by Bijou Hunter
"I'm back," I tell Cooper in his office.
"I forgot you were gone."
"Good."
Cooper stares at me with his dark, intimidating eyes. "Are you planning to marry my sister?"
"Yes, but don't ask for specifics. She isn't ready to think about anything besides missing your pop and being close to your mom."
Cooper only nods. Things are that simple with a man like him. You're in or out. Either way, he won't lose any sleep.
Sawyer doesn't hide her excitement when I embrace club life. The Reapers are her family too, and she wants her brothers to have people they can trust.
Facing my past isn't easy, and I never dip into the dark side just for kicks. There's no joy in remembering the suffering of my first family. I can only accept the ugliness of my past to avoid living lies for the rest of my life. Sawyer deserves better than that and so do I.
Our future is wide open and only the truth will do.
Chapter 41
Sawyer
Two Hearts
Pop is everywhere in Ellsberg. I feel him in every store and restaurant. I can't drive down a single street without seeing a reminder of my father. Unlike when I ran from here, I now relish all these memories. He will never truly die in Ellsberg.
Mom has plenty of plans to keep busy. She wants to travel. She wants to take more classes at the college. She wants to find new hobbies. I know Mom wants to keep busy enough to feel Pop's absence less.
I hope to give her a grandson to spoil. A little piece of Pop living on, but my fertile turtle skills don't kick in that summer. Soon, I begin my junior year, and the baby plans fade into the background.
Jace and I decide to live at my parents' house. Cooper offers to build us a place on the property. He has a huge house only a five-minute walk from Mom and Pop's. Thanking him, I explain I need to stay at the main house with Mom. She never admits to needing me close, but I know.
Taking a page from the McLaughlins, we turn every Friday evening into horror movie night. We have two boxes full of movies that'll take years to watch. Jace always pretends he's scared afterwards and needs me to soothe his terror. Unable to get enough of him, I'm more than happy to oblige his little game.
The one thing that needs changing when I return to Ellsberg is my poor tattoo. I originally got the ink to symbolize my young love. The tattoo eventually changed into a visual reminder of my broken heart. I don't want to forget the last nine months without Jace or the weeks I spent in Last Dollar. Instead of changing the tattoo again, I have it expanded. Now, the severed heart has a mirror image of a healed heart with Jace and my name in the middle.
"Don't make me change it again," I warn him.
Smiling, Jace places his hand on my heart. "I ran because you were the realest part of my life, and I thought you didn't know me. Turns out you know me better than I know myself."
Jace and I are forever. No doubt, a part of me has known this fact since the first time Jace peeked out from behind his adopted parents at a barbecue at my house. Those dark eyes of a damaged little boy had me hooked from the beginning.
Epilogue
Jace
Beast of Burden
I marry Sawyer during a Hawaiian getaway with Jodi. The impromptu trip to flee the frigid Kentucky winter turns into an even more impromptu wedding on the beach. Too many of those umbrella drinks spurs the idea one night while Sawyer and I goof around by the pool. Sobered up the next morning, we realize waiting is a mistake. I will never love another woman. Sawyer is mine, and I want to make things official.
The time we spent apart feels like a bad dream. I can't imagine being away from her now even for a day, let alone nine months. The old Jace was a damn fool.
Cooper isn't thrilled when we return from Hawaii. I guess I should have asked his permission to marry Sawyer. I only stare at him when he gives me his dark stare. The days of him making me cower like a scared puppy are over though. I respect him as my club president and brother-in-law, but I'm not his damn bitch.
I keep waiting for Sawyer to announce she's pregnant. Back in Texas, when she first said she wanted a baby right that very minute, I was scared shitless. God knew we weren't ready though. Sawyer finishes college and starts her career before Kiki comes along.
The first time I hold my baby girl, I truly let go of my past. Before Kiki, I only remained in the present because of Sawyer's love. She kept me from hiding in my head with the bad memories. With our daughter, I'm excited for the future.
I've had plenty of experience with babies, having been around when my nieces and nephews were born. Nothing prepares me for loving Kiki though. I can stare at her for hours. Or play with her dark curls. A dark haired and eyed version of Sawyer, Kiki's amazingly beautiful.
Sawyer thinks Kiki is all me. Sure, she has my coloring and quiet demeanor. She's also smart and tough like her mom. While Kiki won't stand up to people just for the sake of starting shit, she'll challenge people to protect those she loves. I've seen her give the dogs plenty of lectures about playing nice.
Kiki is lucky to grow up in a big family with over a dozen cousins. She has my parents and Jodi to spoil her. Curious the way I never was growing up, my little girl wants to see the entire world.
Occasionally, I feel the pain of what I lost with my old family. My parents and grandma remain only shadows in my mind. My little brother's name will always be a mystery. I wish their memories remained alive in me the way Kirk lives on with his family, but life doesn't always cooperate.
Growing up, I was blessed in a million little ways, even if I couldn't always see them. Even losing Sawyer was an opportunity for me to face things I'd hidden from all my life. I'm a helluva blessed man, and I hope that never ends.
Epilogue
Sawyer
Darlin'
I'll never admit this fact out loud, but Jace leaving me was a godsend. Until that day, my life was too easy, and I lacked coping skills. By the time we got back together, I'd gotten a taste of the darkness Jace felt when life fucked him over.
Besides, those eight months between losing Jace and Pop passing away, I spent more time with my parents. In fact, I rarely left their sides except to go to school. Pop and I remained attached at the hips otherwise. He was my rock when the world felt scary. I'd have missed so many conversations with Pop during his last months.
Jace and I don't do the big wedding deal. Not when Pop can't walk me down the aisle. During a weeklong trip with Mom to Hawaii, Jace and I decide to make things official. We marry at sunset wearing swimsuits and carrying fancy drinks. Mom is off her ass drunk at that point and laughs through the five-minute ceremony.
In my senior year of college, I convince Cooper to open a second Whiskey Kirk's. My goal is to franchise the restaurant and expand throughout the state and eventually the country. I plan to keep my Pop alive by serving his favorite foods, playing his favorite music, and expecting the kind of service a man of his power enjoyed. At each restaurant, I insist a photo hang near the door. The picture shows Pop and Mom back when they first met, and the world was at their feet.
Throughout the last two years in college, I really believe a baby boy is in my near future. I toss caution to the wind and expect every month to be the one I miss my period.
God has other plans.
My period sticks around until the summer after I finish college, during a Caribbean cruise with Jace and Mom. I'd nearly figured I was barren by this point. The pregnancy is a breeze, but I worry. A woman like me with so many fertile turtles in my family ought to have gotten pregnant the first time out. Paranoid, I almost wear bubble wrap to protect the baby and me.
Ariel is born five minutes after I arrive at the hospital. Jace nearly has to catch her as we hurry to a delivery room. Mom is so busy telling people to get their heads out of their asses and take care of her baby that she's startled when Ariel is suddenly staring at her.
I get the hang of being a mom right away, but I'm blessed enough to have plenty of help from Jace, Mom, and Mam
a Giang. The latter arrives as a care package from the McLaughlins. They insist we keep her.
Mama Phuong's niece thinks bikers are funny. Every time the club guys show up at the house, she laughs and laughs. I admit her laughing makes me laugh. Of course, Coop the Poop isn't amused when she laughs at him, which makes me laugh even harder.
Since I never have a son to carry on Pop's name, I start calling Ariel by the nickname Kiki. Mom hates it. Jace says he loves it, but he's clearly lying. Mama Giang tends to pronounce Kiki as Cookie. My siblings mock me endlessly about how I've turned Pop's tribute into a stripper name. Despite all their bitching, the name sticks.
I never find out why no more babies come along. The doctors find nothing wrong with Jace or me, yet after one, we're done.
By the time Kiki is three, I oversee four Whiskey Kirk's restaurants, and travel several days a week. My daughter is always at my side. She loves hotels and meeting new people. Kiki has her daddy's easygoing personality. While I hope she gets a little meaner as she gets older, I can't deny she's naturally gentle like Jace.
My man works jobs for Cooper until I begin traveling. Taking on the role of my security, Jace owns every room he enters. As soon as strangers' eyes are off us, he returns to his gentle self.
I miss my pop the most when watching Jace and Kiki in the pool. They look so much like I must have with Pop when he taught me to swim. Sometimes, I see my husband and daughter together and can't hold back the tears. I still grieve, yet also feel joy at the many memories Pop and I shared.
When I cry, Kiki worries. Jace never misses a beat though. He reminds her how I miss my pop. Then, they wave upward and say hi to grandpop in Heaven.
I wish to give Jace a piece of his past, but the best our private detective can find is his parents' fake license info. Otherwise, his family remains ghosts. Nothing links them back to a bigger family.
"I have what I need," Jace tells me when I want to keep searching.
Even stubborn, I believe him. This man once hid from me, but he's an open book these days. Jace really does have everything he needs, and so do I.
When Pop died, I wondered how the world could go on. How could I ever smile again? Or feel happiness when he wasn't around to enjoy it? Now, I understand.
I can go on because Pop raised me to be strong. He offered me a good life with wonderful people and provided me a million opportunities he didn't enjoy growing up. Pop taught me right from wrong. He also taught me when to break the rules. His unbending love all my life made me capable of loving and forgiving Jace, even after the pain and disappointment.
The reason I go on is because I'm Kirk Johansson's daughter, and he'd expect nothing less from me.
About Bijou
Living in Indiana with my three sweet sons, three wacky cats, one super mom (and her ugly dog), I love writing, cats, Denny's, 1970's rock, Beanie Boos, and sitcoms cancelled before their time.
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Bijou Hunter Books
Damaged Series
Damaged and the Beast
Damaged and the Knight
Damaged and the Cobra
Damaged and the Outlaw
Damaged and the Dragon
Damaged and the Bulldog
Damaged and the Saint
Little Memphis MC Series
Little Memphis
Broken Memphis
Standalones
Gator
Used
Rebound Biker