by Hart, Cary
Taking off, I skid to a stop and round the corner to the bathroom, slamming the door.
Knowing I’ll need something, I pull open the cabinet drawer Shapiro put my things in. Finding the toiletry bag the hospital sent home with me, I pull it out. Unzipping the top of the white sterile bag, I dump the contents onto the counter.
“Thank God.” I sigh as I pull out the only pad. I thought the hospital gave him a list of items I would need, but I guess they probably figured I was going home and I would have pads, but here I have nothing.
Sitting down on the toilet, I pull down my panties relieved to see only spotting. I figured the cramps were a sure sign of dirty laundry and explanations. After my week in bed, I thought that the bleeding had stopped, but the doctor said there is a possibility this could happen on and off for a few weeks considering the situation.
“Okay this is manageable,” I say bending over, the tub right in front of me, and turn on the shower.
I have one last pad and who knows what kind of time before I’ll need another. Time to get cleaned up and head out.
“I have to go.” I swing my purse over my shoulder, ignoring Shapiro and make a beeline for the door.
“Where in the hell do you think you’re going?” Shapiro’s voice booms from behind me.
Don’t stop.
“Out. I have to get something.” I reach the door, unlocking it in a hurry. Pulling it open only to have Shapiro reach above me to slam it back shut.
“The hell you are.” He begins to lock it back up. “You can’t just rush out of here. The alarm was set.”
“I guess I wasn’t thinking.” I reach over to the pad and punch in the code.
“You’re not leaving,” he barks out.
Spinning around, I can’t take it. I’ll be damned if tells me what I’m going to do. “Yes, I am. I’m bleeding and apparently the hospital only gave me a limited amount of supplies. So, you see, unless you want me to stand here and bleed all over the floor, I need to go.”
I turn back around feeling satisfied that my bluntness probably will gross him out enough to let me leave.
“I can’t let you go,” he says matter-of-factly.
“Didn’t you hear me? I’m bleeding.” I wave my hands, the dramatics in full effect, but if I were to be truthful, this isn’t just about buying pads. This is about what it stands for.
“Four sisters,” he reminds me.
“Seriously, Shapiro. I don’t care if you had ten sisters. This is my issue.” I fling his hand off the door and begin to open the door.
“Dammit, Penny!” He grabs my arm. “The fucker that did this to you is still out there. I’m not letting you go out when we don’t even know where he is!” His voice full of desperation.
“Shapiro,” I plead. “I want you to let go of my arm now.”
Eyes wide, he releases my arm as if it were on fire.
“And I need you to let me run this one simple errand. Please.”
“Penny …” Shapiro runs his hands aggressively through his still damp hair. “I let you go once and look what happened to you.” He begins to pace in front of me. “I can’t let that happen again.”
“He won’t hurt me,” I plead.
Shapiro, whose back is to me, spins around, shooting venom. “He won’t hurt you?” he seethes in front of me, bending at the knees to make sure we are eye to eye. “You have left him not only once, but twice, Penny.” He holds up one finger than the other. “He made sure he put you in the fucking hospital.” His eyes bore into mine while his mouth rapid fires, “Each time he put his hands on you, he took a piece of you. Why in the world would you want to chance that? Huh?” He pauses for a brief second, yet not long enough for me to answer. “How can you honestly say he won’t hurt you?”
He’s speaking the truth. I know this, but no one really understood our relationship and if you were around us, you wouldn’t have known I lived a life full of abuse. It wasn’t the physical kind. He worshiped me. He loved me so fiercely, he just didn’t know how to love me tenderly. Tyler loved me with obsession, not with anger. He just wanted me as his and if anything came in the way of it, he made sure I remembered who I belonged to.
“Because I’m not pregnant,” I whisper.
He doesn’t say anything.
“But I was,” I try to explain, sliding my purse across my body, hands now free, I dig for the picture. It’s in here somewhere.
“Here.” I pull out the snapshot from the ultrasound. “See.” I hold it in front of him. “I was nine weeks here. I was two weeks away from my second trimester when I had the accident.”
He takes the photo and looks down at me. His voice is almost a whisper. “I know.”
“What?” I’m so confused.
“Before you get upset, just know that Nina was worried about you and didn’t want to break your trust, but since you are staying here, with me, she thought …” Shapiro looks away. “She just thought I needed to know how to help you, help understand what you were going through better.” He slowly brings his attention back to my face. Dark intense eyes, silently asking me for his forgiveness.
When I don’t respond right away he continues, “Penny, I’m so sorry. I just wanted to wait and let you tell me when the time was right, and you felt like you wanted to. I know it was extremely painful and I didn’t want to upset you.” He rambles on.
“I’m not upset. Just surprised is all,” I admit.
Maybe I should be. For talking about something so personal behind my back. But how can you be angry at the people who are trying to help you?
“May I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“But how does this guarantee he won’t hurt you? That part, I’m not understanding.”
Taking in a deep breath I tell him the events that took place up until the fall.
“If you were pregnant with his child, why didn’t he stick around? Why didn’t he help you? Call nine-one-one?”
“He didn’t want the baby.” Tears stream down my face. “I mean he said he did, but the moment I became pregnant …”
When he came to me I wanted to run. I really did, but seeing him so broken and pleading for just a chance to ask for forgiveness, how could I not? He was the only family I had left.
“He didn’t want the baby?” Shapiro reaches for my elbow, pulling me closer.
I want to wrap my arms around the man who is here. The one who could take all the pain away. Tell me it’s going to be okay, just like he did the day he left me at Mama Ang’s, but how do you explain that you were wrong. That you made yet another choice that didn’t just hurt you, but hurt the life of an unborn child?
I took Tyler back and even though doubt was screaming at me, it seemed right. Month after month he showed me he changed.
His words, kind.
His touch, gentle.
I didn’t ask for him to go to therapy or continue it when I moved back in with him. It was his choice to better himself … for me.
For me.
For me.
For me.
It should have been for him. We couldn’t get better unless he did.
“No …” I begin to sob, my body quickly going limp and Shapiro doesn’t hesitate, he’s there, catching me before I fall … again.
“It’s going to be okay. I promise you … it’s going to be fine,” Shapiro reassures, tucking my head under his chin. His strong arms protecting, wrap around me.
“I should have left when he changed.” I tilt my head up our eyes meeting. “Tyler never wanted a family. He just wanted me.”
“You have nothing that will hurt him, so he won’t hurt you?” he asks trying to understand.
“Yeah.”
I know he may not understand and sometimes I don’t either. I know my relationship with Tyler wasn’t healthy and the longer I stayed with him, I realized that I wasn’t with him because I loved him, I was with him to have a family of my own.
I’m not sure how long we have been standing here,
wrapped up in each other’s arms, but it’s long enough to know that this man of many moods has given me more than Tyler has in the years we were together.
Family.
Shapiro
“Penny?” I pry her from my body. Having her so close after all this has my guilt kicking it up a notch. This morning, the shower … I shouldn’t have gotten this close, but there is something about Penny that draws me to her.
I put up the walls and she breaks them right down. She lets me be me.
“Yeah?”
“Please let me go to the store. I’ll grab you what you need.” I try to barter with her.
“Okay.” She sighs.
“I know you need to get out, but right now, humor me.” I try to reassure her.
“I’ll try.” She smiles, but it doesn’t quite hit her eyes and why should it?
I must find out where Tyler is before I let her leave. Right now, he’s not a wanted man. Her falling down the stairs was an accident.
Yeah, right.
I’m not buying it though. How does a man step over the woman he loves, who is pregnant with his child, just to leave her at the bottom of the staircase … bleeding out?
After what Penny just confessed … he’s a man who will stop at nothing to keep the woman he loves. He’s desperate now and I can’t chance her safety.
“How about a little bake-off?” I try to suggest while guiding her over to the couch.
“Maybe I’ll just take a nap.” Penny falls back into the cushion.
“You just woke up a couple hours ago.” I stand there unsure of what to do.
I’m afraid if I leave, she’ll fall right back to sleep and we’ll fall into the same pattern of the last week. I can’t let her go back to there.
I can’t go back there.
“It’s just a nap.” Penny lies down and reaches for the throw that still lays there, covering herself back up. Her eyes close.
“Penny …”
“Oh!” Her eyes shoot open. “We need flour, eggs, sugar and butter. There’s something else but I can’t …” She worries her bottom lip.
“I’ll figure it out.” I reach for the remote to hand it to her. Maybe if I turn on the television she’ll stay awake till I get back. “I’m pretty sure Mama Ang had the list tattooed to my brain.” I laugh.
“We always went together.” She sighs out.
“Well, she liked you better.” I give her hair a ruffle as I head to the kitchen to grab my keys.
“I’ll lock up from outside,” I holler.
Penny replies by sticking her hand up and giving me a short wave.
Okay then.
Stepping out, I close the door and punch in the code to activate the alarm, locking the deadbolt behind me. But there’s one lock that I can’t bring myself to turn. If I click this into place, I can guarantee she won’t leave, but if something happens … I would have left her locked into a building with no means of communication. And after the story she told me last night, Penny can’t feel like she’s alone. Locking it could cause more harm than good and I can’t be responsible for that.
Backing away from the door, I head down the hall and take the stairs two at a time in a hurry to find a person who can help.
Pushing through the door, I glance at my phone checking out the time. If my calculations are right she is either in the breakroom or the restroom. Cindy, one of Spotlights’ employees, has a strict routine. One she doesn’t stray from.
Peeking my head into the breakroom I see her standing there, tying up her platinum blond hair. Watching her, I try to find the words, but in my head everything I say sounds creepy.
“What?” She turns around. “Do I have something on me?” She begins to swipe at her ass.
“No. I have something. I mean I have a favor to ask of you.” I stumble over my words still searching for the right ones.
“This should be good. I don’t think you have ever asked anyone for anything … like ever.” She reaches into her purse for her phone. “Let me snap a pic to document the moment.” She comes around to stand beside me. “Say cheese.” She extends her arm and I quickly grab her phone.
“I’m serious, Cindy. I don’t have time for this bullshit. I have this girl up in my apartment and if she leaves, I need you to call me. You got it?”
“Depends.” She takes a step back. “You holding her against her will?”
Am I?
“Hell no, but the less you know, the better it is for her.” I hand the phone back and work my way to the door.
“Fine. I’ll call, but if this is your way of finally having a girlfriend. Holding them hostage isn’t the way to woo her,” Cindy calls after me.
“Not my girlfriend.” I raise my phone in the air as I walk away. “Call me,” I holler over my shoulder as I jog to the back.
A part of me wants to run next door and get some of what she needs so I can hurry back, but if I come through those doors empty handed then I’m going to have a bigger problem on my hands. Penny needs baking like she needs air. Everyone has their Kool-Aid and baking is hers.
Reaching in my pocket, I pull out my keys, clicking the lock as I reach my SUV. Jerking the handle open, I notice a piece of paper flapping from the windshield. The wipers securing it in place.
How in the hell did I get a parking ticket in my own parking spot on a private lot? Flipping the wiper up, I grab the paper and climb in, throwing the ticket in the console to take care of on a different day. Right now, I’m mentally trying to make a list of what we need.
Sugar, cocoa, butter, powder sugar, cinnamon, oatmeal, flour, eggs, milk, cream, vanilla.
I know there is something else I’m missing.
Pads.
The trigger for the earlier events and the only reason why I’m getting out in the first place.
“Pads. Pads. Don’t’ forget the pads,” I repeat to myself. Hoping that if I say it enough I won’t forget.
Throwing my phone into the console and the SUV into gear, I begin to pull out when a delivery truck begins to back into the unloading dock by the back door.
Shit!
Pulling over behind the dumpster to give the truck the room they need, I pull out my phone to check any missed messages, but an exposed edge of the ticket catches my eye. Reaching down, I pull the piece of paper and unfold it.
What the fuck?
I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
My breaths come in sharp and uneven as I try to take back control. The words there in front of me.
Taunting.
I KNOW WHERE SHE IS
Five simple words … a warning of what’s to come, but I refuse to let her get hurt again. I will do everything in my power to make sure this doesn’t happen again.
Penny
Why do I keep doing this to myself? One step forward and a gazillion back and each time Shapiro is there ready to hold me back up to start it all over again.
There’s no excuse for what I’m doing. Everything that has led me here, was a choice. It still is. It’s just sometimes, I make the wrong one. Repeatedly.
But now, my hardest decision isn’t what I’m going to do next. Nope. It’s not where am I going to live or how will I provide for myself. It’s simpler than that. What in the world do I want to binge watch next?
It’s all I do. Sleep, eat, watch television, and bake. Speaking of which … where’s Shapiro?
As if on cue, the door swings open and Shapiro comes walking in with another guy behind him. A handsome one if I do say so myself. Tall, slightly tan, built like a bouncer, but whereas Shapiro is thick, this guy is much leaner, but still strong.
“Just set them on the counter, man,” Shapiro orders.
“No problem.” He places them on the island. “This is the most groceries I’ve seen you carry up. Tired of the Spotlight specials?” He seems amused. “Have any more?”
“Nah, Jake. This is it. Thanks.” Shapiro catches my eye and nods to the bag he set off to the side.
The guy whom I’m
guessing is Jake, notices Shapiro watching me. His whole face lights up. Darting between the two of us.
“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend. I mean there had been talk …” Jake tries to continue, but Shapiro quickly cuts him off.
“None of your business, Jake.” Shapiro claps him on the back. “Thanks again for helping me up.” He guides him, moving with Jake toward the door.
Shapiro whispers something to him as they walk to the door and Jake just nods.
“See you tonight,” Jake says before he heads out and Shapiro makes sure to set the alarm.
Following Shapiro into the kitchen, I go through the bags, my eyes gleaming at all the ingredients he bought.
“Wow! You really did remember her lists.” I start to pull out and mentally take inventory of the ingredients before I help put them up in the pantry.
“Yeah, once I was there, it was like muscle memory. Items just started falling into my cart.” Shapiro laughs.
“Is the stuff …” I nod toward the bag off to the side.
“Yeah. I … um … wasn’t sure exactly what you needed so I got you a few different ones,” he admits, blushing.
I guess even with having four sisters, it’s hard to bring a girl who is staying in your apartment, pads. Pulling them out, I wish I would have waited.
“There’s some for heavy flow and liners for the occasional spotting.” He peeks inside the bag. “And err … um tampons for when you can use those again. I mean if you ever did.” Shapiro runs a palm down his face. “Fuck.”
“It’s okay. I really appreciate it.” I pull out the rest of the items when I notice a small plastic bag tucked inside the paper one. “What’s this?”
“Just something for the occasion.”
“The occasion?” I repeat.
“Well, yeah. I wasn’t sure what to get. I know it’s not your time, but chocolate makes everyone feel better right?” Shapiro shoots me a lopsided grin and I’ll be damned if it wasn’t the cutest thing ever.
Digging through the bag, I pull out a variety of chocolates. White, dark, milk, truffles, hazelnut, peanut butter … whatever I could possible want, it’s in there.