He sighed. “I’ll change the law, but I don’t know if she’ll come back. I really fucked up.”
Jason looked around at his pack, celebrating and cutting up. He didn’t feel the same. This should be a joyous moment, but there would never be good moments for him again. There was a gaping hole in his heart that nothing could ever fill. Until the day he died, he’d miss her.
He was hers forever, whether they were together or not.
“You gotta try.” Tanner said.
Chapter 13
Addie stood by the river, feeling very alone and out-of-place amongst the families and children nearby. She scanned the park for an empty bench and, when she located one near the forested area on the far side of the park, clutched her greasy bag of lunch and walked over.
Things hadn’t felt the same in River’s Bend since her and Jason had broken up. She was done shedding tears, but she vividly felt the Jason-shaped hole in her heart.
With him, it had finally felt like she’d found her place. Where she needed to be. Without him, she was keenly aware of how small of a town River’s Bend was, and how most everyone had someone to go home to. Or, like now, someone to enjoy a warm and sunny day with at the park.
Maybe there wasn’t anything for her in River’s Bend if she wasn’t with Jason, and that thought made her sad, because it didn’t feel like there was anything for her back in New York anymore, either.
A part of her knew the break up was partially her fault. She’d reacted emotionally when she first found out that Jason could’ve turned her and solved their problems. He had unintentionally hit the insecurities she had about not being good enough.
Still, she wasn’t sure if contacting him was the right choice. What if he forever refused to turn her? What if he never stepped up as alpha?
What if he didn’t want her back after all this?
All she knew was that she loved him, but that wasn’t enough anymore. Not when she knew they could be more, and Jason wasn’t willing to do what he had to for them to be that.
She unwrapped her burger and took a grumpy bite as she watched a particularly cute family nearby. The son—no more than ten, maybe—was helping his father feed bread to the ducks that were hanging around the bank of the river while the mother sat on a blanket nearby with a book.
The father handed the boy a slice of bread and the boy giggled in delight as he dangled it in front of one of the ducks, prompting a stampede. The mother watched on, shaking her head and laughing at his antics.
“Can I have some more?”
“That’s the last piece, buddy.” the father said, as he ruffled the boy’s hair. Addie was torn between mewing at the cuteness of the scene unfolding before her and scowling, thinking about how that could have been the family her and Jason made.
The father met Addie’s stare as if he could hear her thoughts. She quickly looked down to avoid his gaze, like the half-eaten fast food burger in her lap was suddenly super interesting.
She cringed as she heard the man tell the son to go help his mother pack up their stuff and load up the car while he took a moment to rest. He walked over to her bench — the only one nearby. It was then that she noticed he walked with a limp, and how he winced a little with each step he took.
He sat down on the far edge of the bench with a groan. When she finally looked up at him, she was surprised to see he wasn’t paying her any attention. Instead, he was looking out at the river.
“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” His words were pleasant though he must have been in pain, because he absentmindedly rubbed his hip. Addie shrugged in acknowledgement but non-quite-agreement.
It was an objectively nice day, sunny and cloudless. Yet she found she couldn’t appreciate the beauty when inside she was still hurting.
Addie took another bite of her hamburger just to give herself something to do. The man didn’t press for conversation, which was nice. He kept watching the river and the other people enjoying their day at the park. She studied him through her peripheral vision. He looked to be middle-aged, fit and healthy, though he had deep frown lines and graying hair. That, combined with what must have been a leg injury at some point, made her wonder what kind of life this mysterious man had lived.
Had he been in an accident? Was he a war hero?
She suddenly felt silly for moping around. If this mystery man could enjoy the day, then she should try harder to do so too.
“French fry?” she asked, holding up the bag to her side, not really knowing what to say but feeling like she should say something.
He chuckled and nodded. “Thanks.”
Addie smiled, then looked back down at her hamburger.
“Is something wrong?” he asked after a moment.
Addie looked up at him, torn between lying or unloading all her problems on him. She didn’t know this man at all, but he had kind eyes and a calm demeanor. Something told her that he wasn’t the type to judge her.
She shrugged, deciding on a third option: not denying that something was wrong, but also not going straight into treating this man like her new therapist.
It’s not like she could tell him everything, anyway. Jason’s secret would forever be safe with her. “Everybody is going through something. I’m no different.”
“I suppose that’s true.” He grabbed another fry. “But it’s good to talk about your problems sometimes. And we’re strangers, so it’s not like I’m going to go and gossip.”
He had a point. She could use someone to talk to, and he was a stranger, so he wasn’t invested. But, on the other hand, why was a stranger so interested in her problems?
Was he some creep trying to prey on damsels in distress in the park? She didn’t think so. His family was just around the corner at their car, and they could come back any minute.
She didn’t have a gut feeling to run away screaming. He seemed nice enough.
Or maybe her instincts were out of whack. After all, she’d fallen in love with a wolf shifter.
“Boy problems.” She said.
“Ah, of course.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He chuckled. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. You just look like you have your life together. Dressed nicely for a small town, like you have a good job. You look like you’re in good enough health. What other things could drive a woman who’s got her shit together to come sit at the park alone and eat crappy fast food, if not for man problems?”
She didn’t know if she should take offense. “I’ll have you know that this is the best burger in all of River’s Bend according to the internet. It may look like I’m eating a crappy burger, but I’m actually treating myself.” She said dryly.
He smirked and took another fry. “Tell me about the guy.”
She sighed as she took another bite out of her burger just to spite him. He didn’t look like he cared, though.
“Okay, well he’s great. And we’re great together. He’s kind and attentive and smart and romantic. And really good looking. And I broke up with him.”
“If he’s so great, why aren’t you still together?”
“That’s where the problem comes in. He’s… different than other guys.” She had to be careful around the subject of his wolf. “He won’t commit. But it’s not really like that… it’s more like he can’t commit. And I was okay with that for a while, at least until I found out that he technically could, but it would be difficult.”
She let out a long exhale. That wasn’t clear at all, but she wasn’t sure if she could make it any clearer without going into more detail.
Surprisingly, he seemed to follow her convoluted diatribe enough to get the gist. “And that hurt because it felt like he was holding out for no reason?” he added.
Addie nodded.
“That’s understandable. Have you talked to him about it?”
“No, I left pretty much immediately after I found out. He’s tried contacting me, but I don’t know if I should answer. I don’t know if it would be the best th
ing for either of us.”
“Can I be frank?”
Addie nodded again, then smirked, wondering what he considered frank. Because it certainly felt like he was being frank when he’d called her out on her poor diet choices a few minutes ago.
“Maybe it’s just because I’m a guy, but I think you should talk to him.”
“Yeah, you’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I’m on both of your sides.”
Addie rolled her eyes.
“No, really, hear me out. You said he’s different than other guys and he’s scared of commitment. Maybe I’m off base here, but I bet he’s had a hard life. Maybe he still has a hard life. Am I right?”
Addie stared back at him, open mouthed. “How did you get that from what I said?”
He chuckled and shrugged. “I relate to the guy.”
“Well you’re right. His upbringing and current situation are… unique.” That was an understatement.
The man hesitated and shifted uncomfortably on the bench. He looked around, as if making sure there weren’t anybody nearby to eavesdrop. “Listen, life can be tough. Dark. Lonely. Especially for us guys that are different. I’m willing to bet he’s head over heels in love with you, and any kind of commitment he’s avoiding is, in his mind, for your own safety.”
Addie stared back, completely in shock. How did this guy know so much?
“I bet he’s got a lot on his plate. Life with him won’t be easy. But if he’s the right guy, you’ll know he’s always got your back. He’ll always have your best interests at heart. He thinks you’re worth it. If you think he is, then I think you should talk to him. Try to understand where he’s coming from. I was in a similar position at one point, and I’m forever grateful that she gave me another chance.” He looked over and waved at his wife and son, who were now heading back over to the bench where they sat.
“How do you…” but before she could finish, he looked back at her and she noticed the color of his eyes. A bright, clear blue.
Had they just changed, or had she been so inside her own head that she hadn’t noticed them before?
She gasped. “You’re a shifter.” It wasn’t really a question.
He nodded. “Wolf. New to town. I’d appreciate it if you kept our secret quiet.”
Our secret? So his wife and son were wolf shifters too? The man stood up with a grunt, still favoring his left leg.
“It was nice meeting you. I hope everything works out.” he said, grabbing the last fry before turning away.
“Wait! What was your name?” she rushed out.
“Gregory!” He called over his shoulder.
Chapter 14
Addie’s phone vibrated on the counter.
Leaving now. Be there in a few.
It had been a month since she last saw Jason, and now she was about to see him in less than a half hour. Her heart leaped in her chest at the thought. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm herself.
This wasn’t a big deal. It’s just Jason.
Her brain may have understood it, but her heart must not have, because she’d repeated that statement to herself over and over since she invited him for dinner, and yet she still couldn’t keep her nerves under control when she thought about what might happen tonight.
She dumped the spaghetti in the pot of boiling water on the stovetop and smiled to herself. Not many people would be proud of themselves for cooking a spaghetti dinner, but here she was, smiling like a goober.
Over the last few weeks, she’d managed to come up with a few meals that were both simple and delicious. It may have been small peas to most people, but she felt more accomplished than she had in a long time. She could actually cook something without giving anyone food poisoning.
It was her last night in River’s Bend, and that’s what this summer in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina had done for her. She’d learned to accept herself as she was. Sure, there was a lot of room for improvement, but Todd had been wrong. Maybe she wasn’t good at cooking. Maybe she didn’t always look runway ready. Maybe she didn’t go out to bars and dance. She wasn’t interesting in the ways he cared about, but that didn’t mean she was boring or unworthy of love. It just meant that she wasn’t perfect.
And Addie was beginning to believe that made her more beautiful.
She stirred the spaghetti as she thought about everything that could go wrong over dinner with Jason. She’d stopped being angry with him the day shortly after their breakup. She understood his reasoning for not telling her about being able to turn her into a shifter. But she realized that the best thing for herself was to stay apart, at least for a little while. She needed time to think about everything, and most importantly, she needed time to learn to love herself.
Would Jason see her point of view? She had told him she forgave him, but did he believe her? Would he be angry that she’d kept her distance for so long, or would he understand?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Jason’s old pickup pulling up the driveway. Addie took a deep breath and waited for his knock before going to the door. She didn’t want to look too desperate.
Jason knocked, and she straightened the cute apron she’d put on for the occasion. When she opened the door, her knees went weak.
There stood Jason in slacks and a sky-blue button-down dress shirt. He’d shaved for the occasion and he smelled like the cologne she so vividly remembered and associated with him. She’d never seen him so dressed up. She swallowed hard, trying to resist the urge to jump in his arms and kiss him. She knew she’d missed him, but all the feelings she’d suppressed threatened to bubble up to the surface.
But she had to keep it all under control, at least until the end of dinner.
He stood there staring at her with wide eyes, looking just as stunned as she probably did. He abruptly held out a bottle of wine.
“Hi.” He said.
“Hi.” She answered breathlessly. “Is this for me?” He nodded as she took the bottle of wine. It was a bottle of the best white zinfandel you could probably buy in River’s Bend, which meant it was probably less than ten dollars and bought at a gas station.
Her favorite wine. She smiled an encouraging smile and ushered him in.
They walked over to the kitchen stood there awkwardly for a few moments.
Two people who knew each other so well, and at the same time, felt like strangers. There was so much that had been left unsaid between them in the last month.
“It smells good.” He said, filling the silence.
“Thanks,” she said, feeling shy. “We’re having spaghetti and salad and breadsticks.”
“You’re making spaghetti?” he asked, incredulously.
“Yep, are you surprised?”
“A little.”
Addie fished a cork opener out of one of the drawers and popped open the bottle of wine, then poured them each a glass.
As they drank, the heaviness in the room slowly subsided. They made small talk about what the pack had been up to, how logging season was wrapping up, about the articles Jason had seen that Addie had gotten published in The Bender.
Jason furrowed his brow and stopped talking mid-sentence. “Do you smell that?”
“What?” Addie asked, and then the offensive smell of burning breadsticks wafted up her nose. “Crap!” she said, scrambling for an oven mitt. She yanked the oven door open and saw what felt like the most embarrassing thing that could have happened.
Jason peered over her shoulder. “You burned the breadsticks.” He said matter-of-factly. Addie slowly turned around to face him, shoulders sagged and feeling utterly defeated. But when she met his eyes and saw the way he was biting his lip to hold back a laugh, she couldn’t help herself. She laughed out loud. And then he started laughing too. And then his laughter made her laugh even harder.
Jason grabbed the pan of breadsticks and gently placed it on the counter, then pulled her into a hug.
“This was supposed to be an impressive dinner. I
finally learned how to cook something, and then I go and burn the frozen breadsticks!” she said through laughter into his shoulder.
“It’s okay! Hey, I know your cooking skills have improved.” He said, picking up one of the breadsticks and beating it against the counter top. It made a thick thump thump like a brick. “At least the smoke detector didn’t go off like it did last time.”
That threw them both into another fit of laughter, and when they had both finally calmed down, Jason planted a soft kiss on Addie’s forehead.
Addie felt his muscles tense up when he realized what he did. Addie leaned back and looked up at his face. His eyes were wide as he tried to come up with something to say to justify the kiss. Addie smiled, watching him fumble for words. Then she returned the kiss on his cheek. “It’s okay.” She said before dropping her eyes to the floor and pulling away.
The timer on the stove went off, signaling that the spaghetti was done. She busied herself with plating their food and directing Jason to get forks and knives out while refilling the wine glasses. They sat down at the little dining room table by the bay window at the front of the cabin. Addie looked outside. The sun was going down.
They mostly ate in silence, and Addie avoided Jason’s gaze by looking at her plate of spaghetti with jarred pasta sauce like it was a gourmet meal from a five-star restaurant.
Jason cleared his throat. “It’s really good, Addie. I’m proud of you. I know how much you hated to cook.”
She smiled. “Thanks, that means a lot. I know I’ll never be a gourmet chef, but I learned something over the summer, which is a good thing I think.”
He nodded, then took a deep breath. “I know it’s your last night in River’s Bend. And I just want you to know something.” He paused like he was preparing to give a speech he’d rehearsed beforehand.
“Jason, it’s okay, you don’t have to–” she began, but Jason shook his head.
“No, it’s important for me to tell you everything. I know I messed everything up. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. But I just want you to know that no matter what, you have a place here in River’s Bend. With me, if you want. With my pack. I’ll wait for you, and if you never come back, I’ll understand. But I’ll wait for you. Because I love you.”
Greystone Alpha Page 11