“My sole solace was music,” she said. “Still fragile from the divorce, I took the choir director position at Faith Chapel. There I met Stanley, a self-professed music lover, who wooed me and swept me off my feet with under-the-radar dinners and concerts. We both agreed we wanted to keep our relationship private, away from town gossip,” Elizabeth said, adding that Stanley even took her to San Francisco to see her favorite tenor in her favorite opera, La Bohème. “It wasn’t long before I fell head over heels.
“Then Stanley started to change,” she said. “He canceled plans and began acting distant. I didn’t understand what was happening. He turned cruel and dismissive. Then one day a couple months ago, he told me it was over; he had met someone else. Someone younger. Prettier,” she said sadly. “I told him I loved him and reminded him of what we meant to each other, but he just looked right through me as if I didn’t exist and walked out.”
Elizabeth nodded her head to the door on our right and said that on the night Stanley died, she’d been in the music closet searching for a particular piece of music when she heard angry voices in the columbarium. She recognized Stanley’s voice immediately—“he’d had one too many drinks, as usual”—and then she heard Don Forrester tell Stanley to stay away from Bonnie and her teenage daughter or he would file a police complaint.
“Stanley then made a lewd and disgusting comment about Megan,” Elizabeth said, “and a moment later I heard a loud crash, followed by Stanley cursing Don. I opened the door to the columbarium and Don was gone, but Stanley was on the ground, rubbing his head,” she said. “When he saw me, he snarled, ‘What the hell are you looking at?’ and I said, ‘A pedophile, apparently.’” Elizabeth shuddered and closed her eyes. She added in a whisper that I had to lean forward to hear, “Then he licked his lips and said, ‘Nothing better than sweet young meat.’”
My insides churned.
“I felt sick to my stomach,” she said. “I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for such a vile, loathsome pig.”
After Stanley’s repellent comment, Elizabeth said they heard Todd and Samantha approaching. “Stanley jerked his head at me to return to the closet,” she said. “There I overheard an ugly family fight when Samantha told her father she was moving out.” Elizabeth looked at me through eyes deadened by years of disillusionment. “Stanley said some awful things to his children, including telling Samantha he owned her. Then I heard what sounded like a struggle, followed by a loud thud and Todd telling Samantha to get out of there. After that, there was silence. I waited a couple minutes and then cautiously opened the door. Both the kids were gone, and Stanley was lying on the floor, quite still, his head in a pool of blood. I thought he was dead. I was relieved he was dead,” she said. “Then he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. Then I heard a faint sound. I bent down and realized the sound was Stanley still breathing. I knew if he lived, he would continue to use and abuse other women as well as prey on innocent teenage girls. He’d also make Todd and Samantha’s lives a living hell.”
Elizabeth looked straight at me. “So I put my hand over his nose and mouth and held it there until he stopped breathing.”
* * *
A month later, things had returned to normal in Apple Springs. Papers once again covered Christopher’s office, only now they were confined to neat stacks on his desk, thanks to Riley. Susan was baking delicious peach pies and bragging about how she would beat me the next time we played Silver Screen Trivial Pursuit (after I skunked her seven times in a row). Harold and Patricia were enjoying an Alaskan cruise with their kids and grandkids, although Harold had worried how the town would manage in his absence. Deputy Dylan was busy keeping law and order—so far he had logged two parking tickets, one jaywalking citation, and no murders—which made him happy. Marjorie and Lottie were holding court at Chamberlain House and bickering like an old married couple over what food to serve at the next vestry dinner.
Riley graduated from high school with honors and celebrated by getting another tattoo—Carpe Diem on her left ankle. Bethann and Wendell Jackson renewed their wedding vows at Faith Chapel and celebrated with a huge backyard reception where they served Spam sandwiches, pigs in a blanket, and more Twinkies than I had ever seen together in one place. James Brandon’s real-estate business was booming—having found a great place in Russian Hill for Todd and Samantha near the San Francisco Art Institute and sold Marjorie’s former Victorian to my sister-in-law Virginia.
As for me?
Albert Drummond is teaching me how to play chess, Susan is teaching me how to bake pies, and Albert and I watch old black-and-white movies together regularly, with occasionally James and sometimes Dorothy joining us. I continue to sing in choir (we’re looking for a new choir director), get together monthly with the Downton Divas for our Downton Abbey fix, and preach every other week. Twice a week I make a pastoral visit to a calm and at-peace Elizabeth Davis at the Sacramento jail, where she serenely awaits sentencing. Virginia and I go on daily power walks—happily, I haven’t stumbled onto any more dead bodies—and I enjoy chillin’ out with Bogie in the backyard, where I take great care of my new garnet-colored rosebush named Ruby Ruby.
Pastor Hope’s Movie Guide
I’m a movie geek, so everyone always asks, “What’s your favorite old movie?”—a question that is impossible to answer. I thought maybe I could narrow it down to my top five, but that’s also impossible, so I played that old game “If you were trapped on a desert island, what movies would you take?” (Assuming that said isle has electricity, the necessary electronic viewing devices, hot buttered popcorn, and Junior Mints.) I chose old friends, movies that always bring me comfort, joy, and hope—and sometimes much-needed laughter.
Top 11 Desert Island Old-Movie Picks (in no particular order)
The African Queen. You’ll never find a more mismatched couple than the scruffy, gin-swilling riverboat captain played by Humphrey Bogart and the prim, “psalm-singing skinny old maid” played by Katharine Hepburn. Forced together on a perilous journey at the start of World War I on Bogie’s broken-down boat, they encounter many obstacles (“Leeches. Filthy little devils”), unite against a common enemy, fall in love, fight against evil, and triumph in the end. Favorite line: “Nature, Mr. Allnut, is what we are put in this world to rise above.”
The Best Years of Our Lives. In this inspiring forties classic, Fredric March, Dana Andrews, and Harold Russell play three returning veterans of World War II who have trouble readjusting to life back home. Myrna Loy (the elegant Nora Charles from The Thin Man series) and Teresa Wright (who played the wife of Lou Gehrig in another inspiring favorite, Pride of the Yankees) play the women who love them. Harold Russell, a WWII vet who lost both hands in a training accident and wore prosthetic hooks, had never acted before. He won a Supporting Actor Oscar for his sensitive portrayal of disabled small-town boy Homer. In one scene between Homer and his faithful fiancée Wilma, the wounded Homer—in a noble attempt to release the girl he loves from their prior engagement—shows his fiancée what life with him would be like now. He removes his prosthetic “hands” as he is getting ready for bed, and says, “This is when I know I’m helpless … as dependent as a baby …” Wilma hugs him and replies, “I love you and I’m never going to leave you … never.” Then she tucks him in and kisses him good-night. Leaves me ugly-crying every time.
What’s Up, Doc? After sobbing over The Best Years of Our Lives, I am in serious need of comic relief. Barbra Streisand, Ryan O’Neal, Madeline Kahn—in her screen debut—and this seventies comedy from Peter Bogdanovich that’s an homage to Bringing Up Baby, the quintessential screwball comedy, always delivers. (I watched both Bringing Up Baby and What’s Up, Doc? recently, and although Cary Grant is far superior to Ryan O’Neal, I must confess to laughing more at What’s Up, Doc? than the thirties classic.)
Casablanca. “Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.” This is one of the greatest movies of all time, with some of the most-quoted lines in film history: “R
ound up the usual suspects … I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship … It doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world … We’ll always have Paris … Here’s looking at you, kid.” (For the record, “Play it again, Sam,” is never said.) Humphrey Bogart, the epitome of unruffled coolness, plays Rick, the cynical café owner, while the luminous Ingrid Bergman is Ilsa, the love of his life married to Victor Laszlo (Paul Henreid), the hero of the French Resistance. This star-crossed love story with its themes of nobility, honor, and sacrifice is timeless, even after seventy-five years. Favorite scene: When Victor Laszlo leads the entire nightclub in singing the patriotic “La Marseillaise” to drown out the Nazis.
Meet Me in St. Louis. I watch this nostalgic favorite every Christmas. Starring a radiant Judy Garland and the delightful Margaret O’Brien as young tomboy Tootie, this 1944 gem contains such classic songs as “The Boy Next Door,” “The Trolley Song,” and the beautiful and heartbreaking “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” sung by a wistful Judy, resplendent in red velvet. Trivia: Director Vincente Minnelli and Judy fell in love during the making of the movie and later married. They went on to make several movies together and produced a daughter, Liza Minnelli, who grew up to win the Best Actress Oscar for her star-making turn in Cabaret, another excellent, albeit very different, musical.
Singin’ in the Rain. Best. Movie. Musical. Ever. Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connor, and an energetic, seventeen-year-old Debbie Reynolds. Yep, seventeen. I didn’t realize she was that young when the movie began filming. (Gene was forty.) Great songs like “Good Morning,” “You Were Meant for Me,” and Donald O’Connor’s showstopping “Make ’Em Laugh,” one of the best, and funniest, musical sequences on film. And of course, the title song with the irrepressible Gene Kelly and that umbrella exuberantly splashing and dancin’ in the rain. Pure movie magic. Behind-the-scenes trivia: After Debbie Reynolds passed away, I read several articles that said her relentless practicing of the “Good Morning” number wound up bursting capillaries in her feet. As a result, Debbie couldn’t walk, and she had to be carried off the set by the crew due to her poor swollen and painful feet.
The Great Escape. Based on the largest prison escape attempt—through underground tunnels—from a German POW camp during World War II, this 1963 war classic stars Steve McQueen, James Garner, Richard Attenborough, David McCallum, and a young Charles Bronson. Some of the cast members were actual POWs during World War II—including Donald Pleasence, who played “The Forger.” Backstage gossip: During filming, Charles Bronson—who found fame in The Magnificent Seven, The Dirty Dozen, and the seventies’ Death Wish movies—fell for David McCallum’s actress wife, Jill Ireland, and joked that he was going to steal her away from him. After McCallum and Ireland divorced in 1967, Bronson married her.
Born Yesterday. An overlooked gem, this modern-day Pygmalion story from 1950 (brought to screen after its successful long-term Broadway run) stars the flawless and irrepressible Judy Holliday as the hilarious “dumb blonde” Billie Dawn, mobster’s moll to the blustering millionaire and former junk dealer Harry Brock, played by Broderick Crawford. The corrupt Harry, who’s come to Washington, DC, to buy politicians and push through his latest shady deal, hires journalist Paul Verrall (William Holden) to tutor brassy Billie in proper etiquette while they’re in the nation’s capital—and gets more than he bargained for. Note: Judy beat out both Bette Davis in All About Eve and Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard to win the Oscar for Best Actress for this funny film that never grows old.
The Inn of the Sixth Happiness. In this film, based on a true story, the always-inspiring Ingrid Bergman plays Gladys Aylward, a humble, working-class Englishwoman who longed to be a missionary in China all her life but was unqualified and rejected due to her lack of education. Gladys goes to China anyway, where she winds up working for an elderly missionary and eventually becomes a “foot inspector,” traveling throughout the countryside to enforce the government’s new law against foot binding. When Japan invades China, the uneducated Gladys heroically leads a hundred orphaned children through the mountains to safety.
Roman Holiday. What can I say about the movie that introduced the gamine, gorgeous, and inimitable Audrey Hepburn to the world in 1953? I love it! What’s not to love? Rome, Audrey, and Gregory Peck. Be still my heart. Trivia: Audrey won the Best Actress Oscar, beating out Deborah Kerr, who was the odds-on favorite to win for her steamy turn in From Here to Eternity.
Lars and the Real Girl. Okay, so this doesn’t qualify as an “old” movie, since it came out in 2007, but I included it because I love its weird quirkiness and message of love and acceptance. An awkward, shy, reclusive guy (played by heartthrob Ryan Gosling, who shot to fame in The Notebook and was so good in La La Land) grew up detached from human contact and doesn’t know how to interact with people. He buys a sex doll from the internet but doesn’t use it for sex—he has a chaste, meaningful relationship with his wheelchair-bound missionary “girlfriend” Bianca. Many missed this small indie gem when it was released, so I don’t want to say too much and spoil the story, but its poignant message is one we all need to hear. Two ecclesiastical thumbs way up.
Faith Chapel Tea Recipes
Cucumber Sandwiches
It’s best to use English cucumbers, as there is no need to peel this variety, plus the skins add extra color to the sandwiches.
English cucumber
Butter, softened
*Cream cheese, softened
Dill or basil (depending on your preference)
Soft white or light wheat bread
Cut cucumber into slices about ¼ inch thick and spread them out between two paper towels to absorb the extra moisture. You’ll need about four slices per sandwich. In a small bowl and using a fork, mix one part butter and two parts cream cheese together until smooth. Mix in dill (or basil) to your taste preference. This is the “glue” that holds the sandwich together, so spread a thin layer of cream cheese mixture on each slice. Build the sandwiches, cut the crusts off the bread, and cut the sandwiches into four squares. This sandwich works best in squares, since tiny cucumber pieces tend to spill out of if you cut the sandwiches into triangles.
*Some people prefer butter only on their cucumber sandwiches, but we like cream cheese for an added dollop of flavor.
Note: Place a damp cloth or paper towel over the sandwiches so they don’t dry out before serving.
Ham and Apricot Cream Cheese Sandwiches
Thanks to David Daigh for this recipe that we’ve adapted slightly.
Medium-thick slices of ham (not shaved or too thin)
Cream cheese (brick style; do not use whipped)
Apricot preserves
Buttermilk bread (or Hawaiian rolls, if you prefer your sandwiches sweeter)
Mix equal parts cream cheese and apricot preserves together. This is the “glue” that holds the sandwich together, so spread a thin layer of cream cheese mixture on each slice. Add a slice of ham. Build the sandwiches, cut the crusts from the bread, cut the sandwiches into four triangles, and serve.
Classic English scones
Thanks to my longtime English friend Patricia Smith from Poole, in lovely Dorset, for her recipe.
1 cup self-rising flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
4 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons superfine granulated sugar
5 tablespoons milk
1 egg
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Sift flour and baking powder. Cut in the butter. Add sugar. Add milk and egg. Stir until just mixed. Roll to ½ inch thick and cut out rounds. Brush with milk. Bake for 12 minutes or until golden brown.
Serve with strawberry jam and Devonshire (or clotted) cream (usually found at Whole Foods, Cost Plus, or other specialty grocery stores.) Jam first, then cream? Or cream, then jam? Depends on where you are. Even the Brits don’t agree on this one.
Lemon Squares
Thanks to Rachel
Young for sharing her grandmother’s family recipe.
Crust:
Sift together 2 cups flour and ½ cup powdered sugar.
Cut in 1 cup butter (add a touch of lemon zest).
Press into a 9 × 13–inch pan and bake at 350 degrees for 20–25 minutes, or until light brown.
Lemon filling:
Beat together:
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
⅓ cup lemon juice
Dash lemon zest
Sift together:
¼ cup flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
Add flour mixture to egg mixture.
Pour lemon filling over the crust.
Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes (or longer, until light brown). Sprinkle with powdered sugar. Cut into squares when cool.
Triple Chocolate Brownies
Best. Brownies. Ever.
3 ounces unsweetened baking chocolate
6 tablespoons (salted) butter
4 teaspoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 eggs
¼ teaspoon salt
1½ cups sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract (yes, tablespoon)
¾ cup sifted flour
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
You’ll want a double boiler and stand mixer for this one. Since there is no leavening, we’re using air to create the special texture of these brownies.
Prepare the double boiler. Break up the chocolate into little bits. Cut up the butter (if it’s still cold). Melt the chocolate, butter, and cocoa powder in the double boiler, stirring frequently until smooth. Set aside to cool. Preheat oven to 375 degrees and grease/flour an 8 × 8–inch baking pan.
Hope, Faith, and a Corpse Page 24