by Kyle Autumn
Which shouldn’t make me feel like I’ve lost something I never had.
But it does.
~~~~
I should be focusing on this interview with Jacob Pinter. I should have my full attention on his answers to my sister’s questions. Like where he went to school, what other jobs he’s had since, why he wants to work at the bakery, and so on. But, well, I can’t.
Jeremy didn’t pick Danielle up today. Cadence was here at noon like she always is. And I’m not sure why.
Danielle didn’t tell me that Jeremy wasn’t picking her up anymore, and she didn’t look surprised when Cadence pulled up out front to get her. So she must have known, but she didn’t tell me. It’s not like she needed to. Why do I need to know who’s getting her? Though maybe I should. She’s only sixteen—a minor. Maybe I should be more aware of those things.
I should be less aware of what Jeremy is doing though. Or, in this case, not doing. So what if he didn’t come get her? So what if he didn’t keep that promise I thought he’d made? It sure felt like a promise with his eyes boring into me and that sexy look on his face. But what do I know? I’m so out of practice that it’s not even funny. Maybe I’m reading way too into things. Maybe I have no idea what I’m fu—
“Right, Amelia?” Cass asks, nudging me with her elbow.
“Hmm?” I blink at her a few times, but all she does is stare harder at me. So I agree. “Right! Yes, right. Totally right.”
Mr. Pinter smiles at me, and for the first time, I notice how nice his smile is. How similar it could be to Jeremy’s if I thought about it long enough. He’s dressed very professionally, and he looks a little older than Jeremy too, which makes him look older than I am. And I like that.
Wait a second. We’re not interviewing him for a position as my boyfriend. This interview is for the accounting position! For the love of everything holy, I need to get my head on straight.
“Do you have any questions for us, Mr. Pinter?” Cass asks him, folding her hands together on the top of the table.
He looks between the two of us and grins again. “No, I don’t think so. But, if I do, I’ll be sure to reach out.” His voice is pleasant. Deep but not too deep. A little smooth, but just rough enough.
And it makes me want to scream at Jeremy for making me notice these things in men again. This is so ridiculous.
Cass reaches her hand out to shake his, and then he extends his hand to mine. I slip my hand into his grip and shake, noticing how warm and inviting his touch is. Which isn’t something I should notice in an interview, but I do. Then I quickly say my thanks that he took the time to meet with us and let him get on with his day. Mostly so I can get the hell on with mine too.
“I’m so glad he took the time to meet with us too,” Cass tells me once he’s gone—before she rounds on me, “but I don’t think you took the time to meet with us.”
I sigh and hang my head. “I had a long night last night. I told you that. Sorry.”
“I don’t think that’s it.” She folds her arms over her chest, which might wrinkle the nice suit jacket she’s wearing for the occasion. “That man was hella attractive, but you barely looked at him. And don’t give me the usual story, because you’ve told me all about—”
In a lightning-quick movement, I cover her mouth with my hand like her saying his name out loud will curse the place. It kind of already has. But then I come to my senses and let her mouth go to straighten my own outfit out.
“This was a business interview, not a dating interview,” I remind my sister—like I reminded myself minutes ago.
But she doesn’t respond right away like I thought she would. And then all kinds of bells and alarms go off in my head.
“Cassandra Marie Farrell. You tell me right now that this was a business interview,” I insist, my hands curling into fists.
“Of course it was!” she assures me, her voice raised. Her hands come up into the air. “Calm down.”
“I sense a ‘but’ in there somewhere.” I cross my arms over my chest and cock a hip out.
Her hands fall to her sides. “Well…”
“Cass!” I screech, my arms flying out to my sides.
“I didn’t think it would hurt for you to meet other people!” She starts gathering her things from the table. “I don’t think he’s the most qualified, but his age, his education level, his marital status all sounded—”
“Wait!” I brace my hands on the table and bend my head. “You asked if he was married? On what planet is that part of the interviewing process?” Then I glare at my sister with the force of a thousand suns.
“It came up when I was screening him for the interview is all,” she replies, avoiding my gaze with a vengeance. “And he seemed nice. I’m sure he’ll be fine for the job, but—”
“No buts.” I shake my head and stand up straight. “You apologize and give him the job. If Gerald is up for training him, he can start tomorrow for all I care, but that’s the last of this bullshit.”
Without saying goodbye, I speed straight to the kitchen of the bakery, fuming over what just happened. She had no right to treat this like a dating service. Though she’s always trying to look out for me, I don’t need her to do that in this arena. The bakery is my lifeline, and I appreciate her help with finding me someone to work this business with, but that crossed the line.
So I start pulling ingredients off shelves and out of the refrigerator to do what I do best.
Five minutes later, I have the batter for a familiar batch of muffins that someone I know will enjoy. Someone who makes me feel things I shouldn’t. Someone who holds the door for me and mows my grass but can’t respect monogamy. Someone who has a seemingly perfect fiancée but manages to flirt with me anyway.
It’s only now, as I slide the chocolate chip muffins into the oven, that I realize Jacob Pinter’s handshake was warm and inviting, but not one ounce of it gave me that zing I get from Jeremy. And, honestly, maybe that’s more of what I need. Less confusion. Less manic emotion. Less danger and secrecy.
Except that all of that means less Jeremy. And that, for some fucked-up reason, doesn’t feel right.
∞∞∞
Jeremy
There are times when we feel like we’ve done something wrong but we haven’t. When something nags in our guts to tell us that we’ve messed up even though we don’t think we have. We feel like something’s off, but we can’t figure out what it is. And, at the same time, we don’t care. We’ll keep behaving the same way to get the same results.
That, to me, sounds like an addict. And maybe that’s what I already am.
Addicted to those brief moments of Meli. Those infrequent seconds the breeze sends her scent to me. Those short times when I get to hold her and she feels like she wants to be held. Until she doesn’t anymore.
I let her off the hook the other day and texted Dani that Cadence would still pick her up. After what Meli said to me, I realized she was right. Dani needs a better example, someone to look up to, especially now that she’s older, probably ready to start dating herself. And God help the wrong idiot who breaks her heart. I’m sure I could count on Matt’s help to straighten the punk out.
Yet, by Friday, my day off, I decide to take the reins back. There’s no reason why a healthy, mature relationship can’t be something for Dani to look up to. Even if it’s the one I have with her boss. Not that it seems like Meli wants that, but it isn’t like I’ve asked, either. So I decide to remind my neighbor who I am and that I’m still around by surprising Dani and picking her up after her shift.
And it seems to surprise Meli as well.
From behind the glass display case full of gorgeous cupcakes and muffins I’d probably love, she pops her head up and locks her gaze with mine. But it doesn’t seem like she’s doing it on purpose. It seems more like she can’t force herself to look away. Like maybe she’s getting her fill while she can because she’s addicted too.
A man can hope. Even if the hope is fucking absurd.
“Wh-what are y
ou doing here?” she stutters, moving out from behind the display case but staying behind the counter.
I stuff my hands into the pockets of my uniform pants and take a look around the clean space. The walls are covered in professional framed photos of people enjoying baked goods, and the white tile floor is spotless. In fact, spotless white is a theme throughout, and I don’t know how she keeps it so clean.
“So this is Giana’s Bakery,” I say as I approach the counter. “It’s pretty nice.” When I reach the counter, I place my hands on it.
“Thanks.” She keeps her head down, staring at the cash register instead of looking at me. “This place is everything to me.”
“I can see that,” I tell her. “And I can also see that you put your all into it.”
Finally, she peeks up, and a soft shade of pink tints her cheeks. “I do,” she says. Then she rushes to add, “But I don’t do it alone anymore. Your sister is a huge help now. I can’t imagine doing this without her anymore.” Then a small smile tilts her lips. “And that’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”
I shrug one shoulder and grin at her. “I mean, I suppose that’s one reason.”
She plows forward, ignoring my lame attempt to flirt by straightening items on the counter. “Well, she’s in the back, almost done with the dishes.”
“Great.” I attempt to take a deep breath, hoping to reclaim my nerve. It’s not easy to go for it when I feel like I’m going to get rejected. So, instead of making a move, I ask, “Happen to have any more of those muffins I love for sale today?”
“Oh!” She shoots her head up and smacks her forehead. “I knew I’ve been forgetting something. I made some the other day and meant to send them home with Danielle but never did.”
My stomach rumbles at the thought of more of those muffins, but then my heart twists at the thought of her making the muffins she knew I’d love for me. She does think of me, and that gives me some hope. Maybe even some of that nerve back. And the confidence for a little lighthearted tease.
“You know,” I start, holding her eye contact now that she’s given it to me, “I do live right next door. You could have dropped them off yourself.”
That pink blush returns to her cheeks. “Yeah, but I didn’t think that was a good idea,” she tells me hesitantly.
I furrow my brow and narrow my eyes at her. “And why’s that?”
She cocks her head to the side and glares at me as if I should know the answer to that. But I don’t.
“Look,” I say, inching my hand toward hers on the counter, “maybe we got off on the wrong foot or something. But I want to take what you said to me the other morning to heart. I want to be a good example for my sister. A great one.”
When my finger is centimeters away, I reach a little farther and brush hers with mine. Our fingertips touch and something like lightning zips through our skin. I know she feels it too when a small gasp escapes her mouth and she pins me with her gaze.
“I haven’t always been,” I continue, “but I’m older and wiser now. And she deserves a good role model. Maybe even a couple of them.”
She doesn’t move away, so I dare to slide my hand closer until my knuckles are covering hers. Her warm skin is like silk under mine, and it takes everything in me not to slip my hand farther over hers, up her arm—lift her over the counter and kiss her senseless. Especially when her special scent rises above the sugary aroma of all the baked goods in the cases next to me.
“So let’s start over, okay?” I ask instead of doing any of that. I want to get to know her, not scare her away. “Have dinner with me tom—”
“All right. That’s all done,” a man says as he walks out of the door to the back of the bakery.
Which makes Meli yank her hand away from me and step back from the counter. Then she smooths her apron down before gesturing a hand toward me. “Jacob, this is Danielle’s brother, Jeremy.” Then she gestures to the man—Jacob. “Jeremy, this is Jacob. He’s new here.”
I can’t tell if she means he’s new here in town or he’s a new addition to the bakery. Or both. But I feel like she would have said that he works here if he does, in fact, work here. So I assume the former, maybe her boyfriend who just moved to be with her here, and decide that coming here was probably a big mistake.
He stretches a hand out in my direction. “Jeremy, nice to meet you. I’ve heard good things about you from your sister. Dani’s a real joy to be around.”
I swallow hard but take his hand anyway, not wanting to be rude to someone who might be around Dani a lot. “Thanks, man. It’s good to meet you too.”
Then Dani bounds from the back, untying her apron and slinging it over her shoulder. “The dishes are drying!” she singsongs to Meli. When she notices me, her eyes light up. “Oh, hey, Jer! You met Jacob? Isn’t he awesome?”
“Awesome is probably a word I’d use,” I say, faking a smile for the good of the group. “Maybe I’ll see you around,” I tell him and give him a wave goodbye as I back up.
“Yeah, you too.” His smile isn’t nearly as fake as mine is, which stings a little. But who needs to fake a smile when they’re standing next to Meli?
Meli quickly turns toward Dani and throws a finger in the air. “Oh! Did you grab the muffins from the fridge?”
“Aw crap,” Dani groans. “I’ll go get them.”
But I stop her. “Oh, no, it’s okay.” Then I wave a dismissive hand.
Meli flicks her gaze to me, a questioning gleam shining in her eyes. “But that’s not what you said earlier.”
“No, it’s not,” I admit, “but I should probably watch what I’m eating.” Which is an excuse, because I can’t eat the muffins without thinking of her and I don’t think I should be thinking of her right now. “I have to do a lot of manual labor at work and all, lifting heavy boxes, putting them in the trucks…” I’m mumbling, but I trail off when Meli’s eyes glaze over a little.
She blinks it away when she realizes I’ve stopped talking. “Right. Well, I’ll just leave them here, then. Danielle, if you want any, feel free to stop by and get them,” she says with no emotion behind the words. But she wasn’t looking at Dani as she said them.
No, she was looking straight at me.
I squint at her while the room goes quiet. Dani’s looking between us, trying to figure out what’s going on. Jacob’s genuine smile is losing its shine as it fades into a confused expression. And Meli’s still watching me, a blank, unreadable mask on her face.
Dani is the first to speak. “All right,” she says slowly. “I guess we’ll go now.”
“Yeah,” I agree as she pulls her phone from her pocket. “I’ll be outside. Good to meet you, Jacob. Bye.”
The bell rings as I make my way out the door and take my first real breath since I walked in there. A clean, clear one that works wonders on my nervous system. But I don’t get enough time to fully regroup before Dani joins me on the sidewalk, her phone in her hand.
“Dude. You should have just let me get those muffins. They’re so freaking good,” she says as she walks to the passenger’s side of my car.
“Well, it sounds like you can bring them home tomorrow,” I tell her before I start my path to the driver’s side.
Inside the car, she drops her phone to her lap. “Why are you here instead of Cadence? Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah.” I start the car and speak to her without looking at her. It’s avoidance, but I hope she doesn’t notice. “Everything’s fine. Just thought I’d come get you for the weekend. I’m off until Sunday.”
“I thought you work tomorrow though,” she says as she buckles her seat belt.
“I was going to,” I answer, pulling out into traffic, “but someone else wanted the shift. I thought a day with you might be fun.”
“Really?” she asks, a heart-stopping smile making her eyes crease a little. “I’d like that.”
Making her happy is addicting too, and I vow in this moment to never disappoint her. Again. Because I’ve been there. I�
��ve done that. And I hated every moment of it.
So maybe this is the universe telling me that trying to make something work with Meli would simply disappoint Dani once more. And I don’t think I could live with myself if I hurt her like I did before.
“Great. We’ll do whatever you want to do.” I grin over at her too, hoping she didn’t hear the small shake in my voice.
“Cool.” She goes back to her phone, and I think I’m off the hook for showing up like I did. But no. Dani’s not dumb. She places it in her lap again, her fingers still curved around the edges. “Wanna tell me the real reason you picked me up now?”
My knuckles turn white on the steering wheel as I huff a breath out of my nose. “Any reason why you’d think it wasn’t just to come get my favorite sister?” I ask as low-key as I can.
She rolls her eyes so hard that I fear they may fall out of her head. “Come on, Jer. I have eyes,” she says, pointing to them. “Amelia’s pretty and smart. And she lives right next door.”
I glance at her out of the corner of my eye. “And what does that have to do with me?”
“You’ve been known to ‘appreciate’ pretty, smart women in the past,” she spits at me, using finger quotes. “Pretty, smart, unavailable women.”
Ah. So that guy back at the bakery is her new boyfriend. Is that what she’s been trying to tell me? That she’s dating someone, so she can’t date—or hold or kiss—me? Why didn’t she just say that, then? I would have understood. If anyone understands that these days, it’s me. And I wish Dani would understand that.
“Look,” I tell her, making a left to go home, “I didn’t know she was dating someone.”
“Ugh, she’s n—” She cuts herself off though and switches topics, throwing a hand in the air between us. “Wait. You knew she was my boss though. That wasn’t enough?”
“Nothing happened, Danielle,” I stress to her.
“And nothing better happen.” She lifts her phone again and starts to scroll. “I need this job, and I don’t need to be the butt of jokes yet again because of you.”
“I know,” I confirm, my skin starting to itch with where this conversation is going. We’ve been down this road, and I’ve promised to do my best for her, but that’s not enough. “Can we please just have some fun tomorrow?”