Eric swallowed down a lump in his throat as he nodded. "I know she will, Jack. She loves you."
Leaning his head against Eric's shoulder, he sighed happily. "This is going to be the best birthday ever."
Chapter 23
Nathalie applied her lip gloss for the fourth time before angrily wiping it off with a tissue. As she stared into the little mirror on her table she wondered what Jack would think when he saw her. Would he think she looked old? Tired? Mean? Sad? She realized no amount of lip gloss would cover the fact that she gave him up and for almost eight years he has known that his mother chose to be somewhere other than with him. Closing the cap on the lip gloss she tossed it across the room in frustration.
"You are going to exhaust yourself before he gets here," Andrew remarked from the doorway.
Smiling sheepishly, she shrugged. "I can't decide if I should allow him to see me looking terrible or if I should try and look like I didn't just have a tumor yanked from my head."
"First of all," he said, coming into the room, "I did not yank the tumor from your head. I delicately removed it. Second of all," he told her more seriously, "he is so excited to meet you that you could be purple with pink polka dots and he wouldn't care."
Playing with the hem of her t-shirt, she let out a shaky breath. Eric had phoned her last night to tell her that Jack now knew he was his father and that he was looking forward to meeting his mother. The news had both thrilled her and heightened her anxiety. There were consequences to every choice made in life and she was about to find out what hers were.
"He was really okay last night?" she prodded.
Andrew nodded, smiling. "He was. He stayed curled up to Eric all night long and fought to stay awake for as long as he could."
Seeing the worry etched on her face he pulled a chair to her bedside and sat down. "Nat, he is a bright, perceptive kid. Even if he doesn't understand all the complexities of why he wasn't living with you or why he wasn't told Eric was his father, he knows he's loved and that matters a lot."
"Did it matter to you?" she asked gently.
"I'm not Jack" he replied quietly. "My circumstances were different."
"How was Sarah? She...she didn't seem to want to talk very much last night."
"She's having a hard time Nat. She loves Jack."
"And she feels like she's being left - a recurring theme in my sister's life and one I've contributed to," she admitted.
"She likes to pretend she can roll with anything but I know....I can see how hard it is for her."
Cocking her head to the side, Nathalie carefully studied her friend. Though it had been years since she had seen him, there had been a time when she had known him inside and out. She had been one of the first to see his perpetual bachelor ways as a defense mechanism as opposed to a real love of the single life. There was something in the tone of his voice, in the way he spoke about her that turned a light bulb on.
"Drew, are you in love with my sister?"
He said nothing as he dropped his gaze.
Exhaling, Nathalie rubbed her hand over her face. "You sure you don't want to pick someone less complicated than Sarah?" she asked. Getting no response, she leaned forward and looked him straight in the eye. "My sister has this really prickly exterior-"
Andrew snorted. "Tell me about it."
She smiled knowingly. "And most people give up trying to get past it because it can be a lot of work but if you keep trying you'll eventually get inside and what is inside my sister is more beautiful than you can imagine."
"I know," he whispered.
The shrill ring of his cell phone brought all further conversation to a halt. Fishing it from his pocket, he flipped it open.
Nathalie knew immediately that he was talking to Eric. Her heart started to race and she could feel her palms go clammy. As he closed the phone she looked at him expectantly.
"They're on their way up."
Though she was dying to see her son, she could not quell her nervousness. "Do I...do I look okay?" she asked almost breathlessly. "Maybe I should sit in the chair, rather than the bed? What do you think?"
Andrew took her hand and squeezed it. "I think you take a deep breath. And then another. You are fine in the bed." Leaning in, he kissed her forehead. "It's going to be fine Nat, I promise."
Hearing a knock at the door, she exhaled slowly. "C-come in" she called.
As the door swung open revealing Jack standing in between Sarah and Eric, holding their hands, Nathalie caught her breath. Her eyes pricked with tears as she was reminded of just how much time had slipped by and of how her heart recognized him instantly.
"Jack" she whispered.
The young boy looked from his father and then to his aunt. Sarah smiled at him and gave him an encouraging nod.
"Hi," he answered shyly.
Breathing raggedly, she stared wondrously at him. "I have...I have m-missed you," she told him. "Very much."
Dropping the hands he was holding he ran across the room and climbed carefully on to the bed before throwing his arms around her neck. Nathalie closed her arms around him and held him tightly to her.
"My baby boy" she whispered, "you've gotten so big"
Pulling back slightly without letting go of her, he looked at her with great seriousness. "I am almost eight."
Chuckling softly, she nodded. "I know you are." She sighed. "I love you Jack. I have loved you from the moment I knew I was carrying you."
"Are you better now? Aunt Sarah and Eri-Daddy said you were sick."
Her heart skipped a beat at hearing him refer to Eric as 'Daddy'. "I am getting better," she told him.
"Did Drew fix you? He can fix anything!"
Catching Andrew's eye, she winked. "Yes he did and yes, he can fix anything."
"It's my birthday on Friday," he announced to her as he slid from her lap and sat beside her, cross legged on the bed.
"I know" she told him softly. "I celebrated your birthday every year even when I wasn't with you."
Jack's green eyes widened in surprise. "You did?"
Cupping the side of his face, she nodded. "I did," she replied softly.
"Did you have a cake?"
Sarah finally found her voice and spoke. "Jack is a big fan of cake - chocolate with strawberries. Just like you," she added.
Nathalie dragged her thumb underneath her eye. "I didn't have a cake but I used to go to a place called Table Mountain where I would climb along one of the paths until I would find a quiet spot. I would always pack a small picnic and when I found the perfect spot, I would sit down on my blanket and write you a letter I would put all my love out into the universe to find you and make wishes for you."
"Did they come true?"
She inhaled sharply as she thought of the times she sat there, nearly overcome with loneliness, where she would pray for forgiveness for all that she had done and where she would ask the universe to take care of his son and ensure he was well loved. Looking over near the door where her sister, Eric and Andrew were all pressed against the wall, she smiled.
"Yes, they did. I wished for you to be loved and it's clear to me that you are."
"Did you really miss me?" He played with the corner of the blanket, not quite meeting her eyes.
"Oh my Jack," she rasped. "Every single day." Fingering her locket she reached around and unhooked it. Popping it open, she held it in the palm of her hand. "I carried you with me every single day."
Kneeling up the young boy peered at the tiny baby photo and smiled. "That's me!"
"Yes it is," she confirmed.
Tracing his finger over the four leaf clover, he scrunched up his face. "What's this?"
Raising her eyes, she looked briefly at Eric and smiled before turning her attention back to him.
"It's a gift your Dad gave me a long time ago."
Lifting up her arm, he crawled underneath it and curled himself into her. "Should I...should I call you Mom?" he asked as he pulled on his bottom lip.
She kissed
the top of his head. "Only if you want to Jack. You can call me Nathalie if you aren't ready to call me Mom."
The room fell very quiet as everyone waited for his answer. Rubbing his fingers together, he looked up at her and smiled shyly. "I think...I think I would like to call you Mom."
Several tears fell as she hugged him tightly again. "I would...I would like that very much."
Seeing that Nathalie was beginning to tire, Eric stepped forward. "Hey bud, I think we need to let your Mom get some rest now. She's still recovering from her operation."
She looked up pleadingly. "I'm okay, really." Now that she had him back in his arms she was almost unwilling to let him go at all.
Andrew chimed in. "Eric's right Nat. I don't want you to impact your recovery by overdoing it."
"I can come visit tomorrow, right Aunt Sarah?" he asked.
"Of course you can" she replied quietly.
Jack hugged his mother again. "Last birthday when I blew out my candles I wished for you" he told her. "And here you are. This year is gonna be the best birthday ever!"
"I love you Jack"
"I love you too Mom." He kissed her cheek before scrambling off the bed and heading to Sarah.
"Sarah?" she called to her sister. "Can you stay for a couple of minutes?"
Eric held his hand out to Jack and then smiled at Nathalie. "I'll come back later to visit, okay?"
Smiling tearfully, she nodded. "I'd like that." She waved at Jack as they left the room. As the door closed she beckoned her sister to the bed.
Sarah was barely within arms' reach before Nathalie had pulled her into a warm embrace. "You are the best sister in the world," she whispered against her shoulder. "I can never repay what you have done for me and for my son."
It took Sarah a moment to give in to the embrace but she did and returned it with equal warmth. "You are my sister, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."
Nathalie wiped again at her eyes and smiled as she let go of her. "I know...I know I said some awful things to you when I found out about Jack being here-"
"You were in shock" she offered.
"It was no excuse Sar. I unleashed my self-loathing on you and that was not fair. I know every choice you made was out of love for me...and Jack....and it turns out you knew better than all of us what we all needed. Thank you is inadequate but it's all I have right now."
"Do you know what you're going to do when you're released? Are you staying?"
"I'd like to. I was...I was wondering if I could come home with you?"
"With me?" she asked in surprise. "Not Eric?"
"Eric and I aren't there yet - we may never be there. Sarah I have missed you and I have a lot of time to make up for. I thought I could start by spending time with you. And since your home is the only Jack knows maybe it would be easier on all of us if he gets to know me there." The stunned look on Sarah's face troubled her. "If you're okay with it," she amended. "If not, I mean I'm sure I can get an apartment. I do have some money and-"
Her words got muffled as Sarah hugged her tightly. "I'm more than okay with it."
The two women held onto each other for several minutes until Nathalie pulled back to look in her sister's eyes. "I don't know what's going to happen with...well, anything in my life. But you will always be a part of my life, of Jack's life."
Sarah nodded as she fought back tears. "I hope so," she rasped.
Nathalie grabbed her sister's hand. "Sarah, I am done running."
"Good." Sarah smiled tentatively.
"I hope you are, too."
Nathalie continued on at Sarah's perplexed look. "I really hope you can stand still long enough to love someone, to...to let yourself be loved."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"What's going on with you and Drew?" Nathalie pressed gently.
"Nothing." Sarah's response was emphatic.
"Nothing looks a lot like something to me. Neither of you can keep your eyes off one another when you're in the same room."
"Please," she scoffed. "You said it yourself, he's a total womanizer. Besides, I don't think you are one to be talking about longing looks."
A small blush covered her cheeks as she knew her sister spoke the truth. She shrugged her shoulders. "Like I said, I don't what's going to happen with anything in my life."
"What do you want to happen?" Sarah asked softly.
Nathalie looked pensive. "I just want to be at peace."
"Aren't we a pair?" Sarah smiled.
"Yeah," she whispered as a slight smile tipped the corners of her mouth as she pulled her sister back in for another hug. "We are that."
Chapter 24
Almost two weeks after her surgery, sitting on the couch, Nathalie could not keep the smile from her face as she watched Jack and his three friends played Wii baseball. Having returned from the Pump and Jump for the first part of his birthday party he told everyone he wanted to show his mother what a good baseball player he was. All day long he had taken every opportunity to tell his friends, their parents and even complete strangers that she was his mother. It was worth more than all the money in the world to her. Any shyness or nervousness at the sudden appearance of her in his life had vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared. In the days since their reunion in her hospital room they had spent as much time together as they could and when she had been released two days ago, no one had been more excited than Jack to have her under the same roof.
She had also enjoyed watching the way both Sarah and Eric interacted with him. It was almost impossible for her to articulate how difficult it had been to give him up or to explain to anyone just how dark those days had been but at the core of her decision had been the need for Jack to be with a family who would love him as she would and who would see the potential in him and encourage him - all things she had been unable to do then. It was like a balm on her broken heart to know that her precious son was loved, completely and without condition. Even more comforting now was the knowledge he had been with his own family all this time. Others had looked out for her and for him when she had been unable to do so. It was a generosity she would not take for granted and one she would spend the rest of her life trying to repay.
"Penny for your thoughts," Eric offered as he sat down beside her.
"He's really happy," she observed, delighting in the sound of his laughter.
"Are you kidding? He's ecstatic - he got his birthday wish."
She shook her head. "No, I mean before that. He's been a happy kid, hasn't he?"
He nodded. "Truly Nat. He's always been a happy, loving kid."
Sucking in a breath, she smiled. "I'm glad he's had you."
Momentarily overcome he kissed her shoulder. "And now he has both of us."
Smiling gratefully, she squeezed his arm before getting up to join Jack and Sarah playing baseball.
"How you doing there Big Daddy?" Andrew asked taking Nathalie's recent vacated seat.
He smiled. "I'm good. God Drew - just look at them. It's my...that's my family."
Turning his head, Andrew looked at him in surprise. "So all is forgiven?"
Looking at his friend he gave a slight shrug. "I don't know - I just don't know. What I do know is my life is better with her in it and I would rather work towards building something with her than carrying around anger and bitterness."
"Does she know that?" Andrew queried as he watched Sarah out of the corner of his eye laugh unabashedly at something Jack had said.
Eric shook his head. "I'm not sure what her plans are," he admitted. "I don't think she wants to return to Africa but I don't know."
"And until you know you aren't going to tell her?"
"Something like that. Drew, I want her to stay because this is where she wants to be. Not because I asked her or she feels guilty for leaving Jack. I need her to decide on her own with no promises of anything from me that staying here is better than running away."
Turning his attention back to the baseball contest, he watched a
s she scooped Jack up in her arms and hugged him tightly. "I think Jack may not be the only one getting a wish fulfilled."
#
As the party wound down and the inevitable sugar crash happened, Eric and Nathalie had tucked Jack into bed. Despite Sarah's offer to take her home, Nathalie had not quite been ready to leave either Jack or Eric and as had always been their way, the two former lovers continued to gravitate towards each other.
Alone in the apartment, they sat on the couch looking through photo albums of Jack. Nathalie relished the opportunity to see what she had missed and to share it with Eric. Turning the page, she paused over a photo of a shirtless Eric reclined on the couch and a six month old Jack curled up against his chest sleeping. She traced her finger along the border of the photo.
"You both look so peaceful there," she remarked quietly.
"We were," he told her, smiling. "That used to be our baseball tradition, until he actually started being interested in the game."
She smiled lovingly at him. "You are an amazing father."
Tears gathered at her unsolicited compliment. Unable to help himself, he threaded his fingers through her hair. "Thank you for saying that."
Nathalie closed her eyes and reveled momentarily in the warmth that coursed through her at his touch. There had been few men in the years since she had left Chicago but even Keith had been unable to elicit the feelings in her that he could.
"Mom?"
Opening her eyes she found Jack, in his Spider-Man pajamas, standing in front of them. Eric dropped his fingers from her hair but left his arm draped across her shoulder.
"I thought you were asleep," she told him.
He shook his head. "I can't fall asleep. Can you...can you come lie down with me until I do?"
"Of course I can."
It was hard for her to describe the feelings that welled up inside her at his request. Picking him up in her arms, she carried him down the hall to his bedroom. Having tucked him underneath the covers, she lay down beside him and gathered him in her arms as she softly smoothed his hair off his face.
"Did you have a good birthday?" she asked, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
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