He split another log. I always was good at concentrating my attention. That was part of what had impressed Master Luhhan. Give Perrin a project, and he'd keep working on it until he was done.
He split the halves of that log.
Maybe the changes in him were a result of encountering the outside world. He'd blamed the wolves for many things, and he had placed unnatural demands on Hopper. Wolves weren't stupid or simple, but they did not care about things that humans did. It must have been very hard for Hopper to teach in a way that Perrin would understand.
What did the wolf owe him? Hopper had died during that fateful night, so long ago. The night when Perrin had first killed a man, the night Perrin had first lost control of himself in a battle. Hopper didn't owe Perrin anything, but he had saved Perrin on several occasions in fact, Perrin realized that Hopper's intervention had helped to keep him from losing himself as a wolf.
He swung at a log, a glancing blow that knocked it to the side. He repositioned and continued, Gaul's quiet sharpening soothing him. He split it.
Petrin grew caught up in what he was doing, maybe too much. That was true.
But at the same time, if a man wanted to get anything done, he had to work on one project until it was complete. Perrin had known men who never seemed to finish anything, and their farms were a mess. He couldn't live like that.
There had to be a balance. Perrin had claimed he had been pulled into a world filled with problems much larger than he was. He had claimed he was a simple man.
What if he was wrong? What if he was a complex man who had once happened to live a simple life? After all, if he was so simple, why had he fallen in love with such a complicated woman?
The split logs were piling up. Perrin bent down, gathering up quarters, their grain rough against his fingers. Callused fingers; he would never be a lord like those milk-fed creatures from Cairhien. But there were other kinds of lords, men like Faile's own father. Or men like Lan, who seemed more weapon than man.
Perrin stacked the wood. He enjoyed leading the wolves in his dream, but wolves didn't expect you to protect them, or to provide for them, or to make laws for them. They didn't cry to you when their loved ones died beneath your command.
It wasn't the leadership that worried him. It was all the things that came with it.
He could smell Elyas approaching. With his loamy, natural earthen scent he smelled like a wolf. Almost.
"You're up late," Elyas said, stepping up. Perrin heard Gaul rustling, slipping his spear back into its place on his bowcase, then withdrawing with the silence of a sparrow streaking off into the sky. He would stay close, but would not listen in.
Perrin looked up at the dark sky, resting the axe on his shoulder. "Sometimes I feel more awake at night than during the day."
Elyas smiled. Perrin didn't see it, but he could smell the amusement.
"Did you ever try to avoid it, Elyas?" Perrin asked. "Ignore their voices, pretend that nothing about you had changed?"
"I did," Elyas said. He had a soft low voice, one that somehow suggested the earth in motion. Distant rumbles. "I wanted to, but then the Aes Sedai wanted to gentle me. I had to flee."
"Do you miss your old life?"
Elyas shrugged Perrin could hear the motion, the clothing scraping against itself. "No Warder wants to abandon his duty. Sometimes, other things are more important. Or . . . well, maybe they are just more demanding. I don't regret my choices."
"I can't leave, Elyas. I won't!'
"I left my life for the wolves. That doesn't mean you have to."
"Noam had to," Perrin said.
"Did he have to?" Elyas said.
"It consumed him. He stopped being human."
He caught a scent of worry. Elyas had no answers.
"Do you ever visit wolves in your dreams, Elyas?" Perrin asked. "A place where dead wolves run and live again?"
Elyas turned, eyeing him. "That place is dangerous, Perrin. It's another world, although tied to this one somehow. Legends say the Aes Sedai of old could go there."
"And other people, too," Perrin said, thinking of Slayer.
"Be careful in the dream. I stay away from it." His scent was wary.
"Do you ever have trouble?" Perrin asked. "Separating yourself from the wolf?"
"I used to."
"But not any longer?"
"I found a balance," Elyas said.
"How?"
The older man fell still for a moment. "I wish I knew. It was just something I learned, Perrin. Something you'll have to learn."
Or end up like Noam. Perrin met Elyas' golden eyes, then nodded. "Thank you."
"For the advice?"
"No," Perrin said. "For coming back. For showing me that one of us, at least, can live with the wolves and not lose himself."
"It's nothing," Elyas said. "I had forgotten that it could be nice to be around people for a change. I don't know how long I can stay, though. The Last Hunt is almost here."
Perrin looked up at the sky again. "That it is. Pass the word on to Tarn and the others for me. I've made my decision. The Whitecloaks have picked a place to fight. I've decided to go ahead and meet them tomorrow."
"All right," Elyas said. "You don't smell like you want to do it, though."
"It needs to be done," Perrin said. "And that's that." Everyone wanted him to be a lord. Well, this was the sort of thing lords did. Made decisions that nobody wanted to make.
It would still sicken him to give the order. He'd seen a vision of those wolves running sheep toward a beast. It seemed to him that maybe that was what he was doing, running the Whitecloaks toward destruction. They certainly wore the color of sheep's wool.
But what to make of the vision of Faile and the others, approaching a cliff? Elyas moved off, leaving Perrin with the axe still on his shoulder. He felt as if he hadn't been chopping logs, but bodies.
CHAPTER 25
Return to Bandar Eban
Rand and Min did not announce themselves as they came to Bandar Eban. They stepped through the gateway into a small alley, guarded by two Maidens Lerian and Heidia along with Naeff, the tall, square-chinned Asha'man.
The Maidens scouted to the end of the alleyway, peering suspiciously at the city. Rand stepped forward and laid a hand on Heidia's shoulder, calming the slender woman, who seemed anxious at Rand's guard being so few. He wore his brown cloak.
Overhead, the clouds broke, melting away above the city in response to Rand's arrival. Min looked upward, feeling the warmth shine on her face. The alley smelled terrible of refuse and waste but a warm breeze blew through, carrying the stenches away.
"My Lord Dragon," Naeff said. "I don't like this. You should have greater protection. Let us return and gather "
"It will be fine, Naeff," Rand said. He turned to Min and held out his hand.
She took it, joining him. Naeff and the Maidens had orders to follow behind at a distance; they would draw attention.
As Min and Rand stepped out onto one of the Domani capital's many boardwalks, she raised a hand to her mouth. It had only been a short time since Rand's departure. How had the city changed so quickly?
The street was full of sickly, dirty people, crowded alongside walls, huddled in blankets. There wasn't room to move on the boardwalks; Min and Rand had to step down into the mud to continue. People coughed and moaned, and she realized the stenches weren't confined to the alley. The entire city seemed to stink. Once, banners had hung from many of these buildings, but they'd been pulled down and ripped apart for blankets or fuel.
Most of the buildings had broken windows, with refugees clogging the doorways and floors inside. As Min and Rand walked, the people around them turned to watch. Some looked delirious. Others looked hungry. And dangerous. Many were Domani, but there seemed to be as many paler-skinned people. Refugees from Almoth Plain or Saldaea, perhaps. Min loosened a knife in her sleeve as they passed a group of young toughs lounging at an alleyway's mouth. Perhaps Naeff had been right. This didn't feel safe.
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"I walked through Ebou Dar like this," Rand said softly. Suddenly, she was aware of his pain. A crushing guilt, more hurtful than the wounds in his side. "That was part of what made me change. The people in Ebou Dar were happy and well-fed. They didn't look like these. The Seanchan rule better than I"
"Rand, you aren't responsible for this," Min said. "You weren't here to . . ."
His pain increased, and she realized she'd said the wrong thing. "Yes," he replied softly, "I wasn't here. I abandoned this city when I saw that I could not use it as the tool I wished it to be. I forgot, Min. I forgot what this was all about. Tarn was so very right. A man must know why he is fighting."
Rand had sent his father along with one of the Asha'man to the Two Rivers to prepare and gather them for the Last Battle.
Rand stumbled as he walked, suddenly looking very tired. He sat down on a nearby box. A copper-skinned urchin watched him keenly from a nearby doorway. Across the street, a roadway branched off the main thoroughfare. That one wasn't clogged with people; brutish-looking men with cudgels stood at its mouth.
"They break into gangs," Rand said softly, shoulders bowing. "The rich hire the strong to protect them, to fight away those who come seeking their wealth. But it's not a wealth of gold or jewelry. It's about food, now."
"Rand," she said, going to one knee beside him. "You can't "
"I know I must go on," Rand said, "but it hurts to know the things that I've done, Min. By turning myself to steel, I pushed out all of these emotions. By allowing myself to care again, to laugh again, I've had to open myself to my failures, too."
"Rand, I see sunlight around you."
He looked up at her, then glanced at the sky.
"Not that sunlight," Min whispered. "A viewing. I see dark clouds, pushed away by the sunlight's warmth. I see you, a brilliant white sword held in your hand, wielded against one of black, held by a faceless darkness. I see trees, growing green again, bearing fruit. I see a field, the crops healthy and full." She hesitated. "I see the Two Rivers, Rand. I see an inn there with the mark of the Dragon's Fang inlaid on its door. No longer be a symbol of darkness or hate. A sign of victory and hope."
He looked to her.
Min caught something from the corner of her eye. She turned toward the people sitting on the street, and gaped. Every single one had an image above them. It was remarkable to see so many viewings, all at once, flaring to light above the heads of the sickly, the weak, and the abandoned.
"I see a silver axe above that man's head," she said, pointing to a bearded beggar, who lay against a wall, his chin down against his chest. "He will be a leader in the Last Battle. That woman there the one sulking in the shadows she will be trained by the White Tower and become Aes Sedai. I can see the Flame of Tar Valon beside her, and I know what it means. That man over there who looks like a simple street tough? He will save her life. I know he doesn't look like it, but he will fight. All of them will. I can see it!"
She looked at Rand and took his hand. "You will be strong, Rand. You'll do this. You'll lead them. I know it."
"You saw that?" he asked. "In a viewing?"
She shook her head. "I don't need to. I believe in you."
"I almost killed you," he whispered. "When you look at me, you see a murderer. You feel my hand at your throat."
"What? Of course I don't! Rand, meet my eyes. You can sense me through the bond. Do you feel a sliver of hesitation or fear from me?"
He searched her eyes with his own, so deep. She didn't back down. She could meet the eyes of this sheepherder.
He sat up straighten "Oh, Min. What would I do without you?"
She snorted. "You have kings and Aiel chiefs following you. Aes Sedai, Asha'man, and taveren. I'm certain you'd get along."
"No," Rand said. "You're more vital than them all. You remind me who I am. Besides, you think more clearly than most of those who call themselves my counselors. You could be a queen, if you wished it."
"All I wish for is you, stupid looby."
"Thank you." He hesitated. "Though I could manage without quite so much name calling."
"Life's tough, isn't it?"
He smiled. Then he stood, taking a deep breath. His guilt was still there, but he managed it now, as he managed the pain. Nearby, the refugees perked up. Rand turned toward the beatded wretch Min had indicated earlier; the man sat with his feet in the mud.
"You," the man said to Rand, "you're him. The Dragon Reborn."
"Yes," Rand said. "You were a soldier?"
"I . . ." The man's eyes grew distant. "Another life. I was in the King's Guard, before he was taken, before we were seized by Lady Chadmar, then disbanded." The fatigue seemed to bleed from his eyes as he thought of earlier days.
"Excellent," Rand said. "We need to restore this city, Captain."
"Captain?" the man said. "But I . . ." He cocked his head. Then he stood up and brushed himself off. He suddenly had a faintly military air about him, despite the ripped clothing and the snarled beard. "Well, I suppose you're right. But I don't think it'll be easy. The people are starving."
"I will see to that," Rand said. "I need you to gather your soldiers."
"I don't see many of the other lads here. . . . No, wait. There's Votabek and Redbord." He waved to a pair of the toughs Min had noticed earlier. They hesitated, then walked over.
"Durnham?" one of them asked. "What's this?"
"It's time for the lawlessness in the city to end," Durnham said. "We're going to organize things, clean it up. The Lord Dragon has returned."
One of them spat to the side. He was a burly man with curly black hair, Domani skin, and a thin mustache. "Burn him. He left us. I-" He cut off as saw Rand.
"I'm sorry," Rand said, meeting the man's eyes. "I failed you. I will not do so again."
The man glanced at his companion, who shrugged. "Lain's never going to pay us. Might as well see what we can do here."
"Naeff," Rand called, waving the Asha'man forward. He and the Maidens stepped up from where they had been watching. "Make a gateway back to the Stone. I want weapons, armor and uniforms."
"I'll do it immediately," Naeff said. "We'll have soldiers bring them "
"No," Rand said. "Pass the supplies through, into this building here.
I'll clear a place for the gateway inside it. But no soldiers are to come." Rand raised his eyes, looking at the street. "Bandar Eban has suffered enough beneath the hands of outsiders. Today, she will not know the hand of a conqueror."
Min stepped back, and watched with wonder. The three soldiers hastened into the building and cleared out the urchins. When Rand saw them, he asked them to be messengers to run errands. They responded. Everyone responded to Rand, when they took time to look at him.
Perhaps another might have thought it some form of Compulsion, but Min saw their faces change, saw hope return as a glimmer in their eyes. They saw something about Rand they could trust. Something, at least, they hoped they could trust.
The three soldiers sent a few of the messenger boys and girls to fetch other former soldiers. Naeff made his gateway In minutes, the original three soldiers stepped out of the building, wearing silvery breastplates and simple, clean clothing of green. The men had combed their beards and hair and found some water to wash their faces As quickly as that, they stopped looking like beggars and became soldiers. A bit smelly, but soldiers nonetheless.
The woman Min had noted earlier the one she was certain could learn to channel came over to speak with Rand. After a bit, she nodded, and soon had gathered women and men to fill buckets from the well. Min frowned at that until they started wiping clean the faces and hands of those who approached.
People began to gather around. Some curious, others hostile, still others merely caught in the flow. The woman and her team began sorting through them and setting them to work. Some to seek out the wounded or sickly, others to take up swords and uniforms. Another woman began interrogating the urchins, discovering where their parents were, if they had any.
Min sat down on the box that Rand had been sitting on. Within the hour, he had a group of soldiers five hundred strong, led by Captain Durnham and his two lieutenants. Many of those five hundred kept glancing down at their clean clothing and silvery breastplates as if amazed.
Rand spoke with many of them, apologizing directly. As he was speaking to one woman, the crowd behind began to shuffle and move. Rand turned to see an aged man approaching, his skin broken by terrible lesions. The crowd kept its distance.
"Naeff," Rand called.
"My Lord?"
"Bring the Aes Sedai through," Rand said. "There are people who require Healing." The woman who had gotten people to fill water buckets led the old man to one side.
"My Lord," Captain Durnham said, marching up. Min blinked. The man had found a razor somewhere and shaved off his beard, revealing a strong chin. He'd left a Domani mustache. Four men followed him as a guard.
"We're going to need more room, my Lord," Durnham said. "That building you chose is overflowing, and more and more are coming, filling the street."
"What do you suggest?" Rand asked.
"The docks," Durnham replied. "They are held by one of the city merchants. I'll wager we can find some near-empty warehouses to use. Those once held food but . . . well, there isn't any left."
"And the merchant who holds the place?" Rand asked.
"My Lord," Captain Durnham said, "nothing you can't deal with."
Rand smiled, then waved for Durnham to lead the way. Rand held his hand out to Min.
"Rand," she said, joining him, "they'll need food."
"Yes," he agreed. He looked southward, toward the nearby docks. "We'll find it there."
"Won't it already have been eaten?"
Rand didn't reply. They joined the newly formed city guard, walking at the head of a force in green and silver. Behind them trailed a growing throng of hopeful refugees.
The enormous docks of Bandar Eban were some of the most impressive in the world. They lay in a half-moon at the base of the city. Min was surprised to see how many ships were there, most of them Sea Folk vessels.
Robert Jordan & Brandon Sanderson - [Wheel of Time 13] Page 48