“Well, three of us have wings,” Siri said, “But you’re right. The silver iodide will dissipate faster than we can distribute it. We can’t execute this plan without the daevas.” She frowned. “We could wait.”
“Until when?” Ashra spoke up for the first time since Tera returned to Aeternae Noctis with the report of her negotiation with Canya. “For the first time in a thousand years, we have a daeva leader who is willing to cooperate—”
Siri scowled at Ashra. “What part of Canya’s rabid ‘I want revenge’ did you not understand?”
“The part that assumes Tera will stop her.” Ashra glanced at Tera, an eyebrow arched. “What was your deal with Erich?”
The deal? Fail him, again and again. Betray him through my own stupidity and carelessness, again and again.
And on top of that, never explain why. Never apologize.
Tera turned her back on Ashra, her hands folded across her chest to contain the raw pain pulsing through her heart. She squeezed her eyes shut, but the image of Erich, drinking from Canya, giving himself to her—
He didn’t know what he was doing, or what Canya was doing to him.
His ignorance—his innocence—didn’t make it better.
It only made her failures that much more damning.
Never have I so utterly failed anyone who meant so much to me.
If it were only an infatuation two hundred and fifty years in the past, Canya’s claiming of Erich would have merely shocked her.
To have left her mentally and emotionally reeling as if wounded from mortal strikes to her stomach and throat…
It was love.
It still is love.
And I, fool that I am—Tera squeezed her eyes shut—I cast him out. I let him go. Not once, not twice, but again and again.
Canya didn’t take him from me. My losing him—it was all my doing.
“Tera?” Ashra’s voice recalled her. “What deal did you make with Erich?”
Tera braced herself before turning to face Ashra and Siri. “He wants the pain to end. He wants peace.”
Siri’s eyes narrowed. “He wants to die?”
“He doesn’t know of any other way to achieve it. Is there?”
Siri shrugged. “Post-traumatic stress disorder can only be alleviated by time and therapy. He’s had lots of time, probably little therapy. The fact is that he will never rebuild his memories. He’ll always be a little broken inside however well put together he may seem on the outside.”
Tera’s jaw tensed until it hurt. “When this is over, I will take care of Canya and Erich too.”
“Can you?” Ashra asked. “Canya is a match for you. With Erich by her side, you cannot win.”
Tera shrugged.
“And Erich will stand by her. He has consumed her blood, and hers is the more recent, the stronger. It will override your blood bond with him. You have no control over him.”
“I never did,” Tera murmured.
“But he agreed to help you.”
“And he did. He brought Canya to the negotiating table.”
Ashra’s fingers tapped an impatient rhythm on the arm of her chair. “I doubt he planned it that way.”
“He’s dealing with icrathari; we are both ancient and immortal. We have thousands of years of experience on him; he can’t outmaneuver us,” Tera said. “He wasn’t prepared for what Canya could and would do to him.”
And I didn’t prepare him for it, just like I didn’t prepare him for his transformation or anything since.
The best I can hope for now is one last chance to tell him how sorry I am…and I don’t even know if I’ll have it.
Tera drew a deep breath. “We’ll be prepared for Canya. We’ll control the timing of the explosions. Whatever treachery she has in mind will not happen until we’ve exploded through the cave ceiling and exposed the water to the rising sun.” She grimaced. “Whatever happens then, we’ll deal with it. Whatever happens then, the Earth has a chance. It’s what we’ve worked toward all this time—the preservation and the restoration of life on Earth. It could come to pass. If we dare.”
Siri’s gaze flicked between Ashra and Tera. “So, are we going ahead with this crazy plan?”
Ashra lifted her chin. Her golden eyes were cool and focused. “Yes.”
Erich stared up at the dark underside of Aeternae Noctis as its panel slid back. Canya slid her arm around his waist and carried the both of them up into the city. He was not surprised to see Tera, Jaden, Talon, Rafael, and Yuri waiting for him and Canya.
The icrathari were taking no chances.
Yuri gave Canya a cool stare. The one she gave Erich bordered on downright hostile. “This way,” she said curtly and spun on her heel, her red braid flying out to smack Erich in the face.
Flanked by the elder vampires, Erich and Canya followed Yuri. Tera brought up the rear. She said nothing but her presence was palpable. Was the scent of night-blooming flowers as distracting to everyone else as it was to him? He could feel her like the breath of an almost-there touch against the base of his spine, like ghostly fingers entwining with his maimed fingers, unafraid of how hideous, broken, and useless they were.
Yet it was Canya who walked beside him, who had claimed him as a mate, a replacement for Daryun.
Tera—his muse—walked behind them; his warden, a warrior poised to kill.
Why was his world so wrong?
Why couldn’t he fix it?
The broken pieces in his mind careened into each other with such ferocity that they smashed and shattered into smaller pieces. Erich squeezed his eyes shut, flinching at the shards spraying at him, and brought his arms up to cover his face. He collapsed, curling into a ball. The sounds in his throat sounded like whimpers and snarls, but he couldn’t separate one from the other. Fear and anger had always been two sides of the same coin—the only way he knew to respond to the turmoil surrounding him and the madness inside him. His moans muffled the confused babble in his mind. The back-and-forth rocking motion anchored him and gave him something he could control in a world he could not control.
“Keep going.” Tera’s voice was a buttress against his mental storm. “Take Canya to Ashra. I will escort Erich there when he’s ready.”
My muse. Erich clung to Tera’s voice. Her fragrance hovered around him, tangible enough to touch. He flinched when she laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, but only because he had not been prepared for it. He drew a deep shuddering breath and slowly relaxed into her touch.
“I’m sorry, Erich,” Tera’s voice seemed to come from far away. “I did not know how to let you go. If I had let you go the first time I lost you, you would be at peace.”
You did not know how to let me go…?
You…wanted me?
Tera’s cool fingers stroked his face, the contact keeping the swirling madness at bay. “From the start, you were different. Your artist’s eyes always saw more. Your poet’s mind always understood more. It’s been so long since anyone looked at me and saw more than an icrathari warlord, but you alone did.” Her voice grew dreamy. “I wanted to hold on to it. I wanted to hold on to you—but you never came back.”
I didn’t know…
“You weren’t ready,” Tera continued softly. “You didn’t know. It wasn’t your fault; it was mine. You were dying, and I panicked. I hoped, I gambled, and I lost.
“You lost, too…” Grief stained her low voice. “More than anyone, you lost, and you paid the price for my selfishness—every day for two hundred and fifty years. I’m sorry isn’t enough, but I don’t know what else to say.” Her lips brushed against his.
He tensed. No, no more blood. No more mind-twisting, soul-churning ancient, immortal blood. It rips me apart and spits me out until I don’t know who I am, or what I love.
The fragrance of night-blooming flowers infused him. Peace settled like a soft blanket.
I’ve always known what I’ve loved.
Even in the midst of the most shattering transformation, he had never lost sig
ht of his muse. He had railed against her. He had hated her.
He had always loved her.
But no more blood. No more subverting my will. My choices will be my own—my loyalty my own; my love my own.
He stiffened against Tera. He would not be taken against his will. Not now. Never again. Not even by his muse.
But the touch of her lips was scarcely more than a shared breath, as if it was all she dared offer him. “I love you.” Her whisper lingered against his skin. “It’s not enough; it never will be enough. You deserved more, but it was all I had. I’m sorry.”
He tasted moisture then, but it was the salt of tears, not the metallic taste of blood.
She’s crying. Her tears…for me?
The tangled confusion made it harder to focus his thoughts. He forced his eyelids open, but his vision was a blur. He could scarcely make out Tera’s face. She smiled faintly, but there was no joy in the curve of her lips. “It’s all right. Just a little longer, and it’ll be over. You’ll be at peace, I promise.” She pressed a kiss to her fingertips and then touched them to his lips. He could feel the warmth of her breath still. His eyes closed as he savored her presence. “We don’t have to rush this last moment together.” Her voice trembled. “It’s all we have left.”
She said nothing else, but her hands entwined with his. The tender veins on the insides of their wrists pulsed in unison. Her body spoke the words she did not give voice. For a moment—a single, precious moment—they were one.
His accelerated heartbeat slowed until it matched the steady beat of her heart. His breathing—jagged and shallow—relaxed and deepened. A quiet sigh slipped out. “Is this real?”
“Yes,” she said. “For now.”
He opened his eyes. “Is it true?”
“Yes,” Tera murmured. “Although it cannot undo what I have done.” Her gaze flicked away for a moment before returning to him. “I am sorry.”
“You said you loved me.”
“Yes.”
He scarcely dared ask it. “When you transformed me, it was not because you despised me…not to punish me…not from hate.”
“No. Never.” Tera shook her head. “I didn’t want to lose you, although I did anyway. You were not prepared for the transformation, and it broke you. The fault is entirely mine; I’m sorry you paid for it.”
“Is there…no going back?” he asked.
“Where do you want to go back to?”
“Before…this.” He touched his chest.
Tera shook her head. “Your memories are gone. Fragments are all you’ll have. They’re like your hands.” She bought his mangled hands up to her lips and kissed his fingers. The sensation was so light he wondered if he had imagined it. “Much of you was destroyed in the transformation; you’ll never get those pieces back. But—” She shrugged. “You are still here. Still Erich.”
Still Erich. What did she see? He was not the same man who had once waited at the fountain for her.
But I’ve been waiting for her. I never stopped waiting.
He swallowed through the heavy pressure in his chest. “And Canya—”
Tera’s smile had an oddly melancholic quality to it. “Canya has claimed you as her mate.”
“I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t prepare you for it. I didn’t think—but I should have.”
“She did it to spite you.”
Tera shook her head. “She did it because she knows, as I do, that you are different, Erich. You’re special. And if there was a bit of spite in Canya’s actions, it didn’t take away from who you are.”
“Why didn’t you claim me?”
A sad smile drifted across her face. “I have taken enough—too much—from you. You have a right to hate me, and if that is your choice, then you have a right to hold on to it, not have it wrenched away from you through deceit.”
“Then the blood bond is a lie?” Was he tied to Canya the way he was once tied to Tera?
“The blood bond, like love, is whatever you make of it.” She rose easily and held out her hand to him, tugging him to his feet. “I will miss you, Erich.”
Ice chilled around his heart. “You are going to kill me.”
“Not right now, but soon. You are Canya’s now. It is my duty. You wanted peace; you shall have it.”
“Why then would you warn me? Is it because you want me to live?” Erich frowned. “You want me to run. You want me to take the decision out of your hands.” He shook his head. “I’m not doing this again, Tera. When the time is right, I’ll make my choice, and you’ll make yours.”
“There is no choice. I am duty-bound to stop Canya, and you are blood-bound to defend her.”
“I make my own choices.”
“You underestimate the power of the blood bond.”
“And you underestimate the power of insanity.”
Tera looked puzzled, but Erich shrugged off the explanation. “Where are the others?”
“At the debriefing.” She led the way to the elevators and accompanied him to the chamber where the others were gathered.
Erich strode over to stand by Canya’s side.
He did not miss the triumphant smile Canya threw at Tera.
Yuri fidgeted, her fingers twitching to her sword, but was stilled by a sharp look from Tera. Erich concealed a smile. It appeared that his cousin—the one he scarcely remembered—took issue with his choice. He would have to watch his back.
Erich’s gaze flicked to Talon, whose scowl was only slightly less intimidating than his narrowed eyes.
He would have to watch out for Talon too.
A muscle twitched in his cheek. Enemies on all sides, and his muse was sworn to kill him.
Nothing to worry about. It’s just another day. It’s no crazier than what’s already inside my head.
Siri’s voice drew his attention back to the briefing. “Our timing has to be precise. There is no room for error. The work begins tonight. The vampires and humans have been trained to lay explosives, and they have the maps of the caves. They will be accompanied by daevas, since some of the work requires laying the explosives on the roof of the cave. At ten minutes to sunrise, a second team of daevas will fly up and scatter their silver iodide capsules into the atmosphere.
“The explosions at four key points will bring down the cave roof around the underground ocean, but the triggers have been programmed so that the explosions will not go off unless they are all in place. Jaden will set it off. The timer on the explosions will allow you to put a safe distance between you and the roof before it collapses.”
“And we have to expose the underground ocean before the sun rises,” Jaden said.
“Yes,” Siri agreed. “When the sun rises, the heat will evaporate the water. When it rises and reacts with the silver iodide, it should form clouds.”
“Should?”
“If it evaporates too quickly, it will dissipate too rapidly to react with silver iodide—hence the narrow window for success. It works brilliantly, or not at all.”
Canya chuckled. “Like all your plans, Siri?”
Siri tilted her head. “The most brilliant plan wasn’t mine. It was Megun’s, wasn’t it?”
Canya stiffened but Siri continued in a conversational tone. “I didn’t have a front row seat that day when Rohkeus died, but I’d always wondered about Megun’s burst of panic. She wasn’t a warrior like you or Tera, but she was fast and wasn’t afraid of using her claws. It seemed…odd…that when it mattered most, when she was the one person who could have saved Rohkeus, that she—in her apparent panic—kept him from defending himself.”
Siri looked up at Canya. “No comment?” She tilted her head. “You were part of her plan, weren’t you? Kill Rohkeus; capture Aeternae Noctis. Did you know that for centuries after his death, I watched Tera’s every move, wondering if you had sent her?” Siri shrugged. “After several thousand hours of observation, I finally realized that Tera’s really only capable of fooling herself. The kind of deceit and guile—the kind
that would assassinate our prince—Tera’s not capable of it, but you were.” Siri’s tone hardened. “You conspired to murder our prince.”
“He sank low.” Canya cast Ashra a derisive glance. “He was no longer worthy.”
Ashra held up her hand, cutting off Siri’s heated reply. “This discussion—however fascinating—is a thousand years in the past. What matters today isn’t Rohkeus’s choice of a lover.”
Canya snarled. “If Tera had upheld her warrior’s oath—”
“Her oath was to defend the icrathari—all icrathari.”
“She turned on me.”
Ashra’s voice was cold. “Your mistake was believing that Tera would abandon her duty for love of you and your pledge of sisterhood.”
“I should have known better,” Canya sneered. “There is no feeling in her. No emotion. No love. Just duty.” She drew her fingers across Erich’s shoulders. “Where has duty left you, Tera? Cold and lonely. Empty. Loveless.”
Tera drew a deep, shuddering breath.
Siri’s eyes narrowed. “She’s baiting you. Try not to kill her. Yet.”
Tera straightened. “Canya’s right, I chose duty. Duty may be a cold bedpartner, but she does not gnaw me up from the inside. I do not regret abandoning you and Megun to your treachery. I do not regret defending Aeternae Noctis.”
Canya’s eyes narrowed. “And Erich…?”
“Erich was a mistake. I allowed an instant of panic to overrule rationality.” Tera shrugged. “I will undo my mistake. It won’t happen again.”
A flicker of anxiety passed over Canya’s face. Erich frowned. But why? Canya was surrounded by icrathari and elder vampires, but she held the power. The plan could not be executed without her daevas.
Something else, Erich mused. Canya was planning something else, but what?
Chapter 17
“I have decided that I’m not a fan of cooperation.”
Talon’s declaration took no one by surprise. For the past few hours, he had stared suspiciously at the daevas supporting the human and vampire teams installing explosives on the cave roof.
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