by Lou Cameron
That got Gaston out of bed and the princess pretty good. As the naked little Frenchman opened the door, he sighed and said, “Thank heavens you’ve returned, Dick. This child is insatiable!”
Captain Gringo told him to bolt the door as he carried the bags over to the bed. Manukai was only taking up half the mattress with her brown naked charms. So he placed the bags on the bed and asked her if they were the ones she’d lost in San José.
She said, “They sure look like the same ones,” as she popped the latch to open the nearest one. Captain Gringo shouted, “No!” But it was too late.
Fortunately, no bomb went off as the princess raised the top to say, “Oh look, here’s my handbag too, in with my clothes!”
“Don’t open that!” he warned. But she already had, to dump the contents between her naked knees as she knelt on the bed. She said, “Oh shit, my checkbook and passport are still missing!”
Gaston had come over to rejoin them. He said, “Eh bien, obviously they were less interested in your personal clothing, since, after all, how many thieves have girl friends they might fit? But I still find it trés unusual for a thief to go to so much trouble, hein? Why carry purloined luggage all the way from San José just to give it back?”
Captain Gringo growled, “Easy. They just had to pick it up and carry it. They returned it as a message.”
Manukai frowned up at him and asked, “What kind of a message, Dick? I don’t get it!”
He said, “I’m not sure I do, either. But they obviously wanted us to know they knew where we were!”
Gaston frowned and said, “It only works one way, my children. We are dealing with two sets of spooks!”
Manukai was more surprised to hear this than Captain Gringo. The tall American nodded and said, “Right. People who throw bombs don’t try to scare anyone off. Whoever sent those thugs to warn us off must have sent these things back as a further warning. The guys who tried to kill you with high explosives weren’t fucking around.”
Manukai smiled sensuously and said, “Speaking of fucking around, whose turn is it with me?”
Both soldiers of fortune looked equally dismayed at her suggestion. Gaston said, “Sacre bleu, you wayward child, aside from the fact I just made you come again less than five minutes ago, even you must have grasped by now that your adorable big brown derriere is in dire danger!”
She said, “Oh pooh, Dick just said that whoever dropped my things off just now was simply being silly. Damn it, I’m still hot!”
Captain Gringo moved over to a basket of fruit on the dresser, handed her a banana, and said, “Here. Us boys have to do some serious thinking and … Oh, by the way, your subject Kuruhai is right downstairs and hard up as hell, if he’s not tapu to you.”
Manukai sighed and said, “As a matter of fact, he is. I outrank him, even if we are of the same royal clan. What’s he doing here?”
“Laying Mamma Rosa by now, most likely. I brought him along to get your permission to spend some of your treasure chest on arms and recruits. But hold that thought. We’ve got other worries right now!”
He moved to the window facing the street as Gaston did the same with the one facing the passageway through the block on that side of their corner room. As Captain Gringo peered through the slats to see nothing but a couple of kids whipping a top in the calle below, he mused aloud, “If they meant to attack in broad-ass daylight, they’d have done so already. Up until a minute ago they’d have been able to literally catch you alone with your pants down. Now there are three armed men on the premises for them to worry about.”
Gaston sighed and said, “That is only just. I am most worried about them, too. I am trés confuse as well. How could they have gotten those bags from Manukai’s room after the explosion if they were not guests at the same hotel, Dick?”
“They probably were. But they didn’t grab that expensive leather after a bomb went off in the same small room with them!”
“Ah, oui, there is not a scratch on the leather. So someone stole her things just after we left to find a more substantial bed. Then the other ones avec the boom-boom arrived within minutes to behave in an even less civilized manner, hein?”
“Yeah. But which is which? I can see someone working for the blackbirders either trying to scare us off or kill us. But I’ll be switched if I can figure out who else is involved, or why.”
“Try it this way, Dick. What if only one group simply does not give the shit how they stop us, either by frightening or killing us and—mais non, that simply makes no sense.”
Captain Gringo nodded and said, “Not unless we’re dealing with a nuthead. You don’t warn people before you try to blow them up. You don’t leave luggage for an impulsive lady to open without a bomb inside, unless you just don’t have a bomb handy. I’d better run down and get Kuruhai. No matter what the hell’s going on, we’ve got to either fort up or get out of here!”
He turned to see that Manukai had taken his sarcastic suggestion seriously. He sighed and said, “Princess, take that fucking banana out of your snatch and put some clothes on. I’ll be right back with company, damn it.”
He didn’t wait to see if she was paying him any attention. He knew Gaston would get them both dressed, once the big dumb broad came; and from the way she was moving that fruit, it didn’t figure to take her long.
He went back downstairs. The small lobby was empty and Mamma Rosa’s door was closed. He knocked on it, got no answer, and tried the latch. Mamma Rosa hadn’t locked the door.
He could see, as he opened it, she’d been in too great a hurry. It sure looked silly to see a skinny, wrinkled mestiza bouncing up and down atop a big brown walrus. Kuruhai grinned up at him and said, “I owe you, Blalah. This little Haole vahine moves her pussy like it’s pounding poi! You want seconds?”
Captain Gringo said, “No thanks. When you kids finish coming, come on upstairs and be sure you bring your gun. We may have to fight our way out of here.”
Mamma Rosa groaned. “Can’t we talk about fighting later, damn it? I haven’t enjoyed such good fucking in years!”
But her supine lover said, “Just keep moving, you sweet little thing. The man says we may have some fighting to do. But that’s no big thing. Us Kanakas can screw, eat, and fight all at the same time. When you want to start fighting our way out of here, Haole Blalah?”
Captain Gringo took out his pocket watch and said, “Before the streets are deserted for La Siesta. That’s if somebody doesn’t try to fight their way in before then, of course. So, no shit, we’d better get moving.”
The big Kanaka chuckled, rolled Mamma Rosa over on her back, and said, “You heard the man, vahine. What say I show you how to move, Kanaka style?”
*
Everyone makes more sense when sexually satisfied and wearing clothes. So even the princess had calmed down at least a little as Captain Gringo called the strategy session to order.
Having only three armed men and two sort of dotty women to man the defenses was the first order of business. Mamma Rosa said there were iron grilles over all the few windows downstairs, and that before coming up she and Kuruhai had barred both the front and back entrances. But she added that her other working-class posada guests were going to be mad as hell when they came home for La Siesta to find themselves locked out in the noonday sun.
Captain Gringo nodded and said, “Bueno. That’s when we’ll make our move. Anyone aiming to hit us hard enough to worry about will want to move in either well before La Siesta, while the streets are half empty, or well after La Siesta starts, when they’re completely deserted. They won’t want to make their move while everyone’s pushing and shoving their way home to hit the sack. So that’s when we stand the best chance of busting out without getting shot.”
He turned to Gaston to ask, “What’s the best hotel in town, the Casa Real?” and Gaston said, “I don’t know if it’s the best, but it’s the most expensive. Mais pourquoi? Are we not planning a trés dramatique dash for the ship, Dick?”
&n
bsp; “Kuruhai and I have to head for the schooner whether it’s under observation or not. But I want you to fun the princess to the hotel and hole her up there.”
“Mon dieu! How many times in one day do you expect a man my age to hole anybody? Why can’t you check into a new love nest avec this sweet little thing?”
Manukai grinned and said, “Ooh, that sounds like fun!”
Captain Gringo shook his head and said, “Anyone watching the gangplank has already seen me going aboard and vice-versa. It couldn’t be helped. But they haven’t seen you and Gaston boarding the vessel yet, and until they do, they won’t be expecting us to do anything important. They know the owner of the Orotiki is in town. But if she’s checked into the finest hotel in town, with a week’s rent paid in advance, they won’t know what the hell to think and, meanwhile, might not do anything while they try to figure it out, see?”
Manukai nodded, but objected, “If I don’t have my checkbook and you don’t want me going to the bank, how am I to pay a day in advance, let alone a week, Dick?”
Kuruhai reached into his pocket, took out a big brown fistful of gold coins, and said, “Ain’t no big thing, Princess,” as he handed her the small fortune.
Captain Gringo nodded and said, “Once you’re safely locked in at the hotel, don’t even let Room Service in unless one of us is there with a gun as well as you. We’d better contact the main office of International Express and warn them about your stolen checkbook. That can wait until after La Siesta. Nobody could hang much paper with all the banks and shops in town closed. Maybe we can pick up a new passport for you at … Oboy, what kind of a passport does a citizen of a South Sea Island travel under, anyway?”
She said, “French, of course. Konakona doesn’t issue passports. When strangers sail in, we either invite them for supper or have them for supper, depending on how friendly they look to us. But since you pink people are so fussy, I picked up a courtesy visa from the French on Tahiti as I was leaving for the mainland. It was only a little out of my way, anyway.”
Kuruhai frowned thoughtfully and asked, “What does she need a new passport for now, Blalah? Once she’s back aboard Orotiki, she’s in Konakona territory; and once we rescue our people, she’ll be heading home with the rest of us. It’s going to be sort of crowded in the hold if we manage to save half them kidnapped pearl divers. So we sure won’t want to put in at any other port, see?”
Captain Gringo nodded but said, “Just the same, we’d better notify the French government someone else is wandering around with Manukai’s stolen ID. You want to cover that bet, Gaston? Your French is a lot better than mine.”
Gaston smiled crookedly and replied, “Surely you jest. My French is good indeed, but for some reason the French government seems to think I have been a bad boy. Let them keep the stolen passport. What good will it do anyone but a female standing six-foot-six who, when asked, speaks fluent Polynesian, dirty?”
Captain Gringo chuckled at the mental picture of a less unusual lady gang member trying to explain her passport to anyone important and said, “Okay, I’ll wire my old pal Olivia about the checkbook, at least, when I get the chance. Meanwhile, since you’re semi-invisible in a crowd as well as shy, Gaston, I want you to secure the princess at the hotel, then slip out during La Siesta and see if you can contact any rogues you know here in Puntarenas.”
Gaston shrugged and said, “I know beaucoup vaguely sinister people here, and La Siesta is the discreet time of the day to tap on doors. Mais what am I to ask for, the time of day?”
“We need a couple of machine guns. Maxims if you can get ’em. Brownings if you can’t. But don’t let anyone sell you a Hotchkiss or Spandau, for God’s sake. They’ll probably be chambered for 30/30. What kind of ammo do we have aboard the Orotiki, Kuruhai?”
The big Kanaka said, “You name it, we got it. Plenty of 30/30-thirty for the Krags we brought. 40/44 for the Winchesters. Shotguns are all ten and twelve gauge.”
It wouldn’t have been polite, or done any good at this late date, to tell Kuruhai what he thought of arming troops with mixed weapons. So he just nodded and told Gaston, “We’ll need at least a couple of dozen belts for each machine gun. Try to get more.”
“Avec what? My personal signature, Dick? I know two arms dealers here in Puntarenas, but I don’t know one who extends credit to his mother!”
“Tell ’em it’s cash on delivery. I don’t pay people I don’t know in advance, either. After you arrange the weapons deal, contact a guerrilla employment agency and see if you can line up at least three platoons of old pros. Make sure the squad leaders at least are guys you know.”
“Eh bien, but what about the guns and ammo for such a trés formidable gang, Dick?”
“If they don’t have their own guns and ammo, what the fuck good are they to anybody? Don’t tell anyone just what the deal is. But let them know it’s a no-shit all-out attack that should be over, one way or the other, in less than twenty-four. Don’t try to con anybody. We don’t want to recruit any sissies.”
He turned to Manukai and asked, “Can we offer a hundred a day to the leaders, with the bucks drawing fifty? We’re talking real dough, I know, but we want trained fighting men, not guys who shoot all the pigs and chickens, yell ‘viva’ a lot, and run away.”
She nodded, and Kuruhai said, “Ain’t no big thing. We got over a million U.S. in my cabin alone. Wait till you see what the princess here has in her sea chest.”
Captain Gringo said, “I wish I owned some coconuts and a pearl bed. But we’re still not out of the woods, even if and when we get out of here.”
He took out his watch, consulted it, and told Mamma Rosa, “You’d better go down and let anyone you know in. It’s about time for the goldbricks to start knocking off early.”
She nodded, but asked, “Can Kuruhai come with me, Deek? I am so helpless, a mere woman alone.”
Captain Gringo said, “He’s already come with you enough for now. And you’re about as helpless as a basket of cobras, Mamma Rosa. Even if you weren’t, nobody’s after you. Once we’re gone, you’ll be back in business as usual. So go downstairs and tend to your business, damn it!”
She left, muttering that her business could use at least another good screwing. Captain Gringo moved to the window and, yeah, a couple of dock workers were moving along the narrow walk down there now. He said, “We’ll give it another few minutes. Then Kuruhai and I pop out the back while you pop out the front with the princess and make a run for the hotel, Gaston. Leave her luggage here for now. We can have it delivered to her later.”
Kuruhai frowned and asked, “Wouldn’t it be better if the princess snuck out the back way, Blalah?” So Captain Gringo told him, “They know she’s in here and that there are only two ways she can leave. She’ll be a lot safer out on a crowded street than in an alley, see?”
“Yeah, I see it now. But how safe are you and me gonna be in that back alley, Blalah?”
“I don’t know. That’s why we’re the ones who have to chance it.”
*
Nothing happened when Captain Gringo and Kuruhai left the posada via the back alley. Since they heard no shots echoing from anywhere else, they could only assume Gaston and the big girl had made it, too. They still felt a lot safer once they’d circled to a main calle leading to the waterfront and forged west against the crowd of homecomers. Kuruhai kept looking back to see if he could see if they were being followed. Captain Gringo knew better than to try, in this crowd.
They knew their earlier pussyfoot to the posada had been wasted effort. So they beelined for the schooner and were soon back aboard. The casual deck watch, this time a male Kanaka, also wearing a flower in his hair, said nobody had bothered them or even tried to come aboard. So Kuruhai said there was a lot to be said for this siesta shit and headed for his cabin to inhale some booze and recover from the effects of all the excitement and Mamma Rosa.
Captain Gringo had shared the excitement, but was starting to feel a little left out, now that he�
��d seen what Mamma Rosa looked like with her shabby clothes off. Gaston had once observed that women with ugly faces proved Darwin’s theory. The human race was descended from people who’d been running around bare-ass until recently. So for thousands of years, the guys had been judging female beauty more on the basis of tits and ass than faces; and so, until recently, ugly girls with great bodies had been having most of the kids.
The guy seated on a nail keg by the gangplank wasn’t at all attractive, even half-naked, and worse yet, he spoke neither Spanish nor English. So the still-keyed-up American moved to the shrouds and started climbing for a bird’s-eye view of his surroundings. It was one hell of a climb, even for a man who wasn’t afraid of heights. He was sweating by the time he climbed into the crow’s nest and found it occupied by a naked vahine instead of a crow. He smiled at her and said, “Howdy. Have you spotted anything moving in or out of the harbor so far?”
The Kanaka girl smiled at him, mystified, and replied in her own lingo, which was a lot of help. He said, “Never mind. I’ll figure it out for myself,” as he gazed all around at the view from up here.
Nothing much seemed to be going on, either out on the glassy waters or among the red-tiled buildings ashore. The tropic sun was directly above, and the canvas-walled platform would have been a bake oven at this time of day had not a pleasant sea breeze been blowing at this altitude. The naked brown vahine was still in better shape to catch the breeze with her curves than he was in his sweaty jacket, however. So he took it off and hung it over the circular pipe rail of the cockpit. The breeze felt marvelous on his damp shirt. But it felt even better when he hung his gun rig and both the shirt and his straw hat on an overhead fitting to dry. His actions had been innocent in intent. But he suspected, when the naked vahine wrapped her soft brown arms around him and leaned her head back for a kiss, that she might have misunderstood his actions just now.
Or had she? A guy would have had to be pretty dumb to misunderstand her intentions as she rubbed her little brown hips and black V of love fuzz against his pants, still obviously waiting to be kissed. So he kissed her and, yeah, it was true that flat noses didn’t seem to matter so much when the rest a lady had to offer was so pretty.