Aiden happy. After the events of the day before, Lucas felt like a failure.
Lucas took a deep breath in as he knocked on the door. When the door opened, the breath Lucas had just taken in came out in a whoosh as Fallon smiled up at him. She wore a pair of tight jeans that were big at the bottom and hugged her ass perfectly. For once though, it wasn’t the tightness of her jeans that had Lucas having a hard time breathing, it was her sweater. It was an ivory color with little sparkles in the yarn and it wasn’t even tight but it cut down low. Lucas could see the lace of Fallon’s white bra and even more of her beautiful perky breasts. Lucas’ mouth watered at the sight and it took everything out of him to look up into Fallon’s eyes.
Fallon smiled sweetly before saying, “Hey.”
“Hey,” Lucas choked out as he passed by her. She shut the door behind him as he looked around the house for Aiden, because he knew if he kept looking at her, they weren’t going to make it to breakfast. “Where’s Aiden?”
Lucas turned to see Fallon pulling at the bottom of her sweater, showing more of her breast. Lucas inwardly groaned as he looked away. “Upstairs. He knows you’re coming. I got some paperwork I need to finish and then we can go.”
Lucas almost ran up the stairs. Not only did he have to get away from Fallon’s sexy ass but he was anxious to see Aiden. He wanted to make sure that Aiden still liked him, that he wasn’t angry with him. Hearing it from Fallon was one thing, he needed the proof from his little guy. When Lucas reached Aiden’s door, he knocked before entering. Aiden looked up from where he sat on the floor playing with his army men. It almost killed Lucas when their eyes met because it wasn’t happiness he saw. Lucas only saw fear.
Fuck.
“Hey, bud,” Lucas said before dropping down on the ground.
Lucas lay on his stomach, inching his way to where Aiden laid. Aiden looked back down at his army men before saying, “Hey, Lucas.”
Nothing was said for a moment as Aiden continued to play with his toys. Lucas didn’t know what to say so they sat like for a long time before Lucas couldn’t take it anymore.
“Do you hate me?”
Aiden didn’t look up as he shook his head, “No.”
“Are you mad at me?”
Aiden shrugged his shoulders before resting his chin on his hands. He looked over at Lucas and Lucas took in a sharp breath. He had tears in his eyes.
“Do you want me?”
Lucas couldn’t breathe. He was pretty sure he was about to have a heart attack in the middle of Aiden’s floor. Lucas took in another breath before clearing his throat choking back the tears. “Of course I do, bud. Since I found out about you, I’ve wanted you. You are my buddy, my little guy.”
Aiden’s mouth pulled at the side but he didn’t smile as he looked down at carpet. “You’re never gonna leave me again are you?”
Lucas shook his head even though Aiden wasn’t looking at him. “Never, bud,” Lucas whispered, but then he remembered that he was leaving that night. “Only for my job, but I won't be gone long.”
“I know you gotta leave for your job. I meant like, you leaving for years.”
Lucas swallowed loudly, “I’ll never leave you, Aiden. I’ll always be here. Always.”
Aiden nodded slowly. “Do I call you Dad?”
Lucas swore that Aiden could hear his heartbeat, it was beating so hard against his chest. Didn’t the kid realize that that would be a dream come true? “If you want.”
Aiden nodded again. “Are you and my mom gonna get married?”
Lucas shrugged his shoulders. “That’s up to her. Your mom doesn’t like me most of the time.”
Aiden smiled and Lucas couldn’t help but smile back. “She does. She’s just weird.”
Lucas nodded, he couldn’t agree more. Damn foolish woman. “We’ll talk every night while you’re gone right?”
“Yup,” Lucas said with a nod, “on our cool iPads.”
Aiden grinned as he said, “Cool.”
They sat for another moment, nothing being said as they both stared at the floor. It was as if both of them were trying to figure out what to say to the other. Lucas wanted to tell Aiden he loved him, but he didn’t want to scare him or make him feel like he had to love Lucas. He wanted Aiden to make his own decisions. He didn’t want to demand anything from him. Lucas wanted it to be natural between them.
“Do you love me?” Lucas whipped his head up to see Aiden still looking down at the ground. “Like my mom and AA love me, and I thought since you’re my dad, you’re supposed to love me. I was just wonderin’,” he said.
When he finished he looked up at Lucas. Lucas sat gaping at his child as the words he had been waiting to say were lodge in his th
roat. Lucas cleared his throat again, and smiled before saying, “Buddy, I love you so much. You don’t need to question that, I just didn’t want to scare you.”
Aiden smiled. Lucas’ eyes started to fill with tears and he begged himself not to let them fall. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing? If his words didn’t scare Aiden, then his actions sure would. All Lucas wanted to do was wrap Aiden up in his arms and hug him tight, telling him how much he loved him over and over again, until Lucas was sure that Aiden would never question that again. Lucas was bursting with love for this child and he hated that Aiden had to question him. He hated that Fallon had let this happen. He knew he should be livid with her but he couldn’t be.
Lucas loved Fallon just as much as he loved Aiden.
“Okay,” Aiden said. Lucas smiled right before he was attacked by him. Aiden wrapped his small little arms around Lucas’ neck, nuzzling his nose into his shoulder as Lucas tried to catch a breath. Lucas slowly wrapped his arms around Aiden, not believing what was happening. He had dreamed of this moment all week, the moment when his son would know that he was his father, and that Lucas loved him with basically everything inside him. It was the most amazing feeling having his boy in his arms. His flesh and blood. All Lucas could think was that his dad had to be proud of him that he had to know that Lucas had done right by Aiden and would forever do right by him for the rest of their lives.
When Aiden pulled back and smiled at Lucas, Lucas felt as if his heart was going to explode. Man, he loved this kid. “Will you dress up as a Ghostbuster for Halloween with me?”
That came out of left field.
Lucas smiled, nodding his head. “Sure, bud. Which one are you going to be?”
“Oh I’m not, I’m gonna be the Marshmallow Man.”
Lucas laughed. “Okay.”
“But you can’t shoot me.”
“Never.”
“Awesome! So I need you to convince Mommy that she needs to be one too. We could go as a family!”
Lucas nodded as he said. “Sounds great to me.”
Because it did, and if Lucas had anything to do with it, they would be a family. All he had to do was convince Fallon it was a good idea.