Nick looked like he wanted to add to that thought. He apparently thought better of it though and remained silent.
Gwen tried to placate him, “If someone asks about my mark I’ll just tell them it’s a tattoo or that I paint on my hand or something since I guess the thing will keep changing with the moon. I doubt anyone will notice anyway because I hardly ever leave Blue Forest.”
“You don’t go out on your days off?”
“Maybe I’ll go home to visit my parents, but that’s it.”
“Parents. No boyfriend?”
She raised an eyebrow at that. “No boyfriend.”
He suddenly looked extremely guilty. He couldn’t look her in the eye.
“I have a billion more questions, but I think I’ll hold on to these ones,” she said. “I get I’m in the way. Your other wolf friends were staring me down at the cafe. I’m guessing you guys don’t see normal people very often.”
“Not very,” he agreed.
“And wolves are territorial,” she pointed out. “I’ll leave like you want. Willow seems to be okay with me being here, but I don’t think anyone else is. Maybe Julie. Anyway, I won’t cause you any more problems, Alpha.”
“Don’t call me that.”
Gwen scowled. “I was trying to be respectful.” She was. And it hurt to say what she did. If she left, she’d probably never see him again. He wouldn’t seek her out. That much was obvious. Whatever she hoped to find here, she hadn’t. She wanted to know more about Nick, about wolves, about the moon, but she couldn’t take another second of him reluctantly giving her information.
Nick stared at her intently as if he could see the war of emotions raging inside of her. His eyes grew dark and almost stole away her thoughts of him hating her. This time she was sure she understood the look in his eyes. Her body sure did. Heat flashed through her skin and made her face so hot she figured the red could be seen through her tan skin. It was hot or cold with this guy. Maybe it had something to do with magic, but her heart told her it was deeper than that. Her feelings for Nick weren’t due to some kind of manipulation. They were simply her feelings.
Clearing her throat, Gwen stood up from the comfy sofa. “Before I go… could you show me your wolf?” She really wanted to see him change. Then she would make herself go. She wanted to see him change with her own eyes at least once. She wondered if it was anything like her dreams of her being a wolf.
“I swear I won’t bother you again after this,” she added. “I won’t come back to Moonwatch either.” She almost didn’t say what she said next, but it came out anyway. “You’re lucky. I’ve had dreams about being a wolf since I was a kid. Wolves are my favorite animal. Protecting them is a big reason why I decided to become a park ranger at Blue Forest.” She felt stupid for volunteering information about herself he probably didn’t care about, but it was too late to take it back now.
She couldn’t read the expression on Nick’s face anymore because there was nothing there to read. She half expected him to decline showing her his wolf. Then, to her surprise, he stood up, dropped his arms to his sides and said, “Okay.”
“Okay?” she echoed.
He responded by taking off his shirt. If Gwen had a hard time keeping her eyes off of him before, it was nothing compared to now. She had seen him shirtless before. She knew what to expect, but his scars were lighter, harder to see. The size and defined lines of his muscles shocked her every time like someone knocked the air out of her lungs. He could have rivaled bodybuilders, but she was pretty sure he didn’t go to a gym to look like this. Maybe that had something to do with being a wolf too. He was smoking hot. And apparently not shy in the slightest. With how much he had been rebuffing her, she hadn’t expected a strip show.
He gave her a good long moment to check out his naked torso. She wanted to feel his smooth skin underneath her fingers, but she restrained herself. When she looked back up to his face, curious if he was going to continue, he looked back at her with a heated, animalistic gaze. Why were things so confusing around him? If he felt the same way about her that she felt about him, why was he trying to push her away? It probably had something to do with her being human. Most of the people—wolves—here didn’t seem happy with her presence. She wondered why. She should have asked that question before because now she couldn’t. She wouldn’t go back on her word. It would be a good way to make Nick like her less, and she didn’t want that.
She wanted him to trust her. She had no intention of selling them out or anything. If that was their problem with humans, they had nothing to worry about. Gwen wasn’t going to tell anyone. She could just imagine how their lives would be ruined by scientific tests, the news, and whatever else people might come up with. Some would probably consider them dangerous if they were all even half as strong as Nick.
Okay. She could see his reservations.
She was so lost in thought she hadn’t paid attention to Nick moving closer to her. He was close enough she could touch him if she leaned a few inches forward.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked solemnly.
Could he read everything that just went through her mind? She didn’t think she was giving anything away outwardly, but maybe she was.
Shaking her head, she replied, “Nothing.”
He reached out his hand and caught Gwen’s chin, tilting her head upward and forcing her to look him in the eye. “Don’t take your eyes off me.”
She was not expecting that. His words made her eyes flutter and her body grow heavy. The soft touch of his fingers on her chin made her heart beat fast. Right now she didn’t want to watch. She wanted to fall into him and feel the smooth and hard ridges of his muscles. Before she realized what she was doing, her hands were on his abs. This touch was different than when she was inspecting his wounds back at her cabin. This touch was a hungry exploration. She couldn’t stop herself. He was too enticing. The mark on her hand was burning, but not that uncomfortable burn. It was the same kind of burn that her arousal released through her body. She badly wanted to kiss him. She wanted to press her body flush against his to feel if he was as turned on as she was.
He released her chin and backed away before she could do what she wanted. She hugged herself, trying to get a hold of her emotions. And she watched him. She didn’t take her eyes off him. His words were like an order she couldn’t, and frankly didn’t want to, refuse. His hands went to his belt. His jeans were off the next second. Yeah, she watched unashamed. There was no way she could miss his obvious erection. She could see his size, all of him, without that flimsy towel getting in the way. Her face flushed all over again as her gaze lingered on his impressive length. Sex with him would definitely be different than when she felt forced into it. Right now, she wanted it. She wanted him. That was all she could think. She wanted to be close to him and be a part of his world.
The urge to touch him got worse, but she didn’t move. She kept watching like he told her to. Oh, she was enjoying it, but it was torture at the same time. She didn’t want to only watch.
After she got a good look at his seemingly human, albeit god-like, body, it began to change. He hunched over and she heard bones crackling and saw them shift. They looked like they’d tear through his skin, but they never did. Instead, his body morphed, growing into a different shape. Blue-gray fur sprouted from his skin as he landed on his hands. He grew a snout and sharp teeth. His paws were huge and the gauze he had around his left forepaw fell off, not able to make it through the transformation. In no time at all, he was completely wolf. An abnormally large wolf, but wolf all the same.
And what a handsome wolf he was.
Gwen couldn’t help herself. She rushed forward and slid down on her knees. She reached up and scratched his head, his ears. His yellow eyes watched her with curiosity, but he didn’t seem to mind her mauling him like a puppy.
“You are one gorgeous wolf,” she told him.
She locked her arms around his warm neck and buried her face in his soft fur. He was tense at fir
st, but that tension died down as she held on to him. She envied him. She really did. She was pretty sure that if she could turn into a wolf, she’d just live out her life as a wolf. That was easy for her to say. She’d probably still have her human mind, so that likely wouldn’t be true, but that was how she felt right now. This was why she didn’t truly fit in anywhere. No one she knew had dreams of being a wolf. She was weird, a park ranger who liked living out in her secluded cabin, and she would be that way forever.
Suddenly that life seemed lonely.
Moving away from the big wolf she was hugging without any reservations, she looked into his yellow eyes to see him staring back at her. She was pretty sure she saw a question in those eyes. He was feral the first time she saw him, but he was hurt, bleeding and dying. Now he reminded her of a pet dog. He was tame, calm, letting her pet him and throw her arms around him. It must have been the human in him. She saw his wolf come out in his human when he got so mad at Julie a little while ago. He wasn’t just a wolf, and he wasn’t just a man.
Gwen stood up. “Thanks for showing me.” She threw her thumb over her back. “Guess I’ll get going now.”
She was about to tear herself away from the magical place she didn’t want to leave when Nick’s body started changing again. His fur, snout, and claws receded and his body morphed, bones cracking, until he was a man again, naked on his hands and knees. Despite what he told her, this time she did look away. She was feeling emotional about leaving. She couldn’t look at him any longer. It hurt enough that she was likely never to see him again, that this wasn’t the place she belonged. But she would never forget this place. And she would never forget him.
“If you ever need an ally, you can count on me,” she said without turning around. “You know where to find me.”
Without waiting for a reply or an escort, she walked out of the sitting room and back to the grand foyer. She sped up when she was pretty sure she heard Nick coming up behind her. She didn’t want to talk anymore. She was done. Nick had made his position clear so she was leaving.
She practically slammed into the front doors, flinging them both open. The bright sunlight outside momentarily blinded her, but she pressed forward, rushing down the stairs without a problem. She had always been good on her feet, never the clumsy type—until she almost ran into a stern looking man standing by the pond. His eyes flashed yellow-green as she narrowly avoided colliding into him.
“Sorry,” she said quickly, and then sped past him.
She darted past all the beautiful decorations in front of the mansion and went right for her Jeep. Once inside, she started the engine and drove off. She let out the breath of air she had been holding when she was safely moving. Her right hand was itching like crazy again, but she resisted the urge to scratch at her skin, which would have reopened her wounds, and gripped the steering wheel tighter.
Her chest hurt. She was heaving with each breath she took and tears were fighting to fall from her eyes. She couldn’t explain why she was feeling this way. She hardly knew these people—these wolves. She hardly knew Nick, but she felt like she was leaving her home behind. She felt like she was leaving someone important behind.
She needed to forget everything that had happened. She needed to go back home to her parents, the people she loved and trusted most in the world, to spend the rest of her day off, and then she’d be back to work tomorrow. Everything would go back to normal.
She drove away and didn’t look back.
CHAPTER 9
NICK STRUGGLED WITH HIS pants as he chased after the park ranger who was turning tail. She had been so adamant before, but now she was leaving—fast. He hadn’t been prepared for her quick escape. Once he had his pants on safe and secure, he could run after her without raising any eyebrows. He could just imagine the unease he’d get from his pack if they saw him bare-ass naked and running after a human woman. He slipped on his shirt and found the gauze that fell off his left hand during his shift and wrapped it around his hand as he took off after Gwen. But why was he even thinking about stopping her? What was the point? He was the one who told her to leave in the first place.
He didn’t want her to leave.
He had told her to keep her eyes on him. Only on him. He didn’t want her mind wandering to other places. He wanted her all to himself.
He was sending mixed messages. Well, that was an understatement. He didn’t know what the hell he was doing. He didn’t understand what he wanted either. He slowed, stopping completely. He watched as Gwen slammed into the front doors and forced them open like she couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Her actions stung.
He listened to the sound of her feet pounding outside and stared at the sunlight coming in through the open doors. He heard her offer a quick apology to someone. Nick took a subtle sniff of the air and realized that someone was his Beta. Swearing silently under his breath, he went to the doors and made it outside in time to see Gwen get inside her Jeep and slam the door shut. Her body language was easy to read as she crouched over, turning her keys in the ignition and hightailing it out of there. She was hurt, though Nick didn’t completely understand why. He had been an ass for sure, but Gwen didn’t strike him as the emotional or easily hurt type. The only explanation was she felt something similar for him that he felt for her. It was more than attraction. It was a longing that produced an ache in his chest, a tear that grew the farther she got away from him.
Nick walked down the stairs and joined Chris’s side near the pond. He allowed himself a moment longer to watch as Gwen disappeared. He should have stopped her. He didn’t know what he would have done after that, but he should have done it. He had this bad.
He wondered if Gwen knew what she did to him. She had to. She hadn’t looked away when he was naked and he let her take a good long look at his hard-on before shifting. He wanted to see her reaction to everything and was deliberate about the extra time he took to shift. She wasn’t shy, and she wasn’t scared. He smelled her desire. He saw it in her dilated eyes. He would have lost it if she had touched him the way she was touching him when he had only taken off his shirt. And then when he shifted, she came right up to him, this big fucking wolf, and hugged him. He longed to feel her touch again. He wanted to devour her mouth with his. If she tasted anything like she smelled, there would be absolutely no hope for him.
Why did she have to be a human? More accurately, why did wolves have to blame humans for their misfortune? It wasn’t a human’s fault if a wolf decided to leave their pack for one. It also wasn’t their fault that if they mated with a wolf, their child would be human—at least as far as anyone in his pack and other packs knew.
The more Nick thought about it the more ridiculous it seemed. Hell, Gwen liked wolves more than other wolves. She said she wished she was one. Nick wished she was too. Things would be easier that way. Maybe he would have even claimed her by now. No, he was positive he would have. He would have the first night he met her if Willow hadn’t been in danger. He would have saved Willow and gone back for Gwen and claimed her right then. Based on how she reacted to him, she would have been more than willing. Between her willingness and his own feelings, everything would have been decided that quickly. Gwen was human, but she shared his instincts on this. That was another unusual thing about the ranger. He had been told humans typically took a long time to court. Maybe she didn’t want a forever commitment. Maybe she only wanted sex. He couldn’t read her mind, but he didn’t want to believe that. He wanted to keep her.
“What were you doing with that human woman?” Chris asked, drawing Nick out of his head.
“Nothing. There was a misunderstanding I needed to clear up. We won’t see her again,” Nick replied. He wasn’t sure if he meant those words or not, but they made the pain in his chest worse. He wanted to see her again. Right now. He wanted to know more about her. She felt like a genuine person to him. Her love for wolves, for nature, was real. He was always good at sniffing out a liar, and Gwen wasn’t one of those. She was forthright in every
thing she said and did. She was selfless and strong like the best kind of Alpha. There was a difference between an alpha wolf and an Alpha in charge of a pack. Nick hadn’t heard of a female taking the role of Alpha. He felt that if any woman could be an Alpha, it would be her. She was wolf enough for him. She really was.
He wanted to chase after her. With each passing moment, the feeling grew stronger and stronger. He was staring out into the distance, down the road Gwen disappeared. He realized what he was doing when he caught his Beta staring at him from his peripheral. Subtly, Nick hid his hands in his pockets. Other than Willow and Julie, he was determined not to let anyone else see the Lunas Sigil on his right hand. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how long he could hide it. Wearing something over his hand constantly would be just as suspicious in the long run.
His Beta was glaring at him. Nick’s hackles rose on reflex. “Do you have something you want to say?” Nick asked darkly, a growl buried deep inside of his chest.
“No,” Christopher replied calmly, averting his gaze. “I’m glad everything has been resolved. Humans sniffing around would be problematic.”
With that, Nick’s Beta stepped away, leaving Nick alone with his thoughts. Once Nick was sure Chris wouldn’t see, he looked back down the road where he last saw Gwen’s yellow Jeep.
He wished she’d come back, but he knew it was better if she didn’t. It would be better for him and her. If she kept her word, she wouldn’t come back.
CHAPTER 10
A WEEK PASSED SINCE Nick had last seen Gwen. He hoped the longing he felt would fade, but the more days passed, the worse he felt. The mark on his left hand seemed to produce a dull, throbbing pain inside of him, or maybe he was mistaken. The Full Moon was drawing nearer. It could have had something to do with it. He didn’t know. But he knew something else: if he thought he wasn’t functioning well as Alpha before, he was certain he wasn’t now. He was carrying out the bare minimum of his duties. He checked on the wolves in Eastbrook only once during the week, even though he probably should have been checking them daily. Yeah, he left Howard in charge, but Nick was the Alpha. He almost felt bad for keeping Howard away from Julie, but they stayed away from each other well enough on their own without Nick’s help. Nothing would fix the fissure Casey left behind. That’s what it seemed like because that fissure kept growing.
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