I had assumed I would be struggling to support a fishtail or something, but the mermaids had made it easier on us by shifting to their human forms. Still, I noticed gills on the sides of their necks below their ears, and they had seashells for fingernails, so they weren’t entirely human even when they tried.
I scanned the party to find all my unicorns now had a mermaid on their shoulders and were staring at each other anxiously. I also noticed that several mermen at the other end of the large pool also had mermaids on their shoulders. One of the mermaids was tossing a large beach ball eagerly in her hands as she straddled a beast of a merman. I grinned through my mask.
“The rules are simple,” Gunnar’s mermaid—Manta—called out. “Each team takes turns trying to get the ball into the goal at either end of the pool, like your game of basketball. Except full-contact.” She then pointed out a massive coral horn at the edge of the pool. “Join me at the sacred conch.”
She steered Gunnar towards the coral horn, and the rest of us followed suit. A trio of mermaids lounging on the land beside the conch had a case of cheap beer beside them and were each holding a few cans at the ready. They poured the beer at the wide opening near the top of the shell and it spiraled down to the funnel extending out over the pool, like a giant beer bong. “You first, bachelor,” she demanded, forcefully pushing Gunnar’s unicorn head towards the tip.
Alucard burst out laughing as Gunnar was forced to beer bong two cans of cheap beer through his unicorn mask or drown. He finished, gasping and spluttering, as he struggled to keep his rider on his shoulders through the process. Luckily, it was high enough that he didn’t have to crouch too low. Also, our riders were forced to drink, but they were simply tossed cans of beer that they had to chug; they were shockingly efficient at it, using their coral fingernails to stab into the can as they popped the top to make their own impromptu beer bongs—or as I knew of it, shotgunning a beer. I wondered where mermaids had learned that trick.
Next it was my turn. I think I also got a double, because I felt like I was being waterboarded through the unicorn mask, half of it going up my nose.
I was laughing and choking as I teetered slightly, but somehow managed to keep Echo upright as she shotgunned her own beer.
One by one, we each did our introductory beer bong, the mermaids cackling as they watched us flounder with the added difficulty of drinking through our masks. Finally finished, we watched as our mermen opponents did the same, although with much more skill since they were obviously practiced and weren’t drinking through a rubber horse’s snout.
Gunnar’s mount clapped her hands, getting our attention again. “When one team scores, the other team drinks from the conch. You lose a rider, you both drink from the conch. Halfway through the game, everyone pauses to drink from the conch.”
My unicorns were all shaking their heads left and right, but I knew they were grinning beneath. Well, maybe not Asterion. Party pooper. A distant part of me was simply excited to hang out with some mermaids and play their games. Something that was, ironically, less crazy than my typical day.
I thought about that. Uniquely crazy was probably more accurate.
“There will also be random objects hurled at you from the spectators,” Gunnar’s mount continued, grinning wide. I noticed lines of naked mer-people in human form standing on the pool deck while others were lounging in their natural, half-human form; there were piles of starfish next to them. “You or your rider gets hit, you drink from the conch. You exit the pool, you drink.”
“What do we win?” Gunnar asked, his voice muffled from his mask.
She patted his head. “You get to proceed to your next engagement. If you lose, you play again, but the more you drink the harder the game becomes, so I recommend you don’t lose.”
Before any of us could react, someone blew the fucking conch horn, and everything went crazy.
Chapter 4
In the first few minutes, I had been tagged three times by the damned starfish projectiles, and they were more ninja star than soft and squishy. Which meant I was totally useless to my team, spending most of my time with my lips around the tip of the conch.
Add to that, our opponents had been scoring points, so I’d had to drink even more. We had knocked down a few of their team, so they’d been forced to drink as well, but we were definitely trailing by the obligatory halfway drinking point.
After that, we ratcheted up our game and were currently tied at eight points each—mainly because we resorted to excessive violence.
The conch horn blew three times in rapid succession and everyone stopped. My mount leaned down to speak in my ear, finding it necessary to rest her hot palms on my chest and squeeze in the process. “Two points left, and we’re tied so we must all drink a triple beer,” she said, giggling as she explained the rule.
I grinned, squeezing her shins to let her know I’d heard her. In response, she squeezed my pecs one last time and then squeezed her thighs as she straightened. Part of me was slightly horrified at how much beer we’d been chugging. I was definitely feeling it but knew the full effect hadn’t hit me yet. Which meant we had to win or we would be playing this drinking game for hours. We drank and then took a short breather, having ingested more beer and pool water than air, it seemed. Our riders rallied us into a huddle. “Tie game. Coran must not be allowed to win. I thought you would be much better at this.”
She openly pointed at the largest merman on the opposing team. He was staring right back at us with a face I didn’t like very much.
Asterion snorted beneath his water-logged mask. “Time to take off the floaties,” he said, looking directly at Alucard and Achilles. Throughout the game, the two had frequently lost focus on their objective to openly ogle the topless mermaidens at the worst possible moments. Of course, the mermaidens had caught onto this weakness and had begun to go out of their way to fondle themselves or stretch and pose in order to really distract Achilles and Alucard throughout the game.
It also didn’t help that the other team was much better at maneuvering in the water, obviously. “We need an edge,” I said, brandishing a few starfish I had scooped up from my last foray underwater.
I saw Gunnar’s mount grin wickedly. “I was wondering how long it would take for you to realize you could cheat. Coran’s been doing it since almost the very beginning,” Manta admitted. “I wasn’t allowed to say anything until one of you actually cheated or suggested it. It’s like an unwritten rule—win by any means necessary.”
I stared at her in disbelief. “You’re shitting me…” The rest of the bachelor party growled beneath their masks, not finding it nearly as funny. They looked as if the new purpose of the game was to see how many rules they could break—and how fast they could do it. I agreed.
She shook her head slowly, using a free hand to wipe her soaked hair from her brow. “Two of your drinks are courtesy of him throwing his own starfish at you.”
I turned to glare at the beast of a man. He was staring right at me. I narrowed my eyes, but all he saw was an angry unicorn staring at him. “Let’s filet these fuckers.” I winced almost instantly, glancing up as I realized that half of our team were mermaids as well. “No offense.”
“Let’s hook, gut, and fry these fuckers,” Gunnar’s mount corrected with a feral snarl.
I let out a relieved breath, glad I hadn’t offended them. “We’re good at cheating,” I said.
“Well, you might be,” Asterion grumbled. But he was also glaring pointedly at one of the larger opponents who had taken an interest in him.
Before we could formulate a plan, the beach ball was tossed into the center of the pool and someone blew the horn. In a frenzied splash, we swarmed after the ball. Knowing that my relative strength compared to my allies wouldn’t help keep our opponents back, I went for the ball, leaving defense to my bigger, stronger friends. Echo leaned down over my shoulders to scoop up the ball and I began to haul ass, pointing to my left and right to indicate Achilles and Alucard who had fan
ned out ahead of us, their riders waving their hands that they were open for a pass.
I twisted just as one of the mermen dove for me, but I used the motion to hurl one of my starfish at the merman guarding Alucard. It struck him in the chest and he cursed, but he didn’t catch that I had been the one to throw it. Echo didn’t even hesitate as she tossed the ball at Alucard’s rider—I forgot her name. A merman launched up out of the water and speared Alucard the moment his mermaid reached to catch the ball, sending them both crashing into the water where Alucard lost his unicorn mask.
But Achilles leapt up into the air impossibly high, using his knee to clock another merman in the face who had been diving for the ball. His mermaid caught the ball and hurled it into the goal, scoring us a point.
We were ahead for the first time, even if only by a single point.
I lifted my fists in victory and felt Echo grasp my wrists as she gyrated rather vigorously against my neck with a triumphant shriek.
Which was when Coran struck us like a torpedo. My mask flew off as I crashed underwater, but I jumped up, reflexively helping Echo clamber back up onto my shoulders even though I knew she didn’t need any time to catch her breath, being able to swim underwater and everything.
I glared at Coran as he stood from the water—having sacrificed himself to take me down for the sheer spite of it since the ball hadn’t been in play. He sniffed pointedly and turned to wade hurriedly over to the conch since we now both had to drink. I saw those on the edge of the pool toss cans of beer to our lovely passengers and heard the snikt sound of them shotgunning them as fast as possible so we could get back into the game.
Coran was already finished when I reached the conch, so I splashed some water onto the tip to get rid of his fish mouth saliva before chugging my own penalty beers.
I spun to jump back into the fray just as Asterion literally tackled one of the opponents trying to shoot at our goal. He struck him like a killer whale, knocking the mermaid clear off the merman’s shoulders as they all went under. But the ball still went into the goal, so I spun around to take my double beer from the conch as fast as possible, my head spinning slightly.
I made my way to the center of the pool waiting for a teammate to join me against the waiting horde. Achilles joined me, straightening his unicorn mask. He saw me staring at him and nodded. Then he reached up and gave his rider a loud slap on the ass. “Game time!” he roared.
She gasped in surprise and then burst out laughing. “The rider is supposed to slap the horse’s ass!” she shouted between chuckles. In response, Achilles reached up to slap her other ass cheek even harder than the first, sending her into a giggling fit. Two hand-shaped red welts were already visible on her pale rear.
I felt my own companion wiggling suggestively on my shoulders. “I’m waiting…” she purred.
I grinned. “What the hell,” I muttered, as I reached up to slap her on the ass. Because I always thought about others before myself and didn’t want her to be embarrassed in front of her friends with only one handprint on her ass, I gave her a wet slap on the other side.
“That’s what I’m talking about, magic man! Good horsey!” she hooted, patting my head.
I rolled my eyes, but I was laughing. I scooped up the ball, staring down Coran as he squared off against me. “Let’s do this.”
I tossed the ball at Achilles and Coran took off in hot pursuit. The moment his back turned, I flung my last starfish at him, striking his partner in the ass-cheek before it ricocheted into his back, actually drawing blood.
I lifted my fist in victory, but quickly realized he hadn’t stopped to go get his drink. He was… cheating—ignoring the projectile.
“I wouldn’t do that, Coran!” I shouted. He ignored that, too.
“You should probably teach him a lesson,” Echo cooed in my ears, bending down to tweak my nipples playfully.
I jolted, slapping her hands away. “Hey! Easy, Edna Shellhands! I have sensitive nipples!” She roared with her smoky laughter and I resumed my glare at Coran’s back as he made his way after Achilles—who was running with the ball to the goal.
Gunnar suddenly roared beside me and fucking hurled his mermaid at another opponent attempting to plant himself in Achilles’ path. She laughed loudly as she sailed through the air, but his drunken aim was slightly off. His mermaid more than made up for it by stretching out with her hands to grapple the mermaid on the merman’s shoulders, sending them both splashing into the pool and clearing a path for Achilles.
But Coran was going to cut him off.
I took a deep breath and patted Chloe on the ass. “Feel like flying?”
“Oh, absolutely.”
I didn’t even wait, dropping into a crouch and hurling her as hard as I could. She flew through the air and tackled Coran into the water. He splashed down head-first, sending his rider flying. He came back up with a snarl, but my girl simply straddled him and began making out with him. Then the mermaid who had been on his shoulders joined in, distracting him entirely.
Achilles scored, and I hooted with a fist in the air.
“I’m a winner!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “I told you, mom!” I added without really thinking first.
Alucard turned to me, cocking his head at my specific choice of words. “What?” he asked in a muffled voice.
“Forget about it. We’ve got somewhere to go,” I told him.
Our team lowered their mounts and we gathered in a small circle at the conch, those on the sidelines cheering us on.
Asterion glanced up at them. “Shouldn’t they be cheering for their home team?” he asked, tearing off his shredded unicorn mask.
His mermaid flicked his massive nose ring playfully. “Winners drink!” she hooted.
“Sweet gods,” he said, shaking his head. “Do you guys always drink like this?” he asked no one in particular.
I sighed, wading over to the conch. “Let’s do it. We have more to do after this.”
Everyone drank, and we said our goodbyes—well, Coran and his two groupies were occupied on the edge of the pool, not bothering to hide their amorous activities from the rest of the group. Then again, it was a nudist pool, and apparently that meant whatever could be seen could be fondled. I didn’t object to that but would have been interested in experiencing it firsthand—just to make sure it was fair.
Achilles’ mermaid planted a long, wet kiss on his lips and then pulled away. “Come back soon. And don’t forget your new drinking rule.”
I leaned forward, wondering what they had chosen. Gunnar and the rest were frowning. Achilles was frowning for entirely different reasons, of course, as if considering abandoning us already.
She skipped back from his reach. “When someone says Shark Attack, you all have to get your feet off the ground. Last one to do so drinks.”
One of the mermaids from the other team had backstroked over to us, her goods on full display as she floated near us on her back. Her entire torso was also covered in intricate ocean-themed tattoos that looked so sharp and clear they could have been real. Part of it was even what looked to be an authentic treasure map rendition. The detail led me to believe it was either real or meticulously designed prior to her putting it on her skin.
We obviously ogled her and her tattoos since she was swimming like that only to get a rise out of us. “Don’t accept any test tube shots on Bourbon Street. They’re a rip off, for one, but they’re also a great way to get drugged…unless you’re into that kind of thing, I guess.” Then she was floating past us, humming softly to herself. The moonlight hitting the pale wet canvas of her tattooed body was—in all seriousness—so beautiful that I knew I would remember it forever. All dirty jokes about treasure-hunting aside.
We nodded, climbing out of the pool unsteadily, the effects of our drinking much more noticeable on dry land. This is also when we were reminded that we, too, were naked. Which resulted in a whole lot of awkward facing away from each other and hands over our goods. The mermaids rolled their
eyes and decided this obligated them to play keep-away with our now dry clothes, which produced a flopping, hopping game of tag that left us breathless and laughing despite our indecency.
Especially since everyone laughing at the game was also as naked as the day is long.
They kept our masks as mementos, but we didn’t really put up a fight to keep them. They had served their purpose.
Chapter 5
I rolled my eyes at the repetitive debate behind me, likely fueled by the alcohol in our bloodstreams, making our mental capacities fuzzy.
“For the third time,” Alucard reminded the Minotaur. “We’re visiting Freaks-only locations, so you don’t have to worry about any humans recognizing that you’re a giant fucking bull.” The two of them were weaving back and forth between the tables of the rickety bar where I had made a Gateway from the mermaids’ pool.
The Alcochemist. I’d heard rumors about this place, but only that it was a fun bar for us supernatural folk to have a unique, custom-made drink while in New Orleans, which seemed obvious based on the clever name. Not just Alchemist—those who meddled in magical chemistry—but Alco-chemist, a play on words combining alcohol and alchemist.
The old bar was full of patrons from all walks of life. I saw a few witches—I think—a handful of shifters, some vampires, and a few other flavors I didn’t dare bother asking about. There was even a man in stereotypical voodoo priest attire. Judging by the wide berth everyone gave him, I presumed he was the real deal. The patrons watched—our progression through the bar resembling nothing more than a drunken stampede on our way to the watering hole. It would have been even more appropriate if we’d kept our unicorn masks.
“Shark attack,” I said loudly, grinning as I hopped up onto a barstool and lifted my feet.
Asterion leapt for one of the stools, but it shattered under his enthusiasm and he dropped to his ass with a loud crash. The rest of our party scrambled up onto barstools, laughing at Asterion who was mumbling as he climbed to his feet. The rest of the bar chuckled when it was apparent we weren’t purposely causing problems, but merely playing shenanigans.
Last Call: A TempleVerse Anthology Book 1 (TempleVerse Anthologies) Page 17