I gulped, suddenly terrified of what he was going to do. No, I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, but I knew it would be very emotional for me if he tried to get me to see myself differently.
“I kiss your lips and I don’t see a fat face like you think you have. I taste the sweetness of you, a hint of chocolate which reminds me of you, and I know I can’t stop there.”
He moved toward my ear and whispered, “When I kiss your cheek I don’t think about your hidden cheekbones or your chubby cheeks. I think about how good your skin smells and how much you like it when I dip my tongue behind your ear and how fast your pulse is when I’m near.”
His tongue caressed my pulse and it skipped faster, encouraging him.
“I work my way down your neck to your breasts and I’m not thinking that they’re too big or heavy, I’m thinking they fit perfectly in my hands and,” he paused as he rasped a thumb over one nipple. I arched into him, pressing my breasts into his hand more securely. “I’m thinking about how you respond to my touch. About how I listened to you last night when you were touching your nipples and how hard I got.”
He reached behind me and unclasped my bra, sliding it down my arms and throwing it behind him. His mouth covered one nipple as his fingers twisted the other. I moaned and clawed at him. I was on the edge of an orgasm just from his words and a little nipple play, something that had never happened before. I knew I’d rupture if he touched me where I ached for him.
His hands slid down to my hips and he trailed kisses as he went. On my belly he said, “When I kiss here I don’t think about the weight you think you need to lose. I think about how soft your skin is and how this is one place where I know smells like you. A place that isn’t tainted by deodorant or perfume or anything else, but just holds you.”
My hands gripped his head, his short hair brushing against the tips of my fingers and tickling my palms. As he kissed me he slid my skirt and panties from my hips. He looked up at me, a question in his eyes. I smiled at him, giving him the permission he sought.
He tossed my skirt and panties to the floor with my other clothes and I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see the look in his eyes when he took in my full naked body.
“Look at me, Mandy,” he said softly. I forced my eyes opened and met his, finding need and aching desire there instead of the disgust I expected. “You’re fucking beautiful. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but thank you for being here.”
A tear slipped from my eye and Xander moved to lie next to me. “Talk to me, honey. What are you thinking right now?”
I hesitated. He said he liked the confident woman from the phone and I was feeling like anything but at that moment. I wanted to pull the covers around myself and hide from him. I wanted to run screaming from his house and never look back. I wanted to wake up from the dream that I was sure was about to bring me heartache.
“I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t understand why you find me attractive because I don’t.”
“Stop. Right there, stop. Attraction isn’t something we can control. I liked you the moment you answered the phone and that hasn’t changed because of how you look. If anything, it’s gotten more intense. I know you don’t get it, but you are beautiful in my eyes. Nothing has to happen. I can put your clothes back on and we can go sit on the couch. You’re in charge here.”
“Really,” I teased. “Because I sort of liked being ordered around.”
“Yeah?”
“It was kind of hot.”
“I’ll have to keep that in mind. For right now I think we need to take this slow. Are you okay with that?”
I glanced down at our bodies pressed side by side, mine completely naked and his fully clothed. “I think I’d be better with everything if you were naked too.”
He smiled and kissed my nose before rolling off the bed. His clothes disappeared quickly and he returned to my side, propping himself up on his elbow. I turned toward him, feeling him pressing low and hard into my bare stomach. I looked down and reached for him, unable to stop myself.
I wrapped my fingers around his length, marveling at the silky skin covering his hard shaft. A few drops of come glistened on the tip and I wiped them with my thumb, circling his tip. Xander gritted his teeth and thrust into my hand. “Fuck, honey, you can’t keep doing that or I’ll come.”
“I want you to come. I want to watch you. I want to taste you.”
“Can I taste you first? Please,” he moaned as I stroked him gently. He pushed me to my back lightly and leaned over me, kissing my neck and traveling down my body. He stopped at my nipples to lick and nip then ran his tongue over my belly before setting up camp between my legs.
I still hadn’t answered him so he looked at me expectantly as he pressed his nose against my body. His fingers ran down my inner thighs, tickling and teasing me to open wide for him. I moaned softly and let my knees drop to the bed, giving Xander the access he needed.
He didn’t waste any time, running his tongue all over me in one swift movement. I moaned loudly and arched into him. “Fuck, you taste good,” he murmured against my skin. His hands held my legs to the sides as he dove his tongue inside me, thrusting gently into me before he returned to my nub.
He circled me, sucking softly on me. His fingers drifted closer to me until he slid one inside, probing deeply into me. He pulled his slick finger from me and thrust it back in with another one as he pulled me into his mouth. I screamed and fought him, trying to hold back instead of letting the release fill me.
“Come for me honey. I need to taste you. Now.”
Xander added a third finger and thrust deep and strong into me, his tongue furiously licking me as my body clenched tight around him and I felt my release on the tip of his tongue. He reached up with his free hand and twisted my nipple as he dove his fingers inside me the next time, the pleasure and pain of his movement shocking the orgasm out of me.
I screamed his name, coming in a powerful thrashing explosion. He held onto me, sucking and probing as wave after wave of orgasm rushed over me. As the rush slowed I felt Xander’s fingers slide from deep inside me and he kissed my thigh with wet lips. He crawled up over me, lying down next to me on the bed, his erection bridging the gap between us.
“That was the most amazing thing ever. I’ll never be able to stop thinking about the way you sound and the way you taste.”
I reached between us and held him in my hand, hesitating. He stroked my hair softly, kissing my temple and holding me. “Will you make love to me?” I finally asked.
He froze. Like he changed his mind. When I gathered the courage to look at him he had the biggest grin on his face. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to.”
“If you don’t want to-“
“Fuck no,” he interrupted me. “You know I want to. I just want to be sure you’re ready.”
“I want to feel you inside me. I… I need you inside me.”
Xander leaned over me and opened the drawer on his nightstand and pulled out a condom. I took it from his fingers and tore it open. He laid on his back, his erection pointing to the ceiling. I held the condom over him and looked at him briefly before I started rolling it down over him.
His fingers found my naked vagina and he slid two inside while I worked on him. My body moved with his fingers, bouncing over his hand, seeking another release as he toyed with me.
When the condom was in place Xander gripped my hips and started guiding me to crawl over top of him. “What are you doing?” I asked, frantic. I couldn’t sit on him, I would crush him.
“I want you on top, at least to start. I want to watch you ride me.”
“I’m afraid I’ll hurt you.”
“Not a chance. Please. I just want to watch you for a few minutes.”
I buckled under the pleading look in his eyes and crawled over top of him. He guided himself into me, holding my hips when he was lined up. Letting him control my body, I enjoyed the feel of him throbbing at my entrance. My body was wet and
ready for him, already aching from his touch.
Xander slid me down over him inch by inch, letting my body stretch to accommodate his thick cock. I spread my knees further to welcome him in and dropped down onto him, impaling myself on his erection.
The pain and pleasure of having him inside me attacked my body and let me know I was ready to go again. Xander felt my body clench around him and moaned softly. “Ride me, honey. Take your pleasure from my body. Like you took last night from my words. Ride me hard.”
I rested my hands on his chest to help with my leverage and slowly lifted from him. I dropped back down, spreading my knees far to take Xander in as deep as he would go. His cock hit me deep and hard but I needed it faster. His hands held my hips, not controlling, just feeling me. I lifted and dropped harder and faster, feeling my body coiling tight around him as my orgasm crept closer to the surface.
Frustrated that I couldn’t move faster I threw my head back and sat up. Xander sensed my need and slid his hand between us. He rubbed furiously against me with his fingers, making me lean back further to give him better access. I moaned loudly, closer and closer to the edge I desperately needed to fall over. Xander flipped us abruptly, keeping himself sheathed inside my body and slammed into me.
His fingers worked their magic on me as he pounded our bodies together. The slap of skin was a faint noise in the background compared to the heavy breathing and moaning we were doing. Xander moaned into my ear, “Come for me, Mandy. Honey, I need you to come now. I can’t hold on much longer, baby. Let me have it.”
I came under his command, screaming his name and clinging to him as my body rocked with the power of my orgasm. He thrust hard and deep, my name on his lips as he came right after me.
He kissed my eyes, my cheeks, my fingers, everywhere he could reach as we both shuddered with aftershocks. Making love to him was the most powerful and tender experience of my life. Even as I started to ache between my legs and knew I’d be sore for days, I knew more than anything else that he’d ruined me for other men. No one would ever compare to Xander Carlson.
Eleven
Afterward, Xander pulled me into his arms and held me. He whispered in my ear and told me how beautiful I was. In the post-coital glow, I let myself believe he could actually feel that way.
Deliciously sated and throbbing from our mutual pleasure, I stayed in Xander’s arms, in his bed. I knew I should leave, go home instead of dealing with an awkward morning after, or a walk of shame. Xander held me close as we cuddled in his bed, talking in between soft kisses. I told him I should go but he kept talking and kissing me and I never left.
Somewhere past midnight we fell asleep, tangled in each other’s arm with the crisp white sheets pulled around us. I was vaguely aware that I’d never spent that much time naked with a man. As I drifted to sleep I also realized I’d never spent the night with a man either.
A few hours later I woke up and felt uncomfortable being there. After everything we’d shared, our phone calls, the touches, the love making, I still worried that the morning would be strange.
I disentangled myself from his embrace and eased off the bed. I quietly gathered my clothes and got dressed. I glanced back at the bed, Xander lying face down and sprawled across his side of the bed. My heart ached, telling me to curl up next to him again, but I knew I should leave.
Instead of ducking out without a word, I decided to tell him I was going. Walking to the side of the bed, I rested my hand on his bare shoulder, the heat from his skin warming me. “Xander,” I called softly as I nudged him.
“Hmm?”
“I’m going to head home.”
He rolled over and looked up at me, his eyes sleepy and confused. “Mandy. Honey, come back to bed.”
“No, I’m going to go home. You go back to sleep.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him for a sleepy kiss. “You don’t have to leave. I want you to stay.”
I smiled, wondering if maybe I should stay, but I knew the morning would be odd. “I need to get home. I think my friends are still there.”
“Oh babe, I didn’t know I was keeping you from friends. I’m sorry.”
I smiled, “No, it’s okay. They came over to help me figure out what to wear on our date.”
He ran his hand over my ass then up under my skirt to touch my bare skin. “Tell them thank you for me then. You looked amazing. Still do.”
“I’ll tell them. Call me tomorrow?”
“Definitely. Be careful, honey.”
I kissed him softly and let myself out the front door. The streets were quiet as I drove home and I found my townhouse dark. Inside I saw Sam on the couch and smiled. I dragged myself upstairs and went into my room, stripping off my clothes for the second time. I pulled on a tank top and shorts and climbed into bed next to a passed out Claire.
The next morning Claire rolled over and smacked me, waking me up. She screamed and jumped up before she saw it was only me. In my bed. “When did you get home?” she asked, climbing back into bed.
“Around three. Xander wanted me to stay but I worried the morning after would be weird.”
“Ooh, the morning after. It sounds like you had a good night.”
“Yep, a really good night. He’s amazing. And he wore me out. I’m starving. Let’s go wake up Sam and Addi and I’ll tell you guys all about my night.”
In the kitchen I pulled out pancake mix. Sam grabbed the mixing bowls and Addi pulled milk, eggs, and bacon out of the fridge. Claire started the coffee.
I turned on the stove, heating up the pan for the pancakes as Addi laid strips on bacon on a plate to cook in the microwave.
“Okay, spill. How was last night?” Addi asked as I poured the first pancakes into the pan.
“It was amazing. We went to dinner and he couldn’t keep his hands off me. The first thing he did was kiss me, like mad passionate, make-out kissing. My lipstick was smeared all over my face and his and the waiter looked at us like we were crazy. He said he couldn’t stop himself from finding out what I tasted like.”
“Damn, that’s hot,” Sam said.
“Yeah, it was. He couldn’t keep his hands off me all night. He was either holding my hand or rubbing my leg or had his arms around me pretty much all night. It was… shit, I can’t even describe it.”
“Do you still think he isn’t serious?” Addi asked.
“I think that’ll always be in the back of my mind, wondering if he’s just with me until someone skinnier comes along. I’ve spent 27 years believing I was too fat for anyone to love and it’s weird to start thinking maybe it could happen. I mean I’m not thinking he’s in love with me now, but the way he responds to me, how turned on he was all night, not just me, was just… it was different than anyone I’ve ever been with.”
“He sounds perfect, almost too good to be true. I’m just glad you’re happy,” Sam added.
“Thanks. It’s funny to start believing but I do. And I know if it can happen for me it can happen for you guys, too.”
They groaned in unison and I laughed, flipping pancakes onto a plate and crunching down on a piece of dark, crispy bacon.
“So did you sleep with him?” Addi asked me.
I blushed, wondering what they would think of me that I slept with him on our first date. I didn’t count the first time we’d met because I felt like it was a different situation. This was our first date.
“I did. Does that make me a whore?”
“Hell, no,” Sam yelled. “That’s awesome. How was it?”
I glanced at Addi and Claire and found them smiling encouragingly. They didn’t seem to think I was a slut either and were anxious for details. It was odd being the one with a story to tell.
“It was amazing, like best sex of my life amazing. I don’t think I will ever have sex again without comparing it to him and I doubt anyone will ever compare. It was sweet and sexy but also passionate and wild. My took care of me first, a few times, and then again during. But he was just… I could easily ge
t addicted to him.”
“Man, I want one. Does he have a hot brother who’s also into fat women?” Addi teased.
I laughed and shook my head. “Nope, just a sister. And I’m pretty sure she’s into men.”
“I couldn’t play for the other team anyway. There’s something about imagining touching a woman that makes me shiver. And not in a good way.”
“I know,” Claire chimed in. “I feel like life might be easier if I was into chicks, but I just can’t do it.”
“Yep, sausage fan here, too. Women are too damn moody. Plus, I like cock way too much. Well, what I remember of it,” Sam teased.
Addi laughed, “Yeah, I’m with you. It’s been so long I’m not sure I’d know what to do with one. We’ll have to live vicariously through Mandy though. Maybe we can pick up a few tips along the way.”
I laughed along with them, flipping pancakes and eating a hot one every once in a while. Claire made me a hot chocolate while the rest of them enjoyed coffee. After breakfast we piled on my couch and flipped channels before deciding to watch Bridesmaids.
My phone beeped with a new message shortly after the movie started. I picked it up halfheartedly, not expecting more than an alert about coupons ready to expire or something like that.
Xander’s name was on my screen and I opened the message. Claire paused the movie, “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, just a text from Xander. Oh, he’s so sweet,” I said, handing my phone over. He’d taken a picture of himself with an empty pillow next to him and said, ‘Your pillow and I are lonely without you.’
The phone beeped again when it reached Addi on the other end of the couch and she squealed and dropped my phone. “What happened?”
“I didn’t need to read that!” she called. “Oh shit, I can’t unread it.”
“What did it say?” Sam asked laughing. She picked up my phone and read the text, laughing. She passed the phone to Claire who responded similarly to Addi and tossed the phone to me.
Chubby & Charming (Big & Beautiful Book 1) Page 9