As the early morning sun slipped through the blinds Nathalie sighed happily. It had been a night of affirmation and love and they had wrapped themselves around each other and not let go. Snuggling in closer to Eric she left a soft kiss on his chest.
"Mmm," he moaned happily, trailing his fingers along her back. As he came to the top of her scar, he traced its outline. "Does it hurt?" he asked quietly.
She gave a light shake of her head.. "It twinges every once in a while but it doesn't hurt." Silence surrounded them for several minutes as he continued to trace it. Lifting her head from his chest, she looked at him curiously. "You keep touching it."
"Should I not?"
"No, that's not it. It's just the other...the very few other men I was with never touched it - not on purpose anyways."
Eric again traced the winding pattern of her scar, his finger leaving chill bumps on her back. "Did you love him?" he asked softly.
"Who?" Nathalie asked before understanding dawned. "Keith?"
Eric nodded softly as his eyes remained focused on his fingers trailing over her skin.
Nathalie swallowed the thick lump in her throat as she gently took his hand and laced her fingers through his. "Eric," she whispered. "Look at me"
Eric inhaled a ragged breath as his stunning blue eyes finally met hers. "He mattered to me. I needed someone to prove to me I wasn't worthless."
He nodded in understanding as his eyes fell to the bed as she continued to speak.
"But," she stated calmly, "I couldn't love him."
"You couldn't?" he responded softly.
She shook her head in response. "I couldn't." she affirmed. "I couldn't love him when I never stopped loving you."
"But you tried."
"I thought I did. But now I am not sure I ever could. Your love is greater than anything I have ever known."
He softly nipped at her lips as she cuddled into him further. "I love you, Nat."
"I know." She said, her green eyes shining with tears. "And that is why I think I can be so comfortable with you. I hate what my scar represents. But you are the only person who understands what it truly cost me."
Pulling them both to a sitting position, he brushed her bangs from her face. "It's part of who you are," he told her. "And I love who you are," he reminded her. "All of you."
Leaning forward she captured his mouth in a soft, gentle kiss. "It's also evidence of a lot of pain," she added. "And I know that not all scars are visible."
Cocking his head to the side, he paused. "What do you mean?"
Drawing her fingertips along his brow she smiled lovingly at him. "My scar is visible but yours aren't and I know that I caused you a lot of pain."
"I've forgiven you," he reminded her quickly.
"But that doesn't undo what I've done Eric," she continued. "And so I want to make you a promise here. No matter what happens in the future, no matter how scared or overwhelmed I may get I promise I will never, ever run again. For better or for worse, I'm staying put."
Cupping her face, he kissed her passionately. "I love you," he whispered against her mouth. "When are you moving in?"
Pulling back a little, she gave him an apologetic look. "I need to talk to Sarah. I really need to tread carefully here Eric and not rush her because she is going to be hurt no matter what."
"Okay" he told her as he nuzzled her neck. "I'm just anxious for us to be together under one roof."
"Me too" she told him. "And we will be soon. I'll talk to Sarah today and we'll work it out."
#
Nathalie had no sooner slipped in the door than she came face to face with her sister. It was proving difficult to tell if Sarah was giving her a look of disapproval or concern. Neither option was going to make the forthcoming conversation with her any easier.
"I guess you had a good date," she observed dryly.
Nathalie smiled sheepishly. "It was a great night. He...he loves me."
Sarah arched her eyebrow. "I wasn't aware there was any doubt about that."
"Maybe not to others but I wasn't very sure of it at all."
Nathalie's eyes were shining brightly and Sarah was finally seeing something she had not seen in years - her sister was happy. Not content, not satisfied but truly happy. And for that she was incredibly grateful. Hugging her tightly, she kissed her cheek.
"I'm happy for you Nat. You have worked really hard to get here."
"So listen," she began carefully, taking her sister's hand and leading her to the couch. "One of the conversations Eric and I had last night was about the three of us living together - as a family."
Sarah stiffened. She knew this was coming, she knew it was inevitable but knowing something rarely softened the blow. "Oh?"
She nodded, trying to contain her excitement. "We...we have a lot to catch up on and we need to work at being a family. I think - I think the best way to do that is for us all to be together."
"So you're taking Jack. When?" She hated how strident she sounded.
"Sar, I'm not taking him away from you. But it's time for him to be with his Mom and Dad. I don't mean right this instant," she added hastily. "You and I can pick the time."
"How generous," she drawled.
Letting go of her hand, Nathalie sat up straight. "Sarah, I'm really trying to be sensitive here and be considerate of what this means for you but he is my son. And he belongs with his father and me. I love you Sarah and I love everything you have done for Jack but it's time."
"I know" she said flatly. "After all the whole reason I kept him was because I was sure you were coming back and look at that, here you are."
Tilting her head to the side, she studied her carefully. "I can't decide if you're pissed that Jack and I are going to move out or you're pissed that I wound up here in New York."
"I'm not pissed," she protested.
"Want to try that again?"
"I'm not!" she insisted. "God Nathalie, is it okay with you if I just take a moment to catch my breath without you automatically making it about you?"
"By all means. And so if you're not pissed than you'll be okay if we move in with Eric next week, right?"
"Do what you want" she bit out, "you always do."
"Sarah."
"Is it not true Nathalie? You wanted to have a baby so you did. You wanted to give him up, so you did. You wanted him back, so you have him."
Sucking in a deep breath before slowly blowing out her cheeks, Nathalie finally spoke.
"Sarah it isn't as straightforward as that and you know it. Look, I know this feels like you are losing Jack but you aren't. You are so important to him - to his life - that you could never lose him. He loves you so much and he trusts you with everything he has. You aren't losing him, he's just going to have a different address."
Her eyes pricked with tears unshed and her hand trembled slightly as she brushed out the imaginary wrinkles on her jeans. "I know" she said softly. "And I'm sorry I'm being such a cow."
"Sarah, I know this is hard and I want to make it easier for you but I need you to tell me how because right now I don't know what you need."
She shook her head. "There is no making it easier. I'd like to be with you when you and Eric tell Jack. In the meantime, I'll arrange for some boxes for his toys and things." Getting to her feet she headed out of the room and to the safety of her office before the tears she was trying so desperately to hold back tumbled down her cheeks.
Chapter 29
"Dad!" Jack cried running down the hallway and jumping into Eric's arms.
Scooping him up, Eric hugged him tightly. "Hey buddy, how are you?"
"Awesome." he told him. "We went to the zoo today and I got to touch a monkey!"
"I've already told him that we can't have a monkey as a pet," Nathalie teased as she emerged from the living room.
"But we already have a monkey for a pet," Eric replied. "We have this monkey!" He spun Jack around as the young boy laughed loudly, thrilled to be the center of his parents' attention.
Eric set him on the ground and taking his hand, led him into the living room where Sarah was sitting in a chair waiting for them. Nathalie had told him about how difficult her conversation with Sarah had been. He was not insensitive to Sarah's feelings about Jack but he felt as though he had been in a holding pattern for years, living within her rules and not admitting he was Jack's father. Now that the secret was out, he wanted it all and he wasn't willing to be patient any longer.
As Nathalie sat down on the couch and Eric beside her, Jack raised his eyebrows. "Am I in trouble?" he asked.
"No" Nathalie smiled at him, patting the space between her and Eric. "We just wanted to talk to you about some stuff."
Jack shrugged and climbed up on the couch, sliding his arm through his mother's. "What kind of stuff?"
"Well," she began, "your Dad and I were talking and we think it would be a good idea if we all lived together-"
"Like a family?" he asked curiously.
"Yeah bud," Eric replied. "Like a family."
"Yes!" he exclaimed as he ran over to throw his arms around Sarah. "Aunt Sarah!" he exclaimed "we're moving in with Mom and Dad!"
A hush fell over the room and the adults looked from one to the other as none of them spoke.
Jack retreated back to the couch, unsure of what was going on. "Aunt Sarah?" he asked again timidly.
Sarah's hands were folded neatly in her lap as she sat ramrod straight in the chair.
"Jack, sweetie," she began tenuously. "I...I won't be moving with you. It's going to be the three of you."
Furrowing his brow, he looked from his aunt to his mother. "Mom?"
With a slightly shaking hand, she smoothed his hair. "Jack, Aunt Sarah has a home - this one. She's going to live here and we're going to move in with your Dad."
"No!" he stated unequivocally.
"No?" Eric asked, surprised at the reaction.
"I live with Aunt Sarah" he told them. "I always have."
"Jack, I know this is going to be a change but it's going to be great. We're all going to be together under one roof."
"Not all of us!" he protested. "Not all of us if Aunt Sarah doesn't move with us." Turning towards his aunt, he looked at her plaintively. "Don't you want to live with me any more Aunt Sarah?"
"I love you Jack and I always will but you belong with your Mom and Dad."
"NO!" he cried, wrenching himself away from his mother. "I live with you!" he told her. "You said we would always be together. You PROMISED!"
"Jack" Sarah started, trying to reason with him.
"NO! YOU PROMISED!" he cried throwing himself on the floor. "You promised we would always be together!! Don't make me leave Aunt Sarah - please! I promise I'll clean up my room more - but don't make me leave you!!"
Nathalie blinked several tears away as she truly understood that for her son, for the boy she had loved from the moment she knew about him, her sister was more of a mother to him than she had been.
Nathalie took a calming breath as she moved to comfort her son. Her sister knelt in front of Jack before she had the chance.
"Jack, do you remember the book I used to read you when you would go to sleep?" Sarah asked softly.
"You mean when I was 4? I was a baby!" he protested.
Sarah smiled as she brushed his bangs off his forehead. "Yes, but you're a big boy now, right?"
He nodded solemnly in agreement before she continued. "Remember the best part of the book?"
He continued to nod as they recited together, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."
Nathalie clasped her fingers with Eric's as she watched the scene unfold before her, unsure of what would come next.
"Jack," Sarah said as she took her nephew's face in her hands. "I will always love you, no matter where you live. You will always have a place here. You can spend the night whenever your mom and dad says it's ok."
"You're...You're not mad at me?" he asked as his lip quivered.
"Never." She replied firmly. "You have always wanted your mom and dad, bud. Now you have them but you'll always have me, too."
He looked warily to his parents who seemed to be holding their breath. "I can come see Aunt Sarah whenever I want?"
"Absolutely" Nathalie replied immediately as Eric nodded in agreement. "It's always been the three of us." Eric said as he looked gratefully at Sarah. "Now it's the four of us," he smiled as he wrapped his arm around Nathalie's waist.
Jack looked at his aunt as she smiled encouragingly. "Your Dad's right. It's the four us, three of you just live down the street."
He looked pensively at the three adults for a beat. "I guess...I guess we can try it." Pulling on the cuff of his pants and staring at the ground, he asked, "When would we move?"
"Would next week be okay with you?" Nathalie asked him. She knew that part of helping Jack through this transition was giving him some kind of control over it.
"Can we do it before the Yankees game on Sunday?" he asked seriously.
Eric smiled at his son. "Of course we can."
"Can Drew come and watch the game with us?"
"If he isn't working, I'm sure he'd love to hang out with us," Eric replied.
Sarah got to her feet and straightened her cardigan. "I need to get to the office for a while." Bending down, she kissed Jack on his forehead. "I'll see you later Jack, okay?"
"Okay," he nodded before heading to his room.
As the door closed behind Sarah Nathalie sighed heavily. "That was hard" she remarked quietly.
"Yeah it was," Eric agreed, wrapping his arms around her. "But it's done and now we can keep moving forward together. We're going to be a family Nat. I've...I've dreamed about this for a long time, even when I didn't think it was possible."
Her eyes welled with tears as she smiled at him. "You know, despite the distance between us - the oceans, the continents - we were having the same dream. Being reunited with you and Jack is everything I always wanted but was afraid to ask for."
Pressing his lips to her cheek, he smiled. "I love you."
#
Annoyed at the insistent knocking waking him from his nap, Andrew pulled a t-shirt over his head and shuffled to the door. He exhaled quietly as he looked through the peep hole. Opening the door, he looked at her warily.
"Sarah?"
She uncharacteristically brushed passed him into his apartment. "I need you," she rasped.
Seeing how pale and drawn she was he felt a stab at his heart. "Sarah, what's wrong?" he asked closing the door.
"I...I know I wasn't very nice to you the last time we spoke but I...Drew I need you tonight. Please."
Reaching out, he brushed away the small tears that trickled down her cheek. "I can't," he told her apologetically. "I can't keep being your boy on the side. It's too hard Sarah - you keep giving me just little bits of yourself and it's not enough - not for me."
She shook her head. "Just for tonight," she asked.
Ignoring her request he took her hand and led her to the couch. "What happened?" he asked gently. "What's got you so upset?"
"I knew this was coming" she rambled, still holding on to his hand. "I did but it doesn't make it any easier. I'm the one who walked the floor with him when he would cry through the night, I'm the one he threw up on when had the flu. I saw his first steps, I took him to his first day of school. I soothed him when he had nightmares and who made him birthday cakes and took him to see Santa. She might be his mom but I...I raised him."
Andrew sighed softly. "They're moving out" he remarked.
She nodded, oblivious to the tears streaking her cheeks. "And that's how it should be. He needs to be with his mom and dad I just...god, it hurts so much. I know I said I was only keeping him until she changed her mind but I just had no idea that it was going to be so hard. And now I'm all alone again."
He soothingly rubbed her shoulder. "Sarah, you are not alone. Nathalie loves you, Jack loves you and they are both in your life, you're not al
one."
Her green eyes shimmered as she looked at him. "I feel like I've lost everything Drew" she whispered. "And I just...for one night I just want to feel like I'm not alone. Please."
"Sarah"
"Do you want me to beg?" she asked desperately. "Because I will. I will get on my knees and beg."
"I don't want you to beg" he replied in a strangled voice.
He knew he should walk away, that he should send her home but there was something about her vulnerability that made it impossible for him to do anything other than take her in his arms. He hugged her tightly, rubbing his hands along her back as he left a tiny trail of soft kisses along her cheek and neck.
"Don't beg Sarah," he whispered. "I have you."
Lifting her head, she went in search of his mouth and fused her lips to his. There was no resistance from him as he returned her kiss with equal passion and need. As her hands threaded through the fine hairs at the nape of his neck, she felt his slide around her hips as he pulled her to his lap before getting to his feet. She hooked her legs around his waist as he carried her to the bedroom.
"I have you. You aren't alone." he whispered, kicking the bedroom door shut.
Chapter 30
Picking up the remote control tarantula and placing it in the toy box, Eric sighed happily before flopping on the couch. It had been three weeks since Nathalie and Jack had come to live with him and while they were working out some bumps along the way the three of them were thriving being together. He loved watching Nathalie rediscover her maternal instincts and while Jack had been vocal about his worries in leaving Sarah, his bond with his mother was proving stronger every day. He also loved coming home to both of them. There was no greater feeling for him than to come home from a long shift at the hospital and have the chance to tuck his son into bed and gather his girlfriend in his arms.
He and Nathalie would talk long into the night most nights, some times about the past and some times about the future. It was as though having finally been reunited after all these years there was just too much to say and sleep got in the way. He did still wake up and reach for her, just to make sure she was still there and almost as though she knew what he needed, she would inevitably mold herself to him or brush her lips against his shoulder or chest; the cracks in his heart were slowly healing.
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