by Kat Ransom
“Just let the adrenaline wear off,” he whispers to me as I watch Cole. “He’ll be okay.”
I nod. “I wish they’d tell us something already.”
Anything, any news. Maybe it’s good that they haven’t updated us. Maybe that means he is alive.
The waiting room door flies open. Everyone turns, praying for a doctor or a nurse who will update us, but it isn’t.
“You motherfucker!” A tall twenty-something man storms in the room and screams at Cole in a Scottish accent. He has shaggy brown hair and blue eyes, but unlike Cole’s, this man’s eyes are dark and dangerous and seething right now.
He shoves Cole, hard, up against a wall as Lennox Gibbes, the other Anora driver, barges into the room. “Jack,” he yells at the man shoving Cole.
Mila, Liam, and I jump to our feet when two more people barge in—a blond Scandinavian type who looks ready to murder everyone in the room, and a pretty, dark-haired woman.
Before anyone knows what’s happening, Jack rears his hand back and punches Cole right in the jaw. Cole’s head snaps back for a second, then his icy eyes return to his attacker’s, and he just stands there, not even defending himself.
His chin juts out.
Like he wants to be hit again.
Lennox grabs Jack’s arm as he’s about to hit Cole again. Now Liam, Lennox, and the blond man are all grappling to control him. Jack is raging and trying to pry his arms free from their grips.
“Jack, stop it!” The woman with Lennox screams.
Cole hasn’t moved an inch or said a word. He’s practically taunting, begging this Jack person to hit him again even though it’s taking three grown men to hold Jack back.
“I’ll fucking kill you,” Jack screams.
“It’s not his fault, mate, it’s not his fault,” Lennox yells back at Jack.
The woman who came in with them clearly has no fear because she gets right between all the men and puts her hands on Jack’s face. “Jack, stop. This isn’t helping Alessi. It isn’t his fault. Stop, please stop.”
I’ve seen her before, around the paddock, but I can’t place her. My brain is hardly working right at the moment.
Lennox Gibbes, everyone knows. He’s not only Alessi’s teammate, but the points leader this year, and it’s all but a given he is going to win the championship.
Jack seems to listen to the woman as he stops thrashing and fighting against the three men, though he is still breathing hard and filled with rage. The pain visible on his face is unmistakable.
“Come on, out. Let’s go back,” Lennox tells Jack while he continues to stare hard at Cole. Lennox and the blond get him out of the room, telling the girl he’ll be back as soon as he can.
Liam tries to examine Cole’s jaw, but he shakes his head and turns his back to all of us, going to the window overlooking a dark Singapore sky. I can see all the muscles in his back contracting, his breath laboring.
I can’t stand it anymore and make my way toward him. “Are you ok?”
He doesn’t look at me. He just stares out the window. “Physically, yes,” he answers. What he implies with his answer, how he’s not okay, guts me.
I reach out to touch him, but he stops me. “Just give me some time. Please.”
I pull my hand back and wrap my arms around myself, my heart breaking in pieces for him, for Alessi’s teammate Lennox, even Jack, who just hit Cole because I can see how much he is hurting, too.
Alessi was a good person, he had a lot of friends in the paddock. No, he is a good person, damnit. We don’t know what’s happening yet.
Liam takes my arm, and he, Mila, and I sit back down. The woman who came in with Lennox pulls a chair to the corner we’re sitting in. Watching her, I suddenly remember who she is.
“You’re the Cooper Media reporter,” I say to her. I remember now, reading about the scandal she broke last season when one of the drivers was busted for doing cocaine on track. There was something about prostitutes and sexual harassment. It took down an entire team, Celeritas, in the end, and was all over F1 news.
“Yes, Mallory,” she introduces herself. Her eyes are red and bloodshot like she’s been crying, too.
“Have you heard anything about how Alessi is?” I ask, thinking maybe she might know. Not only is she a reporter, but there were rumors about her involvement with Lennox Gibbes, but then those online news reports quickly vanished.
“He’s stable but unconscious, probably some broken bones.”
Cole overhears this and turns, “He’s stable?”
“Yes. He woke up, but they have him sedated until they can run all the scans, make sure there’s no swelling or traumatic brain injury.”
“His… spine?” Cole asks, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard.
“Waiting on tests,” Mallory rubs her eyes then gazes up at Cole. “I’ll update you as soon as I hear anything. It wasn’t your fault.”
Cole nods at her, “Thank you.” Then he returns to the window.
Relief flows through me that Alessi is alive and stable. I want to start googling medical information on what Mallory has said, but Dr. Google has rarely proved helpful. I’ll only scare myself reading about the worst-case scenarios.
“Are you related to Alessi?” I ask Mallory to distract myself. Even for a reporter, she has way more information than anyone else has been able to get.
“He’s a dear friend, Lennox’s teammate.”
“Right, sorry. It’s none of my business.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry about Jack. They’re all good friends, and they’re understandably upset,” Mallory sniffles and takes a few deep breaths.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“Mila and I are going to go get coffee. I’ll bring one back for you, Em. Mallory?” Liam asks.
“Yes, please,” Mallory answers. She takes the seat next to me once Liam and Mila leave.
I’m grateful that Cole has Liam. He doesn’t even need to ask him if he wants anything, Liam will just automatically appear with what Cole should be drinking right now. It probably won’t be coffee, and it definitely won’t have sugar.
If I had Sailor Jerry on me, I’d sneak it to Cole, nonetheless.
“Does that one belong to you?” Mallory points to Cole.
“He does,” I look at Cole, his face still blank as he stares at nothing out the window. “Which one is yours? Lennox, right?”
“All three of them may as well be. Can’t get one without the other two,” she laughs with no humor at all, grabbing a tissue from a box on the end table near us.
“You’re a better woman than I am. I can barely keep up with just the one.”
“Heh, just Lennox. The other two are just work husbands. I’m so sorry, I never asked your name,” she turns to me.
“Emily,” I shake her hand.
“New engineer, right?”
“Yep.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard about you. Pissed off Concordia, if I heard correctly.”
“News travels fast,” I shrug. “You pissed off a whole lot of people if I remember correctly.”
“That I did. Well, I’m glad to have another woman around. This circus needs more estrogen. God knows these idiots can’t be left to their own devices, going around punching each other all the time like a bunch of primates.”
I see Cole watching us out of the corner of my eye.
I’m sure he can hear us. I’m happy to see him returning, ever so slightly, to the land of the living instead of catatonically staring out the window.
Mallory and I chat for a long while until Liam and Mila return with coffee for everyone, and she gets a text from Lennox that the doctors do not suspect spinal trauma.
We exchange numbers, and she promises to keep us updated. I like her immediately and hope we stay in contact. She’s right, it’s nice to have more women around.
After she leaves, Mila hands me Cole’s cell phone. She carries it while he’s in the car. I don’t even know where my phone is, proba
bly still at the track because we left in such a hurry.
I take it from her but keep it face-down in my lap.
“It’s been blowing up,” she whispers.
“I don’t think he should deal with this right now,” Liam adds and turns the phone over in my hands, whispering and watching Cole whose back is still to us.
“Oh,” I look at it, though I feel weird about snooping. But with the accident, I’m sure it is blowing up with people worried about him. There are all kinds of texts and notifications.
Stan: you’re an embarrassment
Stan: I told you this would happen when you let yourself get distracted with pussy. now some driver—a talented driver, unlike you—is probably dead because of your bullshit
Voicemail From: Stan
Stan: answer your fucking phone
Stan: you best answer me, boy
Voicemail From: Stan
Voicemail From: Ava Walker
Stan: WTF have you done
My blood boils as I read through all these messages from Cole’s father. They go on and on. Why is he not blocked? Cole is not dealing with this garbage right now, absolutely not. Liam is right.
Wait, why has my mom called Cole?
Probably because my phone is at the track and she can’t reach me. She must have seen the accident on TV and is probably worried out of her mind. I just spoke to her this morning, and everything was fine at home. At their home.
“I’m going to step out and deal with this,” I tell Liam and Mila.
Cole sees me stand to leave and breaks his trance from the window to watch me, but I say I’m just going to find a restroom. I’m definitely not upsetting him more with the awful, toxic messages from his abusive, demonic father.
In the hallway, the voicemails start playing. There are a few from Stanley, who is drunk as a skunk, as usual, slurring his words and berating Cole for the accident. I delete them all then block him.
Tomorrow I’ll tell Cole he’s been blocked so he has one night of peace and then Cole can decide, on his own, if he wants to keep it that way.
God knows he should, but it’s his decision.
Then it plays the voicemail from my mother. Her voice is angry, harsh, saying only, “You need to call me. Now.”
I don’t know what time it is in Delaware, but I call her back since she’s obviously worried, and the call was recent.
“Cole,” she barks as soon as she picks up.
“Mom? No, it’s me.”
“Emily? Why, why are you calling from Cole’s phone?”
“We’re at the hospital, and I left mine at the track. Isn’t that why you called Cole’s number?”
“The hospital? Are you all right?” Her normal motherly voice has returned, but now I’m confused.
“Yes, we’re fine. Cole and I are fine. You saw the accident?”
There’s a pause, then she says, “Yes, right. You’re both okay?”
Maybe she was asleep, and I woke her up. I’m sure she was panicking and out of her mind worrying about Cole because she saw the horrible crash footage.
“Yes, we’re okay. Cole wasn’t hurt. Still waiting to hear about Alessi, but he’s stable.”
“Thank god,” she sighs. “Okay, well, it’s late, and I don’t want to wake your father. Call me tomorrow, honey.”
“I’ll try. I’ll text if I can’t.”
I hang up but linger in the hallway. Something doesn’t feel right. Mom was acting super weird.
I know I shouldn’t—tomorrow, I will kick myself for doing this—but I scroll through Cole’s call log and messages.
Dante, Silas, some of the other engineers and mechanics, more trash from Stan, Dante sending lewd gestures and emojis, several from me, of course.
Nothing from my mother, though.
I sigh and kick myself for going through his phone.
I’m not sorry for blocking Stan, though. I have my own issues with the Major General, but my parents are saints compared to Cole’s. If I were in his shoes, I’d be a total mess, locked up in an institution or in prison by now. There’s no way I could deal with this shit.
But not Cole.
He didn’t let his parents win. He’s gone on to fulfill his dreams and become one of the most elite athletes in the world, a millionaire, someone who has the respect of all of his coworkers and peers—but most importantly—someone who is selfless and kind, generous and full of love.
He’s strong. He’s always been the strong one of the two of us.
That’s how I know he’s going to get through this, through whatever happens with Alessi. Except, this time, he won’t have to deal with alone. He will have me by his side.
Twenty Four
Emily
“Is he out for the season, then?” I ask Mallory, who has joined me in the hospital waiting room while her trio of men and Cole visit with Alessi.
The door to his private room is open and, from our vantage point, we’re watching them tease and joke with one another as if three days ago Jack didn’t attack Cole and Alessi wasn’t airlifted to the emergency center.
“There are eight more races, so he might be back before the end of the season. These guys are tough and stubborn, you’d be surprised.”
“Tell me about it.” I feel like I could write a technical manual on tough and stubborn at this point.
Thank god, Alessi only has bruised ribs, a concussion, and a compression fracture in his neck. They’re expecting him to make a full recovery, and he’ll be discharged in the next day or two. It could have been so much worse.
We’ve been back to the hospital every day, but we need to leave for the Russian Grand Prix. So, this is Cole’s final visit, for now. These races are back-to-back weekends. There wasn’t time to go home, we just extended our stay here in Singapore.
I let Klara know that Cole asked me to move in, officially, not just as an informal post-sex request. She’s thrilled for me and will be finishing her master’s courses up soon, anyway, so the timing is perfect. She has a few months left, so there’s no rush on her end, but I’m not waiting. As soon as we’re back home, I want to move in with him.
Enough time has passed between us. I’m not wasting more of it.
“Sometimes I think they have it right,” Mallory says, watching the guys through the door. “Just punch each other, get it over with, then move on.”
“Could you imagine how much easier life would be?”
“I have a list of people I’d like to test my theory out on,” she grins.
Lennox is trying to steal Alessi’s jello. The others are throwing plastic spoons at one another, laughing, and acting like this is a frat party. Even Jack, who was so enraged and upset after the accident, has his dimples on full display as he smiles alongside Alessi.
“Honestly, I don’t know how they do it,” I motion my hand at them. “Cole was absolutely beside himself, worried sick. When we heard Alessi would be okay, he said he got twenty-four hours to wallow, then that was it. Sure enough, twenty-five hours later, he snapped out of it.”
“Yeah, that’s an athlete thing, Lennox does it, too. They get one day to work through the issue, but then it’s time to let it go so they can focus and prepare for the next race.”
I don’t tell her that Cole actually set the alarm on his phone. The minute it went off, he stretched, cracked his neck, took a deep breath—and moved on. It was one of the most fascinating and disciplined things I’ve ever seen in my life.
“I need to learn that trick,” I sip down the last of my coffee.
God knows moving on past heartache, trauma, or even perceived slights has never been something I could do.
No, I am the girl who remembers random comments strangers made to me years ago or questions I answered in college. I replay them in my head, wishing I had said something different, wishing I had behaved just a margin cooler.
I am the girl whose thoughts and memories get stuck in my mind forever, kicking about and ricocheting into the still of the night.
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Except when I’m with Cole, and it all turns off.
“You and I, both. Girl, I can hold a grudge forever.” Mallory scans me out of the corner of her eye, wanting to say something but hesitating. We’ve chatted a lot the last few days in the hospital. I think we’re both surprised by how much we’ve shared so quickly.
Finally, she continues, “Lennox and I kind of broke up after the whole cocaine scandal. We were both stupid,” she shrugs. “I went back to New York, and it took weeks for me to come to my senses. Apparently, I should have just slugged him.”
“Weeks? Please. I have you beat by over five years.”
At that moment, Cole sees me in the hallway, and gives me a little wink that melts my insides, pulls me back from that time warp, hauls me into the present where he is. Where I am. Where we are.
“Years?” She gasps and points at Cole.
“Mmm-hmm, he was my first love, my high school sweetheart.”
“Oh, wow. I feel like this is a story that could take hours and multiple bottles of wine.”
“Ha, maybe. Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love. Boy leaves girl, breaks her heart.”
“And now?” She asks.
“Now, six years later, boy and girl still love each other. Boy wants girl to move in with him,” my face flushes from telling someone our very condensed, simplified version of events.
I’m surprised to find myself sharing as much with Mallory, too. It isn’t like me to talk about Cole with anyone besides Makenna, but there’s something about Mallory that puts me at ease. Like she’s been through this before, and part of me is eager to unload on an understanding ear.
“Damn, I hope boy is groveling.”
“He says he is wooing.” We both laugh and sit back, watching the guys.
I don’t know that I can call the last three days ‘wooing,’ but something intense has been happening between Cole and I in the aftermath of Alessi’s accident. His sweet wooing gestures are on point, no question about that, but this is more.