by Emme Rollins
“Yeah, whatever. Screw your ego and screw me, Joe.”
They laughed, and I smiled. I felt bad for intruding on the private moment, but their love for each other was amazing. It must have been difficult to manage the relationship with distance and lifestyles and everything else. But none of that showed. They were completely dedicated to each other, and from the sounds of things, just as passionate as ever.
Soon the conversation stopped, and the sounds changed to something else. I stayed a little too long, as I imagined it was me in that bus. With Dex. Wrapped around each other in a fit of passionate abandon. Not caring who heard or saw. Not worrying about the show, or anything else, except being there in the moment together.
The shame I felt at the arousal building in me as I listened to Joe and Liss get more intimate did nothing to decrease it. In fact, feeling like a common pervert heightened the desire I felt, and I stumbled quietly towards the back entrance of the venue, knowing my breath was coming in little pants and my face was red.
Back inside, I waved my pass at the door guy and fled to the nearest bathroom. Avoiding the out-of-control expression on my face, I took my hair down and then pulled it back up again in the secure bun at the nape of my neck. The ritual of smoothing and twisting soothed me, and I started to calm down.
I took a series of deep breaths, and called Ryan over the headset to see how things were going. He asked me to go help unload boxes for the merchandise tables and I did, happy for another distraction that would keep me away from Dex.
By the time that chore was complete, the doors were about to open and it was so loud I couldn’t hear myself think. God bless rock and roll.
I didn’t end up going backstage until Dream Defiled had already started to play Full Dark, the track that had launched their first album, and always opened their shows now.
I found Liss tucked into a corner in the wings, watching the show. “What are you doing in there?” I asked her.
“I always find a little nook to hide in. Well, not too little or I wouldn’t fit.” She laughed.
“Hey, I know what you mean. So, how’s it going up there?” It was hard not to feel awkward around her just then.
“Great. They sound wonderful, and it looks like everyone’s having a good time.”
“Oh, good.”
“Hey, while you’re here, I wanted to ask you something. I know you’re really busy right now, but would you like to hang out with me one day soon? We can go shopping, or just walk around whatever city we’re in when the timing works. I know what it’s like living with these guys, and having another woman to spend time with means a lot.”
“Um, sure. That would be nice.”
“We can invite Mia too, if you want. Or just us.”
“Okay. Let’s do that. We’ve got two free days in Paris next week.”
“Perfect. We can eat croissants, and scowl at all the skinny French bitches.”
I laughed. “That does sound fun.”
“Good. I can’t wait. Ditch our boys for some girl time.”
The smile faded from my face. The “our” suggested we each had a boy. Did she know Dex and I had kissed? Or was my reluctant crush on him just that obvious?
Not wanting to really know the answers to those questions, I excused myself and went back to the green room where the opening act was hanging out. They didn’t have their own tour staff, so I helped restock the food and located a bag they’d misplaced.
But even as I worked, Dex’s voice was all around me. For real, as he backed up Joe’s vocals, and in my head, the way he said my name and the low husky whisper he used right before the kiss.
*
After the show things were hectic again. I had to coordinate the breakdown of sets and making sure everything got into the equipment vans. And someone misplaced the cash box from the merchandise table. Then shooing away the last fans as the meet-and-greet went well over schedule.
Finally, we all piled onto the bus and headed back to the hotel. I knew some invited guests and more attractive fans would be joining the group at the hotel bar, but I had no interest in that. I needed more sleep, and time away from Dex.
When we got back to the hotel, I said goodnight and headed up to my room. I shared an elevator with Joe and Liss, who didn’t even bother trying to keep their hands and lips to themselves. Being trapped in the tiny space made it impossible to ignore them, and brought back all of the unwanted arousal I’d felt earlier. When we made it to our floor, I practically sprinted down the hallway away from them.
I dumped my stuff and was pulling on my pajamas when there was a knock at my door. I snuck a glance through the peephole, and gasped. It was Dex.
Squaring my shoulders off for a fight, I opened the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I need to speak with you.”
I bit back the angry retort when I saw the look on his face. It was pain, tinged with helplessness. “What’s wrong?”
He cast a glance down the hallway. “I don’t want to say out here.”
Ordinarily I might have thought it was a ploy to get in my room, but I could tell he was really suffering, so I stepped aside and let him in.
Dex strode over to the window, and looked out on the dark city below. “I got a message when I returned to my room.”
“Yes?” I walked up behind him, close enough to touch him.
“My father, he’s in Bristol. Had practically been adopted by my mother’s family after she died. I called a few days ago to tell him I was here. We’re…” his voice cracked. “We’re not close, never have been. He’s a right bastard with a violent mean-streak, but he’s my father. I never heard back, and I was kind of relieved. I’d done my part, yeah?” He stopped speaking and raked his hands through his hair a few times, leaving it a tangled ebony mess.
“What happened?” I asked softly, putting my hand on his shoulder. The contact seemed to startle and then settle him.
“No one is exactly sure. He’d been drinking too much, and got kicked out of his local. Someone found him hours later on the side of the road, unconscious. At first they thought he’d been hit by a car, but there were bruises and someone else’s blood on him. A fight. Who knows.”
I squeezed his shoulder. “Is he…”
“No. He’s alive. In a bad way, though, apparently.”
“Are you going to go see him?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.” He looked at me, eyes glistening. “Should I?”
I shook my head. “I can’t answer that for you.”
“But I don’t know what to do.”
“Sleep on it. You’re still in shock right now, Dex.”
“Sleep? Yeah, I guess…”
My heart broke seeing the anguish in his eyes. “Why don’t we sit down and talk for a while. About this, or anything you want.”
He nodded miserably, and let me pull him over to the bed. I’d imagined performing this maneuver a few times, but never under such sad circumstances.
“Tell me more about your family. Talking helps sometimes.”
Dex rested his elbows on his knees and set his chin on his hands, still staring out the window as if the answers he sought could be found out there.
“You probably know some of this. He was in the Army, and dragged us all over the world. That’s all in my bio. But what it doesn’t say is the reason was he constantly got booted from one base to the next. Fighting, carousing, whatever. The same shit everyone did, but worse. Always worse. He never knew when to stop. The same went for inside the house. He’d scream and terrorize us. Never physically abusive, but the emotional stuff is worse in some ways.
“I counted down the days until I could get the hell away from him. But when my mum died, I couldn’t wait any longer, so I ran away. He caught me three days later, and locked me in a bathroom for almost a week while he made the arrangements to come back to the States. I didn’t know anyone or have anywhere to go there.
“So I just bided my time and made connections, discovered the m
usic scene. I hung in there until my eighteenth birthday and left, never looking back. For a long time, I didn’t care where he was or what he was doing. But then a few years later, I heard from some relatives that he’d come back here. Back to her family. Sober and trying to atone for his sins, he joined the family, and they welcomed him.” Bitterness filled his words.
“As the years went by, he’d try to contact me. And then when we started getting attention, I was easier to find. He apologized for being a shit dad and all that. But I didn’t need him or want him in my life, so I blew him off. Until even that was too much work. Lately I’ve just been polite, you know? Just going through the motions, but keeping my distance. But now this. What am I supposed to do with this?”
I wrapped my fingers around his arm. “You’ll figure it out. You’ll know the right thing to do. But for now, try to calm down. Think of something else.”
“Like what?”
“Anything. A song, a movie, a cocktail. Anything to distract you for a few hours.”
“You distract me,” he whispered.
“Nah, I’m too boring.”
“Not to me.” There was no playfulness in his words, just honesty.
“That’s sweet. And I know people always say this, but I really do understand what you’re going through.”
“You do? How?”
I cleared my throat. “My mother died when I was a little kid. Dad raised me as best he could, but it wasn’t a typical childhood.”
“Why not?”
“He was in the business. Performing at first, and then producing. He’d bring me to the studio after school, and expect me to do my homework while he worked and partied. He might as well have taken me to a combination drug-den and brothel.”
“Not a great place for a little girl.”
“Nope.”
“Wow. I had no idea. Wait, Becca Hall. Your father is Daniel Hall, from The Dollars?”
I nodded.
“He’s really talented. A great musician, and an even better producer.”
“I know. And he gave me a love of music, but not much else.”
“What’s he doing now?”
“Nothing. He had a stroke two years ago.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. But I’m telling you this so you see I do get what you’re going through. No matter how complicated the relationship, with only one parent left, you have to find a way to make peace with who they are. While you still can.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Of course. I tried to ignore the problems, and took care of him. Even as an invalid, he’s no angel. And I couldn’t erase the hurt just because I wanted to. But he’s all I have.”
Dex nodded, and rested his head on my shoulder. “Now I understand.”
“Understand what?”
“The other reason I’m so drawn to you. We’re kindred spirits, Becca.”
“We might just be, Dex.”
“So different and so alike. Maybe we’re meant for each other.”
“I don’t believe in that crap,” I told him. “But it is nice to meet someone who gets my messed up life a bit.”
“Yeah.” He was quiet for a while before speaking again. “Don’t you want to know the other reason?”
“Other reason what?”
“Why I’m drawn to you.”
“I’m not sure I do.”
He chuckled a little. “Come on, I know you do.”
“Fine. Tell me.”
Dex sat up straight, and looked into my eyes. “Because you’re amazing. From head-to-toe, inside and out.”
“You’re insane.”
“Maybe.”
Our gazes locked, and a wave of emotion rushed through me. “Dex, I…”
“I’m not asking you for anything. I’m not trying to touch you. I just want to be near you, okay?”
“Okay. Look, if you promise to behave, stay here tonight. We can talk, or watch a movie, or order a ton of room service.”
“Like friends.”
“Exactly.”
“All right.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Thank you, Becca.”
“Anytime.”
Chapter Seven
We did watch a movie. Or, rather, I should say we turned on a movie and it played on the television. I didn’t remember a thing about it later, and I doubt Dex did either.
I thought about what he’d said. He’d put himself out there honestly, but without pushing. He came to me in a moment of raw need and emotion, full of trust. That was a lot for someone he’d only known a few days. Maybe we really were kindred spirits.
And there, next to him, I realized it was more than just his looks that attracted me beyond all reason from the first time we met. I’d known he was good-looking before. But being in the same room with him had hit me like a wrecking ball, and knocked me hard.
If I could tell him about my family, and learn about his, how I could I deny the other truth. That I’d come alive when he kissed me. And felt like I was coming home.
But for all the deep truths we had shared, those words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. So I did the only other thing I could think of to communicate them. I kissed him.
Tentative at first, I leaned in and planted a light peck on the side of his mouth, enjoying the tickle of his stubble and the look of surprise on his face.
“What was that for?”
“Just…I don’t know.”
“Should I yell at you now for crossing a line?” He grinned.
“Maybe.”
“If I promise not to, will you do it again?”
“Yes.” And I did. This time it was a proper kiss, with parted lips and my full attention. But this time he pulled away.
“You’re not doing this to pity me, are you?”
“What? No.”
“Then why? After all the push and pull, why now?”
“Because I give up. I can’t fight it anymore. I don’t want to fight it anymore.”
He reached behind my head and tugged my ponytail holder out, releasing my hair. “And to be clear, this ‘it’ you mention is…”
I shook my head, but couldn’t be mad that he needed me to spell it out. I’d shut the door on this so many times in the last few days, I’d lost count. “This…whatever between us. The ‘it’ is how much I want you.” I clamped my mouth shut, shocked I’d admitted it so plainly.
Dex shoved his hand in the silken fall of my hair and pulled my face up to his. Our mouths met, and the kiss was perfect. Soft and hard. Sweet and sexy. Slow and demanding. A fire flared within me, and I needed to touch him all over. My hands grasped at his shoulders and arms. At the same time, he slid closer until our bodies were connected from lip to hip.
A tiny flash of warning went through my mind, but I ignored it.
I moaned as his hands circled my face, holding me gently as he deepened the kiss, driving his tongue inside my mouth, questing and tasting. Neglected places low in my body came to life, and I nestled even closer to him.
Emboldened by the sound I made, he slid his hands down over my shoulders and around my back, easing us both down onto the bed. We lay on our sides, tongues still tangling together. Dex reached down and pulled my leg up over his hip, bringing us even closer.
I froze for a second as the evidence of his arousal came in contact with my lower body. But it was too late. I needed more from him. More of him. Nearly feverish with desire, I shoved my hands up the front of his shirt, and ran my fingers over the rippling muscles and soft, smooth skin.
Dex repeated the same maneuver on my back, sliding up and down, leaving heat behind. He broke off the kiss, and smiled. “Let me touch you, Becca.”
“Aren’t you already?” I asked breathlessly.
“Yes. But I want to watch your face while I do it. See what pleases you.”
I wanted to tell him the truth. Admit the thing I’d never told any man, but I couldn’t. So I just nodded.
He planted one quick kiss on my lips and then
rolled me onto my back, curling my legs around his hips, letting his weight rest there.
Dex slid the bottom of my tank top up, and lightly ran his hands over my skin. His long, elegant fingers dipped beneath the pale cotton and caressed the undersides of my breasts. His touch burned like fire, but I arched into it instead of retreating.
“Your skin is so soft. It’s perfect.”
I bit back a denial and just enjoyed the sensual combination of his touch and his words.
My hands fisted on the belt loops of his pants.
Dex bent his head, and kissed along the low neckline of my top. His tongue snaked out to lick the small hollow between my breasts, and then he tugged my shirt up further, glancing up to my eyes to make sure it was okay.
And yes, it certainly was.
He cupped each breast in one hand, and just held them for a moment. Then his mouth descended again, and he kissed the pebbled tips and then outward, laving the dusky pink roundness. The gentle circling lulled me into a trance-like state, one he jarred me out of when his teeth closed around one nipple. But instead of pain, I felt intense pleasure stabbing through my core.
“Mmm. I guess you like it rough too, sometimes.” His voice was a coarse whisper.
In response, I drove my hands under the waistband of his pants, touching the warm skin over his narrow hips.
“Bloody hell, Becca.”
He kissed me again, but kept his fingers dancing over my breasts, lightly, playfully driving me insane. My hips began to shift uncontrollably as he nibbled at my bottom lip.
“God,” he said raggedly. “Less clothes. Please, less clothes.”
I gasped out a “Yes,” and started pulling at mine and his mindlessly.
He did the same, and we ended up in a tangle of arms and fabric for a brief moment, drawing soft laughter from both of us before we managed to coordinate the effort. Finally his naked chest met mine, and it felt like heaven. Skin against skin we kissed and groped, hands kneading flesh, lips pressed hard enough to bruise.
Dex’s hands skimmed over my hips and he lifted them, letting me feel how hard he was for me. I groaned and writhed against him, desperately wanting what I would not let myself have. Not like this.