by Hart, Cary
I should be afraid, but he makes me feel anything but fear. As if sensing my eyes on him, he turns to me as we reach the top of the stairs.
“Hey.” He reaches and pulls me into a hug.
“Hey.” I breathe in his masculine scent and move with him as he backs us toward the door.
My mind is spinning because I know he wants more, I do too. And I know once we cross this threshold it could change everything.
We’ve been dancing around whatever this is for weeks now. I need him to know I trust him, I need him to know I want him.
But how do I tell him? This is all so different.
Everything before him was a means to an end … painful. It never was for pleasure, not mine anyway.
My nerves are rattled because I’m not afraid of how I feel or what might happen.
I’m afraid of what comes after. Not tomorrow or even the next day. But what would forever look like with him? Without him? I’ve already lost so much.
I wish I could stay here in this moment, wrapped in the safety of his arms forever.
“You could,” he replies resting his chin on the top of my head.
“What?” I pull away to look at him in confusion.
“You said you wish—”
“I’ve really got to stop doing that.” I tuck my head into his chest, embarrassed that he heard me.
“Penny, stop. Hey, hey look at me.” He lifts my chin and our eyes lock. “Don’t. I’m glad to know you feel that way. And that I’m not in this alone.”
“What is this?” I stare up at him, butterflies swarming in my stomach.
“I dunno, but I’m not ready to let you go. I want you.” His forehead falls against mine. “God, do I want you. But I’m trying. What happened downstairs—” A heavy sigh falls from his lips.
“I’m trying to take things slow, you’ve been through so much. I’m trying to be careful, but you need to know how much I want you.”
“Then don’t start treating me like a victim now.” I lean up on my tiptoes and press my mouth to his.
Our lips explore and grow more urgent with each kiss.
A door opens down the hall, startling us both and he hauls me up in his arms. I stifle a screech and he stands there, holding me one-armed with ease while he unlocks the door, lock after lock.
“Bet you wish you didn’t have so many locks.” I giggle against his chest.
“Touché.” He laughs, carrying us in and kicking the door closed with one foot.
The laughter fades as I see the desire in his eyes.
Resting my back against the door, he nuzzles my neck while he locks us away, safe in his tower.
My arms wrap around his neck and I hold tightly to him as his mouth works its way across my chest.
“I’m still hungry.” His words tickle my flushed skin.
I’m unable to reply, I’m too busy just trying to breathe while this Adonis of a man is making a meal of my skin.
I moan my approval and his kisses continue on the walk to the bedroom, where he lays me down on the bed like it’s an altar. Standing back, he watches me as he kicks his boots off, then he pulls his shirt up over his head and I nearly faint at the way his muscles ripple.
His body is lean and defined, not too bulky, but powerful enough to make me feel secure.
He throws his shirt on the floor and I sit up to reach for his buckle and quickly draw my hand back. Unsure of protocol in a moment like this. Tyler always—
Stop! NO!
I won’t let him ruin this in memory alone. He has no place in here. Here I am safe. It’s just the two of us. Me and Shapiro.
I sit back and tuck my hands under my legs and wait for instruction.
“Penny, it’s okay.” He stops unbuckling. “Do you want to touch me?”
“Do you want me to?” I ask him, hoping he does. Because I would love to feel his skin on my palms.
“Of course.” His breath is heavy as he scoots right between my legs. Once again, I’m eye level with … gulp. It.
“But only if you want to. I want you to do only what you want. If at any moment this becomes too much, just say so.”
“Okay.” My voice comes out a squeak.
Dropping his hands at his sides, he lets me take control.
I draw my hands up and run them down his sides, enjoying the way he feels. I gently caress his abs with my palm and when I reach the top of his jeans, a hiss escapes from him. It encourages me to unbuckle the top button. Then the zipper.
Black boxer briefs are the only thing that stands in the way of him. It.
My fingers brush the cotton and find he’s hard, like standing at attention torpedo hard. My mouth waters and I hesitate, figuring out my next move.
I’ve never felt this stirring deep in my belly, but watching him, watching me.
“Let me,” he offers, pulling his jeans down, kicking them aside. But leaving his boxers on.
“Don’t you want me to … ?”
“Shhh. Not now. This is about you.” He lays me back again and the bed dips as he climbs up toward me.
I fall back and keep my eyes on him as he slowly removes my panties. The lace tickling as he drags it down my skin, massaging as he goes.
He leaves my dress on, and I’m thankful for the barrier as he once again places his mouth over my aching core. I already feel so exposed.
My fists grip the comforter as he kisses, licks, sucks and memorizes my body.
Faster swipes, then lazy circles. His tongue is a secret weapon and I’m captivated.
Shock waves pulse through me and a whimper is all that I can muster as my second orgasm of the day has me falling into a dreamlike state.
I never knew it could be like this, that there was pleasure so intense.
He settles between my legs on his knees and pulls me up to him, placing gentle kisses across my lips.
“Shapiro, that was …”
“I know. Me too.” He sighs.
But I’m so confused. How could he have gotten pleasure from that?
As if sensing my questions, he explains while undressing me.
“Up.” He tugs on my arms and I lift as he pulls my dress over my head, leaving me naked before him. “Penny, bringing pleasure to your lover or someone you care deeply for, that gives an indescribable kind of pleasure. Doing that for you, gave me pleasure. It’s not about keeping score or bartering, it’s about putting someone’s needs above your own.”
I’m left speechless as he stares at my bare skin. Letting his eyes and words wash over me.
“We can stop now if you want.” He misinterprets my silence.
“No.” I say the word so quickly he laughs, which causes me to giggle and the mood is suddenly lighter. He pulls me to him and takes my mouth in a searing kiss that has my toes curling as we fall back into the mattress.
Skin on skin.
His tongue sweeps the seam of my lips, plunging in and tangling with my own. I taste myself on him, with a sweet hint of icing.
I widen my legs, needing him closer. His boxers barely contain his cock. The feel of him, hard against my core has me rolling my hips to him for friction. My arms wrap around him and his eyes remain locked on mine as he kisses me once before kissing his way down my chest. For what feels like hours, he sucks and nips, his teeth gently scraping over my nipples as he takes equal time to taste and savor each one.
My hips are bucking, needing more. He moans against my skin, the vibration rattles through me.
“Slow,” he reminds me. “You were meant to be savored.”
His lips resume their work as he kisses his way to my belly and back up. Hands always caressing me, never entirely removing them.
I can’t even talk, I can only tell him with my whimpers and show him with my body trembling beneath him, how badly I want more. Want to give him more.
All of me.
After I’ve been thoroughly worshipped by this incredible man, by his hands and his mouth, he draws back on his heels and runs his fingers through
his hair.
Our eyes connect, and my breathing picks up. He looks hungrier than ever.
Sweat is collecting on his perfect chest and I know he’s showing great restraint.
His cock is nearly bursting from the black cotton, so I reach forward and lower the band.
“Penny.” He starts to move my hands with his own.
“Shhhh. I want to. Please?” I whisper, and his arms drop in compliance.
“Okay. I’m all yours, Penny.”
I like hearing him say that.
Reaching in, I wrap my hand around him, my fingers barely able to reach all the way around. He involuntarily bucks into my palm as my hand strokes his shaft once and then twice. His skin feels silky but hard.
“Oh, Penny. I need you.” He pulls back on a wince.
“Did I do something wrong?” Why did he pull away if he needs me to pleasure him?
“No, just the opposite. Everything right. I just won’t last long, and I need to be inside you.”
“Oh.” I lie back and open my legs up in invitation, feeling a sudden boldness because of him. The way he gives me power in the bedroom, makes me feel worthy and wanted.
He settles between my thighs, placing one hand next to my head holding himself up and the other wraps around my hip and angles me toward him.
I feel him pressed tightly against me, the head teasing my clit as he rubs himself back and forth at my entrance.
His eyes search mine, but he won’t see any doubt, only desire. Never dropping my gaze, he slides slowly into me, inch by inch. He’s so huge I think he will surely split me, but somehow, he fits. And my body is soaked from pleasure.
I shift my hips up toward him until he’s fully seated in me. My mouth falls open, my breathing rapid and the need for more is strong.
Just like before, he goes slow. He withdraws himself and before I can whimper at the empty feeling, he inches his way back in, this time a little faster. He holds still, allowing me to adjust to the size of him. I don’t have much to compare it to, but something tells me he’s bigger than average. Much bigger.
At this pace, I feel every pulse, every twitch and every beat of his heart.
Just when I’m almost there, I feel him grinding a little faster, going a little deeper and his forehead falls to mine.
I struggle to keep up as my orgasm crashes through me like a wave on the sand, and his comes right after. He releases with a roar and I swear the sounds alone nearly makes me see stars. Knowing he is losing control because of me, with me.
He draws back and before either of us speak, his lips are on mine. He’s telling me things with his kisses that words can’t say. When I kiss him back with everything that I have, I hope he feels it too.
We stay wrapped up until the sweat on our skin starts to grow cold, and he eases himself out of me. I whimper at the loss of contact.
“Be right back.” He rolls from the bed and I can hear him running water in the bathroom. He returns with a warm cloth and wipes between my legs and down my thighs. Shapiro cleaning me after sex nearly brings tears to my eyes. His touch is so tender and calming. Reverent almost.
“Umm, you should know. I’m on the pill.” I throw it out there like an anvil. There is never really a good time to bring that up.
“I know.” He continues his tender ministrations.
“How?” I try to remember if it came up in conversation, surely, I would have remembered it.
“I picked up your prescriptions that first night.”
That night feels like a million nights ago. So far from this moment.
“I would never do anything to put you in harm,” he adds quietly. And I know he means every word.
“Thank you,” I mumble, afraid if I try to say more I might cry.
When he’s finished, he tosses the cloth in the hamper.
“It’s me who should be thanking you. That was better than Kool-Aid,” he teases.
He always knows the right thing to say to make me feel better.
“Wow. Thanks, I think.” My palm connects with his bare chest playfully as he sits beside me on the bed.
“Here.” He offers me some Ibuprofen. “In case you’re sore.”
“Oh, yeah. Umm … thanks.” I take the pills and down them with the glass of cool liquid he hands me.
Grape.
“Kool-Aid?” I hand it back to him.
His lopsided grin confirms.
“Of course.” He downs the rest of the glass, setting it aside and crawling in next to me. “And before you crack a joke about the flavor, know that I just used what I already had made. I didn’t want to leave you alone in this bed a second longer than I had to. But this is one hell of a special occasion. Secret Kool-Aid vault kind of occasion.”
He rolls, pulling me on top of him, and throws a blanket over us.
“It is?” I ask but my heart is pounding out of my chest at what he just said.
“It is,” he confirms, kissing the top of my head.
“What’s the occasion?” I can’t help but ask.
“You’re mine.” His arms hold me tighter. His words should set off alarm bells in my head, instead they set off fireworks in my chest.
Being his means something else entirely. I hope it also means he is mine.
“Okay.” I yawn and snuggle deeper into his safe embrace.
I wasn’t expecting this but it’s the greatest feeling. I feel like a weight is lifted and I’m anchored to something, all at the same time. The last thought I have, before I fall asleep wrapped in his arms, is that I never knew how much you could be healed by a person’s touch until Shapiro put his hands on me.
Penny
“Where are we going?” I look up at Shapiro as he guides us through the backdoor of Spotlight.
This morning, Shapiro woke me up in the most pleasurable way. The way only he can. The way he did. Then as if that wasn’t enough, he promised me a day out of the apartment. Just us.
“Not budging.” He meets my gaze and smiles.
“Just one little hint.” I walk over to the SUV and wait for him to unlock it.
“Okay, I can do that.” He comes up behind me, grabbing my hand. “We’re walking there.”
“Wait, What?” I begin to follow as he pulls us down the alley and around the corner to the busy streets. “Not driving?”
“Not driving.”
“I just got my nails done so I know that isn’t it.”
“Walking, not talking.” He side-eyes me.
“I can take a hint.” I run in front of him, talking to him as I turn and walk backward. “Guessing is off limits. Got it.”
“It’s tearing you up,” he says on a sly grin.
“Pff.” I wave him off. “I’m totally chill.” I glance around trying to get some sort of a hint, my head on a swivel.
“I thought you were being chill. That …” He continues to walk, shades on, hands in pockets, and wearing the sexiest of smirky grins. Looking chiller than chill. Something I obviously can’t do. “Isn’t chill.”
Truth be told it’s killing me. I’ve never been surprised, not like this.
Turning back around, I fall in step with Shapiro, side by side, we walk together.
“Hey.” His gravelly voice breaks me free from my wondering mind.
“Hey.” I look up at the man who has shown me so much happiness. Brought together on a chance. Staying together because of a choice.
“We’re almost there,” Shapiro teases, hands now out of pockets and brushing mine as we head to the unknown.
“Can’t wait.” I stick my pinky out, just to get a little touch of his heat. Skin against skin, feeling the electricity that pulled at us from the night before.
“Me neither.” He peers down at me as he curls his finger around mine and together we walk down a crowded street, pinky to pinky, to wherever he has planned.
This is happiness. This is being content and I’m not sure if I have ever felt that way. Moving from house to house until I found Tyler, and even
then, there was something in the back of my head flashing like one of those yellow blinking construction signs. A warning to slow down.
Shapiro makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. I’m fearless when I’m with him and the doubt, nonexistent.
“Here we are.” Shapiro quickly drops my finger and steps behind me to cover my eyes.
“Hey! What are you doing?” I reach up to grab his wrists.
“Not happening, sweetheart.” He chuckles. “Turn to your left and take six steps forward,” he orders.
Bursting at the seams, I do as he says.
Feeling Shapiro against me, his front to my back, he leans forward. His breath, hot against my naked skin. The heat stirring the embers within, building a flame that I won’t be able to resist. Last night, Shapiro started the fire and I’m not sure if it will ever go out.
“Open,” he demands.
My skin prickles as I melt into him.
I feel his smile against my ear. “Later …”
“You promise?” My lashes flutter open as I turn in his arms. “’Cause this surprise can wait.”
“You are something else.” He wraps an arm around my lower back, pulling me against him, kissing the top of my head. “Now turn around.”
Giving an exaggerated sigh, I turn and immediately I’m confused.
“What’s this?” I walk up to the vacant storefront to try to peer through the frosted windows that were put there to keep out prying eyes.
“Come on.” He reaches inside his front pocket and pulls out a key. Unlocking the door, he pushes it open waiting for me to pass by. “Go ahead,” he urges.
Raising a brow, I squeeze by and scan the area. Empty walls, dusty counters and cold cases line the walls. The counter is one of those old ones where a section of it flips up.
One of my old foster parents use to run a local “Mom and Pop” drug store that had an old fashion soda fountain. This kind of reminds me of that.
Running my hand over the counter, I reach for the clasp and unlock it, flipping it up. “Hmm …” I look over my shoulder to see Shapiro watching me. “Can I go back here?”