by Laura Gibson
But once she looked at him, he knew he had her on the ropes.
Six hours later, he was hammered on Jack and Cokes and she was shaking her groove thing on the dance floor like any proper best friend should.
“I told you you’d have a good time!” Rhett shouted over the music.
“Fuck you, Rhett Samuels!” Juliet shouted back, never happy to be told she was wrong.
Rhett laughed and took another long gulp from his most recent drink. Right then and there he was happy. He knew he would end up crashing at Juliet’s place and he wouldn’t have to go home again. For one more night he was safe. For one more night he didn’t have to think about Jane and everything he ruined.
A song came on that made Rhett’s heart flip in his chest, but it wasn’t as painful as it could have been. He pulled Juliet closer and made sure he was the one she was dancing with. He put his hand on the small of her back, the comforting feeling of her cotton shirt against his palm grounded him and she was smiling up at him, enjoying their time together just as much as he was. Her smile caught somewhere in her thoughts and it faded, she blinked once and he swallowed.
Then he kissed her. Not because he felt like he had to, or because he wanted something more out of this friendship, but because he wanted to.
“Ugh, what smells like hangover central in the living room?” Beat’s disapproving voice woke Rhett up from a disjointed feeling of sleeping and not sleeping at the same time.
“Oh, it’s you.” Beat sounded more upset than usual. Beat hated Rhett and didn’t try to hide this feeling at all. She believed that Rhett was taking advantage of Juliet’s giving spirit and was a bad friend.
Rhett believed that Beat was just an unhappy woman who wanted to make those around her miserable as well. He also did not hide this feeling, although he did find it acceptable to like her as a person and tease her. Their friendship, on his side at least, would not be hindered by the fact that she may have been a raging bitch.
“Don’t worry, Beaty, I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.” Rhett stretched and looked around for his shirt. Somewhere in the mess of last night he had decided to sleep sans outer attire, and now he laid there on the couch in only his boxers. At least they were the new ones, he could have worn his old ratty ones again. Then Beaty would really be pitching a fit. Didn’t she see that he was only thinking of her?
“Seriously, could you not rub your junk all over my couch?” Beat was in a foul mood this morning and Rhett chuckled.
“Babe, I’m still wearing grungers.”
“No one even knows what that means.” Beat threw his pants at him from across the room and they landed on top of his head.
“Don’t stare too long!” Rhett yelled, knowing the small redhead was already stomping away.
Beat stood a barely five-foot-something and unruly red hair that she refused to do anything with at any time, explaining that it was artistic expression, or some other sort of bullshit that Rhett did not understand. She was freckled and pale, two things that she complained about most vehemently, making Rhett believe she actually enjoyed her complexion and just wanted people to give her compliments. He always obliged.
Slowly he took the pants off his face and sighed, trying not to jostle his brain too much as he put them on. He didn’t remember much of the night before, but he did know they had a good time and that was all he was really looking for.
“Juliet! Your degenerate friend is still here!” Beat was yelling from somewhere else inside the house and Rhett smiled. There was something about getting under Beat’s skin that made him feel good.
“We need to talk.” Juliet came into view then right as Rhett was pulling his light blue cotton shirt over his head.
“Can it wait till I’m not starving?” Rhett knew what she wanted to talk about and he really didn’t feel like discussing her favorite subject.
Juliet sighed heavily and crossed her arms over her chest, “You’re a mess, Rhett.”
Rhett forced a laugh, trying to make it look like Juliet wasn’t right. “Rosie says I’m fine.”
“You know she’s full of shit, right?” Juliet was glaring at Rhett, “They just passed you because they know you’re not going to go on a killing spree.”
“I think that’s what it says actually,” Rhett laughed for real, “Spree Free.”
Juliet made a face, “But really, Rhett, you can’t be doing this anymore.”
“I think Beaty likes it.” Rhett put his hands in his back pockets, smiling.
“Beat hates you.”
“I’m growing on her.”
“She refers to you as ‘that asshole who sleeps on the couch.’”
Rhett shrugged. “I am that asshole who sleeps on the couch.”
Juliet looked sad then, her brown eyes pouring out buckets of pity on him. “You’re not an asshole, Rhett.”
Rhett cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck, “Keep tellin’ yourself that, Jules, and I’ll keep sleeping on your couch.”
“Come on, Rhett, I don’t have time for this. You know how much paperwork I put aside just to go out with you last night? I gotta get to work.” Juliet crossed her arms over her chest.
“No.” Rhett stretched and shook his head. He pretended like he didn’t care about her paperwork and her job and her life because not caring was better than feeling like utter shit the entire time.
“You need to see someone about your deal.” Juliet had lecture tone again.
Rhett made a face. He hated that tone, she usually said things that were right when he just wanted to be wrong.
“I don’t think they make out prescriptions for being an asshole.” Rhett raised his eyebrows, “I think once you go full ass, there’s no cure, you’re stuck with me like this.”
Juliet rolled her eyes, “You can’t keep avoiding your problems forever.”
Rhett smiled, “I know, but that’s not gonna stop me from trying.”
She didn’t bring up the kiss and somehow he knew she wasn’t going to. She didn’t need to say anything to know what it meant.
Charleston, West Virginia
May 28th, 2008
Anna
Anna looked down at her phone and pursed her lips. Kelly was mad at her for some reason. Whatever it was, she didn’t have time for it. She was already busy damning herself into oblivion.
“Don’t fuck with Cas.” Was all Kelly’s text read, as if she was going to listen to him.
“Kelly, I’m not afraid of Casimir Volkov, you should know me better than that.” Anna replied with a stab to her ‘send’ button.
There were a few minutes in between her response and Kelly’s next text. Enough minutes to make Anna regret her words and wish she had said something different.
“You should be.” Kelly wrote back, “You’re an idiot if you’re not.”
Chapter Seventeen
Charleston, West Virginia
August 3rd, 2007
Rhett
Time was easier now. Easier than it had ever been. Work was going well. Friends were going well enough. Even Beat seemed to be coming around. He was really making strides in this whole getting over Jane department.
It was a Sunday, and like every Sunday before it, Juliet had first drug him to church and then they made sandwiches and ate them in the park, pretending like they were regular folks. Pretending like they both weren’t watching out for other things.
The wind tousled Juliet’s hair and she made a face, trying to control her dark tresses. Finally, in exasperation, she set her sandwich down on its wrapper and pulled a hair tie out of her pocket.
Rhett watched her finger comb it into a nice pony tail and smiled, feeling good. Like, really good. Like he could be a normal person and have a normal life and he didn’t have to constantly feel guilty about Jane.
“What?” Juliet made a face when she caught him staring, “Is there something on my face?”
She started to grab for a mirror Rhett knew she kept in her purse and he laughed at her, �
�You’re such a girl sometimes.”
“Yeah, I think that’s what all these lady parts mean.” Juliet scowled at him, rifling through her bag for the mirror.
Rhett was still laughing, “There’s nothing on your face, your face is perfect.”
Juliet rolled her eyes, “I’m sure there’s a big ol’ glop of mustard on there or something and you’re just going to let it dry to my face and I’ll have mustard flecks falling off of me all day long and everyone will go, ‘Look at that poor Juliet, she used to be such a nice girl.’ And then no one will ever love me.”
Rhett held up a finger to make a counter argument but stopped himself and tried again with a different tactic, “Ignoring the fact that you think mustard on your face makes you unlovable, I want to assure you there is nothing on your face.”
By this point in time, Juliet already had her mirror in hand and was beginning to open it, looking at him through slits. “Mustard is a sign of weakness.”
“I’m gonna have to remember that.” Rhett tried to hide his smile while he teased her.
She was easily teased. It was like she walked straight into moments where he couldn’t help but poke her with a stick.
“Careful, Detective,” She shot him a look, “I carry a gun.”
“You keep saying that.” Rhett was grinning now from ear to ear, “But with all that mustard on your face, I just can’t take you seriously.”
“Fuck you, Rhett Samuels.” Juliet was back to scowling as she put the mirror away without checking her face.
‘Fuck you, Rhett Samuels’ had become her new catch phrase and Rhett couldn’t help but the love the way her lips formed around the words.
The sunlight glittered off her copper skin as he looked at her. She really was beautiful.
Without meaning to, without any intentions as to where he was going with the next words out of his mouth, Rhett opened a door he had tried to keep closed, “You’re gorgeous, you know that?”
Juliet rolled her eyes, brushing off the honest compliment, “You’re just saying that because you’ve doomed me to a life with mustard on my face.”
“No, seriously, you’re very pretty.” Rhett tried to make his face look as sincere as possible.
Juliet studied him for a moment, her critical eyes taking in everything in front of her. When she spoke next, her voice was low, serious. The one she used whenever she was talking about something she wasn’t sure of. The one voice he rarely ever wanted to hear, “Rhett, what are you doing?”
Rhett frowned, he was giving his friend a compliment, isn’t that what friends were supposed to do? Compliment each other?
“What is this, Rhett?” Juliet tried again, still serious, unwavering.
“I don’t understand.” Rhett wanted to play stupid, so he did, but slowly the situation became very clear to him. She saw something more than what he meant. Or maybe he meant more than what he originally thought.
“We’re just friends, right?” Juliet’s small face wasn’t a playful frown anymore, but a real frown, one that played with her perfectly sculpted eyebrows and turned her usually full lips into a thin line.
“That’s what we’ve always been, Jules.” Rhett tried to feel out the conversation. His stomach tightened and constricted and his mouth tasted as dry as sandpaper. Right? That’s what they had always been? Ever since the beginning, they had gotten along so well. People interested in one another couldn’t do that. It was all butterflies and flutterings and gooey eyes. Those people developed problems with their sweat glands and over-thought every moment with their significant other.
This wasn’t that. This was easy. This was simple. Everything fell into place with Juliet. He didn’t have to try to be her friend, because being himself was good enough. So why were things changing now?
Because he called her beautiful. Rhett swallowed. He changed the game with that one sentence and now they had to come to terms with the fact that their friendship might mean something else.
A pang of guilt flashed through Rhett as he remembered Jane and everything she meant to him. He couldn’t betray that. Not yet. Not her memory. It was too soon.
“What if we tried to be more than friends?” Juliet’s tone was unsure of itself. She was walking along the edge now and terror ripped through Rhett as he realized he had to be the one to make her fall. Because she was asking him to. Because he was stupid and hadn’t thought about what he was saying.
Rhett shook his head, “I can’t do that.”
“So, you can kiss me when you’re drunk and you can tell me I’m gorgeous, but you can’t find it in yourself to think that we might be good together?” Juliet was angry now. Hurt and angry.
Rhett swallowed. He never wanted to put her in this position, but he had been such a jackass it was impossible not to have the talk. The one where he would take her heart she was giving him and dash it all to pieces because he wasn’t ready to let go of a dead girl. Because he hadn’t moved on yet.
“I’m sorry.” Rhett half whispered. And he was. He really was sorry, but that didn’t take away Juliet’s hurt. Or her anger. It was just something to say to fill the void, it didn’t fix anything.
“I can’t be the man you want me to be.” Rhett tried again, “I failed Jane. She died because I couldn’t save her.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.” Juliet’s jaw was tense and he could see now she was holding back tears. Tears because of a perceived rejection. Not perceived. He really had rejected her, but couldn’t she see? He would ruin her. He was just that asshole who slept on her couch. He wasn’t real boyfriend material.
“Please don’t cry.” Rhett couldn’t address all the emotions at once, so he went with the more pertinent. He never wanted to see Juliet cry. He loved her too much for that.
“Don’t cry?” Juliet’s voice was shaking, whether it be from hurt or rage now, he wasn’t sure. “God, you’re a piece of work, Rhett.”
Rhett clenched his jaw and looked away, he didn’t ask for any of this. She was the one who had taken him home and taken care of him. He had always been very upfront about everything that was going on in his head. He never hid what happened to Jane from her.
“I’m not in the right place for a relationship.” Rhett wouldn’t look at her now. He knew she was crying now. The tears had escaped, but her face was still that angry frown, she would not succumb to her pain, she was too proud for that.
“Well, I can’t be friends with you.” Juliet grabbed her bag and stood up, “You don’t know what a friendship is.”
“Clearly not.” Rhett snorted, still looking at the ground, afraid to look at her at all.
“Call me when you’ve grown up.” Juliet slung her bag over her shoulder and walked away, done with the conversation, done with the friendship.
Rhett exhaled. And then he was alone again. Knowing he was a failure and unable to do anything about it. Things would never work out just right for Rhett. He didn’t know how to make them work.
He couldn’t make Jane feel his love and he couldn’t make Juliet understand his friendship. He was an utter failure in every facet of his life and he considered giving up right then and there, because, what other option did he have?
May 29th, 2008
Charleston, West Virginia
Jefferson
After the fact, no one knew what happened that night between Casimir and Anna. All Jefferson was aware of was Anna showing up on his doorstep, drenched in the rain and crying.
“Don’t make me go away.” She said slowly, her eyes shining with something close to tears, “Please don’t send me away, Jefferson.”
And he didn’t. He stepped to the side and he let her into his home and he closed the door after her.
She didn’t speak of Casimir or why fear radiated off her being, she just looked at him with the same expression she always had when he’d gone too far and she would tell him that she couldn’t love him.
But it was Jefferson she had come to and not anyone else. It was the end of everythi
ng and Jefferson could taste it on the air. He looked at her face and he saw the future. It wasn’t happy and it wasn’t bright. It was a world without her and he had no idea what that meant.
So he made them drinks and they sat on his couch and they didn’t speak for a very long time.
Slowly, as if she’d finally given up, Anna rested her head on his shoulder, her body exhaling.
Jefferson leaned down and kissed the top of her head, “I love you.” He whispered, knowing he shouldn’t say it but unable to keep the secret any longer. If this was it, if this was the last night they would have together, she would have to know, would have to see.
“No.” Anna whispered, “You can’t.”
Jefferson pulled away and looked at her, “But I do.” His voice was harsh in the dim light of the room, “You have to believe me.”
“You can’t love me!” Anna was on the defensive again, always defending, always afraid of something touching her heart, “You don’t even know me.”
“Anna, I know you better than anyone else.” Jefferson was angry now, why couldn’t she just accept his love? Why couldn’t she just accept him?
“Like that even means anything.” Anna’s face was contorted into a cruel snarl, “You have no idea what I’ve done or who I can be at the drop of a hat. You just look at me and you see someone else. You see a fairytale.”
“I see you!” Jefferson got to his feet, his voice loud, full with emotion.
“How can you?!” Anna shouted back, “You’ve never listened to me about anything! I tell you the truth about who I am and you choose to believe your fantasy! It’s not real, Jeff! Look at me! Look at who I am!!!”
“Anna,” Jefferson lowered his voice, “I’ve never looked away.”
“If that were true, Jefferson, you’d have seen that I’m incapable of love.” Anna moved closer to him, as if to console him but he just shook his head.