'Til There Was You

by Jerry Cole

  Once on the plane, Austin was led to a seat at the very back of the plane, where he was told to turn his phone off lest he be kicked off the flight, and then left to his own devices for over fourteen hours. Michael wasn’t even sitting with him, as he’d been unable to book seats together. So, for those fourteen hours, it was just Austin and his thoughts. Thank God he had plenty of them to keep him entertained.

  It would be no exaggeration to say that those fourteen hours were the longest of Austin’s life. He didn’t sleep. He barely ate. He didn’t bother with the TV on the plane, or his laptop or anything like that. He just sat and stared and got lost in his own head.

  Did Austin believe what Cassidy had told him? If he did believe it, what was he going to do about it? If it were a lie, why would Cassidy make it up? Could Austin forgive Finn for such a thing? Did Finn even want to be forgiven? Was this Finn’s way of trying to end things? Question after question after question, and all with no answer.

  When the flight landed in Sydney it was just after three-thirty in the afternoon and Austin had finally come to a decision. Firstly, he hoped desperately that Finn wasn’t at the airport to pick him up. That would at least give him some hours to sleep and mentally prepare. And secondly, he decided that he would give Finn the chance to come clean and apologize.

  That was key. According to Cassidy, Finn had only flirted with him before fleeing the bar. So technically, he didn’t cheat... kind of. And if Finn was able to look Austin in the eye and tell him what he’d done and then ask for forgiveness, Austin would agree to it. He really did love Finn that much. But first, he’d need to see him.

  “Look who it is.” It was Michael who spotted Finn. The two had just collected their bags and were making their way toward the pick-up spot when Michael saw Finn in the crowd. “He looks familiar,” Michael chided and elbowed Austin playful.

  “Sure does,” Austin said back plainly. He hadn’t told Michael about what Cassidy had said. He needed to speak with Finn first.

  “I’ll leave you to it. Call me tomorrow when the jetlag wears off, all right? And we’ll plan our next moves. We have an empire to build.”

  “Will do.”

  “See ya, star.” Michael slapped Austin on the back and disappeared into the crowd. Austin barely even noticed; all his attention was on Finn.

  Objectively, Finn looked the same as ever. He wore black skinny jeans, a band t-shirt and sneakers. He stood slightly taller than those around him, had his hair sitting flat on his head, but purposefully so, and stood with his usual air of confidence, one that Austin had always found so alluring and sexual that he couldn’t stand it.

  But once Austin looked past the physical, there were clear signs that something wasn’t right—subtle, but noticeable signs.

  First of all, Finn didn’t rush to greet him. He just stood there, hands in pockets, watching as Austin approached. It was reserved in a way it shouldn’t have been, and it was very telling. Secondly, he looked tired. And most importantly, he wasn’t smiling. His expression was wrought with nerves, with tension, with worry. It might have been over the fact the two hadn’t seen one another in more than a month... or it might have been something else entirely.

  “Hey, sexy.” Austin dropped his bags the moment he was within reach and wrapped his arms around Finn. He pulled him into a hug and just held him for a moment. “I didn’t know if you’d make it.”

  “Wouldn’t miss it.” Finn held him back, but with less warmth, less enthusiasm, less excitement. Austin could feel how nervous he was.

  “Even for a chance at another few hours without me?” Austin joked as he let go.

  Finn didn’t laugh. “Is this all your stuff?” he indicated the bags.

  “Just that and the baggage that comes with dating me,” Austin tried again to no avail.

  “I’ve got the car parked out front.” Finn stepped around Austin and grabbed his bags for him. “Better hurry though. There's a limit on the spot. It’s fucking robbery is what it is.”

  “Lead the way.”

  Last week, Austin had imagined all kinds of reunions between the two men. There had been running. There had been hugging. There had been kissing, crying and laughing. He’s imagined Finn dragging him to the nearest bathroom to take him at least once before they got home. He’d imagined them renting a hotel room and spending the night, just because. He’d imagined so many different scenarios, each one better than the last. The only thing he hadn’t imagined was silence. But that was what he got.

  Austin followed Finn in silence to the taxi and as he did, he came to a chilling, gut wrenching, heart breaking realization: Cassidy hadn’t been lying. With that being the case, the two men were going to have to talk about what happened. But again, Austin didn’t think he was the one who should bring it up. As far as Finn knew, Austin had no idea. Finn needed to mention it, to explain it, to apologize for it. He had to.

  “Bags in the back,” Finn indicated to his car. He didn’t make to help Austin. Rather, he headed from the driver’s seat and climbed in.

  Seeing Finn in the flesh was a startling reminder of how much he loved the guy. But Austin needed him to speak up. If he didn’t, if he chose to pretend that he’d done nothing wrong, to lie... well, Austin wasn’t sure all the love in the world would fix that problem. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

  ***

  “I’m assuming tomorrow is still a go. You didn’t jump the gun and cancel it, did you?” Austin tried for an amused chuckle to show he had been joking. The two were driving in silence, without so much as a word spoken since leaving the airport. It was awkward as fuck.

  “Of course not.” Finn stared dead ahead as he drove. He concentrated on the road like his life depended on it. “Even if you hadn’t come back, Zac and I would be going. It’s already booked and paid for.”

  “Oh right. Far enough.” Austin nodded along and tried for a tight-lipped smile. God, this was tense.

  A few more moments of silence had Austin reaching across the gear box and resting his hand on Finn’s. To his relief, Finn didn’t make to move it. But he did seize up a little, acting like a harpy’s claw had wrapped around his hand rather than his own boyfriend’s. If Austin hadn’t known what was on Finn’s mind, he would have been wrought with concern. Now he was just mad.

  Finn was in the wrong here. In every conceivable measure, Finn was the one that had transgressed. But he was almost acting as if he was mad at Austin. And why? Because Austin had been away for a month? Because he had forgotten one single phone call? How childish the man could be!

  By the time Finn pulled the car up out the front of Austin’s apartment, Austin was just about done with his boyfriend. The two hadn’t been together for a month, yet the idea of him trying to come upstairs to be with him had Austin almost feeling worried. If he came up, they’d fight. If they fought, he didn’t know.

  Maybe... maybe one extra night would be the best way to go? Then tomorrow, before the trip, Austin could force a confession out of him.

  “Listen,” Austin started. “My jet lag is ridiculous. Like I don’t even know what day it is. Plus, we’ve got this drive tomorrow and—”

  “It’s fine,” Finn said quickly. He almost sounded relieved. “I was actually going to say I want to be with you tonight. But I have to go and see Zac and Angela about tomorrow. Then pack and double check some things.” He tried for a smile. “Do you want to maybe restart tomorrow? Get some sleep tonight, then we can leave first thing in the morning.”

  It was like a knife driving itself through his heart. “Definitely.” It was what Austin had wanted, but it would have been nice if Finn wasn’t so quick to agree. “I can just be at your place... first thing.”

  “Earlier.” He smiled and gave Austin’s hand a squeeze. It was the first real bit of warmth he’d shown him since they’d first laid eyes on each other at the airport.

  “Deal.” Austin took the hand and gave the back of it a kiss. “Say hi to Zac for me.”

  “Deal.”
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  And that was that. Austin climbed out of the car, grabbed his bags from the trunk and waved as his boyfriend drove off without so much as a kiss goodbye. For a whole month, Austin had imagined what it was going to be like when he finally returned from America. This debacle wasn’t even close.

  The only saving grace that Austin was able to hold on to was the trip tomorrow. It was a weekend away with Finn and Zac. Before the trip started, Austin was going to get a confession out of his boyfriend. Then they’d have the weekend to get past it and move on to bigger and better things. It was a solid plan... or at least a decent one. Really, it was Austin’s only choice.

  Chapter Twenty

  Finn was almost certain that Austin knew. He had to. From the moment the two had lain eyes on one another, right up until Finn had dropped him off on the curb and driven away, a thick tension had hung in the air like radioactive smog; a slow, agonizing secret both men were aware of but refused to go near.

  Also, it didn’t help that Finn had acted so fucking awkwardly.

  When Finn had woken in the middle of the night to a hangover and a text from Austin, telling him that indeed he was arriving in the next day and he hoped to see him, Finn’s heart leaped through his chest with excitement... but then he quickly remembered what he had done and it plummeted into his stomach and out his backside.

  Austin was coming home. It should have been a joyous occasion, but it was wrought with angst, and all over how Finn had behaved.

  Technically, Finn hadn’t done anything wrong. So, he’d gotten a little drunk and flirted where he shouldn’t have. So, he’d made a fool of himself and put Cassidy in an awkward position. So what? It was no big deal.

  Even if Finn didn’t believe it, he decided then and there to act as if that were the case. When Austin did confront him, he would even act aloof and pretend that Austin was reading too much into it. All he did really was speak to his roommate at a bar... right?

  Needless to say, this line of argument and self-justification was very unconvincing. But it was the best that Finn could come up with, so he went with it.

  And again, it was just a shame that Finn had acted so awkwardly.

  It was the sight of Austin that had done it. Seeing his boyfriend, in the flesh for the first time, so darn close too! It sent chills down Finn’s spine. Austin’s hair was longer now, but tied back in a sort of ponytail and still with the undercut. He was dressed comfortably in matching active-wear and looked like he had been working out... or maybe that was just how Finn had seen it?

  Either way, the sight of Austin after all this time had Finn’s heart beating like a warm drum while the cogs in his brain jammed up and broke entirely. Needless to say, he wasn’t himself.

  When he saw Austin, what he should have done was run to him, hug him, kiss him! But he felt too guilty, so instead he smiled and tried to look more tired than anything. When they drove, he should have asked how the trip was, but instead he stared at the road like he was mad at it. And when Austin suggested he spend the night alone to get over his jet lag, Finn should have shouted a resounding ‘No!’ But he agreed and let his boyfriend out of the car.

  Austin knew. There was no way he didn’t. Even if Finn hadn’t been acting like a lunatic, Austin was behaving strangely too. And now, he was just waiting for Finn to admit what he had done so that he could... Finn had no idea. He just knew it wouldn’t be good.

  The morning of the trip started out terribly. Angela dropped Zac off at his place at seven o’clock as she had promised, but still made sure to scold him thoroughly for ignoring her and Zac’s calls the previous night.

  “I don’t care if you treat me like shit.” She had directed Zac to start packing the car with his bags so she could have a moment with Finn. The two stood down several feet from the parked car, making it just so obvious that they were indeed arguing. “But I care when you do it to Zac.”

  “It wasn’t on purpose,” Finn tried with little resolve. “I had a thing...”

  “Like I said, I don’t give a shit. But Zac does. And that’s all that should matter.”

  It was lucky that Zac didn’t seem to care too much. Once Angela was gone, Finn pulled his son aside and apologized, to which Zac shrugged and went back to his Nintendo DS.

  “When’s Austin getting here – he's back from America?” Zac asked as soon as his bags were in the car and he was ready to go. “You said he’d be back in time,” he then finished hopefully.

  “He is,” Finn said positively. He did his best to smile and sound upbeat for his son. That was the least he could do.

  It was time for round two. Yesterday, Finn had been caught by surprise and acted a little off as a result. Today would be different. Finn had managed to convince himself, somewhat, that he had done nothing wrong. And so, he would act like it.

  Austin wasn’t a fan of confrontation. Finn knew this. Maybe, if he acted normal enough, Austin would decide to drop the whole thing? He’d probably just be happy everything was back to normal, to be honest.

  And besides, they had two full nights and three whole days to spend together, with Zac in toe. The last thing Austin would want would be to ruin the trip by starting a fight... and over such a silly little thing too. Yes. Finn was going to act as if everything was fine and just hope Austin went along with it.

  But first, Austin needed to arrive. Always on time, today Austin didn’t arrive until twenty minutes after when he was meant to. This of course sent waves of anxiety flooding through Finn, which he had to work really hard to ignore. It was just a coincidence, he told himself. That was all.

  “There he is!” Finn cooed when Austin finally climbed out of the taxi. “I was about to send a search party.”

  “Sorry!” Austin apologized as he hurriedly pulled his bags from the taxi and transferred them to Finn’s car. “I overslept – jetlag.” He shoved the bags in and slammed the boot.

  “Hurry up!” Zac called from the back seat. “Movie World!!!!!!” He shouted and clapped his hands and punched at the seat excitedly.

  “Steady on,” Finn warned Zac before going straight to Austin, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pulling him into a tight bear-hug. “Hey,” he whispered in his ear and kissed at his neck. “I didn’t get to say it yesterday, but I’m glad your back. Glad is a bit of an understatement, to tell you the truth.”

  The action obviously caught Austin by surprise. He held Finn, paused for a moment as if in thought, and then whispered back, “Me too.” As they pulled apart, he asked, “Can we talk for a moment? I need to—”

  “Can we do it on the road?” Finn cut him off. He didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but it couldn’t be good. “It’s a nine-hour drive and we really need to get going.”

  Austin grimaced. “It would be so good if we could just—”

  “Austin!” Zac shouted excitedly. “In the car. In the car!”

  “The little man’s word is law,” Finn chuckled as he hurried around the car and climbed into his seat. “That’s the rule for the weekend, remember?”

  Austin looked as if he were about to argue. But the sight of Finn buckling up, and Zac bouncing around excitedly had him shaking his head, smiling to the both of them and agreeing. “Fine. Let’s go!” A second later he was in the car, the engine was on and they were off.

  The trip to Movie World was a three-day affair. First, it started with a nine-hour drive north to the Gold Coast, where the theme park was located. And because there was no way they could do a nine-hour drive and go immediately to the theme park for a day of fun, they decided to spend two nights up there also. Night one would be an early bedtime so they could get to the park as early as possible the next day, and night two would depend entirely on how the first day went. And then, assuming all went well, they’d leave the final day at a reasonable time and be back in Sydney by nightfall.

  It was a trip that the three men had been planning for over a month now, and had all been looking very much forward to. Finn was now determined to act normal to
o, like nothing was amiss and he was glad to see that once they got on the road, Austin was of the same mind. Who would have guessed that his plan would actually work?

  “Car cricket?” Finn asked once they were free of Sydney and headed north.

  “Hate it,” Austin blew through his lips. “I like the license plate game.”

  “What’s that?” Zac leaned forward.

  “Oh, it’s the best road trip game ever.” Austin swiveled in his chair to speak with Zac. “Basically, the aim is to move through the alphabet from A to Z, ticking off each letter when you can. The only way to tick off a let though is to see it in either a sign, license plate or anywhere else that a letter might appear. But if someone sees that same letter first – or uses that sign even, you can’t use it.”

  “But it has to be in order?” Zac confirmed.

  “Of course,” Austin continued. “And I know it sounds easy. But trust me, once you get to the Q’s and X’s it takes some serious concentration. Oh, and I should warn you too, I’ve never once lost.”

  “There’s a first time for everything,” Finn grinned. “Zac hope you’re happy with third place.”

  “What?!” Zac exclaimed. “I’m going to blow you both out of the water!”

  “Oh, it’s on!” Austin turned back in his chair and sat up straight as if already preparing himself.

  Finn continued to grin as he reached across and took Austin’s hand in his, which Austin allowed for him to do as natural as always. “I’m glad you made it back for this,” Finn said seriously.

  “Me too,” Austin smiled and kissed the back of his hand. “Me too.”

  It really was crazy how quickly things could change. Just yesterday, Finn was certain that he’d fucked everything up and his and Austin’s relationship was over. Now though, he realized it was actually stronger than ever. For nine-hours they drove north and not once in those nine hours did it feel like he and Austin were struggling in their relationship. Not once!