by Laura Gibson
“But you promised.” Melody pleaded.
Kelly shrugged and Ryan slung an arm around Kelly’s shoulders, “We’ve gotta go take care of some business.”
“What sort of business does Cas have you doing at two in the morning?” Jefferson asked, taking a different stand.
The hard expression returned to Kelly’s face as he looked as his friend but he didn’t say anything.
“Jump when he says jump, right, Kell?” Jefferson sounded more accusatory than anything else. Was this left over from a previous conversation Anna hadn’t been privy to?
Kelly shook his head and turned around, following Ryan out, leaving the other three alone.
“Typical.” Melody sat back down and started on another beer.
Anna looked from Melody back to Jefferson who was still standing there, staring at the place where Kelly had walked away. Something was wrong. Something had happened between Jefferson and Kelly that Anna knew nothing about.
“I need some air.” Anna looked at Jefferson, “Wanna come?”
Jefferson looked over his shoulder at Melody, “What about her?”
“She’ll be fine.” Anna tugged on Jefferson’s hand, pulling him towards the door.
The chilly air cooled her throat and let her focus more on what was happening. She knew Jefferson was angry. She knew it had something to do with Kelly and Ryan. Other than that, she was left in the dark.
“You know, you and Kelly would always get into a bunch of trouble when we were little.” Anna teased him, nudging him with her elbow, hoping a little bit of friendly ribbing would make him open up.
Jefferson rolled his eyes and cracked a half-smile, “You’re one to talk Alice.”
“God, I was so stupid back then.” Anna laughed, “I really thought I could be a different person if no one knew my name.”
“Looks like you got your wish.” Jefferson chuckled, only halfheartedly so.
Anna shrugged, “I guess.”
“So, what’s it like, Alice?” Jefferson looked at her as they walked down the sidewalk.
“Don’t call me that.” Anna forced a sarcastic laugh, one that fell flat between them.
Jefferson shrugged, “Everyone else does.”
“Do you really want to be like everyone else, Jefferson?” Anna looked at him through narrow, harsh eyes.
“Guess not.” Jefferson rubbed his jaw and chuckled, “Although, it would be nice sometimes, being somebody else.”
Anna shook her head, she had too much pride to admit he was right, too much pride to admit that she wanted out most days. That she wanted to leave this world behind and start a new life. A better life. One without her parents that couldn’t give a damn about her, one without her friends that weren’t really friends. She could leave and become a new creature. Something different and wild and free.
“Being different is overrated.” Anna tasted the words in her mouth as she said them and knew he wouldn’t believe her. But he didn’t have to believe her. She just had to say it. Had to feel it. This was the hand she had been dealt, now she was going to own it.
Anna shivered, wishing she had brought a jacket out with her. Her fur lined bomber coat was still sitting in that back room, waiting for her.
Jefferson rolled his eyes at her and started heading back for the house, he didn’t want to play her games that evening. He had hoped for an honest conversation and she had refused to give him one.
“Jefferson Williams, you turn right back around and look at me this instant.” Anna scolded him,
Jefferson stopped and turned on his heels, barely facing her.
“I don’t want you to call me Alice because,” Anna explained, “I don’t want that between us.”
Jefferson’s eyes narrowed as he processed the information she was handing him.
Anna sighed, “Everyone wants to be someone else, Jeff, that’s just the way the world works.”
“So what about you? Do you want to be someone else?” Jefferson was scowling.
“No.” Anna’s pride stood in the way. Always in the way. She couldn’t tell Jefferson how she felt because it made her skin crawl just thinking of the fact that someone might know something vulnerable about her. Something they could use to hurt her later.
Jefferson shook his head and chuckled, turning around again, “You and Kelly are the same, you know that?”
“I’m not like Kelly.” The words left Anna’s mouth before she had a chance to think them over.
“Oh yeah?” Jefferson spun back around, his anger getting the better of him as he strode towards Anna, fire dancing in his eyes, “You don’t think you’re even the slightest bit the same?”
“I’m not an ass.” Anna raised her chin, acutely aware of the fact that Jefferson’s lips were less than centimeters away.
“No, but you’re just as prideful.” Jefferson hissed.
The truth stung coming from Jefferson more than Anna thought it should. She was prideful. Wasn’t that why she couldn’t find the words to tell him the truth? To tell him she wanted to be with him.
Almost spitefully, Anna raised up on her toes and pushed her mouth against Jefferson’s, capturing him in the third kiss they had ever shared. Her arms pulled him hard against her and she let her body melt into his. Damn the rules. No one was going to tell Anna what she could and couldn’t do.
She broke away from the kiss and stared into his eyes, hoping he would understand this time, “I don’t want you to call me Alice, because I want you to call me Anna. I want you to want me.”
“I do.” Jefferson whispered back. And in that moment Anna could tell he meant it, “I would die for you.”
“I’d never ask you to.” Anna replied.
They stayed like that for a long while, holding each other on the side walk, heads barely touching, each one knowing if they broke apart, there was no assurance they would go back together. There was no promise. No vow. Nothing between them holding their selves together. They only had that moment and they only had each other.
Anna wanted to explain, to talk away her nervous heartbeat, to settle her nerves that were set afire by his very touch, but there was nothing she could come up with that would take away those feelings. There was only more of him and what he meant to her. There was too much honesty between them and it burned to the touch.
Honesty was never something to play around with. It was wild and untamed and it held the potential to ruin everything if it wasn’t handled correctly.
Anna’s phone went off in her pocket, pulling her away from Jefferson. She looked at the text and bit the inside of her cheek.
‘Where are you?’
‘With Jefferson.’
Not even thirty seconds went by before she got another response.
‘I’m coming to get you.’
Anna looked at Jefferson, “What do you do for Casimir?”
“Less than what Kelly does.” Jefferson’s voice pulled out of a reluctant throat, his eyes daring her to ask anything more. Daring her to cross the line of ignorance.
“What does Kelly do?” Anna finally asked, knowing he wouldn’t tell her, but asking all the same.
Jefferson shook his head and rubbed his eyes, “You don’t want to know.”
“Tell me anyway.” Anna’s voice was low, but firm in her demands.
Jefferson met her eyes with his cold ones, “It’s not my place to tell.”
“But you know.” Anna nodded at him, prodding him.
“Yeah.” Jefferson was staring at her, intent on keeping his mouth shut.
Before Anna could ask anymore, a black car was pulling up alongside the curb and Casimir was getting out, walking towards them as if this was completely normal, “Anna, we have to talk.”
Anna let the anger settle in her stomach in regards towards Jefferson’s refusal and walked towards the car.
“I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” Cas looked from Anna to Jefferson.
“I was just leaving.” Anna kept her eyes off Jefferson and
got in the car, hoping this meeting wouldn’t take long. She had things to do.
Cas made a face but shrugged, not pursuing the tense subject, following Anna back to the car and slid in next to her. As they were pulling away from the curb, Anna looked out the window and saw Jefferson was already walking back towards the house and the party. He didn’t even care enough to stick around and watch her go.
This was just one more example of why they couldn’t be together. Life always seemed to be getting in the way. Life and their own pride. Because if Anna was prideful, so was Jefferson, and that was something neither one of them was willing to back down on.
Kelly
It wasn’t that Kelly found anyone in the room boring, he just didn’t care to look any different than what they thought of him.
He was going unnoticed and ignored in all realms of life and he didn’t know how to react to it. Casimir had told him he was important and then refused to acknowledge him. It was an odd position to be in. First Kelly was built up and then he was reminded of where he truly belonged.
But didn’t his lack of obedience merit at least a stern talking to? Didn’t Casimir care that Kelly was in the midst of breaking all the rules?
Kelly looked at the people in the room with him and wished for a moment that they understood. Each of them, in their own way, had pretended to know, but none of them could ever really grasp the full weight of what Kelly was carrying around on his shoulders. Ryan didn’t have the emotional capacity for empathy, Anna was far too selfish to see any real depth in anyone and Jefferson… well, Jefferson was changing.
It used to be that Kelly could tell Jefferson anything and he would get it, or he would at least try. He could look at Kelly and know just what was bothering him, but lately Jefferson had been preoccupied.
From learning from Vincent all the tricks of that dark trade to bending at Casimir’s every whim, Jefferson didn’t have the time anymore for anything else. His life was being planned out for him and he was just along for the ride. Friendships, feelings, a sense of self, it all took a backseat as Jefferson attempted to keep up with what was expected out of him.
Looking at Jefferson, Kelly was actually glad his parents were never around. He could only imagine what sort of meddling they would get into if they saw it fit to be a part of his life.
Kelly shivered. He didn’t want to come to this party, but Melody had been insistent. She was lonely she said. ‘What’s the point in having a boyfriend if he’s never around?’ She asked him, hoping he would give in to her guilt tactics.
Somewhere in Kelly’s heart he still cared about Melody. She just a girl in all of this. She was just a person. She didn’t know anything about Casimir Volkov and she didn’t need to. She was removed from it all and Kelly was glad about it. He couldn’t ruin her soul. That wasn’t his place.
“Why can’t it be like this more often?” Melody asked and Kelly swallowed as his phone went off in his pocket. It couldn’t be like this because there was no ‘this’ to have anymore. A cancer had crept into their small circle and now it was slowly dividing the pieces of the body, separating them, killing them.
Kelly took the phone out and sighed, “I gotta go.” He stood up and put the phone back in his pocket. Casimir was waiting for him outside. Had to get a move on otherwise he would get pissy. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.
Anna made a face, “He can wait.”
When she saw that Kelly wasn’t going to answer her, she continued, “Really, he’s a big boy, he’ll understand.”
“Shut up, Anna, you’re drunk.” Ryan laughed, putting his stuff together, getting ready to take off with Kelly. Where Kelly went, Ryan followed. Those were the rules at present. Everyone got paid well and Kelly seemed to be the only one bothered by any of it.
“Hey, man.” Jefferson was scowling at Ryan, “Be nice.”
Kelly frowned, Jefferson was getting chummy with Anna. Or more than chummy. Infatuated?
Ryan rolled his eyes, “Boss man says jump.”
“Kelly.” Melody grabbed his hand, “You promised you’d stick around tonight.”
Kelly shook his head and took back his hand, “I gotta go.” He repeated, he didn’t want to hurt Melody’s feelings, but he didn’t really have a choice in the matter either.
“But you promised.” Melody pleaded. He knew he was breaking a promise to her. He knew he was hurting her again, but he didn’t really have a choice. The stress of knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop it from happening constricted in his chest and made him swallow.
Kelly shrugged and Ryan slung an arm around Kelly’s shoulders, “We’ve gotta go take care of some business.”
“What sort of business does Cas have you doing at two in the morning?” Jefferson asked, taking a different stand. They had had this conversation before, or Jefferson had tried to, at least.
Jefferson wanted to know why Kelly let Casimir tell him what to do. He saw an out for Kelly unlike one that didn’t exist for himself.
Kelly stared at Jefferson, this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have right then and there, not when everyone was watching.
“Jump when he says jump, right, Kell?” Jefferson said, angry that Kelly wouldn’t relent.
Kelly shook his head and turned around, following Ryan out the door, hoping Jefferson wouldn’t tag along.
He didn’t know what he would say to Jefferson if he had the actual chance to pick everything apart. How do you explain that you fucked up your whole life in one moment and couldn’t get it back? There was no getting out for Kelly. There was no savior waiting for him on the other side of the bend. There was just him and there was just Casimir and that’s all there was ever going to be. Nothing was going to change that.
As usual, the car was parked across the street, waiting for them. Kelly got in and Ryan followed suit. They looked at Casimir for instructions and waited for the man to say something.
“I don’t need you here, Ryan.” Casimir’s voice was low and dismissive as he stared at Kelly.
Kelly swallowed, time was up, his reckoning had arrived.
Ryan nodded, “Cool.” And slid right back out of the car with an audible sigh of relief. Maybe this job was effecting Ryan in ways Kelly couldn’t see.
Maybe everyone was stuck in their own personal hell when it came to Casimir.
The silence that followed Ryan’s exit from the vehicle was one Kelly had become accustomed to. It was the same silence that filled any parts of Casimir and Kelly’s time together, it was their constant companion.
Finally, Casimir spoke up, his face dark in the back of the town car, “I think you know what I’m going to say.”
Kelly nodded, he didn’t, not exactly, but he knew this moment had been a long time coming, “You can just say it.”
“I can’t trust you, Kelly.” Casimir never broke eye contact, or what Kelly perceived to be eye contact in the unlit space.
“No,” Kelly met his honesty face on, “You can’t.”
But what came out of Casimir’s mouth next was surprising to Kelly, not because it wasn’t something he was expecting, but because it was much worse than the fate Cas had dealt Mikhail. “I’m going back to Kaliningrad soon, but I need insurance that you’ll stay on here and make sure things run smoothly while I’m away.”
“You could just have Ryan watch me.” Kelly’s voice was harder than he wanted it to be, but he couldn’t stop the bitterness from seeping out, “He seems apt to the task.”
“See, I would.” Casimir looked out the window, staring at some drama that was taking place across the street, “I really would, but you know, I don’t think that’s a strong enough incentive for you.”
“Well, looks like you’re in a jam then.” Kelly shrugged, waiting for the hammer to be brought down, waiting for Casimir to announce his death sentence.
Casimir looked back at him, “The difference between you and Anna, Kelly, the real difference is that she understands survival more than you do. She doesn’t have a death wish.
”
Kelly blinked once, staring at Cas, wondering where this was going.
“If I pose the idea to her she would understand its implications. I don’t need to test Anna to know I can trust her.” Casimir said, his calm, even tone cutting through Kelly’s mind.
“Anna wouldn’t betray me.” Kelly responded, hoping he was right. She was his sister. Siblings were supposed to protect each other.
“No. You’re quite right. She wouldn’t betray you. But she loves you,” Casimir rubbed his chin, “And what is love if not in of itself a betrayal?”
“Just say it.” Kelly was growing impatient with this conversation. He didn’t have time to play a game with Casimir all night that he knew he was going to lose anyway. He didn’t want to have to sit here and listen to his entire life be decided for him.
“Your family unit is strong. Your parents, not so much, but the sibling bond is a force to be reckoned with.” Casimir half smiled, as if he was telling a joke only he understood, “I’d like to see that power in action. I’d like to see the lengths you would go to protect one another.”
“So what? You’re going to tell Anna you’re going to kill me if I don’t comply?” Kelly almost snorted, “You know that’s not going to do anything.”
“You’re quite right about that.” Casimir nodded, “Entirely correct, actually. But that’s not what I’m going to do.”
Kelly’s narrowed his eyes into small slits and scowled at Casimir, “So what then?”
“When two people are joined in marriage certain things happen. Other things fall away. You’re not individual persons anymore, you’re one functioning whole.” Casimir wasn’t smiling anymore as he met Kelly’s glare, “My insurance Kelly, is going to be as simple as this; I’m going to marry Anna and then, if you defy me one more time, I’m going to make her life near impossible to live. Push me any further and you will reach the limits of my patience.”
Kelly took a hard breath in and felt angry trembles ripple throughout his body. So that was the plan. It wasn’t to hurt Kelly. It was to control Kelly.
“You can leave now.” Casimir opened a side door for Kelly and stared on, refusing to look at his subordinate.