by Lou Cameron
He said, “Just do as I say, or we won’t let you play. If I don’t send for you by, say, nine this evening, you’ll know we recruited more sensible guides and your worries are over. Or at least they’ll be over if you just go back to the hotel, check out, and head back to Germany. Tougher people will take over for you cute little things, and meanwhile, you already know too much about Halle Und Feldmacher for your own good. So be careful. Let’s go.”
He led the disguised German girls out on deck. It felt as though the three of them had just stepped into a furnace. Hilda stared shoreward through the shimmering heat waves and said, “I see nobody at us staring, Dick.” So he said, “You’re not supposed to. They’ll have a bitch making you out in this sunny shimmer, too. See that slot in the waterfront buildings to the left of that green awning? The calle it leads to leads to Mamma Rosa’s. So get going!”
They discussed the matter in German. Then both kissed him on either cheek and moved down the gangplank, shapeless and nondescript under the shade of their parasols. He had to wait on deck until they were out of sight. It damned near killed him. As they vanished in the inky shadows across the way, he dashed back inside. He returned to Manukai’s quarters, stripped to the buff, and poured himself a stiff drink. Then he pulled the counterpane off the bunk and flopped naked onto the white sheets. They were pure silk. It figured. It was so hot the bedding still felt like sandpaper on his flushed skin. As he got some liquid down, he raised one arm and noticed how red it was under his healthier tan. He nodded and muttered, “Yeah, you’ve been flirting with heatstroke for sure, you jerk-off. The natives knew what they were doing when they invented La Siesta.”
But as he lazed on the bunk sipping gin and tonic in the stuffy shade, he began to feel better and knew he’d nipped the threat of heatstroke in the bud when, as his temperature dropped closer to normal, his dry red skin broke out in healthy sweat again.
Before he could really sweat up the bedding, things got even better. Outside, there was a crackle of lightning that made his hair tingle. Then someone upstairs pulled the plug and it began to rain fire and salt. He didn’t get up to close the porthole over the bunk. Only a few drops were coming in, and they felt just great. He wondered if the German girls had made it to the posada before the storm broke. They probably wouldn’t care if they were still outside. But the picture of those silk mumus plastered wet against those two great little bodies inspired another symptom of restored health. He chuckled fondly down at his dawning erection and growled, “Cut that out. There’s no sense showing off when we’re alone, old Organ Grinder.”
Then the door slid open and Captain Gringo quickly covered his hard-on with his free hand as a lady he’d never been formally introduced to slipped in and slid the door shut after her.
She was a short, pleasantly plump vahine wearing flowers in her hair and little else. She had a tapa cloth draped around her ample hula hips, but her melonous breasts were bare as well as brown. She said, “Me called Atanua. Me friend of Likelike. She no speak Haole. So she send me to talky-talky you, bad boy.”
He sat up straighter, pulling a corner of the top sheet across his lap as he asked her what Likelike wanted. His throbbing pecker certainly knew what it wanted right now. But Atanua said, “Likelike say you makem nukinuki with her even though she vahine kine akamai belong along first mate! She say she try to tellem, but you make nukinuki along her anyway! Whassamatter you? You wanna big fight along big mate?”
He sighed and said, “Not if I don’t have to! Does the mate know about my, ah, misreading a lady’s intent?”
“For sure not! You crazy? You think Likelike wanna hit alongside head? She tellem me to tellem you not to make nukinuki along her no more. Okay, Sailor?”
He laughed and said, “I know enough to quit while I’m ahead, and I want you to tell her I’m really sorry. I thought she wanted to make love. She sure acted like she did. Don’t you girls know enough to shake your heads, even if you don’t speak English?”
Atanua shook her head and said, “You no savvy Kanaka ways my word. Suppose man grab vahine for make nukinuki, she not supposed to fightem. Vahines smaller than men. You not see this?”
“I’m beginning to, even though I know one vahine who doesn’t fit the picture. You’re saying it’s up to the guy to know if a dame is going steady with another guy already. But how the hell’s he supposed to know if she can’t tell him?”
Atanua raised a hand to one of the flowers in her hair as she said, “Likelike tell you. She wearem blossom on this sideum hair. That mean she gottem lover. Suppose she lookum for lover, she wearem flower along this side, savvy?”
He nodded and said, “That’s not too tough to remember. But what about a vahine wearing flowers on both sides, like you?”
“Oh, that mean she gottem lover but lookum for more lover. Me just love to make nukinuki along everybody!”
He laughed and said, “Welcome to the club.” So Atanua, who seemed to take things literally as well as simply, dropped her tapa cloth and got on the bunk with him, stark naked, as she calmly said, “Goodem. Likelike say you one hellava fuck even whenna vahine don’t wanna!”
He assumed she wasn’t the latter as she plastered her brown body against his and proceeded to chew his ear and jerk him off at the same time. So he laughed, said, “Hey, waste not, want not!” and rolled atop her to put his excited shaft to better use for both of them. As he entered her, she gasped, “Oh, Mamma Kapo! Thank you and other oramatua belong Raki for this pretty Haole boy!”
Captain Gringo felt sort of grateful to her gods, or at least their moral code, as he pounded her to glory with her soft, plump limbs wrapped tightly around him while she sent him hula messages with her brown bouncing hips. But because her friend, the shy Likelike, had seen him first—not all that long ago—and had given him one hell of a hula lesson no matter what she said now, he wasn’t able to come in Atanua as quickly as most men would have had to. She didn’t seem to mind at all. The hot little vahine climaxed almost at once, and then, when she saw he still meant business, proceeded to croon Polynesian love words into his ear as she softly chewed it, screwing hard.
But all good things must come in the end, so after he’d come—with her, this time—they remembered how stuffy the cabin was, even with the rain outside improving things by the minute, and stopped for a smoke and their second winds. She lay beside him, blowing smoke rings when it was her turn on the claro and talking a mile a minute when it wasn’t. He was beginning to understand her Island pidgin better as he got used to it, and some of the Kanaka customs she explained to him were interesting. He kept asking questions, partly to keep from having to lay her again so soon, and mostly to try to save his ass from future misunderstandings. It turned out her people weren’t exactly the carefree sex maniacs that white visitors assumed. The advantage of visiting the islands as a Haole, or non-person, was that no tapu could possibly apply to a stranger. So there was an open season on screwing whalers, missionaries, and such. But among themselves, the rules were so complicated it was small wonder they tended to go as nutty as a married Victorian in a whorehouse when all bets were off.
Aside from the obvious rule, not really a tapu, about leaving the steady vahine of another gent alone, the atuas and oramatua, or gods and spirits, got mad as hell at people who even bent one of the numerous tapus decreed by the kahunas, or priests. It wasn’t as easy to get laid back on Konakona as he’d assumed. He was glad he didn’t have to remember Atanua’s moral code, Save for how it might apply here on the schooner, because a lot of the tapus didn’t make much sense, and worse yet, weren’t consistent. When he thought he’d tripped her up on a rule that said nobody could even watch the king eat, but that he screwed girls from commoner families like a mink, she said, “Goddam, you not listening, Dick. Royal-family tapu tapu mosta time. Suppose common guy let his shadow fall on member of royal clan, he gotta killem self. But on feast day of Kapo, goddess of Fuck, all tapus off for day, and it great honor to make nukinuki with royalty, see
?”
“If you say so. Your skipper, Kuruhai, says he’s not allowed to make love to any of you girls on board because he’s royal. How do you work out the shadows?”
She snuggled closer and explained, “Kahunas take off some tapus for special mission. But not nukinuki with commoner vahines. Thassaright. He gottem Manukai, suppose he wanna fuck.”
“Wait a minute. He said he can’t make love to his cousin, the princess.”
She-shrugged a bare shoulder against him and said, “Maybe so. Me no savvy all tapus belong along royal clan. Different spirits. Maybe she not allowed to make nukinuki with anybody but her blalah, the crown prince. Royal clan very snooty when it not Mamma Kapo’s day. Back on Konakona, neither skipper or princess ever talk on people asame me, see?”
“I don’t see at all! Are you saying brother-sister incest is not tapu?”
“Oh, big tapu, belong along gettem banged by thunderbolt of Tangaroa suppose boy fuckem sister, if they commoners! But gods tell royalty to act different from common Kanaka made of shit. Suppose queen have baby with man of lower rank. What kinda prince would that be? Royal clan made from blood of gods, not shit of gods. So half-common baby would be mess I Better for royal vahine makeum babies with royal blalah, see?”
He grimaced and said, “Sort of. The ancient Egyptians had the same ideas about keeping blue blood pure. That’s why Cleopatra had to marry her kid brother before she met a Haole named Julius. I guess it makes sense, when you study it some. The royal families of Europe are so inbred they’re starting to produce moronic twits and toothy dames too ugly for anyone else to marry. But I think anything closer than a first cousin is tapu on the island of Great Britain. Let me ask you something else about your own island customs—”
But he didn’t get to. For the door flew open and the skipper stared down at them from the doorway, demanding, “Hey, Haole, what the fuck you doing in Manukai’s bunk?”
Captain Gringo said, “That’s a pretty stupid question, Kuruhai. Relax, the princess is still at the hotel, in case the natives all look alike to you.”
“Goddamit, Blalah, I don’t care who you make nukinuki with in your own quarters. But this ain’t them! You and the Frenchman got smaller cabins down the companion way. Come on, I’ll show you to ’em. Bring your vahine along if you want. But for god’s sake, don’t fuck her no more on the royal sheets!”
Captain Gringo and the girl got dressed—it was a lot easier for her—and followed the big Kanaka to the cabin assigned to him. He was glad, when he saw how small it was, that he’d cooled off in the bigger one. Atanua whipped off her tapa cloth and plopped down on the smaller bunk as the skipper turned away with a disgusted look. Captain Gringo told her to hold the thought and followed Kuruhai outside, saying, “Wait, we have things to worry about besides Manukai’s bedding.”
“I’m not about to tell her,” growled Kuruhai, adding, “She’d want to change quarters if she thought tapu ass had made nukinuki in that bunk; and you may have noticed, she needs a wide bunk and that’s the only one we got for her! I suppose you poked around in her sea chest too, huh?”
“No. You can count her coins if you don’t believe me.”
“Okay, ain’t no big thing now that you know the rules, Haole. It’s a good thing I didn’t catch you with Likelike! My mate thinks she’s his vahine kine akamai, and he don’t like Haoles to begin with!”
“I’ll stay clear of them both, then. I just sent Gaston to see if he can recruit us a fishing skipper who knows these waters better. Meanwhile, we’re expecting a couple of machine guns and a lot of ammo after sunset. We’re, ah, going to have to pay out some dinero. I mean big dinero.”
Kuruhai shrugged and said, “Ain’t no big thing. You can dig in my sea chest all you want. The king said it was to spend on getting his people back. Come on, I’ll load you up with some gold.”
They went to the skipper’s own cabin, and he did. Captain Gringo didn’t think it might be delicate to mention that, despite the promises of the princess, neither he nor Gaston had been paid their front money yet. It was just as easy to pick up a few extra coins. The big Kanaka didn’t seem to understand, or care, that a small gold Yankee Double Eagle was worth a good twenty bucks, or that a modest fistful added up to hundreds. The big Yank waited for the skipper to tell him to stop as he loaded both side pockets of his jacket. But Kuruhai didn’t. So Captain Gringo just had to stop when both pockets were full.
When he’d done so, he grinned, took out fresh Smokes, and handed one to the skipper, saying, “Well, whatever your game is, you’re not in it for the money.”
“What’s that crack supposed to mean, Blalah?”
“I’m not sure. Tell me some more about this crown prince of yours back on Konakona. He’s supposed to be Manukai’s co-heir, right?”
Kuruhai lit his own claro, puffed on it as if it tasted disgusting, and said, “There’s not much to tell. Prince Tinirau is a weakling, and we think he likes boys better than girls. He wouldn’t be the co-heir if he was a real man. But our king knows he’ll never be able to rule by himself. He even had to send his daughter, Manukai, on this mission!”
“So I’ve noticed. How come he couldn’t just send you, Kuruhai? With all due respect to her nibs, she may be as tough, but she’s not as bright as you.”
Kuruhai shrugged and said, “That’s why they sent me along to keep her from getting killed. It’s a face deal, Blalah. Sortiebody from the king’s close kin gotta straighten out them blackbirders. Old King Kamamamoku didn’t want to send his favorite child. But what was he to do when his oldest son squats down to piss?”
“Queen Victoria’s having trouble with a son who likes to play with dolls called Lillie Langtry, too. Princess Manukai’s probably tougher than him, as well. But has it occurred to either of you that if something happened to her chasing blackbirders, your sissy crown prince would have a solo shot at his old daddy’s crown?”
The skipper nodded grimly and said, “That’s why the royal clan picked me to get her here and back, and why I picked nothing but commoners from nowhere near the royal court circles to crew the schooner. Ain’t no way to have no palace coups aboard Orotiki, Blalah. So we only have to worry about them Haole blackbirders, right?”
“I’m not sure. Those guys who tried to blow Manukai out of bed up in San José didn’t get to tell me exactly who they were or who sent them.”
“Yeah, but they was Costa Ricans, right?”
“¿Quien sabe? They had brown skins and black hair. After that it gets sort of iffy. Anyone can put on native costume. I do it all the time.”
“Oh shit, are you saying other Kanakas, from back home, could be out to hurt Manukai?”
“Whoever they were, they weren’t trying to hurt her. They were trying to blast her through the ceiling, and they came mighty close to doing it. But you’re not missing any of your original crew, are you?”
“Hell no; and besides, the princess would have said something if she’d known the guys who tried to kill her.”
“She might have, had she ever seen them. But she never did. We got her out of there poco tiempo, assuming they’d been mestizos. For all we know, they might have been. A sneaky German I know hires on ability. But we have to keep that palace political angle in mind. It might explain why we have too many fingers in this pie. We know which side we’re on. We know the blackbirders work for Halle und Feldmacher and that they seem to have the backing of German Intelligence as well. So that makes one enemy side. With one other bunch of sneaks left over!”
Kuruhai looked puzzled. So Captain Gringo said, “That’s right. You weren’t there when a lot of spooky stuff was going on. One spook seems out to kill while another plays a more delicate game with spooky but non-lethal stunts. I know you’re not going to like this, but since the squareheads have had me and at least two nosy German girls at their mercy and, so far, we’re all still breathing, I’d say they don’t want to kill anybody unless they have to. That leaves someone else who doesn’t give a shit a
bout annoying the Costa Rican government.”
The big Kanaka scowled and demanded, “What do you think those Germans are doing to our pearl divers out on the Guardian Bank, damn it?”
Captain Gringo explained. “Treating them shitty as hell, maybe even killing them if they don’t meet their quota. But those offshore islands aren’t policed by Costa Rica. Costa Rica is The German firm doesn’t want to lose its trading privileges here, and you may have noticed that German gunboat finds Puntarenas a handy harbor with the hurricane season coming up not too far in the future. That’s the only reason my old pal Von Linderhoff could have let me go with a lecture instead of some lead in my head. It’s probably why they haven’t spanked a couple of nosy tourist girls, too. So, yeah, we’ve got some no-bullshit killers left over.”
The skipper nodded soberly and growled, “I’d better get the princess back aboard.”
“She’s safe enough at the hotel. Probably asleep, now that La Siesta is about over. Have you ever noticed she seems to have a will of her own?”
Kuruhai opened a desk drawer and-hauled out a man-size Mauser pistol as he insisted, “Not as safe as she’ll be on board, goddamn it!”
“But once anyone spots her boarding this schooner, they’ll expect us to put out to sea, Kuruhai!”
“Ain’t no big thing, Blalah. If you ain’t ready to go after them fucking blackbirders, I am! I’m tired of all this Haole bullshit. The way you kill an enemy is to just go find the motherfucker and get it over with!”
They were still arguing about it as Captain Gringo followed the big stubborn skipper down the companion way. Kuruhai bellowed in Kanaka, and then a fat young guy wearing a first mate’s cap stuck his head out and yelled at him in the same language for a while. Then, as the mate saluted casually, Kuruhai told Captain Gringo, “Makomotu here is in command till I get back with the princess. You can’t talk to him, because he don’t savvy Haole. But stay ’way from his vahine kine akamai, Likelike, and you’ll get along with him okay till I take charge again.”