by Fleur Smith
At least it means he’s hopeful about me and Drew, she thought. Surely Evan wouldn’t be checking on his next assignment if he didn’t think she had some hope of happiness with the good doctor.
Despite the rush she’d been in to get out the door and rush to work, Becca sat and enjoyed the spoils Evan had laid out for her. Everything was perfect.
Well, perfect might have been a bit of a stretch—the eggs were overcooked and practically rubber, the bacon was somehow soft and burned at the same time, and the toast was slightly cold—but it was such a thoughtful gesture that she was willing to pretend that everything was perfect. Truthfully, Evan probably would have never known if she’d thrown it all away, but she didn’t want to do that.
While she was enjoying the breakfast left for her, she lost track of time. When she looked up to check the clock on the wall, she saw that she was running late. Again. Standing quickly and rushing to tidy up what she could, she threw all of the dishes in the sink before racing to the garage. As she rushed past the stacks of boxes she’d promised herself she’d deal with, she felt guilty again.
One day, Nana, she promised.
Throwing Millie into reverse, Becca raced to work. It was only when she was halfway to the hospital that she remembered it was going to be Drew’s first day. A niggle of doubt reverberated through her about dating a co-worker. Especially one who also happened to be the son of a senior staff member. She chewed the inside of her lip as the concern grew in her. What if something went wrong? How would she go to work every day knowing that there was not one, but two people put out by her dating choices?
It’s too late now, she thought. She’d agreed to the date and the only thing she could do was enjoy herself as much as she could. That didn’t stop her from vacillating between daydreams about Drew and thoughts about Evan most of the morning. When she sat down for lunch with Cathy, she realized she’d been so distracted most of the morning, she was probably lucky that she’d made it to lunchtime without screwing up paperwork. She made herself a mental note to recheck everything that afternoon.
“So, tonight’s the night, huh?” Cathy asked.
“Yeah.”
“You excited?” Cathy leaned forward in her seat. She wanted gossip, not because she wanted to pass it along—Becca knew she’d never do that—but because she wanted her friend to be as happy as she was in her marriage. At least, that was the excuse she’d given to Becca when she’d first started trying to find out about Becca’s non-existent love life.
“A little, yeah.”
“A little? God, if it was me going on a date with Doctor Hotstuff, I’d probably spend the day grooming and practicing rather than lodging paperwork and answering the phone.”
“Practicing?”
“Well, could you imagine going down on him and sucking at it.”
“Cathy! I’m not going to go down on him on our first date.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a shameless hussy.”
“Hey, there is nothing shameful about being a hussy.” Cathy winked at her.
“Well, you would know,” Becca teased in return.
“I’m just saying you shouldn’t rule it out.”
“Okay, so I won’t rule it out. But I don’t need to practice.”
“Ooh, she’s confident in her ability.”
Becca laughed. “Yeah, at least confident enough to know that sucking is kinda the goal.”
“Ah, now who’s a shameless hussy.”
Becca felt warmth cross her cheeks as they flamed red when she caught the gaze of three doctors at the table near the one she and Cathy were at. She’d completely forgotten that not only were they in a public place, that public place was her work.
I have to work with these people after they’ve heard me talking about what I might or might not do with Drew on our first date.
She took a deep breath, willing away her embarrassment, before meeting each of their gazes in turn and offering a confident smile. Her tactic worked when they each looked away, seemingly embarrassed to be caught listening in on her conversation.
“So that guy you brought to the BBQ is a bit of a cutie.”
“Evan?”
“That’s the one. You know he’s head over heels for you, right?”
Becca laughed. Her friend was so far off the mark on that one, but she couldn’t tell Cathy without having to explain why it appeared that way. It was just like the kiss she’d shared with Evan—it was a residual buildup of emotion that Evan amplified. She was certain the same thing was responsible for the feeling of happiness that radiated throughout her whenever her thoughts turned to him—which was more frequently than she’d ever admit to anyone.
“Why haven’t you tapped that resource earlier?”
“What do you mean resource?”
“Well, I mean his hair is kind of pretty.”
Becca found herself nodding in agreement. “Like you just know it’d be so soft if you ran your fingers through it.” Which it totally is.
“And those eyes,” Cathy prompted.
“I know. I mean, I guess hazel’s a pretty common color, but there’s an intensity in his that’s rare. Like when he’s listening to you, he’s really paying attention.”
“He’s pretty hot in that whole geeky oddball kind of way.”
Becca’s lips lifted at Cathy’s words. “He’s more than that,” Becca said. “He’s sweet, and kind, and generous. And sweet.”
“You said sweet already.” Cathy was looking at her with a clear “please explain” printed on her features.
Becca realized she’d said far more than she’d intended to. “Trust me, nothing can ever happen there.”
“Why not? Because right now it sounds to me like you’re going on a date with the wrong dude.”
“No, Evan and I, we’re just friends.”
“Why? You’re both sweet on each other.”
Becca chuckled at her friend’s assumption. “We’re really not.”
“I beg to differ.”
“Cathy, he’s—” Becca had to stop herself before she said a cupid. Although she’d come to accept that truth herself, she was smart enough to realize that saying it to other people would make her sound like a lunatic, and probably get her locked up. “He’s gay,” she said eventually, settling on the same lie she’d told Drew. At least it’s consistent.
“Really?” Cathy looked doubtful. “Are you sure?”
“There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I never said there was. I just don’t believe it. Look, maybe I don’t know him as well as you do, but that definitely wasn’t the vibe I was getting yesterday. In fact, I’m sure I saw him checking out your ass more than once.”
There was no point in arguing with her, at least not without giving away the truth about what Evan was—which would just see Becca admitted to a psych ward. “Just trust me when I say that nothing is going to happen with Evan, but I am definitely looking forward to my date with Drew tonight.”
Cathy looked skeptical, but thankfully allowed Becca to turn the conversation back to the handsome doctor.
For a brief second, Evan had wondered whether Cathy had some sort of latent physic ability.
Then she’d said that Becca had feelings for him as well and he’d realized that what she had was an unhealthy desire to set everyone up into couples that she thought were fitting.
Although he knew Becca would be upset with him if she knew what he was doing, he’d decided to revert back to his old techniques until after her date with Drew that evening.
It hurt Evan to go against Becca’s explicit wishes, but he’d had to cloak himself from her. He was certain that if he’d had to face her that morning, he would have had to listen to a monologue about how wonderful Drew was and he knew he couldn’t stand to hear it. Instead, he’d cooked her the breakfast to alleviate his guilt and then hidden from her sight.
While he watched Becca consume the meal he’d left for her, he’d tried to forget that
it was the day of her big date. It was impossible to completely push it from his mind though because part of his job was to ensure everything went smoothly for her.
The idea of having to be around the couple as they took their first steps into the dating world was not as enjoyable as he usually found it. In fact, it was downright detestable. He realized that was his problem though. There was nothing wrong with Drew, he was a more than acceptable fit for Becca. The two of them were compatible, that much was clear to Evan’s cupid sense. It was just that his own jealousy caused the couple’s emotions to leave him feeling drained and nauseous instead of replenished.
That didn’t mean he didn’t want Becca to be happy though. He wanted everything for her. If her happiness meant a few days of discomfort and sneaking around behind her back, then that was the price he’d have to pay.
He’d spent the better part of the morning trailing around behind her until the dreamy, dopey smile on her face had become too much for him. He knew that her impending date with Drew caused that faraway look in her eyes and the happy sighs to slip from her lips.
After the sight of her in love with someone else became too much to cope with, he’d left a soft-pink rose in her locker to let her know that someone was thinking about her before retreating to the cafeteria, knowing that eventually Becca would meet Cathy for lunch. He’d never felt so lost in all of his cupid life. He wanted to be near Becca so badly that it was almost an ache to be apart from her, but he couldn’t stand watching her daydream about another man. He didn’t know how he would cope until the time came for him to move on—but he didn’t want that date to speed along either.
Even listening to Becca gush about Drew to Cathy was torture. Evan had no doubt that his asshole bosses had planned it all that way. It was likely the crux of his punishment for taking his own life; one final trial by fire before he’d earn his stripes and gain access to Heaven. Not that he wanted that anymore anyway. He didn’t want to leave Becca’s side to go to some paradise that he couldn’t enjoy without her. It had never been the where he’d been chasing; it had always been the who. And soon she was going to be lost to him for the second time. Maybe she and Drew were soul mates and she would be lost to Evan forever.
He realized it wasn’t a fair thought. Becca wasn’t Rose, not really. She was different. Special in her own way.
In fact, the more time Evan spent with Becca, the more Rose faded way back into the past where she belonged. His attraction to Becca went way beyond the fact that she looked like the one he’d lost.
No, he knew clearly now that he was in love with more than just the shadow of his former love. He was in love with the woman he’d spent the last week and a half with. He’d fallen for the one who preferred black and white film to colored digital because the delay in gratification made things more meaningful. Who tolerated a job that she wasn’t happy with just so that she could find the time to fill her life with the things that did matter to her—photography and friends. Who occasionally snorted when she laughed and lightly snored most nights.
It was because of the way she could make him smile. The way she seemed to read his moods better than he could himself. The way she twisted the hair at the base of her neck around her fingers when she was nervous. The way her smile was always that little bigger when she was talking to him. The way she’d guided him patiently through the process of developing prints just because she wanted to share that part of her life with him. The way she just got him. There were a million little things she did that drew his attention and made him long for her—even though he knew it was wrong.
Each time he spoke to Becca he came that much closer to telling her everything, to spelling out his feelings and begging for everything. But what right did he have to ask anything from her?
She was in a shiny, new relationship but even if she hadn’t been, he was a cupid. He wasn’t human; he didn’t get to live the life they did. He could manifest almost anything he wanted to, but he couldn’t offer her anything real. If he was right and pairing her up was his final assignment, he didn’t even know how much longer he would be on Earth.
And his biggest fear of all: if he admitted all of that to her, would he be punished for his feelings? Worse, would she?
He baulked at the idea of her suffering just because he’d become a cupid unable of keeping it in his pants. Resigning himself to the fact that he’d just have to do the best job he could, he moved to follow Becca during the rest of her work day.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Becca took one last look at herself in the mirror and decided there was nothing more she could do. Her eyes were slicked with black eyeliner, making the green of her eyes pop. A variety of greys completed the smoky effect that made her eyes appear more almond-shaped than they really were. Bright red lipstick sat so thick and heavy on her pout that she was starting to doubt her choice. Only, it matched her shoes perfectly.
The make-up wasn’t exactly subtle, but it showed off her best assets. Unfortunately, it could do nothing to hide her nerves. Beneath her charcoal lashes, her eyes were a little too wild. Her pupils were already dilated and her cheeks were flushed so red with excitement that she’d completely forgone using blush to complete the look.
She smoothed down the little black dress she wore. It was a staple in her wardrobe because of how good it made her look, but really only came out on dates. It was a little too short and a little too low-cut to be entirely appropriate for anything else. Strangely, she found herself thinking about Evan as she grabbed her gloss-red clutch before slipping into the red high-heels. She wished he was nearby so that he could give her the tick of approval.
Even though he wasn’t physically there, she could still imagine him nearby. She could almost hear him being agreeable to her choice of red accessories. Red was the color of love after all.
Isn’t it?
She wondered whether it was possible to have a meltdown over the simple thought of going on a date. She’d been fine with all the ones she’d been on before Drew, but this one was different. The truth was this was more than just any date to her. It was the first time it had been something more than just a blind date, the first time she’d already liked the guy she was meeting. And she really liked Drew.
During the day, he’d taken the time to find her locker and had left a light-pink rose hidden inside. Evan was definitely right about roses being romantic in the right circumstances. Taking a moment to herself, she sat on the end of the bed and took a few deep breaths.
“Hi.”
The voice startled her and she almost went tumbling off the bed. Using one hand to steady herself on the bed, the other raised to clutch her cheek. “Evan, you scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here?”
He tilted his head in confusion. “You called me.”
“No, I—” She cut herself off, because maybe she had called him, at least internally. It may have been unintentional, but she was thankful. “Thank you for coming.”
“As if I could have stayed away.”
There was something off about his smile, but Becca was willing to overlook it in her relief that he’d come when she’d been panicking. At least it meant that he’d be close on hand if there was some sort of disaster. There won’t be a disaster, she told herself uselessly.
“How is your new assignment going?” she asked. The pang in her stomach returned at the thought of him moving on to match up someone else. Or maybe it was just nerves over her date. That would have made more sense.
“I’m not really sure I can think about anyone else when you’re dressed like that,” he murmured.
Becca looked down at the black dress, his words the confirmation she’d needed that it was a good choice in outfit. “It’s okay then?” she asked.
“It’s positively sinful.”
A small grin played on her reddened lips. “Sinful is exactly what I’m aiming for.”
Evan turned away from her. “Well, you hit the mark then.”
He was halfway out the door when she ask
ed, “Are you leaving so soon?”
He shrugged. “It’s not like you need me here. You look like you’ve got everything under control.”
“I’m really not sure I do,” she said. Butterflies swum in her stomach and she wanted to run to Evan so that he could hold her and tell her that everything would be fine on her date.
“You have it under control for tonight,” he said. “I’ll be back tomorrow to debrief.”
“And for damage control?” she added.
He chuckled. “I’m sure that won’t be necessary, but yeah, I’ll help with that if I need to.”
“Evan, I don’t think I’ve really said it yet, but thank you. For all of this.”
His mood fell again. She wasn’t sure what was going on with him—what was happening with his other assignments to make him so mercurial. “I’m not sure I really did that much.”
She climbed from the bed and walked to him. In her heels, she was almost at his eye-level so she gave him a level gaze and placed one hand on his chest. “You have.”
She placed a kiss on his cheek, before wiping away the red smear it left on his pale skin.
He opened his mouth to say something more, but the doorbell rang and interrupted the moment.
“That’s Drew, you better get it. Don’t want to keep your dream guy waiting.”
Becca thought she heard something a little bitter in Evan’s tone, but figured she must have been imagining it.
“Wish me luck.”
He gave her two thumbs up which made her stomach flip-flop as she moved to answer the door.
Once she was standing in front of the too-thin sliver of wood that separated her from Drew, she took two deep breaths before smoothing down her dress once more. Knowing she was as calm as she could possibly be, she pulled the door open and greeted Drew.
“Hi,” she murmured, wanting to say more but not knowing exactly what to say.