by Bailey B
I have to make things right.
I take a deep breath and follow Layla out into the house, prepared to chase after her, but she's gone. I run my hands through my hair and look around one more time. I feel it bubbling up again, that red fire I can’t control. The fire that makes me say stupid shit to people I care about. Without thinking, I punch the wall nearest me. The skin on my knuckles is broken and red. I clench and unclench my fist.
At least it’s not broken.
“What the fuck, Josh?” Hattie stares at me, wide-eyed.
I don’t have an answer for her. I can’t tell her that I fucked up again. I don’t even know what I did wrong this time. I storm past her and run to my truck. There’s only a few spots in town Layla knows. I’m hoping she’ll go to one of them and not drive back to wherever she emerged from.
I drive around for hours, hitting all the spots we’d gone to together. I go to the places that scream Layla. All the beach access points. The Red Onion. The mall. The art museum. Riverside. The pier. I hit every place I can think of between Fellsmere and Vero.
I’m filling up at the gas station when I hear my phone ring. I pull it out of my pocket so fast I almost drop the damn thing. It’s Layla. I don’t know whether to be excited or worried.
“Hello?” I wait, but she doesn’t respond, so I say hello again.
“Hey. So…” She sighs and my stomach flips. “I ran out of gas. Can you come get me?”
“Of course!” I hang the nozzle back on the holster. If I was a good guy, I’d run inside the gas station and buy a gas jug to take fuel to Layla.
I’m not a nice guy.
I’m greedy and tired and I miss her. If I screw this up, I might not get another chance. “Where are you?”
“Um.” There’s another pause. My body trembles again. I want another drink, to settle my nerves. It’s too easy to drown everything out but I want to feel it all tonight. “US1 and MLK Boulevard.”
The fear.
The excitement.
And hopefully, some kind of happiness again.
“I’m on my way.”
Layla steps out of her rental car and crosses her arms when I pull up beside her. She won’t make eye contact, but that’s okay. I don’t need her to look at me. I just need her.
“Your knight in shining armor is here to save the day.”
This earns me a smile. She meets my gaze and sighs. “I’m sorry I ran out on you. I didn’t think it through. Once I got in my car, I realized I didn’t have any place to go. I’m staying with Hattie, but I couldn’t go back in there. So I drove, and drove, and well…” She shrugs.
“Believe me when I say, there have been plenty of times I wanted to run away.”
“But that’s what makes you stronger than me. You don’t.” Her gaze falls to her feet, a tear slipping down her cheek.
I step forward and pull Layla by the arm into me. I hold her tight, taking in the moment because I don’t know if this will be the last time. Layla may be upset about us, but she’s a strong willed woman. No matter how much it hurts, if she thinks us being apart is for the best, she won’t come back to me.
“I’m not strong.” I smooth her hair and kiss the top of her head. “I’m an asshole who doesn’t know how to handle stress. I blow up at the people I care about and push them away.”
“Like you did with me.” It’s not a question, but she’s right. I sabotaged us by not realizing what I was doing.
“Amanda died giving birth to Bryson.”
Layla rears back and looks up at me, her mouth slack. She reaches up and cups my cheeks, searching for the answers to a question she’s yet to ask.
“I found out right before you came over. It threw me for a loop because that meant I needed to step up.” I swallow hard feeling the familiar burn in my throat. I clear it away and the pressure moves behind my eyes. “He’s my kid. I don’t know how, but he is.”
I feel the first tear fall. Layla wipes it away with her fingers. She pushes onto her toes and presses her lips to mine. It’s not a long kiss, but it’s what I need to regain control. She smiles up at me, her fingers lacing behind my neck. “You’re going to be a great father.”
My lips twitch and lift at the corners. “Do you want to see him?”
That pretty smile falls. She steps backs and looks around for someone to save her. “I… I don’t know. Won’t he be asleep?”
I shrug. “Not sure. I’ve never been to the hospital this late.”
The fear on her face transforms into worry. She crosses her arms over her chest, a red flush creeping up her neck. I missed how easy it is to read her. Red on her neck, she’s upset: either worried or nervous. On her cheeks she’s embarrassed or happy. If it’s on her ears, she’s angry.
“Is he okay?”
I take her hand and open the passenger door of my truck. She gets in, which makes my heart soar. We’ve either got a shot at fixing things between us or she’s curious about Bryson. Either way, it’s more time we get to spend together. I’ll take it.
I close her door and run over to my side of the truck. I need to get the beast in gear and down the road before she changes her mind. “Yeah. Premature babies need more time to grow. We had to wait until Bryson was able to do everything a full term baby could do.” I grin, feeling excited for the first time about my situation, and glance at Layla. “I get to take him home on Monday.”
“That’s great, Josh.” She laces her fingers with mine and, for a moment, things feel like they used to. I know I have a lot of work to do to get us there again, but this is a start.
Ten itty-bitty fingers curl close to the bundle in my arms. Bryson is wrapped in a blue teddy bear blanket with a matching baby beanie and is the tiniest thing I’ve seen in my life.
Even so, he’s beautiful. He has Josh’s hair and his nose, but the eyes and lips are all Amanda. The perfect combination for this little heartbreaker.
Bryson looks up at me and smiles. I know it’s involuntary. Babies this little don’t know what they’re doing yet, but I can’t help but beam back down at him.
The nurses say he’s the quietest baby they’ve had in a long time. He almost never cries, which to me would be terrifying, but they say he’s a happy little guy. I have to trust them because this is their job, but his quietness still worries me. I don’t say anything, because he’s not my baby, and I don’t want to worry Josh over nothing. He’s got enough on his plate as it is.
I hand Bryson to Josh. He takes him in his arms and offers a bottle, which the little guy greedily guzzles. I watch them interact, awestruck at how sexy Josh being a dad is. I knew there was a chance I’d run into him this weekend. I knew I’d be at war with myself over our breakup. I did not know I’d fall more in love with him than when I left.
Never would have guessed that one.
I pull my phone out of my pocket and glance through the forty-five unread text messages he sent. There were hints about Bryson, but nothing that outwardly stated what Josh was dealing with.
I feel bad. Had I known what was going on, I would have come back. Tried harder to understand what he was going through that night. Instead, I shut him out, like a child having a fit.
“You’re great at that, feeding him.”
He beams at me, then looks at his son again. “We’ve only been on the bottle a week, but the little guy knew exactly what to do as soon as I put the nipple in his mouth.”
“Just like his daddy.” I flush, not meaning to have said those words out loud.
I sit back in the cushioned seat behind Bryson’s clear bassinet and look around. Dozens baby beds fill the room. Each one hooked to its own set of monitors and devices. I can’t help but wonder if that was Bryson a few weeks ago. Or how traumatizing the experience of becoming a dad must have been.
Josh shifts Bryson over his shoulder and pats his back. When he burps, Josh places him in the bassinet and pats his back until he falls asleep again. The nurse on duty beams, nodding approvingly at Josh’s daddy skills.
“You’re good at that.”
Josh pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me. “What?”
“Being a daddy.” I slip my hand into his back pocket, a move I saw on a Netflix rom-com, only in the movie the guy’s hand was in the girl’s pocket. It works. Josh looks down at me, a playful grin on his face.
Josh opens the passenger door for me when we reach the parking garage. “It’s pretty late. We should probably get your car. It’s not in the best part of town.”
I get in and wait for him to take his place at the driver’s side. My heart is racing. I’m nervous to make the first move with us, but in reality I’m responding to the million moves Josh made to try and get me here. I just hope I’m not too late. “Do you think I could come back to your house tonight?”
His lips twitch and I can tell he’s fighting a grin. “Of course. Mi casa es su casa.”
My stomach twists. Had we both not overreacted back in December, his home could have been my home. Josh must feel the same heaviness fall between us because he lifts the center console and pulls me closer. I lean against him, closing my eyes as he kisses my crown.
It won’t be easy, but I think we’ve still got a shot.
That is, if he still wants it.
I don’t know when I fell asleep, but it must have been on the ride to my car, because I have no memory of crawling into Josh’s bed. I peel the covers back and walk over to the window. The morning light momentarily blinds me. When my pupils adjust, I peek through the curtains. Just as I thought, my car isn’t in the driveway.
I stretch my arms up, noticing but not caring that my jeans from last night are lying on the floor. Either I kicked them off in my sleep, or Josh pulled them off because he knows how I feel about sleeping with pants on.
He knocks at the door and waits for my come in before walking inside. “I thought you might be hungry.” He set a tray with some orange juice and an onion bagel with cream cheese on the dresser.
“You remembered.” My cheeks heat against my will, which causes Josh’s lips to lift in the corners. I missed his smile. Mom has gotten on my case that I must have been having too much fun in Florida because my laugh lines are deeper. I smile, purposely, because I refuse to limit my emotions for beauty.
He sits on the edge of the bed, that gleeful grin faltering, and shrugs. “Is it lame to say I ate your favorite breakfast every day because I missed you?” He doesn’t give me a chance to answer before shaking his head and adding, “Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
“Josh.” I exhale a heavy breath then sit beside him. This was the conversation I ran from last night at Hattie’s house. I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t know what I wanted. My heart told me to give him another chance, that our problems stemmed from a stupid misunderstanding. But my head told me to be cautious. But, after seeing him at the hospital with Bryson last night, I know what I want now.
“Don’t.” Josh falls onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling. His eyes are puffy and bloodshot. Cheeks blotchy and red. “Don’t say goodbye. If you’re going to leave, just do it.”
“Josh,” I whisper, taking his hand in mine. “I have to leave, but that doesn’t mean I want to.”
His silence hurts more than any words he could say. All he’s done since I left is beg for me to come back. In a way, he’s already said everything he wanted. It’s my turn now.
“I love you.”
This gets his attention. He turns his head towards me but still doesn’t say anything. Not gonna lie, it’s like a knife in my stomach. My chest constricts, but I push through the anxiety because if I don’t get these words out now, I never will.
“If you still want me, I’m willing to give us a shot again, but it’s not gonna be easy. I’m living with Colson in Georgia because I lost my apartment. My parents have no idea. If they found out, they’d cut me off, so flying back and forth isn’t an option. I’m willing to do whatever it takes, though, if you are.”
“Layla.” Josh pushes onto one arm and cups my cheek with his other hand. “All I’ve wanted was another chance with you. I don’t care how hard it is. I’m in.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He kisses me and pulls me on him. I straddle his lap, my fingers curling at the base of his neck. He runs his hands down my sides and flips us until he’s on top. “I love you too.”
Tears well in my eyes. I’m relieved and elated and terrified all at once. So far, I’m not a fan of love. It’s hurt more than I ever thought possible. It’s also the best thing I’ve felt in my life. “You do?”
“That’s a stupid question. Of course I do.”
“Alright, on the count of three, you’re going to read each other’s sign.” Our photographer, Chelle, waits for us to write something on a dry erase board. I know just what to say.
We’re supposed to be shooting Bryson’s first birthday pictures for his party next week. We got the cute single baby shots and the family ones out of the way. All that’s left is the cake smash.
At least, that’s what Josh thinks.
This year has been insane. Josh and I spent the first four months of our relationship long distance. We saw each other one weekend a month and the whole week of spring break.
It was horrible.
I missed Josh so much it hurt. I missed Bryson too, and almost every milestone. Holding his head up. Pushing onto his arms. Sitting on his own. Babbling. Every FaceTime call left me hollow and lonely.
So, when Josh officially asked me to move in with him at the end of the semester back in May, I couldn’t refuse. I had my bags packed and was on the first plane after finals.
Colson hated the idea, but let me go anyway. What’s the worst he could do? Tell Mom and Dad? I did that after I was settled and had a part time job at the Red Onion.
Dad was pissed, insisting I was making a huge mistake, and told me not to come crawling back when shit fell apart. Mom, on the other hand, said she was proud of me for forging my own future, and agreed to keep paying for my college.
They’ll come around. It might take some time, but I have a feeling they’ll get over themselves before next summer.
Why, you ask?
Let’s just say I called Chelle with some big news, and an even bigger request. She squealed and said she had the perfect plan, which is why Josh and I are back to back, with Bryson playing with some legos on a blanket in front of us.
I cap my marker and take a breath. I’m so nervous I could puke, but that would ruin the photos. And my dress.
“Ready! One…”
I can do this.
“Two…”
Even if Josh has been working later than usual on the farm this week, everything will be fine. Bryson’s bills are paid. He’s healthy and hitting every developmental milestone. I’m acing my classes and have a steady job. This will be great.
“Three!”
Here goes nothing!
Josh and I turn around at the same time to read each other’s messages. I don’t read his. Instead, I watch as his face morphs from happy, to shocked, to excited. He drops his board and cups my cheeks, pulling me into him.
“You’re pregnant?”
I nod, happy tears running down my cheeks. I didn’t realize I’d skipped a period until Hattie started complaining that she’s always on the rag for the holidays. Every holiday, no matter if she was due to have it or not. I laughed, then realized I couldn’t remember when my last period was.
I pulled up the tracking app on my phone and it was yelling at me, in red letters, that I was twenty days over due. The pee-on-a-stick test I took said it could take five minutes to get results. That bitch took thirty seconds before blinking the word pregnant.
Josh’s grin stretches wider and he drops down on one knee.
“Want to be a family?” it reads.
I look back at Josh and the ring reflecting off the sun in the little velvet box. It’s a single diamond, set in yellow gold. Beautiful. Classic.
“Well?” Chelle calls out.
“Oh!” I’m so stunned I forgot Josh had asked the question. “Yes! My God, yes!”
Josh stands and wraps both arms around my waist. He spins me around in a circle, then crashes his lips against mine until we’re both breathless.
“This was my grandmother’s ring.” He pulls the diamond out of its box and slips it on my finger. “I know girls like white gold these days, but I wanted you to have something that meant something to me, not just a store bought nothing.”
“It’s perfect.” I rest my head against his chest and smile at the camera. “Just perfect.”
The End
Also By Bailey B
Broken Love Series
1. Beautifully Broken
1.5 Paper Hearts
2. I Hate You, I Love You Part 1
3. I Love You, I Hate You Part 2
Stand Alones:
Unexpected
Falling for You
In Too Deep
In Too Deep
Coming June 24, 2021
Available for Preorder
I’ve sat on the sidelines for ten years. TEN YEARS! Watching Harlow get her heart broken over and over again by Rob. I never interfered with their relationship, just picked up the pieces because that's what best friends do.
Imagine my surprise when Harlow told everyone we were dating. Or when she kissed me in front of all our friends. I know our time as a couple is limited to three days, but I’m going to make the most of it. I am going to show her how great we can be together.
Who knows. Maybe I can win Harlow over. Maybe she will finally see me.