The triumvirate settled back into their seats, Nick behind his desk, father and son in the comfortable fabric chairs seated across from him.
“So, Brandon and I have talked a little bit, and I think we may have unearthed some things today. I wanted to bring you back in, Tyler, because I think your son may have some things he needs to say to you.”
Brandon’s head was bowed, and he stared intently at his hands.
“What is it, Bran?” Tyler patted Brandon on the shoulder.
“Just tell him what you told me,” Nick prompted.
Brandon swallowed, and several seconds passed before he spoke. “I feel like…I guess I kind of feel like Katherine and I are just sort of like…not part of your life anymore or something.”
Tyler tightened his stomach muscles. His eyes welled, and an overwhelming desire to cry made it difficult to talk. When the words finally came, they were thick with emotion. “Brandon, I love you and your sister so much. I know as a dad I’ve been a sham. And that’s my fault. You and Katherine are my world. I love you guys, and I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t.”
Brandon swallowed hard, and he seemed to be having difficulty looking into his father’s face.
Tyler reached out to his son again, placing his hand on his shoulder. “I know I haven’t done right by you and your sister. And I know we’re not going to fix this in one day, Bran, but I am committed to being a father to you and Katherine. OK? Nothing is more important right now.” Tyler glanced over at Nick, who gave him a nod of approval.
“Why did Lana leave, Dad?” Brandon asked.
Of course Lana’s unexplained departure would hit the kids hard, too. The mere mention of it sent searing pain through Tyler’s chest. He looked up at Nick, longing for answers.
Nick’s lips pressed together as he inhaled slowly.
“Honestly, Brandon…I really don’t know. At least, I don’t understand all her reasons for going. But I think I may be partially to blame for why she left. I owe her an apology, just like I owe you, Katherine, Micah, and Celia an apology.”
“Do you think she felt like you didn’t care about her either?”
Each of these questions was like another arrow in his heart. Oh, dear Lord. How can I bear my own vile, wicked self? What have I done to my family? “I think maybe that’s right, Brandon. I think maybe she felt neglected, too.” He reached up and cleared the wetness from under his eyes.
After a moment, Nick spoke. “Here’s the thing, guys. I’m heading up a group here at the church, and it’s for all ages, so both you and Brandon would be welcome. It’s a men’s group for guys dealing with pornography addiction. Because I was addicted to pornography at the same age as Brandon, I struggled with it for years, and I thought it would go away once I married my wife. But it didn’t. As a matter of fact, for a while, it got worse.”
What? This man who seemed so put-together was once enslaved by porn?
Brandon, too, seemed surprised by the news. He looked up, riveted to what Nick was telling them.
“I was like you, Brandon. My parents were divorced. I was shuttled back and forth between their homes. When my dad remarried, I felt like no one really cared about me. And then I discovered this great high on the Internet. It was really easy to access, and I felt a whole lot better while I was using it. But here’s the thing. Porn is a drug. It’s like crack for your brain. You’ve heard of dopamine, right?”
Tyler nodded his head right along with his son.
“Dopamine is this neurotransmitter that kind of steers your brain in terms of pleasure or reward. So, when someone looks at pornography, there’s a release of dopamine. Dopamine is triggered during sexual activity of any kind, but even more of it’s released during illicit—or forbidden—sexual activity. That’s what makes up the addictive nature of this particular drug. And I might even suggest that porn is one of the hardest drugs to kick. Society would have you believe it’s harmless, but it is not.”
Tyler writhed uncomfortably in his seat. Nick was speaking these words to Brandon, but he might as well have been speaking them to him.
“And do you know what desensitization is, Brandon?”
Brandon shook his head. “No.”
“Desensitization means that what you’re currently looking at isn’t enough. Your brain isn’t responding with enough dopamine anymore to make it worth your while to look at whatever images once stimulated a response. That happens when the brain is repeatedly flooded with these dopamine highs, and now you need more extreme and graphic porn, or you need to view it more often. And then you’re into hard-core stuff. The stuff you were talking to me about. At this stage, married men sometimes advance into buying prostitutes or having extra-marital affairs.”
Tyler’s face flamed, images of Tara flashing through his mind.
“And here’s the danger,” Nick continued. “After years of doing this, the brain gravitates toward this easier route of looking at images online and getting its jollies that way, rather than forming relationships with a partner, which requires hard work and others-centered emotions.”
Tyler rubbed his forehead with his fingers.
“You OK over there, Dad?” Nick’s smile was understanding.
“Yeah,” Tyler exhaled. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“This is tough stuff, I know. And Brandon—just so you know—teens are particularly in danger of addiction, since their brains are producing dopamine at the highest rate they’ll ever have. I believe this is one of many reasons we’re seeing a spike in social anxiety, depression, and neurological disorders amongst teens. The brain is changed by pornography. And neuroplasticity changes to the brain can be permanent. As I found out, if you keep this up in your married life, your partner can become less desirable than the images viewed because—well, let’s face it—the woman on the screen isn’t going to challenge or ask anything of you. She’s completely there for your pleasure. She’s your slave. Not the best way of viewing women, is it?”
“No,” Brandon whispered.
“I wanna join your group, too,” Tyler blurted, rubbing his forehead furiously. “Brandon’s not the only one with this problem.” Silence fell over the room, and Tyler couldn’t bring himself to look at Brandon’s or Nick’s face. His heart was pounding so hard he could hardly catch his breath.
“All right. I think that would be great,” Nick said in an even tone.
With some difficulty, Tyler forced himself to make eye contact with Nick.
“In the group, we encourage accountability partners. What better accountability partners than a father and son?”
Brandon’s eyes were wide. “Really? You’d join too?”
Tyler nodded. “Yep. I’ve hidden in the shadows long enough.”
“Amen,” Nick said, smiling. “It’s time to step into the light—that’s where God is waiting for us, after all. We just have to walk to Him. Sometimes with baby steps.”
Maybe things were reversible, fixable.
Tyler knew what he needed to do. And now that he knew how his son was feeling, he had a better handle on things.
“One more question before you go,” Nick said. “Why did you run away last month, Brandon?”
The boy’s eyes fixed on a stain at the knee of his jeans as he picked at the fabric. “I was scared, I guess.”
“Scared of whom? Your dad? Your mom? Kids at school?”
“Yeah, I guess. My dad and mom a little. But there were other reasons.”
“Like what?”
“Like…” His fingers stopped plucking the denim. “I saw something I shouldn’t have seen.”
“What did you see?”
Tyler held his breath.
Brandon shifted in his seat, his face twisting with discomfort. “I was at this party. This guy I knew invited me. It was at this mansion.”
“What happened at the party?” Nick encouraged.
“My sister was there. I knew she was going, and she told me I couldn’t go, but I went anyway ’cause Jared told m
e to come with him. Anyway, when we got there, we had to pay $30 to get in, and that was supposed to cover everything.”
“What was everything?” Nick asked.
Tyler was afraid to hear the answer.
“Drinks, drugs…girls.”
“What? What do you mean…girls?”
Brandon’s face paled before flushing a deep red. “Yeah. I didn’t know about that part.”
Tyler swept a hand over his face. This was unbelievable. “Did Jared know?”
“I don’t know. Yeah, maybe.”
Tyler and Nick exchanged glances. Tyler felt as though he were falling from a tall building. Where, oh where was the bottom of all of this?
Nick’s tone remained calm, coaxing. “So, what happened?”
“I didn’t stay for too long. It was kind of weird. It wasn’t like the other parties we’d been to. There were a bunch of guys from a gang there. And all these girls were walking around. Some of them were like, really out of it.”
“What do you mean they were out of it?” Anger crept into Tyler’s voice. He’d have to learn to check that impulse at the door if he wanted answers from his son.
“You know. They were on stuff. Drugs and stuff. And the boys were taking them into rooms and…doing stuff with them.”
“Why would you go to a party like that?”
“I don’t know, Dad. I guess ’cause a lot of other guys were going, too.”
Tyler had to restrain himself from launching into a lecture. “Don’t you know not to… and Katherine was there? At this party?”
“Yeah. That’s why I left. I saw her go into a room with this guy.”
“What guy?”
“I don’t know. Just some guy. I don’t know who he was.”
Sweat filmed Tyler’s brow as tension stiffened his limbs. This couldn’t be true. Katherine would never do something like that.
“When did you leave the party that night?” Nick asked.
“Right after that. I told Jared I wanted to go. He was pretty scared, too, so we left. Some of the stuff that happened there was pretty bad. There were a bunch of guys threatening me and stuff. They wanted me to join their gang.”
Tyler flashed back to the gang-types showing up at his door. If those were the kind of guys at this party…
“Anyway, I just got scared. And I ran.”
“Where were you going, Bran?” Tyler asked.
“I don’t know. Anywhere. Just away.”
~*~
Nick had warned Tyler not to bombard Brandon with accusations or make him feel as if he was being interrogated. “He’ll get enough of that from the police.”
In the car, Tyler tried to remain calm, but his head swam with questions. At whose house had this party taken place? Did the parents know? Who was this guy with Katherine? He wanted answers. This involved his daughter, too.
“Dad?” Brandon broke the silence in the car. “How long have you known you couldn’t stop looking at that stuff?”
“A long time.” It felt good to say the words, to admit his inability to control his need. “Too long.”
“Me, too,” Brandon said.
He glanced over at Brandon and was surprised to see something other than a scowl on his son’s face. “I’m just sorry, Brandon, that you and your sister felt that you couldn’t talk to me.”
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Since we are talking about this, can I tell you something? Something about Kaki?”
“Sure.”
“I think things are really bad with her.”
Tyler’s heart clenched. “Bad in what way? What do you mean?”
Brandon’s voice shook. “Well, I can’t really say a lot right now, but I can tell you that you wouldn’t like her boyfriend.”
A chill ran through him. This was the first Tyler had heard of Katherine having a boyfriend. “Who’s her boyfriend?”
Brandon was silent.
Tyler had a momentary urge to pull the car over and force Brandon to tell him about Katherine’s boyfriend, but he remembered what Nick said.
“I really think Kaki should tell you about him.” Brandon looked out the window. “He’s into some bad stuff. But I can’t say anything else. I promised her I wouldn’t.”
Tyler‘s mind flashed through a multitude of possibilities—all of which required him to have a conversation with his daughter. But she was staying with her mother. The conversation would have to wait.
22
Kaki
Friday, January 6
“Katherine, do you know why you’re here?”
“No.” Kaki sat in the school’s conference room across from Detective Jackson. The woman didn’t look the way Kaki would have expected a detective to look. She was really pretty and kind of young. But she was a cop. And Kaki knew that if a cop had pulled her in for questioning, it wasn’t good. Every minute she was there was dangerous.
Josh Wolf sat nearby—another reason for embarrassment. Now Molly would know all of this stuff. Kaki didn’t want Molly to think badly of her.
Detective Jackson sat back, looking very relaxed as she absently scribbled on a pad of paper with a pencil. “We’ve received some information about a party that happened about a month ago—a party we were told you may have attended. Do you have any idea what party I’m talking about?”
Kaki shook her head. Damien’s warnings echoed through her mind. She wouldn’t breathe a word.
Detective Jackson reached for a large envelope. Out of it she pulled some paper and some photographs. She slid the photos across the desk toward Kaki. “Look familiar?”
Kaki saw herself in the photo, standing next to Mattie. Her stomach lurched at how she was dressed for the purpose of the night. She looked out of it, too. Detective Jackson slid another photo across the table. She was standing in the background with a group of people. Sydney was at the forefront of the photo. The walls of the room pressed in on her.
“Remember this night?”
Kaki clenched her fists together and nodded.
The detective took the photos back. “Here’s the thing, Katherine. We’re trying to find out some things about that night. First of all, do you know a girl named Sydney Diaz?”
Kaki was glad she’d taken her little blue pill this morning. It was the only thing holding her together right now. Even so, her mind reeled. Should she deny knowing her? It seemed like the best course of action. “No.”
Detective Jackson’s eyebrow arched. “Really. You don’t know Sydney Diaz?”
“Katherine,” Josh broke in suddenly. “Actually, we think you do know her. There have a been a lot of reports that you know her—that you guys hung out together…a lot.”
They must really know something if they were pushing this hard. Slowly, she nodded her head.
“OK, so you do know her?” Detective Jackson asked.
“Yeah, I knew her.” As the words came out of her mouth, Kaki tensed. Knew. Past tense.
“OK. Did you see her at the party? I mean, you guys look like you’re standing pretty close together here.”
Kaki nodded.
“Did you know that she’s a member of a gang known as Masters of Sin?”
A trickle of sweat ran down the back of her neck. She shook her head. She’d said too much already.
“Katherine,” Josh broke in again. “I’m sure you know that Sydney hasn’t been at school in a few weeks. There’s some concern about what happened to her after that night. Do you know anything about where she might be? What might have happened to her?”
Kaki shook her head. She would not answer these questions. Her life—the life of her family members depended on her keeping her mouth shut.
“Are you sure?”
Kaki was done. She just wanted to get out of there. “No, I don’t know anything. Can I go back to class now?”
There was a knock on the door.
“Yes?” Josh called out.
A large, African American man, one of the school’s security
guards, peeked his head in. “You ready for the next one?”
“Send her in.”
Jaida Harris. She wasn’t one of the gang’s girls, but she hung out with them sometimes. Her dark eyes barely grazed Kaki’s as she entered.
“Have a seat, Jaida,” Detective Jackson said.
Jaida slouched into the chair offered her, opposite Kaki. Jaida was a heavy girl, and today she was wearing a short skirt. When she sat, her hips spilled over the sides of the chair. Her black braids were piled on top of her head in the shape of a beehive.
Detective Jackson nodded at Josh, and he left the room. As soon as he was gone, she typed something into her computer and then turned it around to so that both of the girls could view it.
Kaki’s insides lurched. Oh, this was really bad.
~*~
The picture was from that night at the party. Kaki suddenly remembered taking it…on Sydney’s phone. A group of girls posing as though they were porn stars, completely naked, lips pursed, hands on hips. Jaida Harris was included amongst the girls. Underneath the photo, an array of responses—probably from students at the school:
I always knew she was a ho.
On the lo-down.
Isn’t that Ashley?
Detective Jackson turned to Jaida. “Isn’t that you?”
Jaida shrugged. “Yeah, maybe.”
“You were tagged in this photo too, Miss Jones. Are you in this photo?”
Kaki’s eyes were glued to the screen. She waited for Jaida to blurt out that Kaki had been the photographer, but she didn’t. Maybe she didn’t remember.
The detective turned back to Jaida. “Did you know this picture was being circulated all over social media sites?”
“I don’t care who sees it. I don’t see anything wrong with it. It’s my body, and I’m proud of it.”
Detective Jackson appeared curious. “So tell me why you posted these photos.”
“’Cause we was havin’ fun. We were at a party. You know? We wanted to send it out to the guys we wanted to get with.”
“And this seemed like a good idea to you? This seemed like the best way to get their attention?”
“Sure. Why not? How else you gonna get their attention?” Jaida raised her manicured hands in sync with her manicured eyebrows. Metal bracelets jangled. The glitter on her purple nails sparkled under the fluorescent lighting.
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