The delicate carvings in the cabinets were ivy leaves she realized as her fingers lingered on them. That must have been William's suggestion; he knew how much she loved the way the ivy grew through the trees in some areas of the forest. Thoughts of Max and her brothers saddened her. They had already lost her father; she didn't know how they would survive her loss too, especially William if she decided to do this and didn't survive.
Aria sighed as her fingers slipped from the cabinet. She had no idea what to do. It was one thing to die for a cause; it was another thing to risk her life when it wasn't entirely necessary. At least not yet.
She could wait a few years; maybe even wait till she was twenty-five. It was an age she'd never thought she'd hit anyway; it would be nice to see it.
However, if she waited a few years then Aria wasn't sure she'd have the courage to do it, and what if she accidentally became pregnant? She'd never take the risk of leaving her child behind by doing something that may end her life.
She'd thought this decision would be easier, but she was completely torn. Why did she have to become reasonable and concerned about consequences now? She wished her father were here so she could talk to him and seek his guidance in making this decision.
I have vampire blood inside of me; she clung firmly to that thought. I'm stronger than most, more stubborn. I will survive; I will.
She traced over the swirls within the soft green countertops as she studied the open, airy kitchen. They hadn't run electricity from the palace, and Aria was glad as she much preferred the flicker of the lanterns hanging above her. It was cozier with the mellow radiance illuminating the picturesque home.
She felt Braith's eyes on her before she spotted him leaning against the doorframe. Her toes curled as her mouth went dry. His eyes were hooded with sleep, and his dark hair tussled across his forehead. He had taken the time to throw on a pair of pants that hung low on his hips to reveal the hair running from the waistband and up to his belly button before flaring out slightly at his chest.
The hard ridges of his abdomen flexed as he crossed his legs and scanned her with the same hunger she was sure had just been in her gaze. A sly gleam lit his eyes when her gaze raked him from head to toe. His full mouth curved in a predatory smile.
He was far more delicious looking than cake, she decided firmly. And he was hers. The thought caused her hands to clench as possession shot through her. He would always be hers, no matter what she decided.
"Do you like it?" he asked.
"It's incredible."
"I'm glad. You must be hungry."
Her stomach rumbled eagerly at his words. "Guess I am," she told him as she placed a hand on her belly.
"I'll make you something."
She nodded as he moved away from the door with the ease of someone who was intrinsically aware of every muscle and cell within their body. He opened and closed cabinets as he retrieved supplies and she settled at the table.
"Braith?"
"Hmm," he murmured as he used the knife to slice bread with startling speed.
"Will I, uh, be able to eat human food again if I become a vampire?"
He stopped slicing and stared at the cabinets for a moment before glancing at her over his shoulder. His eyes flickered; something feral crossed his face before he shook it away.
"You can; it's not the same, but I've eaten it before. I don't find it appealing, but it might be different since you have a taste for it; I never did."
"Oh." Her eyebrows drew together as he continued to watch her. "The blood, I'm not so sure about that. I don't know if I can bite someone. I know you've been drinking the blood humans provide, but…"
She shuddered as she thought about the one aspect of this whole thing she had been trying not to contemplate.
Braith turned away; she watched as the muscles in his back and shoulders rippled with the deft slices of the knife. He finished cutting the loaf and carried a plate of bread and fruit over to her. Sitting before her, he leaned forward, his hands clasped as his eyes blazed into hers.
"You have consumed my blood."
She fiddled with a piece of bread. "That's because it's you. But another's blood, a stranger's blood, is an entirely different matter." Her nose wrinkled as revulsion twisted within her. "And after your father's blood."
He stiffened at the reminder as a slight snarl curled his lip.
"It was awful, Braith; I could never describe how awful it was."
"I know."
She leaned closer to enjoy the smell of spices and earth radiating from his body. "Is it that awful for you now, with others? Is that why you don't like drinking other people's blood anymore?"
"I don't think it's quite as revolting to me. The blood isn't forced on me as my father's was forced on you. And its blood, it's always been my staple. I don't enjoy another's blood the way I enjoy yours. It doesn't fill me in the same way, it's not as empowering, and it's nowhere near as pleasant tasting, not anymore."
He shook his head as he leaned back. He was trying to appear casual, but the tension in his shoulders and chest didn't ease. "I don't like touching them either. It's not their fault, but the idea of it has become offensive to me. Ashby doesn't enjoy it either, though he seems more willing than I am when it's necessary."
"What will happen if I'm gone?"
"Don't say that," he growled.
Aria opened her mouth to argue; she hoped he would move on if she was gone even though the idea of it made her want to vomit, but she bit back her words. Rehashing these worries and concerns wouldn’t achieve anything except upsetting them both. She forced herself to eat a slice of bread. He wasn't looking at her anymore; his gaze was focused on the windows behind her.
"You don't have to drink anyone else's blood afterward though,” he said. “I can provide for you."
She froze with a piece of bread halfway to her mouth. Her brow furrowed as she stared at him in confusion. "What?"
His gaze came back to her. "I can provide for you. My blood will be more than enough to sustain you. I will have to consume more, but it won't be necessary for you to go to another."
Relief flowed through her. "That's possible?"
"It is." His hands seized hers.
"But what about you? Won't it be draining on you?"
"Not if I stay well supplied."
"You just said you dislike the other blood, Braith. I know you're not feeding as well as you should, you can't hide it from me. If you lose my blood on top of that—"
"But I won't be losing your blood." He brushed the hair back from her neck; his eyes latched onto his new marks on her skin. "I will still have yours; though it won't be enough to sate me completely, I won't lose it."
She took a large gulp of juice to wet her suddenly parched throat. A few months ago, such a proposition would have been revolting. For a reasonable, sane human being it still would be, but he'd helped to make her anything but reasonable and sane. She couldn't take her gaze from his neck, the muscles cording it, and the tautness of his smooth skin.
"Will you…" she had to take a breath before she asked the question. "Will you feed on other women?"
She couldn't look at him as she awaited his answer. She knew it was necessary for him to survive, and possibly her too, but damn if the thought didn't almost break her. He grasped her cheeks as he turned her face to him and tilted his head to peer at her.
"No. I would never turn to a real person again unless it becomes necessary to survive, and even then I would hate it. I don't mind the other blood as much as long as I don't have to touch the person. I will use the donor program, and you can feed solely on me if you decide to do this."
"Yes," she breathed, relieved and strangely titillated by the thought of such a proposition. "Would I be normal after?"
"What do you mean?"
"What will I be like afterward? Will I still be me or will I be a little wild? Will I lose control and try to kill someone, or start trying to feed off everyone?"
He tilted his chair on
its front legs towards her. "You think you'll be a monster."
"Yes," she croaked out, horrified by the possibility.
"No. You will be you, Aria. I'm sure it will take some time to get used to certain things, but you will be able to control the hunger, and you will not become a bloodthirsty lunatic."
She couldn't help but chuckle as she shook her head. "I didn't think I'd be a lunatic but how can you be so sure?"
The chair clicked against the floor as he leaned back again. "Because we can all control what we do, and because Xavier has assured me the others he knows of did not lose their minds. They did not go off their rockers and were as normal as any other vampire born of a human."
"What if he's wrong?"
"There are many things about Xavier I don't understand and will never know, but I do know that, annoyingly enough, he's never wrong about the histories he speaks about."
"I see," she muttered, slightly more at ease.
When he leaned forward, she thought he was going to kiss her, but instead, he picked up a piece of apple and handed it to her. "Eat up; you're going to need your strength. We have a whole week out here together, and I have it in mind to tire you out."
She glared at him, not at all pleased when he chuckled, kissed her forehead, and rose. She bit into the apple as he grinned at her.
"I have to return to the palace for a bit. There are some things I must take care of," he said.
"Okay."
"I won't be gone long, and Jack is here in case you get bored or want to go for a walk."
"I'll be fine," she assured him. He squeezed her hand and turned to walk away. "Braith, I know you never wanted to change me before, but do you want to now that there might be a better chance I’ll survive?"
He froze in the doorway; his hands grasped the frame as he shuddered but didn't look back at her. "I want to do whatever makes you happy, but yes, Aria, I want to change you."
She opened her mouth to tell him that doing this would make her happy, but the words froze in her throat. She couldn't shake the niggling fear she wouldn't survive, and though she craved nothing more than an eternity with him, Aria was terrified of losing the years of happiness they could have if she remained human.
He waited for a minute more before his shoulders slumped and he slipped away from the door. Her heart ached for the torment she felt within him. No matter what he'd said in the past, no matter what he said now, she knew what he wanted most was to make her immortal.
She should eat, but she couldn't bring herself to put one more bite of food in her mouth. The front door opened and closed as he left. She'd never felt more alone in her life. She sat for a while, idly twirling a piece of bread as she tried to sort out the jumbled mess of her emotions.
Shoving away from the table, she rose and grabbed her black cloak by the door. She swung it around her shoulders and opened the door. The crisp air hit her, winter would be arriving soon, and for the first time in her life, she didn't have to worry about freezing to death.
Jack was already on his way up when she stepped onto the porch. He stopped when he saw her, his head tilted to the side.
"I'd like to go for a walk," she declared.
His eyebrows shot into his hairline; his mouth quirked in a small smile. "Already ordering people around, your highness?"
She scowled at him. "You don't have to come with me."
"Well, thank you for the permission to stay behind."
She clasped the cloak more firmly around her neck as it dragged across the ground behind her. "I'm sorry." She was being a jerk, but she felt like a tightly coiled spring about ready to explode. "I need to get out for a bit."
"I can help with that." Though he was smiling, it didn't reach his eyes; eyes that came alive when he was truly happy.
She slipped her arm into the one he offered her and walked with him down the ramp.
"The house is beautiful, Jack, I love it. Thank you."
He patted her hand; uncomfortable with her gratitude. "Yeah, well I was bored. After all the excitement of the past couple months, I had to have something to keep me occupied."
"I'm happy you did."
They slipped into the woods, moving in companionable silence as they traveled through the trees and deeper into the forest. It wasn't until they were almost there that she realized where she was unconsciously leading them the whole time.
"The banquet tree." She tilted her head back to look into its massive, leafy limbs.
There were no apples now, and the leaves had already started to turn subtle hues of gold and orange in the sunlight. She released Jack's arm, grabbed the lower limb and lifted herself into the branches.
She didn't scurry up the tree like she had as a child. Instead, she took her time and savored the feel of the bark and the scent of the tree as it wrapped her in the security of childhood memories. She could almost hear William's laughter floating to her from below as he ran about trying to catch the apples she plucked and tossed down to him.
It wasn't until she was near the top that she saw something shining in the tree. She moved faster and with purpose now. There was only one other person who would have climbed up there and risked the thinness of the upper branches.
Aria burst upward and seized the object entwined in the tree. A sob burned her throat; tears streamed down her cheeks as she opened her hand to reveal the delicate, silver, horse head brooch that was her mother's. It was the same brooch her father had given to Jack on his return to the palace in search of her, the one that let her know she could trust him.
Near the brooch, tied around a branch, was what appeared to be an oilskin cloth. She tugged the strings free from the tree and pulled off the skin. She nearly slipped from the tree in surprise but managed to catch herself and keep her hold on the thin limbs.
She held the drawing Daniel had made for her; the one of her sitting in Braith's lap as he read to her by the lake. Daniel had managed to capture every ounce of the love they shared for each other in the fine lines and details.
She opened her hand to study the brooch and the drawing. Her father had known there was a chance he might not survive to speak with her, to guide her, and this had been his way of doing so. She and William had thought they'd kept the location of the tree secret, but of course, their father would follow them and learn where they were going. He was their father, their protector, and he'd loved them.
She was unable to stifle a sob. He'd known she would come here, and if he didn't survive, she would find these things. This was his way of telling that though he was afraid for her, he supported her, and he trusted Braith.
This was his way of letting her go.
She lifted her head to stare over the treetops at the glittering palace in the distance. She'd looked at it often as a child and questioned what had driven the humans to such depths as to betray their kind in favor of a race who enslaved them. She'd also speculated about that race, and what had driven them to be so cruel and heartless, so brutal and hideous, and she'd hated them with every ounce of her being.
Now, she was going to become one of them.
Rolling the parchment back up, she tucked it into the waistband of her pants and started down. She knew Braith was there before she spotted him below with Jack. His head was tilted back as he watched her descend. She dropped soundlessly from the tree. He looked as if he was going to grab for her, but his hands remained at his sides as his fingers twitched.
She opened her hand to reveal the brooch. Jack's startled gaze darted back to the top of the tree before returning to her. She pulled Daniel's drawing out and handed it to Braith. His eyes stayed on her as he unrolled it; he finally glanced at the sketch. Jack peered over his shoulder at it.
"It's from the lake," she said.
"I remember," Braith murmured, his brow furrowed as he studied it.
"Daniel stumbled upon us by accident. He said that day he realized what was between us was real and more than just love. I gave the drawing to William to keep it safe; my father discove
red it and kept it. He put it there with the brooch so I would have it again and know he accepted you and me. That he supported whatever choice I made." She tilted her head back to look into the tree again. "You can see the palace from up there; I used to watch it and wonder when I was a child. I don't wonder anymore."
Braith and Jack both stared at her now. Braith's hands trembled as he held the drawing. She opened the brooch and pinned it at her neck to clasp the cloak together.
"No more doubts,” she said. “No more waiting. I'm ready. Today."
Chapter Twenty-One
She was ready for the pain, braced for it. Braith had told her it would hurt, that it may even last for days. She'd experienced pain before though; she could handle it.
She wasn't ready for the bliss that came before the pain. The floating, drifting sensation that came from sustaining him, giving him what he coveted, and so often denied himself.
He'd never have to deny himself again when she wasn't human any longer.
She'd be able to give him as much as he needed whenever he needed it. It may not fill him in the same way as human blood would, but hers would always be the only blood he craved. Her heart hammered with the realization, excitement tingled through her as he drank from her not in greedy gulps, but in gentle pulls that shook her to her very core.
Her fingers curled through his hair as she felt a weakening in her body signaling her life was draining away. She hadn't experienced this, not even the first time when he'd been so eager to have her he'd lost control and nearly killed her.
He would kill her now.
The thought didn't terrify her, she thought she was a little insane for that, but she couldn't find fear in his arms.
She felt the weakening pulse of her heart as he pulled away from her. His fingers were tender on her face when they stroked her. She tried to open her eyes to look at him, but she was tired, and her lids were unbelievably heavy. She felt the press of his wrist against her lips, and she opened them to receive him.
"I love you." The words were whispered in her ear. "Don't leave me, please don't leave me."
The Captive Series 1-5 Page 76