by Abby J. Reed
After fielding questions, I found the secondary generator room and laid my head against the humming machine. There wasn’t much in here save darkness and quiet. The generator rattled my nerves, seeming to push the pain back enough for me to focus more. A sinking settled in my stomach. It was gonna be a long postdrome phase.
No use crying over what couldn’t be beaten free.
When I emerged, I made my way to Yana’s alcove. I had almost moved aside the blanket when I noticed a scene through one of the holes, and I stopped.
Throb throb throb went my head.
Yana leaned against the wall with LuLu lying between her legs. She kept one hand on Mateo as he packed his bag. It was a tiny thing, one of the standards issued from basic. He tossed out extra baby clothes and threw in a couple bandages he took from Cal. A tablet showed the list of herbs he was supposed to keep an eye out for with hand drawn illustrations. He belted a short dark matter knife to his thigh. It had been shaped from the leftover cart material by the Elik, and so it shined from newness.
He didn’t look like much. A one-two punch from yours truly would knock him out. He was better off in the cattle pastures than down here trying to defend his family.
Yet, here he was. Risking what he had left to see if some village rat had found some banging luck and survived the Extrats rolling through.
Yana leaned over and kissed him, hard and deep. He held baby LuLu close and whispered in her ear a singsong lullaby.
Let me sing you a lullaby—
The same dumb-ass song Brody butchered over his chordophone.
I watched them perform as a unit, a team, as though they looked at each other and never heard that something missing whisper.
Complete.
Without me.
Throb throb throb.
I watched as Mateo kissed LuLu’s soft head and handed her back to Yana. I watched as Yana’s adoring gaze found his and they shared an unspoken moment, averting my gaze a sec to give them privacy. Then I watched, despite his obvious overbearing love for them, as Mateo grabbed that sack and swept aside the blanket.
I didn’t realize I wanted to wish him luck until he had already walked away.
Chapter 23
JUPE
This time, the Extrats weren’t what tore my uncle apart, it was Tahnya. She stood like a witch from the vids, hands outstretched like a master puppeteer. My uncle twitched between her hands, limbs ripped apart beneath her as black blood carpeted the lavender forest floor.
“ShuShu!” I yelled. “ShuShu, hold on!” I struggled to rise from the roots of the lavender trees.
A searing yank inside my chest. I couldn’t move, but my heart could. It tried to squeeze through my chest cavity, caught on an invisible fishing line. My heart pressed against my ribs, threatened to crack them open and slip through my skin.
At the other end, holding the line, Tahnya: Exuberant, exhilarated, and—
The lavender faded.
I sat bolt upright, heaving. Adrenaline coursed through my system. I clutched at my chest, checking to make sure my heart was still in place. Breathed, breathed, tried to slow the adrenaline. Tried to prove to my body this reality, this prison cell, was the real. Not the lavender horror.
Shaking, I turned to the others. Only Brody was on the bed. He sat, limp, as though all past, current, and future anger had been leeched out of him. I’d seen this death-look before. Someone Leader had put under this gas. Too much too fast in the system meant death.
I waved in front of his face. “Brody?”
He didn’t flinch. No bueno. Not good at all. There was nothing I could do if the gas had him.
But where was—? Tahnya, in the corner opposite me. Her hands pressed against the wall as though she had tried to claw her way out. She was sobbing.
My heart wrenched even though her crying was a good sign. She was still showing emotion.
My legs shook, but I managed to get up and cross over to Tahnya. Her frizzy hair had fallen out of its knot. I pushed some of it out of her face. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want this for them.
I didn’t want to choose this.
Little Hero, ShuShu had said.
Look at the cost, I wanted to scream. Look at what it cost you.
His voice again, in my head. Look what it is costing now.
“We’ll plant a garden,” I said. “A garden as wide as a moon.”
Tahnya’s eyes rolled, the whites still tinged lavender.
Fight, Tahnya. Fight it.
“There’ll be fields and fields of suncots and whatever you want to plant. Rows and rows of Bai Hao tea, too, and all your stingfly hives. We’ll store the honey in matching jars and fill the warehouses with them. Do you see it?”
Her eyes cleared back to normal. She nodded, slow. Her lips smacked together, dry. “You promise?”
“Lo promento.” I nearly gasped with relief, pressed my clammy forehead to hers. I promise. “Para siempre.”
“Would you like the pain to stop?”
We both glanced up. The Queen stood in the hallway. When had she gotten there? Stacks of bracelets coiled along her arms. A multitude of rings clustered on her fingers. Her studded hair hung loose in waves, like dawn light bursting through the night.
Sí, Angel, sí.
Make the pain stop.
But I knew what she would want in return. Why she left the digiScreen on. Why she let me see what was happening outside this cell.
“Are you willing to cooperate?” she said.
“I am.” Brody’s raspy voice echoed. I jumped to see him wipe his mangled hand across his cheek. By the Angel, he was still alive. “Please. Make it stop.”
The Queen gave him a beatific smile. “For your bravery, I will let you have Leader’s promised line.”
Brody gasped in relief. He didn’t so much lean forward as collapse.
“However, stopping depends on him.” The Queen’s perfect neck twisted like a snake. “Jupiter, are you willing to cooperate?”
I shut my eyes. Tahnya quivered underneath me.
Choose. Choose. Choose, Little Hero.
If I were braver, I’d say no. If I were stronger, I’d throw the consequences in the Queen’s face. But I was no hero. Tahnya wanted me to choose, to act. She didn’t understand this wasn’t a choice at all. Not really.
Not when my uncle was dead and Tahnya and Brody would both suffer. And the Queen knew it.
“All right.” I stood and stepped toward the Queen. “I’ll cooperate.”
“Excellent. Rest assured, there will be no more gas, Brody will receive his line, and you all will receive food.” She beckoned me to follow her. “Come along.”
Tahnya’s nails dragged along my forearm as I pulled away from her.
Then I followed the Queen Mother out of the cell to betray what was left of the factions.
Chapter 24
MALANI
The box beckoned. It opened its mouth like a tomb, waiting to swallow me whole. My hands braced against the edges, elbows locking, to prevent myself from being shoved in. My nose filled with the scent of cleaning chemicals, of Heron, of lab.
I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to go—
My wings wouldn’t beat, wouldn’t flap and shove me away. The muscles in my back strained. Why wouldn’t they help? I glanced over my shoulder to find a bleeding spine. No tattoo. And no wings at all. I was stuck, trapped, baggage, forever useless—
No, no, nononono—
I snapped awake, nearly banging my head on the bunk above me. I immediately swept my hand underneath my back. My fingers touched metal, and I relaxed. I was safe. I had my wings. I was okay.
My tongue ran across dry lips, smacking at the tang taste the nightmare brought on. I hadn’t had that
dream in a long time. Maybe being on Scarlatti triggered it for me. Figured.
I leaned over to see the survivors staring at me.
An Elik curse escaped my mouth. I must’ve yelled in my sleep again.
Most of those present gathered together on the other side of the room. Another little girl, like the one at the festival, stared at me. She didn’t come ask if I was a spaceangel though. The surviving Herons avoided me as well, making me wonder if my story had been shared, if they were ashamed that they lived cluelessly above the girl in the cells. I recognized almost all the Elik. A few of the braver ones came to speak with me before I crashed for the nap. They mumbled insincere words and scuttled away as though I’d grown fangs.
Once, that distance would’ve scraped my heart. Now, it didn’t matter. Even after I spoke myself hoarse from translating, even after I agreed to save their asses from both Extrats and the Queen by helping with the tower, all they could see was someone who didn’t belong.
Well, they were right. I didn’t belong here. I belonged out there, in the stars, on a ship, with Breaker. I was a different Malani now.
My stomach rumbled. I tented my tunic to peer at my chest. The stab wound had healed to a slender pink line. Not unlike the lines that appeared on my palms after I sliced them open on the jagged window all those septdias ago. I inhaled deep, testing my lungs. As Jupe would say, bueno.
I sat up slow and stretched out my injured wing.
That cut hadn’t healed nearly as well. My feathers twisted to test. It no longer throbbed. I lifted it up and down, creating a wisping draft. A spark of bearable pain responded. I’d need another dia before I wanted to risk carrying weight.
Above me, Breaker threw his cap over the bunk ledge. His parents had an extra bed by them, but he didn’t want to take it. I flicked at his dangling arm, dragged my fingers along his veins, but he didn’t wake.
I missed the smell of him. The sweat and oil and metal combo that was uniquely his. If only I could travel us back in time to Syktyv, to that perfect moment of his lips on mine, before Jupe interrupted. My body heated at the thought of his hand on my waist, his cap against the back of my neck.
Stars. The only reason I was here was because of him. Because he cared for this place. And I, well, I cared for him too.
Another stomach rumble forced me to slide off my bunk to hunt for food. Anything they managed to save would be better than those gov-bars. What I wouldn’t give for some goatling milk.
Cal appeared next to me like a ghost. “You slept for five horas.” Beneath his eyes hung the shadows of mini moons. He clearly hadn’t slept, but the way he juggled tablets back and forth in his arms suggested energy. What had he been doing while we napped? “Your wounds are better.”
A clinical observation, not a question laced in his usual kindness.
I showed him my clavicle, then my wing, then touched him on the chest. “You need to sleep.”
“Where’s Breaker?” A demand, not another question.
I pointed to the bunk. Breaker’s brown hair flopped as though a windstorm had run through it, and he’d taken off his prosthesis so it looked like he had three legs lined in a row. My heartstrings tugged at the sight of the screwdriver held to his chest.
“Wake him and get to my lab. The third room. Luka will meet you there.”
“For someone who resisted being in charge, you sure like to boss people around.”
Cal started to walk away but was stopped by a little Heron boy tugging on his tunic. “Chief Cal?” the boy said. He lifted up a fractured arm, bound by a makeshift splint and bandages.
“Painow?” Cal said in a butchered Heron accent.
The little boy flashed three fingers twice. Cal peeked under the wrappings. He looked over his shoulder at me. “What are you waiting for? I’ll be there in a couple.”
I rolled my eyes. Men on missions. I poked Breaker awake and left him to finish getting ready on his own.
Cal’s makeshift lab was down a different corridor from where he tended the injured and kept the faceless alive. I hesitated at the door. No palm scan needed in the underground. My feathers flared.
This is the compound, not the fortress.
I shoved open the door.
This lab didn’t smell anything like the Heron lab in my dreams. No chemical-clean smell drifted when you entered. But he tried as best as he could to make it clean. A tub of hot water churned in the corner, running on what little solaenergy they had left. Bandages boiled, turning over as bubbles pushed them to the surface. A stack of folded, clean ones laid on a shelf next to the tub. A couple beaten-up machines, apparently dragged to the underground from above stood next to a boulder in the corner. A few hummed singsong tones to themselves. A handful of bottles stacked in rows on a tray, most empty, along with a scrawny handful of herbs.
In the middle of a room, on a table, lay an Extrat splayed open from neck to groin. A selection of tools lay in a row next to it. Nails kept its metallic skin pinned. The insides seemed no different from any other person.
I shivered. Not from the sight, but because I knew this would’ve been me if Dr. Niele had his way.
Cal is a friend. Cal will never hurt me. Cal is not Dr. Niele.
Breaker knocked on the door frame, announcing his presence. A low whistle streamed from his lips as he bent over the Extrat on the table. “You know, I think this is the one Cal and I lugged in.” He prodded at the nails, moving his way around the table toward the Extrat’s feet.
Luka approached us from behind, miming silent punches at the rock wall. Grumpiness radiated out of him. He certainly was not elected general because of his suns-shine nature. He stopped short at the sight. “What’s this? Cal’s dirty hobby?”
“Apparently,” I said. “How do you like being a general?”
Luka spat. Then twisted sharply with a pop pop pop of his back, as though cracking away his frustration. “Turns out you can’t breed the stupid out of people.”
Breaker snorted. He still had line creases on his cheek from where he’d slept on someone’s spare tunic as a makeshift pillow.
Cal entered the room then, kicking the door shut. He froze for a heartbeat as he and Breaker looked at each other. Not so much an alpha-male glare-off as two people assessing the other for damage. Another heartbeat passed as they both worked up the courage to speak.
Cal rubbed the back of his neck, a sheepish expression on his face. “I’m sorry again.”
“You’re doing great, Cal.” Breaker’s voice cracked. He came around and gave Cal a solid shoulder shake. “You’re doing far better than I ever could. You should be proud of how you’ve stepped in.”
Cal’s face twitched into a ghost of a smile. “Thanks, man.”
Luka gripped his minis, leaning against the wall. “You two done kissing yet? We need to get going otherwise.”
Breaker shot me an annoyed-comradery look, releasing Cal.
I leaned forward to study Breaker closer. The way he slumped to one side. His clothes, which he tried to keep as smooth and clean as possible, were rumpled, and not just from the nap. He hadn’t even bothered to sweep back his hair from his face. Something was wrong.
My stomach rumbled, jarring the room.
Cal straightened and gestured toward the Extrat on the table, suddenly professional. Energy sang beneath his skin and a haunted, excited expression filled his face. “While you guys were gone, Lewis and one of the scientists had this idea. Well, it was kind of my idea, too, but—”
Luka leaned on his heels. “Get on with it.”
Cal ignored him. “We started the experiment, but I had to finish on my own.” He swallowed, and Breaker stared at the wall for a sec, gaining control of his emotions. “Thought you’d all want to know what we found.” Cal tapped the peeled-back skin with a dingey scalpel. “Extrat
blood and skin are in fact similar in composition to the Elik metal.”
Breaker chewed on the inside of his cheek. “We already know the Extrats are related to dark matter.”
Cal shook his head. “Not just related, man. The same. Same substance.”
Horror filled my mouth. My hand drifted to my wings. My precious, precious wings that gave me freedom . . . No. They wouldn’t betray me like that. They wouldn’t turn me into a monster.
Aren’t you already a monster? a little voice whispered.
A monster is only a monster because it doesn’t belong. I whispered back. And I know where I belong.
“How is that possible?” Breaker said.
Cal waved to the ragged equipment in the back. “Think of it like, like how water can come in three forms: liquid, solid, and gas. The metaphor isn’t exact, but the concept is similar.”
I tapped my toes, still stroking my wings to soothe them. “So, liquid being like blood and fuel. Solid being like skin and the mined bits. Air being?” My eyes widened. “Oh, the mist.”
Cal nodded. “Exactly. Each state seems to have its own properties, but I don’t have the equipment or time to study more.”
Breaker held up his cap. “That could explain why they didn’t attack me at first. They could sense the dark matter on us.” He mouthed the word brother to himself. “They thought we were similar to them too. Until I attacked one to save you, Cal, and that’s when it attacked me.”
I tugged on my dread. “Maybe it figured out you weren’t Extrat. That by attacking it, you showed you were a threat.”
“That’s a good theory,” Cal said. “But there’s more.”
I glared at him and my wings raised. “What’s worse than hearing I’m basically part Extrat?”
Luka leaned against the wall now, a foot casually kicked out. “She’s right. That’s pretty ‘stroiding awful.”
“Thanks a lot, Luka.”
Cal twisted his lips. “Hearing Extrats are part us.”