by Jillian Hart
“I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you heard anything more from your ex?”
“No.” She found her keys and sorted through them for her door key. “So far so good. I haven’t checked my messages yet, but I think he finally got a clue.”
“Good. I think your brother and Caleb helped him to.”
“So do I.” She turned the key in the dead bolt. “Katherine mentioned that Jack and Danielle’s husband, Jonas, paid him a visit, too. I think he understands I really mean it this time. We’re over. He’ll move on.”
“Have you given any thought to a restraining order?”
“I believe he will do the right thing.”
“I hope so. You don’t need to be troubled like that. Guys like that give the rest of us a bad name.” He opened the door for her.
She brushed past him, holding her feelings still. “I’m not painting you with the same brush, Chad.”
“No? Then tell me that your no-dating policy doesn’t have anything to do with him.” He towered in the doorway so sincere and concerned.
She set down her purse on the hall table. How could she deny the deepening friendship between them? “My vacation from romance has everything to do with Chris. You know, you never told me why you have a no-dating policy?”
“I’ve been trying to avoid the subject.” He grinned sheepishly, somehow making him all the more handsome.
“You said that it was complicated.” She led the way into the living room. “Isn’t that another word for a relationship that didn’t work out?”
“I wouldn’t call it a relationship. Every time I started dating someone, they couldn’t love me in the end. They didn’t understand what I had been through. That’s why I took a break from dating. It seemed safer.” He sat on the edge of the chair. “At least until I was clear about who I was and what I wanted from life. And especially the kind of woman I wanted to fall in love with.”
“It sounds wise. I tumbled into love with Chris when I was too young to know those things. I think he was too young, too. I wanted it to work, until I found out about the secrets in his life.” She eased onto the corner of the couch. “I think you’re smart to figure out what you want and the kind of person who will be right for you.”
“It’s more complicated than that. I have to find a woman who can really see me and not the kid I used to be. I didn’t have a perfect family like you did.”
“Oh, my family isn’t perfect, believe me. You probably don’t know that we’re a blended family. My mom married John when I was three.”
“I didn’t know.” That surprised him. He never would have guessed it.
“Danielle told me that it was harder for her because she was trying to adjust and everyone else was, too. I was too little, and there was no reason for me to adjust. I think I was terribly spoiled, being the baby of the family.”
Adored would be more like it. He could see that very plainly. “You and Danielle? I would have figured that you and Lauren were the real sisters.”
“That’s because you haven’t met Danielle. We look a lot alike. Lauren didn’t even grow up with us. Her mom took her when she was a toddler. Linda just ran off to Hollywood and stayed there. Lauren only came back to the family a year ago.”
“I had no clue.” The sisters seemed as if they had been together forever. Some families were able to make things work, he realized, when others fell apart. He had grown up in a family that was more apart than together, but he knew that was a pattern he would not need to repeat. “Your family must be a strong one.”
“We’re just average, believe me. But we do love one another and that makes the difference. Plus my mom has heart enough to have made our blended family a real one.”
“Something tells me you take after your mom.”
“I would like to think so, but I’m sure I fall short.” She gave a modest shrug of her shoulders.
She had no idea how awesome she was to him. He had put off thinking about dating and marriage. It just seemed like the wise thing to do. His heart ached with tenderness. It was as if his heart had been waiting for this woman to come wholly alive. She was everything he had ever wanted. “I suppose you would like a big family one day. Lots of kids to look after and take care of.”
“I always wanted three kids.”
“Hey, me, too. That’s a pretty good number.”
“I think so.” She smiled at him. “That is in the far future since I’m not even dating.”
“You don’t think there’s a chance you might amend your policy?”
“I’m a little afraid to.” She seemed so at ease. Surely this conversation wasn’t making her the least bit nervous.
He was about to disintegrate from anxiety. “Maybe with the right guy you won’t be afraid.”
“That’s the trouble. I don’t know if I can trust myself.” She brushed a lock of hair out of her face, looking vulnerable and sweet.
Emotions surged through him with amazing force. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to take care of her. He wanted to make sure she was never afraid or hurt again. Overwhelmed, he sat gasping for air and hoped she didn’t notice.
She didn’t seem to. “After what you’ve been through, do you feel that way?”
“S-sometimes.” He choked out. “When I’m confused or I’m afraid of making a mistake, I look in my heart and I trust the Lord. He would never steer me wrong.”
“I know. I’m afraid that I might mix up what I think with what He’s trying to tell me.”
“What do you think He’s trying to tell you?”
“I don’t know exactly, but I’m trying to keep my heart open.”
“Good. That’s what I’m trying to do, too.”
Please, I need your leading, Lord. He squared his shoulders, trying to decide if this was the right time to tell her about his mistakes and what they had cost him. But how? Help me find the words, Father.
None came. He was still searching for them when her phone rang. Rebecca rose gracefully from the couch and checked her cordless.
“It’s Danielle,” she explained. “It’s probably about Tyler’s birthday tomorrow. Will you excuse me?”
“I’d best get home anyway.” Maybe there would be a better time, he reasoned. There was no longer any doubt. He wanted a future with her. He had to tell her about his past. The real question was how? And when?
He would trust in the Lord to find the right way and the right time. His heart and his future and Rebecca’s trust in him was at stake.
When I’m confused or I’m afraid of making a mistake, I look in my heart and I trust the Lord. Chad’s words stayed with her through the night and into the next day as she joined her family at her grandmother’s house in the country. The trouble was that her heart was bruised and no longer exactly whole. She didn’t know what it was telling her. It was like driving through fog; she couldn’t see a thing.
“What do you think?” Caleb asked from the bench on Gran’s back patio. “Red?”
She eyed the balloon bouquet tethered by the ribbons she had been tying. “Definitely red.”
“You got it.” He chose a red balloon from the package and filled it with helium. “You look a million miles away. Lauren gets that look when she’s remembering our wedding plans.”
“Oh, I know where you’re going with this.” Rebecca rolled her eyes, holding back her laughter. “I expected better from you, Caleb.”
“I know, but a guy gets curious, too.” He tied off the balloon and handed it to her. “I hear things, I’ve got to admit. There might be one more wedding in the McKaslin clan before year’s end.”
“Oh, and who exactly would that be?” She couldn’t resist. “I didn’t even know Spence was dating.”
“Ha. That’s a good one. Did you hear that, Spence?”
“I heard it.” Spence’s deep baritone sounded unusually disgruntled. “Why would you say something like that, Becca? You know good and well what I think about marriage.”
“That it’s one happily-ever-after y
ou’re pining away for?” She laughed; she couldn’t help it. She was in an exceptionally good mood.
“A fairy tale, that’s what it is.” Spence frowned over the barbecue where he was squeezing lighter fluid onto the briquettes. “A foolish notion women get into their heads so some poor sap can buy them a house and pay their bills.”
“Poor Spence.” She tied the ribbon’s knot tight on the balloon. “You really don’t believe in true love, do you?”
“No. Never. Absolutely not.” He struck a match and tossed it into the barbecue. Flames erupted. “Only a fool believes in something like that.”
Interpretation: I wish I could.
She knew how Spence felt. She took another balloon from Caleb and tried to ignore the ache of her lost dreams that seemed so foolish now. How had she let herself believe so much in the wrong man? Was it because she wanted to believe in a fairy tale? Or because she didn’t? She had fallen for an apparently perfect guy and when he hadn’t been, she had been afraid it was her fault. That she wasn’t trying hard enough. That she wasn’t enough. Then every time he was good to her or kind to her, it was proof that he was as committed as she was. That was one pattern she refused to repeat again.
“That’s a little harsh, isn’t it, Spence?” Caleb chuckled. “Otherwise, you’re calling me a fool.”
“Now I never said that directly.” Spence scowled less. He wasn’t a man given to mirth. “You know I’m happy for you and Lauren. She’s a good kid. She needs someone like you.”
“And I need her.” Caleb tied off another balloon. “Rebecca, think this is the last one? I must have blown up a hundred or so.”
There were so many balloons, they blotted out the swatch of sky between the patio railing and canopy of trees. “I think we can call it good. I’ll distribute them around.”
“Great.” Caleb stood up from the bench and stretched. He’d been sitting there a long time.
As she unwrapped a handful of balloons from the railing, she thought about the friends thing, how her sisters, Marin and Lucy had said true love was based on friendship. She remembered long ago Lauren saying the same thing about when she first fell for Caleb. They had just meshed, she’d said at the time. He’s the best friend she’d ever had.
It was sort of too late to rethink her friends clause with Chad. She knotted the dozen ribbons in her hand around the back of the birthday boy’s chair. Across the patio table she saw Aubrey and William on the far side of the yard gathering roses from Gran’s incredible flower garden.
Dark-haired William was holding the shears and leaning close to clip the flower Aubrey braced for him. They looked so sweet and happy together. He clipped the bud and laid it in the small basket she carried over her arm. She blushed prettily. The look they shared was a deeply loving one. She knew if she were to ask Aubrey, her sister would say the same thing. We’re best friends first.
Rebecca sighed. Maybe her friends idea wasn’t so smart. Her phone jingled. A text message from Chad? Her heart leaped and a quiet, deep joy rushed into her soul. She knew there was only one explanation for that, but she decided to stay in denial for a while.
How goes the party?
We’re waiting for the birthday boy. Missed U at church. She typed and sent and, when she heard footsteps coming around the corner, slipped her phone into her pocket.
“What has put such a smile on your face?” Mom wanted to know as she held out her arms wide. “Oh, baby, it’s good to see you.”
She stepped into her mother’s hug and held on tight. “It’s good to see you, Mom. You’re looking tan.”
“We’ve been having a high time.” Mom stepped back and took Rebecca’s hands, appraising her with motherly care. “You look beautiful and happy, and here I worried that all that nonsense with Chris would bring you down, sweetie.”
“I’m fine. It’s over. I’m glad you two didn’t come home on my account. Hi, Dad.” Her heart warmed as it always did for her dad. John McKaslin gave her a shy kiss on the cheek. He’d always been shy when it came to showing affection, but his heart was big. “How far did you two get this time?”
“We spent way too much time nosing around antique stores in Wyoming.” Dad’s gruffness was feigned. His eyes were twinkling. “You know Dorrie and antiques.”
“I got some great new Depression glass pieces for your set and the one I started for Lauren.” Mom looked so pleased. “Oh, there’s Spence. I’ve got to go torture him with a great big hug.”
“I’ve got to get these balloons put up before Tyler gets here.”
“I’ll torture him and be back to help.” Mom traipsed off. “C’mon, John. You need to talk to Spence. He looks peaked. He’s working too hard.”
“I’ll talk to him,” Dad promised as he trailed Mom.
Rebecca watched the people she loved. Spence was feigning indifference, as if he didn’t need a hug from his parents. Mom began fussing over him, smoothing his hair which she said was too long, pinching his cheeks and commenting on his health. Gran pattered out of the back door with a small covered tray.
“This looks so festive, Rebecca.” In a lemon yellow pantsuit, lovely as always, Gran gave an approving smile. “Tyler will be so pleased. Dani called to say they were on their way. Ava isn’t here with the birthday cake yet.”
“I’ll call her and see what’s keeping her.”
“That would be a help, dear.” Gran set the tray on the table and began fussing with the place settings.
Rebecca tied the balloons on the fencing that bordered one edge of the patio and pulled her phone out of her pocket. Just as she was about to dial, a text message came in. Of course she had to read it. She didn’t want to admit that she missed Chad. Missing him. There was no rationale for that.
Can’t wait for our ride.
Uh-oh. She tried not to listen to the voice of doom whispering in her ear. She wanted to stay in denial about what was happening to her heart for a little while longer.
Me, too, she typed. It was much less than she felt. Much less than she wanted to say. And all at once so much more. She felt as if she were taking the first step off the edge of the Grand Canyon. Foolishly marching ahead when any smart person would take a huge jump back and stay safe on solid ground.
“They’re here!” came a cry from inside the house. The back door slapped open and Ava emerged carrying her cake board and the colorful dog-shaped cake she had baked just for the occasion. Her husband trailed after her, holding her bag, her purse and her cake-decorating case.
Rebecca grabbed another handful of balloons. As Tyler raced around the corner and into sight, hopping with excitement, she joined in the rousing rendition of the happy birthday song. But where were her thoughts?
On Chad and awaiting his next text message. What was she going to do about that?
Chapter Eleven
When she pulled into her driveway, Chad was waiting for her with his top-of-the-line mountain bike glinting in the evening sunshine. She hit the remote and seeing the welcoming smile on his face filled her with an entirely new emotion. She had never felt it before. It swept through her heart and brimmed over into her soul. It was like holding peace in the palm of her hand.
She lowered the window. “Hey, buddy. You look ready and revved to go.”
“You said you were on your way. I didn’t want to waste a minute of this evening. Tomorrow is back to work, you know. I’ll be worn out from the kids and I won’t have energy for a long ride.”
“Tell me about it.” She’d had the best fun exchanging text messages with him throughout Tyler’s party. Seeing him brought home exactly how much she liked him—no, cared about him. She had to be honest with herself. She cared about him very much. “How did your aunt’s cake turn out?”
“After my cousins ran by the oven playing baseball you mean? It was flat as a pancake but it tasted great.” Chad grinned at her. “It’s my belief that chocolate frosting will make anything better.”
“I like the way you think.” She smiled and he did, too
. It was like a little connection between them, something more than a smile. They were one the same wavelength. Seeing him was like the best thing that had happened in a very good day. “I’ll just—”
“—pull in and get changed.”
He finished her thought perfectly. “I will get your bike down from the hooks and check your tire pressure while I wait. How about that?”
“That would be great.” She drove into the shade of the garage, her thoughts jumbling. This man seemed way too good to be true.
She thought of her sisters today and how happy everyone was. Aubrey and William, inseparable, alight with joy expecting their first child. Ava and Brice, how they seemed to be able to finish each other’s sentences. Katherine and Jack and their gentle loving regard for one another. Danielle and Jonas, how connected they were with those tender looks and kind words and their abiding love. Lauren and Caleb, so alike down to the soul. Even Mom and Dad with their strong love, always knowing what the other one needed before it was spoken.
They made it seem as if everything that was too good to be true was real, after all.
A little hope crept into her soul. She climbed out of the car and fetched the plastic containers from the backseat.
“Cookies and birthday cake,” she explained. “I felt bad that you were left out. Especially considering the demise of your aunt’s much-awaited sponge cake.”
“I appreciate that.” He chuckled. The width of the car separated them, but they seemed closer than ever. “That will give us something to snack on later.”
Us. She didn’t miss that. She closed the door. “I’ll just take these in with me, then. I’ll see you in a few.”
“It’s hot out there. Don’t forget to bring a water bottle.”
“I won’t.” She knew she was smiling wider than was humanly possible because of the way her face felt stretched. Her soul did, too.
Joy followed her into the house where she changed into a pair of denim shorts and a T-shirt. She slathered on sunblock and grabbed a baseball cap, working quickly so she could get back to him.
As she rinsed and filled her water bottle, she could hear faint sounds coming from the garage. It sounded as if he were filling her tires with the hand pump that had been on the shelf next to the bike hooks. She had never realized what a comfort it was to have a guy around who would volunteer to do things for her.