by S. J. Day
His stomach roiled and he found himself wishing he could vomit. He felt violated, as if he’d raped his own body.
Want you inside me. . . with me. Eve’s breathless voice combined with the dark ones in his head to goad him into an act he regretted more than the first time he’d killed his brother.
He could barely stomach looking at the woman sprawled on the floor behind him, knowing he’d betrayed Eve with her. Izzie had started out by goading him, spurring his lust and anger, relishing his single- minded focus on rutting. She might have thought it similar to the way he’d been with her before.
That changed as the darkness overtook him. He’d merely been the vessel used to carry out the act and at some point, she realized that. Surprise had hit her first, then fear, followed by anger. In the end, the pleasure overwhelmed the rest, but Alec doubted she would seek him out for sex again. He prayed to God that he would be able to resist her if she did.
I have to gain control of whatever the ascension awakened in me.
Naked, he moved to where Izzie lay sleeping and bent to pick her up. She whimpered and rolled away from him, exhausted by the demands made on her body. He had the strength of an archangel and the needs of a multitude of voices in his head. For all intents and purposes, she’d been fucked by a dozen insatiable appetites. Her clothes were in tatters, her eye makeup and lipstick smeared.
Alec deposited her gently on the black leather sofa that rested against one wall, then moved to the bathroom and the shower that waited there. He’d practically lived in this office after his promotion. Knowing immediately that something was wrong with him, he had been determined to keep away from Eve. But the thought of her with Abel—or any another man—had been unbearable. He’d given in to the need to see her. He didn’t have to be in love with her to want to keep her. Affection, admiration, respect, and desire... some marriages had far less.
Want you..
He was so exhausted that even Eve’s voice couldn’t rouse him, but he felt a soft humming in his gut that signaled an eventual recharge. He had to get out of the tower and away from the other Marks who made him so powerful.
What have I done?
As the scorching water beat down upon his head and the odor of sweat and sex dissipated in the steam, Alec placed his hand against the cool tile and stared at the water swirling down the drain. Just like his life—and his relationship with Eve.
The things he’d said to her. . . Now that he could think clearly, he knew the full extent of what he had done. His intentions had been right, but the approach was hideously wrong.
He thought of Izzie’s exhaustion and his own stamina. He winced. While he didn’t like the means, he was grateful the thing in him hadn’t used Eve that way.
Cleaned and dressed in new clothes, Alec moved back into the main part of his office and collected Izzie. He shifted to her apartment and tucked her into bed.
He loathed himself in the brief moments that he hovered over her unmoving form. She had started out a willing participant and he’d pleasured her well, but too much of anything was too much. He’d been rougher with her than he had ever been with another female in his life.
He was exhausted when he shifted back to the hallway outside of Hank’s office. So tired that knocking on the door was a chore, but an invitation was the only way to breach the occultist’s inner sanctum. As it had earlier in the day when he’d come with Eve and the tengu, the door opened without tangible assistance and Alec entered the shadowy space.
“Took you long enough,” Hank rasped, appearing out of the shadows in the familiar crone guise before altering into a voluptuous and lovely red-haired female. Alec used to wonder if the haggard witch guise was really a glamour at all, but later decided it was just a quirk. A ritual Hank performed to get in the mood to work his—or her—magic.
“Sorry?’ The simple word was incapable of relating the full depth of Alec’s remorse.
Hank came to a stop just a few inches away. “You look like shit?’
He felt like it, too. “What have you got for me?”
“Some advice?’ Hank crossed her arms beneath an ample bosom. “End whatever sort of relationship you have with Eve. You are weakening each other at a time when you both need to be the strongest.”
“I’ve already broken it off with her.”
“Ah. . .“ Hank studied him with narrowed eyes. “You seem more affected by the loss than you should be as an archangel.”
Alec almost snapped back—his temper was still sharp—but the last couple of hours had afforded him
just enough control to fight the impulse. “What do you know about the ascension to archangel?”
“I know I’ve always believed that archangels were born, not made.”
Hank turned and gestured for Alec to follow. As they moved, a circle of light, like a spotlight, moved with them. Alec got the sense that the room extended infinitely beyond the shadows, which wasn’t possible according to the limitations of mortal structures. But he’d learned to just accept that Hank was a demon of unknown power and origins, and to appreciate the fact that the Infernal was on his side and not on Sammael’s.
“Any guess as to why more haven’t been created?” Alec asked.
“Because the Seven have remained intact.”
“The Seven. You say that as if it were an entity and not just a number.”
A small, rough-hewn wooden table came into view and Hank settled daintily into a matching chair, gesturing for Alec to do the same. In all of the years he’d worked with Hank, this was the first time he’d ventured more than a few feet inside the occultist’s domain. The air was hotter back here and smelled of sulfur.
Alec sat. The tengu waddled out of the darkness carrying a tray, as docile as a well-trained butler. He set a pitcher of amber-colored liquid and two crystal tumblers on the table, then bowed and scampered away. The stench of his rotting soul lingered.
“What the hell?” Alec barked. “It stinks. And it’s... well behaved.”
“We’ll get to that in a minute. Of the many other archangels, only Michael, Raphael, and Gabriel have retained their foothold. Metatron, Ariel, Izidkiel... and all the others, where are they now?”
“With God.”
“Because they were not able to manage firms and a secular life as well as the others?” Hank queried, referencing the widely spread belief. “With all the power and knowledge at an archangel’s disposal, only seven were able to remain on Earth? God didn’t want to create more in the hopes that they might be able to handle it? And no mal ‘akh has proven capable of taking on the task in the interim? Until you?”
Lifting his glass, Alec sniffed the contents and asked, “What is this?”
“Iced chamomile tea.”
Alec set the glass back down. “I was promoted be- cause Raguel was taken.” And because he’d promised Sabrael an as-yet-unknown favor, but that was a matter best kept between him and Sabrael.
Hank filled her glass to the rim and downed the contents in one audible gulp. “Which effectively kept the number of archangels on earth at seven.”
“You think the number is deliberate? Like a cap?”
“That, or the change is so difficult it is the very rare mal‘akh who can manage it. I like you quite well, Cain, but you and I both know that there are others who are better qualified for the advancement than you are.”
Exhaling harshly, Alec leaned into the seat despite its creaking protests. Hank had a generous expense account and could easily afford to upgrade the furnishings, but appearance was everything to the occultist. The rickety table and chairs were meant to convey something that Alec didn’t yet grasp. And he couldn’t waste time thinking about it now. “No one is more knowledgeable than I am about saving Mark lives.”
Hank flicked a lock of long red hair back over her shoulder. “Since when is that an archangel’s purpose?”
The subtle challenge caused Alec’s lips to pull back from his teeth in a snarl.
“Look at you’ Hank ra
sped. “Like a rabid dog on the edge of attack. Yet you found the will to break up with Eve, when I’m certain that’s the last thing you wanted to do. You’re not supposed to be able to love her.”
“It’s not the same as before.”
“Diminished, but not gone. Why isn’t it gone? Is it because you were in love when the ascension happened?”
“I don’t need more questions,” Alec bit out. “I need answers.”
Hank shrugged. “I’m a scientist. It’s in my nature to question things.”
“Find the damn answers! What the hell is wrong with me?”
“What’s wrong is your belief that something is wrong.”
Alec’s fists clenched. “I don’t like hitting women, but you’re pushing me”
The occultist altered shape into a young girl of around six or seven years old, but spoke in the eternally present gruff voice. “Every celestial believes that demons choose to be evil. None will consider that we’re created the way we are. We couldn’t see the world as you do, even if we wanted to. Just like you can’t see our point of view.”
But Alec could now. That was the problem. He saw the appeal. Worse, the urges he felt seemed an inherent part of him, not an addition. “So you think I’m supposed to be this way? That I’ve always been this way. Is that what you’re saying?”
“Perhaps you’re fighting the change.” Hank picked up Alec’s untouched glass and downed the contents. “Perhaps the ambitious part of your soul, the part that yearns to be closer to God, is what’s rebelling in you. It’s becoming feral because it isn’t getting what it wants.”
“Maybe it’s the part of me that wants Eve,” he said, just to be contrary.
“Personally, I think it might be that other, darker part of your soul asserting itself. That part you ignore and everyone pretends doesn’t exist.”
Alec growled at Hank’s perceptiveness, the sound more animal than angel. “It doesn’t exist. It’s a myth.”
“A lie from an archangel, instead of mere evasion. That has to be a first” Hank smiled. “Regardless, my concern was for Eve and you’ve seen to that. Cain of Infamy can take care of himself. I suggest you ask one of the other archangels what to expect. Why come to an Infernal when Sarakiel is here to assist you?”
“Because I’m in competition with the other archangels now.”
Similar to children, archangels curried the favor of their Father. They competed with their siblings in the hopes of outshining them. He was now a threat. They’d be sabotaging themselves in order to help him. No archangel was that selfless.
Altering back into the sex kitten form, Hank stood and gestured for Alec to follow suit. “Come on. Let me show you why I called you down here. It might cheer you up.”
CHAPTER 10
The soft trill of an incoming text message pulled Reed from a doze. “Can I smash your phone?”
he murmured, nuzzling his lips against the crown of Eve’s head. “I’ll buy you a new one.”
She wriggled against his side, her body a warm weight he was reluctant to lose. “Some of us have to communicate the hard way,” she teased. As she pushed up on one elbow, the thick curtain of her hair tickled his chest.
He felt a shadow of unease cross her mind, followed quickly by a stab of guilt. Rolling, he pinned her beneath him and took her mouth in a hard, hot kiss. She softened, her hands sliding into his hair to hold him close.
Pulling back, he touched his nose to hers, somewhat bemused by his need to be tender. “If you start thinking of this as a mistake, I’ll bend you over my knee and spank you.”
Eve laughed, but her gaze was somber. “You’re going to have to be patient with me. I’m not in the best shape to jump into something serious. I told you that before.”
“I’m not in any shape to jump into anything. You know that. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.”
“Or if you’re going to want to keep doing it” she added.
Reed winked. “I definitely want to keep doing it.”
“Fine. We’ll keep it sexual.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Yes, it is.” She wrapped a leg around his, rolled him back over, and kept on going. She continued alone until she rolled to the edge of the mattress, then slid off of it.
“Babe..”
She moved over to the dresser and unplugged her cell phone from its charger. A few button pushes later, she said, “Sara is looking for you.”
Closing his eyes, he bit back a frustrated groan. He had a cell phone, but he kept it off 90 percent of the time for just this reason. Anyone he wanted to talk to could do so without secular means. Everyone else could damn well wait until he got to them.
“How bad is it that she knew she’d find you with me?” As she talked, Eve’s voice grew distant.
Slitting his eyes open, Reed caught her hot little ass disappearing into the bathroom. Shamelessly naked, which he found very appealing.
She probably contacted all of my Marks, he replied privately, knowing that calling after her would be heard by the two Marks in the living room.
The shower came on. Eve’s room was large, with vaulted ceilings and a door-less entry to the bathroom that was several feet wide.
How long were you with her? she asked.
Reed slid out of bed and followed her into the bathroom. “I know what you’re thinking, and it wasn’t like that.”
He found Eve standing with eyes closed and head tilted back beneath a massive showerhead. The shower stall had been built with no door and only a slender floating glass partition, which afforded him an unobstructed view of every inch of her.
What was it like, then? she rejoined.
“A waste of time.”
Eve straightened and wiped the water from her eyelashes. “Some relationships end with feelings like that, but they rarely begin with them.”
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t do relationships.”
“Was she that good in the sack?” She posed the question casually, but he sensed that her interest in the answer was far from it.
“She was convenient. No dating, no wooing, no foreplay. The less I cared about her pleasure, the more she liked it.”
“Maybe because she cares about you.”
Reed laughed. “She’s an archangel, remember? There’s barely enough room in her heart for God.”
“I’m not kidding. I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”
“She wants my cock. That’s not caring by any definition.”
Eve squirted apple-scented soap into her palm and shot him a wry glance. “I know some men have fantasies about penis-starved women, but that’s a bit much.”
He leaned his hip into the counter and crossed his arms, watching her shampooing her long hair with avid interest “That’s not what you were moaning thirty minutes ago.”
She paused long enough to throw a loofah at him. Catching it neatly, he straightened and approached her.
“I asked Sara to do something for me,” he told her. “She strung me along for years before admitting that she wasn’t going to follow through.”
“Maybe she couldn’t follow through.”
Reed tossed the loofah back at her, then caught her hips and spun her out of the shower spray.
“Hey!” she protested, as he stepped under the water. “The point is that she knew she wasn’t going to help me. She just led me to believe otherwise.” Shaking out his wet hair, he ceded the shower back to her and reached for her shampoo.
“I thought archangels didn’t lie.”
He paused a second, as if considering that, then began scrubbing his hair. “Why are we talking about this?”
“I want to learn more about you.” Shrugging, she began scrubbing at her skin, turning it a lovely shade of soft pink.
“Then why are you asking questions about someone else?”
“Fine. I’ll ask a question about you: what did you want her to do for you?”
His hands moved from his chest to hers. The look she gave
him said she wouldn’t be distracted.
“It’s not important now,” he said.
Suddenly, she smacked him on the shoulder. “I was right,” she crowed. “You do want to be an archangel.”
Reed growled and tugged her soapy body against his. “I stayed out of your brain. You have no business digging around in mine.”
“You thought of it. It just popped into my head.” It hit him that their newfound intimacy might open pathways he’d prefer stay closed.
As if she caught his reluctance, Eve frowned. “What’s the big deal anyway?”
He felt her begin to pull back, both physically and emotionally. His fingers flexed into her buttocks.
“It’s a lofty ambition,” he explained tightly, knowing that he was going to have to open up at least a little if he hoped to keep her. “Not one you want to advertise.”
“I can understand that. But you trusted Sara with it. When I asked you about it before, you blew me off.”
Bending at the knees, Reed fit his frame more perfectly to hers. “You share thoughts with my brother, babe.”
“Why would he care if you want to be promoted?”
His jaw clenched. Talking about himself was one of his least favorite things to do. “In the past,” he said carefully, “if Cain knew I wanted something, he would usually get it first.”
“Oh.” Her arms came around him and the loofah in her hand scratched his back deliciously.
“Scrub my back?” he asked, kissing her forehead.
“Keep talking?” she dickered.
“There are more enjoyable ways to pay you in kind.”
“Deal or no deal?”
Grumbling at his inability to tell her no, he altered their positions so that she could stay warm beneath the water while he stood outside of it. As she ran the loofah over his skin, she asked, “Do you think Alec will interfere with your advancement now? He’s already been promoted.”
“Yes, I think he’d get in the way. He’s better at killing things, but that’s the only thing he’s better at. He knows I’d surpass him.”