by D V Wolfe
“This help you saw them give me, was it in Philadelphia or Bellum?” I asked.
“Bellum cries out with all manner of tortuous darkness. The fae must not go to this darkness for it is all-consuming,” Kess said.
Ok, so Philadelphia. “And this help they give me,” I said. “What is the nature of the help? Is it...battle?” Were they supposed to help us fight off something coming? We were going to the museum for Stacks. Maybe we would have to fight off security guards if we were discovered, but it felt like overkill to sic a couple of ex-fae-warriors after some innocents with badges.
Kess laughed. Not really a good sign. “Battle is the first thing innocents reach for. It is simple and brutal, like them. A Puca has many forms and many uses and cunning is the strongest blade they carry.”
Ok. I’d need to consider that for a moment. “Kess, after the Pucas help us out or fulfill their destiny to help or whatever in Philadelphia, I’m going to be sending them back to you to stay for their own safety as well as those of innocents. You need to keep an eye on them. And please, if you see anything else opening up or you send them on an errand of really anything beyond getting take out, please call me. Ok?”
“As the spirit wills it,” Kess answered.
Usually, I took that to mean yes. I hung up and took a deep breath. So Vix and Sprig were going to help us with the museum. How, was now the first question, and how to get them to do it was the second. I had a pretty good idea on the second. I walked back to where Noah held them at knifepoint. I thought it might not be the best idea to tell them that Kess had poked them in the brain and sent them this direction. I was afraid if I tried to explain it, I’d screw it up and they might never trust Kess again. They’d probably understand when she explained that they were being “willed” to be here or whatever, by the forces they believe in, whatever those were.
“Ok,” I said. “I just talked to Kess. After this next little adventure, you are to head straight back to her and no more joyriding.”
“What ‘next little adventure’?” Vix hissed.
I thought back to what Kess had said. “You two are going to come with us to this museum in Philadelphia. Noah and I need to get some information for Stacks and you’re going to help.” Something was struggling to come together in my head. Vix and Sprig could compel innocents, but they weren’t as good at is as sirens or even demons. Trying to compel a whole building of them might be more than they could handle. Kess had said that Pucas had many forms.
“And what if we don’t?” Vix asked, trying to cross her arms but hissing in pain when she bumped the tip of the silver knife Noah was holding.
“I could just kill you right now,” I said. “For the near-miss, we just had. You broke the one stipulation I had after the last time I caught you two playing with the lives of innocents.”
“Fine,” Vix spat. “What do we have to do?”
“I know you both have a horse form that you can transform into, right?” I asked.
Vix raised an eyebrow and nodded. “So?”
Horses would be too disruptive. We needed something a little more low-key that would draw attention, but not create a stampede.
“What are your other forms?” I asked.
8
We had the Mustang drive in front of us the whole rest of the way to Philadelphia. Sprig was a soldier who followed orders so with him behind the wheel, I wasn’t too worried. Vix had been a commander in their fae army until she was sent into exile and she liked to make the rules. Luckily, what Sprig lacked in logic and common sense in this realm, he made up for with self-preservation skills. If Vix’s life was threatened, he would follow orders that would ensure her safety, even against her badgering him to do the opposite. He was a good brother. He knew that if they tried to take off, I would come after them, so he was making the conscious decision to ignore her and keep on the road to Philly.
“So,” Noah said in the seat beside me after I told him about the phone call. “Kess Dorfin had a vision, that these two were supposed to help us with something that was for the good of all innocents?” He sounded as confused as I had when I was on the phone with her.
I nodded. “I know how it sounds.”
“And you’re sure this thing they’re supposed to help with is in Philadelphia? Not Bellum?”
“Yeah, she said that there was a darkness in Bellum that they shouldn’t go to, so I think after we get what we need here, we send them back to Kess.”
“And what we need from them,” Noah said, trying to keep from smiling, “is a diversion, where they both change forms and cause a little disruption in the museum and distract the guards long enough for us to get those pictures.”
“By George, he’s got it,” I muttered as I hit my turning signal, indicating to Sprig that this was our exit. Not that it wasn’t obvious as the museum’s sign was coming up on the right.
“And how confident are we that this will work?” Noah asked as we stopped at a light a few blocks from Penn State campus.
“Somewhere between ‘not at all’ and ‘pretty sure’,” I said.
“Well, it wouldn’t be a normal day without a ‘shit plan’.”
“Damn straight,” I said.
I early signaled and directed Sprig to the parking garage next to the museum. We parked in a couple of spots on the lower level and Noah and I got out. We couldn’t take anything with us, obviously. Not that we needed anything besides the phone, but it still felt weird. I thought about taking the sword but decided against it. I would never admit it to Noah, but the damn thing was heavy. Not physically, but mentally and I knew I’d need every shred of focus I could muster for this ridiculous operation.
“I can’t take the silver knives with us,” Noah muttered as we watched Sprig and Vix get out of the Mustang a few spots down from us and head our direction.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said to him out of the corner of my mouth. “Sprig wants Vix safe, so he’ll make sure they don’t do something stupid. Well, more stupid than what we’re asking them to do.”
Vix was pissed, but I wasn’t surprised.
“Our powers are not for the amusement of this realm,” She spat. I hadn’t been expecting her to like the plan, but I couldn’t be bothered to care. It was already noon and Noah and I needed to get to Bellum. We didn’t have time to waste on exploring Vix’s views on the level of worship that should be paid to her.
“Vix,” Sprig said softly, doing his calming thing. It really was impressive. I’d seen him bring Vix back down from an escalating rage, well, when she wasn’t being ‘will-possessed’ anyway. Vix took a deep breath.
“Ready?” I asked. Sprig put a hand on Vix’s shoulder and nodded at me.
The four of us went around to the museum’s front door and got into line. After we’d gone through the metal detector and paid admission, I stopped at a display board listing the museum’s exhibits to find out what wing the tablets were in. Noah was next to me and I thought Vix and Sprig were right behind us. I found the tablets listed under the name of a room that was down the hall and to the right from where we were. I heard a little squeal behind us and turned to look at a woman jumping away from something on the floor.
“Rodents!” She shrieked. Her thick glasses made her look like an owl, hopping around, trying to avoid whatever was at her feet. Two white rabbits were scurrying around the room. The woman behind the ticket window was craning her neck, trying to see what the commotion was.
Noah groaned. “They were supposed to wait.”
This was most likely Vix’s revenge for having to do this. She was probably able to talk Sprig into it because they were technically doing what they were supposed to, just on their terms. The woman behind the ticket window was yelling into her phone for security to get down to the lobby to deal with this. Noah and I stepped to the side and slipped past two security guards coming in from the hallway beyond the lobby. We turned right and hurried along the corridor, away from the shouts of surprise and the “awwws” of people who
were cemented to the spot by the pure cuteness of the rabbit versions of Vix and Sprig.
We found the right room. It had a high-ceiling and was probably fifty yards, end to end. On the far wall, reproduction tapestries hung, depicting Sumerian and Mesopotamian gods and legends. The two side walls were lined with glass cases. We spread out, searching for the tablets. Noah called to me almost immediately. The case was along the far wall, opposite the door. Unfortunately, it was still in the direct line of sight to the door. The nine tablets were fairly large and the indentations on them looked more like a pattern than words. There were three display cases, holding the tablets. We moved to the last one that had the three labeled as the seventh, eighth, and ninth in the series. Noah moved around behind the case.
“Where’s the lock picking kit?” Noah asked.
“In the truck,” I said. “It wouldn’t have made it past the metal detector.”
Noah just stared at me. “Then how did you expect to get the damn things out?”
I shrugged and picked up a stone sculpture from a nearby plinth.
“Oh my god,” Noah groaned. “No! Put that down.”
I did, but then I raised my hands at him. “Then how do you suggest we open it?”
Noah ducked down behind the case and I turned back to check the door. Still no guard. It was lunch hour on a weekday, and apparently not a peak time for Sumerian and Mesopotamian artifacts it would seem. There weren’t any other students of history in the room. I didn’t want to dwell on how long that would last. I had no illusions about the crappy state of my karma.
“I can melt the lock off back here,” Noah said. “It’ll put a hole in the back panel but at least we won’t be destroying museum property.” He paused. “Well, completely destroying.”
“Good enough for me,” I said.
A small cloud of smoke puffed up from behind the display case and I watched it moving towards the ceiling. I was really hoping the fire suppression system in the room wasn’t sensitive.
“There,” Noah said a few seconds later and I heard the back panel of the case sliding to one side. I could see Noah now. He looked at the tablets, his expression torn and worried. The supposedly “non-existent” boy scout was coming out.
“Trade places with me,” I said. “I’ll handle the precious antiquities. I’m already going to Hell, so if something happens, no harm, no foul. You go do lookout.” Noah hesitated for a second and then moved around the display cabinet and headed for the door. I heaved the tablet labeled “seventh” out of the case, set it on top, and started taking pictures. I took close-ups and ones where I captured the whole tablet in the frame. I definitely did not want to have to come back for a do-over. Noah was standing in the doorway, carefully peeking out to look up and down the hall every few seconds. I finished with the seventh one and moved onto the eighth. “Stacks had better appreciate this,” I said more to myself than Noah as I exchanged it for the ninth tablet. The hallway outside was still quiet for the most part.
“Unlikely he’ll even acknowledge what we did,” Noah said, watching my progress. He stuck his head back out into the hall and quickly jumped back. “Shit! The guard is coming.”
I had the ninth tablet in my arms, about to heave it onto the top of the display. Not sure what else to do, I dropped down to my knees and set it on the floor. I didn’t even have time to close the back of the display case before the guard entered the room. Noah pretended to be studying a statue by the door.
“Oh hi,” Noah said, his voice an octave higher than usual, “What was all that commotion about in the lobby? I was just...studying...this,” he motioned at the statue, “for a class project when I heard the noise.”
“There was a disturbance in the lobby. Sir,” the guard said and I saw him take a step closer to Noah, “smoke was detected in this room by the sensors. Did you see or smell anything? I have to advise you that smoking is not allowed in the museum and I will have to confiscate any flammable materials or incendiary devices you are currently in possession of and escort you to the exit.”
Good luck with that, I thought. I looked back down at the tablet on the floor in front of me. It was in shadow. Not a lot of light behind the display case. Great. I was going to have to use the flash on my phone camera, or just throw caution to the wind and move into the light where the guard could see me. Currently, his back was to me and I could see Noah trying not to be obvious about glancing in my direction as he assured the guard that he didn’t smoke and he had no idea why smoke would have registered on the sensors because he hadn’t seen or smelt anything. Liar, liar, pants on fire. I held my breath and started snapping pictures with the flash. The momentary light reflecting on the dark carpet must have registered for the guard because he turned and looked right in the direction of the display. I could see him coming closer. I’d stopped taking pictures, but I didn’t know what else to do. Suddenly shutting the back to the display case wasn’t feasible. And running wouldn’t work. If I backed out, I’d run right into him and there was a column attached to the wall blocking my progress forward and out the other side. I held my breath, willing for something to happen. The guard was only a few feet away. He didn’t look like he’d quite figured out what was wrong with the display case at that distance.
There was a sudden flash of bright light from the far end of the room and one of the tapestries caught fire, burning from the bottom as if someone had thrown gasoline on it.
“Oh my god!” The guard shouted in surprise. He ran past the display cabinet and to the other end of the room where he stopped in front of the burning tapestry, looking around as he tried to figure out what to do.
My gaze shot to Noah who looked horrified. No need to look a well-timed arson gift in the mouth. I quickly snapped another fifteen or twenty pictures and heaved the last tablet back up and into the display cabinet. I closed the back panel as best I could, but some of the plastic had melted, warping it when Noah opened it. Oh well. This would be a blip on the radar when they were trying to explain how the tapestry managed to catch fire.
I stuffed my phone back into my pocket and crossed the floor in as few strides as possible, following Noah out while the guard called on his radio for help with evacuation, saying there was a fire. As we were leaving, the sensors must have got the memo because the sprinklers opened up, soaking everything in the room. The fire alarm went off just as we were heading back down the corridor to the lobby. Noah and I were barely damp and we headed for the door along with everyone else, all the while keeping our eyes out for two white, fluffy accomplices. There were a couple of security guards trying to move a heavy display at the end of the hall. When the frantic call came over their radios from the guard dealing with the flaming tapestry, they gave up on moving the display and ran past us, back down the hall. When we drew even with the display case they’d been trying to move, two white streaks bolted out and across our feet. Vix and Sprig. Noah and I each scooped one up and did our best to shield them from the frantic staff as we followed the other few museum visitors out the front door. We slipped away from the crowd and headed towards the parking garage.
“More Abbott and Costello than Oceans Eleven,” I muttered. “But on the upside,” I held up the rabbit in my arms and looked at Noah, “I think this is my favorite version of Vix and Sprig.”
9
The rabbit in my arms didn’t speak until Lucy was in sight. “Bane.” I almost dropped it in surprise. Hearing Sprig’s deep voice come out of the fluffy bunny in my arms was probably the most bizarre thing I’d seen today. Well, second. I wasn’t even processing what had happened with the tapestry yet.
“Can you let me down,” Sprig asked. “This is, really awkward.”
I had a hand under the rabbit’s butt and I could kind of see his point. I set him down on the parking garage concrete next to Lucy.
“Twice as awkward for me,” Vix muttered from Noah’s grasp. Noah turned red and set her down next to Sprig.
“Now, uh, clothes?” Sprig asked, his bunny nos
e wiggling in my direction as his red-eyes stared up at me. I dug in my front pocket for the set of keys he’d given me. They’d had to abandon the clothes they had been wearing to the museum. It couldn’t be helped, but he’d given me the keys to the Mustang for safekeeping. I hurried over to their parking spot and popped the trunk. They’d set out two sets of clothes for themselves as soon as we’d decided on this plan and left them on top of everything. I grabbed them and headed back over to Lucy. Noah and I stood lookout while they changed back into human form and got dressed.
“Well that was horrific, embarrassing, degrading and pointless,” Vix said, pushing Noah aside and striding back towards the Mustang. Sprig moved around Noah and turned to look at us and stiffly held out his hand. I wasn’t sure if it was intentional or just a muscle spasm from his brain being slingshotted across the void at that moment.
“Thanks for the help, Sprig,” I said, shaking his hand. He nodded and I dropped the Mustang keys into his palm. “Now,” I said. “I’m calling Kess and telling her to expect you both back at her house in eleven hours and that if she doesn’t see you by then, to start ‘summoning’ you in. Got it?”
Sprig nodded, turned, and headed back to the Mustang where his sister was already waiting, arms crossed.
“You were cute bunnies,” I called to them. Vix gave me the finger, something I was proud to say I had taught her, and Sprig gave me an almost smile, nodded, and climbed behind the wheel.
Noah and I watched them back out and head towards the parking garage exit. I looked at Noah who wouldn’t quite meet my eye. I didn’t say anything. We got into the cab and I turned the engine over before tossing Noah my phone.
“Here, send those pictures to Stacks,” I said.
“Geez, you think you took enough?” Noah asked, scrolling through the pictures.
I shrugged as we headed out of the parking garage and paused to merge with traffic heading back to the highway. “I definitely don’t want to go back for more.”