by K. C. Crowne
“What are you thinking about?” Angela asked.
I shook my head and popped the last of my bacon into my mouth. “Nothing important.”
“One day, when I ask you something, you’ll give me a different answer than nothing.”
I smiled at her. “You’re saying one day as if there will be more time for us to be together.”
She shrugged, but I could see she was struggling with her decision to go.
What if one day could be today? What if it could be the rest of my life?
Angela
When I woke up, it was still early. The morning light had a silver quality to it, the way it looked when the dawn had just broken. I turned onto my side and found Viktor next to me in bed. It had been days since I’d woken up with him next to me.
I studied his features while he slept. Even in sleep, he looked worried. His brows were knitted together, his lips pursed into a line. He hadn’t been sleeping very well. He was worried about something, but I had no idea what it was. And he wouldn’t tell me.
I was going to let him sleep. The poor man needed it. He had to be exhausted.
Today was my last day here. I was supposed to go back home soon if I wanted to carry out my plans of moving to Chicago. I needed to pack, wrap things up with Ryan at the office, say goodbye to my mom. I was leaving everything to the last minute, that was for sure.
I just couldn’t bring myself to leave Viktor behind, to leave this fairy tale I’d been living in. But all good things come to an end, right?
Was there some way I could do it differently? As I watched Viktor, his hands balled in fists around the sheets, twisted as if he was wrestling with something, I tried to figure out if there was something that could be done. Whatever was happening between Viktor and me wasn’t just a fling. I was serious about it. And with the way he’d told me he wanted me to stay… he sure as hell didn’t think I was just a quick fuck, either.
I just didn’t know how I would be able to pull it off. I was going to Chicago to create a new life, something better than what we’d had here. Better than what my mom had. I hadn’t really thought about whether it was what I wanted. Until Viktor had pointed out that I was doing it for her, not for me. I’d argued with him, telling him that it was for me, too.
But what if I wanted to stay? What if I wanted to live my life here, in a small town with a rugged man like Viktor by my side? Hell, living up here in the mountains even sounded like a great idea.
What about my mom and her plans and her dreams? She would be so very disappointed if I told her I was giving up a good job, if I gave up the sort of life she’d always wanted for me, to live in a cabin in the woods, removed from everyone and everything.
It was what I wanted, though. I wanted it more and more.
My mind ran in circles, and I struggled to think straight. The cabin started feeling smaller and smaller, closing in on me. I had to get out to think.
I slipped out of bed carefully, trying to be quiet so I didn’t wake Viktor. Silently, I pulled on my clothes. I wouldn’t go far, just wander around the cabin outside. Viktor was so damn worried about something happening to me. As if I couldn't stay alive in the forest at all. I was no wilderness survivor or anything, but I was pretty sure I could steer clear of trouble while I took a walk to clear my head.
When I stepped out of the cabin, the air was crisp and fresh, cool as ice on my skin, but it was refreshing. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I headed in the direction of the fire pit where we’d sat more than once. I walked past the cold, empty pit, and headed toward the back of the cabin.
The cabin was neatly built. Had Viktor built it himself? Or had it been built by someone else, left here abandoned for Viktor to move in? I had so many questions about him. How had he come to live in America when he was from Russia? Why did he live such a reclusive life in the mountains? I knew nothing about him, yet I trusted him with my life. And I was falling in love with him.
Even though I had no idea who he was.
The cabin was built almost on the edge of a cliff that dropped into the valley below. It made for a spectacular view, especially from the living room window. A small ledge on that side of the cabin stopped the small building from being perched completely on the edge, but I didn’t feel comfortable sidling along that way around.
The back side of the cabin had the few pipes that led to the bathroom and kitchen, and a small shack-like building a little lower down. I frowned and made my way down to it. The building was stacked on a bunch of rocks, almost as an afterthought. It had been thrown together roughly; the planks had gaps between them and a small window to the side was musty and dirty, so dirty I couldn’t see through it.
The door had a fancy biometric lock on it. A shiny, new lock that looked totally out of place in the middle of the rustic wild. I frowned, trying the lock, unsurprised when it didn’t open. I glanced around and realized the shack was made of rotten planks, and to the side, the gaps were wide enough to fit my hand through. I shouldn’t mess with this, I thought. This wasn’t my business. But that lock looking so tech savvy made me curious.
Why have a lock like that on such a hastily thrown together shack? And why was he so worried about me going out? Was it really about my safety? Suddenly, I needed to know what was in that building. And why it was locked.
The planks came away easily enough after I yanked and kicked at them a bit. The whole time, I felt guilty that I was breaking in. But I had to know.
When I’d pulled open a hole big enough, I poked my head through and looked inside. I wanted to climb through, but I couldn’t squeeze in. I didn’t have to. I saw guns in a corner. Not just hunting guns. The type of guns you saw in movies. The type of guns that killed people.
My heart dropped and my blood ran cold. I bounced back from the shack, my heart hammering in my chest, my breath coming fast. I suddenly felt lightheaded. I pressed my hand against my head, my thoughts running a mile a minute.
Who is he?
“Angela!”
I heard him call and I scrambled away from the shack so fast, I tripped over my own feet and fell. My hands scraped on the rocky forest floor.
“Angela!” His voice sounded panicked. I heard heavy footsteps.
When he turned the corner, his eyes were wide with worry. He saw me on the ground and looked around, scanning the trees before rushing to me. He skidded to his knees and grabbed me by the shoulders, his face riddled with concern.
“What happened?” he demanded.
I shoved him off me, the shock replaced by anger. I held onto that anger with both hands, relying on it to get me through this. Because I was terrified of him.
“What the fuck is this, Viktor?” I shrieked. “Who the hell are you?”
Viktor frowned, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Do you think I’m stupid? Did you think I wouldn’t figure shit out eventually?” My questions were coming so fast he didn’t have time to answer. “Why are you up here? Who are you hiding from?”
His face blanched a little as his eyes darkened. When he pulled up his lips at me in a snarl, he looked animalistic. I anchored myself in that anger, or I would have run.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled. But he knew that I knew, because he withdrew from me. I watched as he shut down bit by bit, becoming so distant from me, it was like I didn’t know him at all.
I pushed up onto my knees and then my feet, rubbing my sore palms against my jeans as I glared at him. “What are the guns for, Viktor?”
“That’s none of your concern.”
“Yeah?” I asked. “Because you were going to keep me here forever? Hold me hostage?”
Viktor shook his head. “I would never hurt you.”
I shook my head, too. I had no idea what to believe. I didn’t know him. I shouldn’t trust him. “I’m leaving,” I announced and backed away from Viktor.
Why hadn’t I figured this out earlier? I’d seen him shoot. He’d been so da
mn good at it, it had been impressive. I should have asked more questions. Why would a man like him live alone in the forest? Shoot as well as he could? Be so damn secretive?
My dad had been an A-class asshole. He had fucked up my mom so badly sometimes, I’d thought she wasn’t going to make it. And then he’d left us. I’d sworn I wouldn’t let any man get so close that he could break me the way my dad had broken my mom.
I’d trusted Viktor. My mistake. I should have known not to trust someone as dark as him.
“Don’t go, Malen kiy,” Viktor said when I moved further and further away from him.
“Don’t call me that!” I shouted. “Don’t you dare come near me ever again!”
My anger fueled the argument, but it was just there to mask the fear. I had no idea who Viktor was, but I’d spent a week in his cabin, getting close to him. He could have killed me a thousand times over.
But he didn’t.
It didn’t matter. He wasn’t the man I’d thought I was.
“‘I’m leaving,” I said again, then pointed at him. “You lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie to you, not once,” he countered.
“Lying by omission is still lying, Viktor” I told him.
I felt like a fool for telling him so much about my life. God, he must have thought I was such a sap, such a sucker for falling for him when this wasn’t real. None of it was real.
I turned around, heading into the forest. I needed to get away from him, away from the lies I had allowed myself to believe. I needed to go home, back to the reality I understood. I needed to go to the life that was waiting for me instead of dreaming about a life that would never exist.
“Angela!” Viktor called, but I refused to answer. I should have insisted on leaving when he’d taken me into town.
As I moved through the trees, tears rolled down my cheeks. If I’d done it sooner, it wouldn’t have hurt so damn much to leave him behind.
Viktor
Fuck!
It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what Angela was losing her shit about. The fucking gun shed had been kicked in. So much for that damn lock. I’d known the shed wasn’t the safest structure in the world, but how the fuck was I supposed to know someone would want to get into it? Let alone Angela?
She was headed into the trees, and God knew what was out there. Maksim and his men. Natural dangers such as animals or precipices or ravines. I shuddered at the thought. I couldn’t let her go.
“Angela!” I called out and set off after her.
Holy fuck, she was fast. She moved between the trees like she’d been born out here, her feet sure, her body agile. I caught up with her easily, though. I knew the lay of the land around my cabin like the back of my hand, and I knew where to go to cut her off.
She was still moving fast, making her way down the mountainside, when I stepped in front of her. She skidded to a halt, lost her footing, and fell. I tried to catch her, stopping her from getting hurt badly.
She yanked her arm out of my hand. “Don’t touch me,” she snarled.
“Angela, listen,” I said, but she shook her head.
“Who the hell are you?” she demanded.
I took a deep breath, trying to slow my heartbeat, trying to keep my shit together. This was all wrong. It shouldn’t have happened this way. Dammit, she shouldn’t have found that shed.
“Let’s go back to the cabin,” I suggested. “We can talk there.”
“The hell we will,” she spat. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Please, Angel.”
“Don’t call me that.”
She shook her head, her hair flying around her face. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright, and hell if I didn’t think she was the most beautiful woman on the fucking globe. I was aware of the forest around us, of the trees and the shrubs and how much they could conceal. I felt like there were eyes on us from every direction, and my skin crawled. There was probably no one out there, but I didn’t want to take the chance. I had to get her back to the cabin where it was safe.
“What are all the guns for, Viktor?” she asked, her gaze angry.
“Living alone in the forest can be dangerous. I need to be able to protect myself.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “From what? A fucking army? That was may more than self defense.”
I didn’t want this conversation to go in that direction. I didn’t want her to know who I really was. She wasn’t going to stay with me, that was for damn sure.
I sighed. “Please, can we get out of the open?”
“Because it’s so dangerous out here, right?” she asked, sarcasm thick. “Are you going to tell me what’s so damn dangerous? Or are you just going to stand there and continue to lie to me?”
“I’ve never lied to you,” I growled.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she said with a curt nod. “You’ve never lied. You just didn’t bother telling me the truth. And really, that’s the same thing.”
I shook my head. I hated that she was calling me a liar. I’d never lied to her. So I hadn’t told her what was really going on. But if I had, she’d have just done what she was doing now. She would have tried to get the hell away from me. And I hadn’t wanted that.
I hated the look she was giving me, as if I were a villain. It had taken me a long time to convince myself that I didn’t have to be, that I could change.
“I can’t believe this,” she said, shaking her head, muttering as if speaking to herself rather than to me. “Of all the fucking cliché stories that are too good to be true…” She looked at me, her eyes sharp. “I’m leaving.”
“You can’t do that.”
“The hell I can’t!” she yelled. “You don’t get to stop me from going. I’m not a hostage or a prisoner. You saved me and I’m grateful for that, but this is it, Viktor.”
I shook my head. It wasn’t safe in the woods but telling her that without further explanation wasn’t going to work. And I didn’t have answers for her. None that I wanted her to know.
“Angela,” I said, using her name because she got upset when I used the pet names I’d been using all this time. “I had a rough past, a past I walked away from. A life I don’t want anymore. None of what happened in my past is who I am now. Can’t you see that?”
“What am I supposed to see? You’re not giving me any information!” she exclaimed, exasperated. “You’re a closed book, Viktor. You play your cards so damn close to your chest, you’re forcing me out of the game.”
I frowned at her. “All that matters is the person I am now. The person you’ve been with this week.”
Her face hardened, her eyes fiery. “The person with a shed full of guns and a head full of secrets.”
Her words were sharp, and I nodded, steeling myself. If she was going to insist on seeing nothing but the bad, there was only so much I could do to try to convince her I wasn’t a monster. If she chose to believe it anyway, it was out of my control.
“I’m not going to force you to do anything,” I said.
“That’s a nice change,” she snapped.
“The only thing I’ve ever done was try to keep you safe.”
She didn’t answer me. We stood there, staring at each other, both of us seething.
“I’m leaving, Viktor,” she said.
I nodded curtly. She gave me a look that challenged me to stop her, but there was only so much I could do. I couldn’t force her to stay; she had to choose it.
Without another word, Angela turned around and stormed in the direction of the cabin.
“Where are you going?” I asked, feeling hopeful.
“Back to the cabin,” she said. “I don’t have much, but I need my phone. I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”
She walked away and I let her go. I would wait out here. I wasn’t going to stand there and watch her go. The thought of her leaving made me feel sick. Fuck, I didn’t want her to go. Not just because it was dangerous out there, but because I had come to care for he
r and realized that I had never really cared for anyone before. How fucked up was that?
I hadn’t even taken her out to show her how important she was to me. I’d had good reason, but regret was a bitter pill in my mouth. All too familiar, too. I had a lifetime of regrets.
I hated that what had happened between me and Angela - and what hadn’t happened - was added to the list.
I watched as she moved between the trees again, determined. In no time at all, she was going to be home, and then she would leave and settle into a new life in Chicago. A life that didn’t have me in it.
Angela
I stormed through the trees to the cabin to get my phone. I didn’t want to go back there. I wanted nothing more than to get through the trees to Snowmass so I could get home. But my phone was at the cabin and I needed it to be able to call for help.
My mind was running in circles, going a mile a minute. Who was he? Why was he up here? What had he done? A rough past… that’s what he’d said. If he wasn’t willing to tell me about it, it had to be really bad.
I had no idea who Viktor was. Viktor… if that was even his real name. My mind jumped back to the doctor’s office where he’d told them that his name was Sean.
Fucking Sean? For a Russian guy? Yeah, I should have seen those red flags pop up. I should have known something was up. But I hadn’t wanted to see someone that could be the bad guy. I’d wanted him to be the damn fairy tale prince I’d made him out to be in my head.
When I passed the shed, I shuddered. My mom had told me often when I was a kid that my curiosity would get me in trouble. One of the reasons I was so good at my job as an insurance assessor was because I knew how to stick my nose into someone else’s business and find the facts.
This was different, though. This wasn’t just about finding out something for the sake of knowing more. This was my emotions. My heart.
When I walked through the cabin to grab my phone, which I thought was on the nightstand, tears stung my eyes. How was it possible that I’d spent only a week here, and having to leave hurt so damn much? I would have left today or tomorrow, anyway. I had to go to Chicago.