'Til There Was You

by Jerry Cole

  “Coffee? Or a biscuit maybe – we have fresh scones today. The owner makes them himself.” She sounded bored, and looked it.

  “No, I’m good thanks.” Austin didn’t need any more coffee. He’d been at the café for thirty minutes, had already drunk two and could well and truly feel the effects. Another might see him bouncing off the walls, literally.

  “All righty,” she sighed and wandered back across the café.

  Finn was late, thirty minutes late in fact. And with every minute that passed, Austin became less and less confident. At the start of the week he had convinced himself that maybe there was a chance that Finn was in to him. By the time he walked into the cafe today he was on the fence. Now though, thirty minutes after their agreed meeting time, and he was sure that Finn was about to ghost him.

  He checked his phone... nothing. He was about to write a message to see what the hold-up was, but stopped himself. A few more minutes, he agreed.

  Those few minutes came and went pretty quickly. Austin checked his watch, seeing that now Finn was forty-five minutes late. He bit into his lip and his leg started to go berserk. Where was he?!

  “A coffee, hon?” the waitress was back, arms folded, pierced eyebrow raised and looking down at him like he was right-wing conspiracy nut trying to convince her the earth was flat.

  “I’m right, thanks. I'm waiting for someone,” Austin explained as if to make himself look less desperate.

  “Ah-huh.” The waitress looked as if she didn’t believe him, but she didn’t press him either. Instead she turned back and crossed the café again, basically dragging herself she was so apathetic.

  It was an hour after he arrived when Austin decided it was time to leave. The whole thing was so frustrating too. He hated this feeling, like he was on a date or something and had been stood-up. It sucked enough when that happened for real. But he was paying for these sessions too! So it stung that much more.

  But he also wanted to see Finn too, to gauge how he was after what had happened last week, to test the waters, and just to talk.

  There were also the self-improvement aspects that needed to be discussed and bragged about. Austin had actually bought a pair of sneakers online that he wanted to show Finn. He’d started writing again, which he wanted to tell Finn about. He re-watched a favorite old movie, which he wanted to talk about and dissect with Finn. So much to talk about, only to be left at the altar.

  As Austin limped from the cafe, he caught his reflection in the large window and paused. He was looking good today. His hair was styled so the bangs hung down the front the way the hairdresser had shown him. He was wearing all black, but with his buckwheat colored Nikes. And he’d even started consciously getting a little more sun through the week, so he didn’t look so pasty. Dammit, he was hot, and Finn had stood him up!

  Embarrassment slowly turned to anger as Austin started to realize he shouldn’t be upset that Finn hadn’t shown. That was the wrong emotion entirely. Seriously, why hadn’t Finn turned up? Was it because of what had happened last week? And if so, then why not text? Or call? Or cancel? Austin was paying for these sessions after all. It was rude, it was arrogant, it was unnecessary.

  Austin’s blood began to boil as he continued to picture Finn, only this time he was laughing at him. He imagined it all a game for Finn, some huge prank, one he was probably in on with Freddy! Before Austin knew what was what, he was waving down a taxi and giving Finn’s home address. Maybe going to his house to confront Finn wasn’t the best idea ever, but Austin didn’t care. He was a new man now and this was the sort of things new men did.... he just hoped it didn’t somehow blow up in his face.

  ***

  Austin knew exactly what he was going to say to Finn. He spent the entire taxi ride to his apartment rehearsing every single line of dialogue; the pitch, the tenor, which words to emphasize. It was a fifteen-minute taxi ride too, so it gave him plenty of time. Those fifteen minutes only saw Austin get angrier and angrier as he reminded himself of the one-hour he spent waiting, looking like a damn, pathetic fool! Needless to say, by the time that the taxi pulled over and Austin climbed out, he was steaming.

  He continued to steam too, right up until he found himself hammering on Finn’s door. And as he heard the footsteps on the other side hurrying to answer, he continued to fume. And as he listened to the lock unclicking, his rage mounted. He was all ready to spew fire and brimstone on Finn... and then the door swung open.

  “Austin?” Finn blinked his surprise. “What are you doing here?”

  “Ahhhhhh...” Was all that Austin was able to say. That speech he had prepared, that anger and rage he was feeling, the very reason he had come here in the first place was all forgotten in the face of the drop-dead-gorgeous Finn.

  He was gorgeous too, and the passing week only seemed to make him more so. It was that damn smile! And those eyes! And the body! And... and everything! Even in his current shabby state, he was still a dream. Dressed down in what looked like his pajamas, Finn was wearing a pair of maroon sweat-pants, a white singlet top and nothing else. His hair was a mess, his eyes were baggy like he’s just woken up, his five o’clock shadow was overgrown. He wasn’t sick looking, just tired, yet still delicious.

  “What are you... oh shit!” Finn’s eyes widened as he realized why Austin was there. “Is it... fuck! What time is it?” He reached into his pockets, searching for his phone.

  “It’s eleven-fifteen,” Austin answered meekly. “I... I...” He was going to tell him that he had been waiting for an hour, that he had come here to tell him off, that he owed him money on account of not making the session! But instead he pivoted to, “When you didn’t turn up, I wanted to make sure everything was... that you were okay.”

  Finn closed his eyes and shook himself awake. “Yeah, I’m—seriously, you didn’t have to do that.” He smiled out the corner of his mouth. “I’m the one that – I lost track of time. Fuck, I’m sorry, Austin. I know that isn’t an excuse but—”

  “Is everything all right?” There was a slightly panic behind Finn’s voice, one that Austin noted right away. This, paired with how dressed down he was, screamed that something was wrong.

  “What? Yeah, I’m fine. Really you don’t have to – look, about today’s session. I can cancel the payment and just give you an extra week at the back end? I’m so sorry, I’m not usually—”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Austin waved him down. “But seriously, what’s wrong – and don’t say nothing. You look like shit.”

  To his relief, Finn exhaled and chuckled. “I probably can’t argue that,” he continued to chuckle and shake his head. “I’ve been up since like five – you know those wake-ups where something suddenly enters your mind and all of a sudden you can’t sleep until you solve the problem. Like the world could end and you wouldn’t care.”

  “That happens with me and song lyrics,” Austin joked.

  “Me too!” Finn exclaimed. He then rolled his eyes, “But this is slightly more serious. I literally only just remembered that today is my son’s birthday – he's thirteen. I meant to get him a present but... well, evidently I forgot.”

  “You have a son?” Austin balked

  “Yeah!” Finn beamed, looking as proud as a man ever had. But then his face dropped in shame. “I mean... technically. But I’m a lousy father, to use the term loosely. And after today, I’ll be lucky if I can even legally use that term – fuck!”

  Austin thought quickly. “How old is he – your son?”

  “Turning thirteen. So, I guess a trip to the strip club is out of the question,” he finished with a nervous chuckle. “Say, you don’t happen to know what a thirteen-year-old boy would want for his birthday, would you?” Finn could not have looked more desperate.

  As for Austin? He was trying his best not to smile. Yes, he knew exactly what a thirteen-year-old boy would want for his birthday, and that was because he had a fifteen-year-old brother. Austin had always been close with his family, and even though his only brother was b
orn when he was eleven, the two were still on very good terms. Just two years ago too, Austin had been in this exact situation, but had come out of it on top.

  “Put some clothes on – actual clothes too. Not ones that make it look like you were competing in Bum Brigades Volume Four.”

  “What? Why?” Finn asked with confusion... and a little bit of excitement.

  “Because we’re going shopping – oh, and maybe a shower too,” Austin winked. “You smell like a teenager’s bedroom.”

  Finn furrowed his brow for a moment, the wheels in his head turning. But soon enough he broke out in a relieved smile, and indeed even his body seemed to relax some. “Ten minutes?” he asked.

  “You can have eight,” Austin joked seriously. “And then I’m leaving without you.”

  “Perfect!” Finn spun on the spot and hurried back into the apartment. “I’ll be seven! Make yourself at home!”

  Austin stepped gingerly into the apartment, not even bothering to hide the smile on his face. The day had started out great, taken a turn for the worst, and was now veering onto amazing. And sure, he wasn’t going to be getting another lesson in self-confidence and self-improvement, but he didn’t care. Honestly, he was just glad to be spending the day with Finn.

  And they did spend the day together too, the entire day. From the moment that Austin turned up unexpectedly at Finn’s front door, right up until Finn dropped him off some five hours later, the two were together. There was no alcohol this time, no flirting, no talk of goals or self-confidence or any of the things they covered in a usual session. Rather, it was two friends hanging out and getting to know one another.

  “So, what is Zac into?” Austin asked as they climbed into Finn’s car on the way to the shopping center.

  “I have no idea,” Finn admitted.

  “All right...” Austin furrowed his brow. “But surely, you have some idea? Is he a gamer? Is he into sports? Movies? Music?” Austin buckled himself in and turned to face Finn, expecting some sort of guideline.

  Finn looked down at the steering wheel, staring at the thing like it was a life source. “I have no idea,” he said softly and into his chest. He was clearly embarrassed, which actually surprised Austin. He didn’t know guys like that got embarrassed. “Like I said, I don’t really know what to get him.”

  “Totally fine!” Austin exclaimed excitedly. He could see Finn spiraling, and deigned to try and pull him up before he hit full depression. “I’ll figure out something. Now come on, start her up. We don’t have all day.”

  Austin had expected Finn to protest, or tell him this was a stupid idea. Heck, it’s what Austin would have done. But his positivity seemed to work and soon Finn was smiling, turning the car on and looking like he had just a fragment of hope this might work out.

  From that moment on, the day could only be described as fun, or a blast, or a darn good time. Although really, it was just Austin and Finn shopping together and enjoying one another’s company. There was no awkwardness either, or tension over the hand-job. In fact, it wasn’t even mentioned. And that wasn’t to say it was ignored, just that it didn’t seem to matter. It almost felt as if it was a natural occurrence.

  The first thing the two did, was take care of Zac. For this, Austin led Finn to a gaming shop called EB Games.

  “I don’t care what he’s in to,” Austin explained as he led Finn into the crowded store and toward the register. “If he’s thirteen, he’ll like video games – here, this is perfect!” He snatched at a boxed-up Nintendo DS and handed it to Finn. “You want to win father of the year, buy him that.”

  “Right now, I’ll settle for him hugging me when I say hello,” Finn explained skeptically as he looked the Nintendo DS over. “Are you sure he’ll like—”

  “You have a good eye there.” An overweight salesperson stepped in between them. He was very large, but also very excitable. “That there is the number one selling item this month. Did I hear you say it was for a thirteen-year-old?”

  “Ah... yeah.”

  “I’ll scan it up for you now then!” He threw his head back and laughed. “I’m just kidding,” the salesperson assured him. “But seriously, this is a hot ticket item. You’re trying to buy love? This is as close as it gets.”

  Finn started looking a little more optimistic. His eyes flashed to Austin, and he smiled his thanks. “What if he doesn’t like it?” Finn then asked.

  “Return it,” the salesperson said. “For cash or store credit. Honestly, if a thirteen-year-old can’t find something in here to buy, I’d check his birth certificate, because something is off!” More over the top laughter from the salesperson.

  It didn’t take much convincing after that. Soon Finn was paying for the Nintendo DS and looking that much more relieved because of it. Indeed, a weight seemed to be lifted off his shoulders and he was starting to look much more like his old self.

  “Now what?” Finn asked as they exited the store.

  “Oh...” Austin wasn’t sure what to say. They’d come to the store to buy Zac a gift and they had done that. He assumed they’d be going home. “I don’t know... I have nothing on...” he led hopefully.

  “Shopping?” Finn suggested and winked.

  “I guess you could twist my arm.”

  Austin and Finn didn’t buy anything that afternoon. The day wasn’t really about that. Rather, they wandered from store to store, stopping to look at things that either one of them liked, which was nearly everything. That’s what Austin loved the most, how similar all their interests were. Like all of them. It was eerie.

  “I’m going to live overseas one day,” Finn pointed out at one point as the two passed a travel agent.

  “Oh yeah,” Austin nudged. “Whereabouts?”

  “Asia somewhere – Bali, I would say. Honestly, I just want to get out of the country for a bit.”

  “Me too,” Austin said while trying not to gush. “Anywhere in Asia... or Europe...” he then tried, hopeful that Finn would agree.

  “I’d love to do Europe,” Finn continued. “God, I would – but the cost gets me.”

  “Oh well, I guess you need someone to go with,” Austin winked before he could stop himself. “Split the cost of the room.”

  Finn rolled his eyes but then laughed. “Easy there. Try any harder and you might just convince me.”

  The only store that the two went in to that Austin felt out of his element was the tattoo parlor, and that was just because he didn’t have any tattoos... yet.

  “I’m actually surprised,” Finn said as he looked around the parlor, admiring the different patterns displayed on the walls.

  “About?”

  “That you don’t have any tatts. You’d look hot with tatts.” Finn spoke casually, still admiring the patterns on display like he hadn’t just inadvertently called Austin hot.

  “Yeah... well...” Austin shrugged and tried to actual cool. “Truth is, I’ve always wanted them. I just never had that drive – what I need is someone to push me into it.”

  “Is that a challenge?” Finn whipped his head around and raised an eyebrow at Austin as if daring him.

  Austin’s eyes widened in shock. “No! I mean – not now. Like I do one day but—”

  “I’m kidding,” Finn eased. “I’ll let you off the hook... for now,” he finished with a cheeky wink.

  The day ended five hours after it started, with Finn dropping Austin back off at his apartment. There was no implication that he might come up, or any suggestion that today was more than a fun shopping trip. But Austin didn’t care. The truth was, he’d just had the best day of his life in as long as he could remember and he didn’t want to ruin it.

  “Same time next week?” Austin asked as he climbed from the car.

  “I’ll try and be on time,” Finn joked.

  “Wouldn’t that be something,” Austin shot back.

  The two said goodbye and as he stood on the edge of the road, waving at the car as is disappeared around the corner, Austin got the distinct feel
ing he’d be hearing from Finn before their next session a week from now. Or maybe that was just him being hopeful? But then again, after a day like today, one could hardly blame him.

  Chapter Twelve

  Finn was over-the-moon. He was walking on sunshine. He was on top of the world... and so many more superlatives, all in the exact same vein. In all sincerity though, he was the happiest he had been in a very long time, and he knew exactly why.

  It was the gift he’d given his son, Zac for his thirteenth birthday. That Nintendo DS system, the one that Austin had helped him pick out and then convinced him to buy, had gone over like gangbusters. God damn, when Zac opened the box and saw what his father had gotten him, Finn half expected fireworks to exploded from the kid’s eye sockets he was so overjoyed.

  “Holy shit!” he had exclaimed excitedly.

  “Zac!” Angela had then chastised. “Watch your language.”

  “You like it, eh?” Finn pressed eagerly. He’d been having mini-heart palpitations up until that point, so it was nice to feel at peace again. He felt so good he could have floated.

  “Sorry,” Zac grimaced and pouted at his mother, before then turning on his father and actually hugging him. That’s right, Zac, Finn’s son, threw his arms around Finn’s waist and pulled him into a grateful hug. “Thanks, Dad!”

  The sound of his own son calling him “dad” had goosepimples breaking out all over Finn’s body. His heart swelled. His eyes began to water and his chin even wobbled a little. This was the first time that Zac had called him dad willingly... and it felt good.

  “No problem.” Finn had then scuffed the top of Zac’s head, like he assumed fathers did. “I wasn’t sure if that was the one to get, but the guy at the store said if you didn’t like it, we could return it for something else—”

  “I love it.” Zac let go of Finn and then held the Nintendo DS into his body like Finn had threatened to take the thing away. “I asked Mom for one but she said—” Zac bit his lip before he said too much. “That I couldn’t have one,” he finished by speaking into his chest.