by A. J. Downey
He fell silent and I was confused, I mean, if he was the one who was hit, then why did he go to jail? Why didn’t the other guy.
“I swore after Duncan and Norma-Rae, I would never let another man lay hands on me again. He just flipped my switch and it was like I blanked out. I fuckin’ raged. I beat him into a three day coma. I don’t even remember doing it. It didn’t matter that the guy threw the first punch. I went away for aggravated battery. Didn’t even try to take it to trial. Prosecution had the store surveillance tape and any jury would have locked my ass up in a heartbeat for the maximum. I was looking at a ten to fifteen year sentence. I plead it down to eight, thanks to overcrowding and good behavior, I was out after three.”
I swallowed hard and squeezed his hand. I don’t think I could blame him for his reaction. I had a feeling I knew, but I had to ask any way just to be clear, “Who are Duncan and Norma-rae? Your foster parents?”
“Yeah,” he said unhappily and I felt my heart squeeze down into about the size of a quarter in my chest. I ached for him. For the lost little boy that he’d been and the damaged young man he’d become as a result. Still, for as awful as his childhood had been and as hard a mistake he had made in the beginning, I still couldn’t help but be impressed at the man who held me close and occupied my bed with me.
“Why did you come here to help me? I mean, you didn’t even know it was me, and when you found out, you still stayed, despite my being a bitch.”
“Dray said his family was in trouble, he’s my club brother, a bond we treat as almost thicker than even blood. One of us asks for help, we answer. There is no other option there. You don’t answer, you’re a liar. We all took an oath when we put those colors on our backs to be there for each other and to do right by one another. We take that shit seriously.”
I laid my head on his shoulder and bit my bottom lip, I wanted to ask, and now? I really did, but I was scared about the answer. Still, if they could be brave and strong and do these things for me, then I could face the truth no matter what it was.
“And now?” I said it out loud and steeled myself for the answer.
“Now, even if Dragon ordered me to pull out and leave the situation alone, I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”
“Why?”
“Because that would mean leaving you high and dry and I couldn’t do that.”
“Why?”
Silence. Too long of a silence. I pulled myself up and propped myself onto one arm so I could look down at him. He had an expression as if a very real war were going on inside and I straddled his hips and stared down at him, waiting him out, scared for the answer myself. My heart thundered in my chest so hard I felt my pulse point leaping out of the side of my throat.
“Because, Bailey… isn’t it obvious?” he swallowed hard and I think he was freaking out on the inside as hard as I was.
“I think I want to hear you say it.” I said.
Again with the nervous swallow, his gaze trapped, staring at my face as he reached up and traced some of the fall of my hair behind my ear.
“Fuck, you’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you?”
“Would it help if I said it first?” His smile said that yes, yes it would, but more than that, it said he was overjoyed that I might feel the same way.
“How about on the count of three?”
“One,” I murmured.
“Two,” he muttered.
“I think I love you…” we said together. There was a mutually stunned pause and both of us started to laugh at the same time.
“Come here, you,” he said and pulled me down, pressing our mouths together. I let my eyes close and kissed him back, but still worried that love couldn’t or wouldn’t be enough. I mean, our worlds were so different and to ignore that?
Well, I could ignore it for now if he could.
Chapter 19
Rush
I worked my ass off around that fucking farm while Bailey dealt with not only her lawyers and meeting up with that Cranston woman, but soothing a never ending stream of prissy ass fuckin’ rich snob assholes. All of them were demanding shit way out of pocket to ensure that their precious horsemeat was safe. We had guys on rotation, Jorge’s idea, sleepin’ in the fuckin’ stables at night, waking up every hour on a stagger to check things out.
What’s more, and what no one knew, we had a couple of our guys from the club around keepin’ an eye on things. It was quiet for a while. Almost too quiet, to be honest which typically meant one thing and one thing only; they were gearing up to cause more trouble. I didn’t like it, but honestly it was nice getting a bit of a reprieve.
I’d been missing my shop and needing some fresh clothes. Bailey had said she would be fine and to get some ‘me’ time in. I appreciated it. Loved it even more that I may have found a woman who got my need for some time to myself, just me and whatever chunk of wood I happened to have in front of me.
I’d been doing okay hand carving some little pieces in the evenings and spare moments, but I’d really been missing my shop the last couple of days. The current piece I’d been working on was seriously calling my name and I got so absorbed in what I was doing I completely lost track of time, I also completely missed the fact my two brothers ended up on the stools I had set up in the corner of the shop. They sat at a bar height table, several brews between ‘em and a couple dead soldiers back in the six-pack they’d come from.
“Hey, guys… what’s up?”
Nox laughed and Archer being his typical deadpan self said, “We was wondering when you were planning on coming up for air and stop hittin’ that rich pussy to go back to hittin’ your shop.”
“Man, if I could I’d hit that rich pussy in my shop.” I was surprised that our typical foolin’ over a girl was suddenly sitting wrong with me. I felt like, I don’t know, like I was somehow betraying Bailey by talking about her like that. That’d never happened to me before, that kind of reaction.
Nox picked up on it first, he always did. He searched my face and said, “Well, Arch, I do believe we get to welcome Rush here to the fold.”
“What the fuck you talking about, boy?”
Nox twisted the top off a fresh cold one and held it out to me. I went over and took it and clinked bottles with him and held it out for Arch to do the same. He did, and we drank and Nox said, “I do believe my twin here has finally found love.”
“The fuck, you say?” Arch leaned back on his stool and frowned. “How the fuck do you guys tell this shit about each other with one look?”
“It’s a twin thing,” I told him, knocking back some more beer. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Nox laughed while Archer made a face and gave me the finger. I smiled and laughed a little too and asked “To what do I owe this pleasure of having both my brothers in one place at the same time?”
“Noah and Chandler are wondering where their Unca Rush is, and so is their mamma.”
“Club business,” I said and Archer scowled at me.
“I fuckin’ know that, asshole. I’m a part of this club, too, or did you forget?” I shook my head and smiled.
“You already missed a couple of Sunday dinners now, you best not miss this one.”
“Might need to set an extra place setting,” Nox said and Archer nodded.
“Done deal, bring the rich girl with you.”
“Jesus, Arch, she has a name,” Nox said shaking his head.
“Ain’t none of you fuckers said it yet,” he admonished and drained the rest of his beer in two pulls, cracking another one and drinking half of it in one go.
“Bailey, her name is Bailey,” I said laughing. Mel had rubbed off on Archer in a lot of ways over the last year, but in a lot of ways, Archer remained stubbornly the same.
“Right, well bring Bailey to dinner on Sunday or Mel an’ the boys are gonna have my balls.”
“Right, and we wouldn’t want that.”
“Fuck no, we don’t want that!”
Nox was laughing so hard he was go
nna fall off his stool, but Archer, he was smiling. I kind of liked the softer side of my hard assed older brother.
“So you two love birds trading ‘I love you’s’ yet?” he asked and I knew he meant to yank my chain but my silence must have tipped him off, I mean, I didn’t know what to say about that one. I wasn’t about to lie, not even a white lie, to either of my brothers. We weren’t like that, ever.
Nox scoffed in disbelief and said, “You’re fuckin’ serious?”
“Dude, it’s just… fuck, I don’t know, it’s just right, me and her. Hell, both of you know.”
Archer looked thoughtful. All of a sudden he was taking great interest in peeling the label off his bottle of beer. He sighed finally and it was heavy.
“And the pendulum swings,” he muttered darkly.
“And just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I demanded.
Nox hung his head and raked a hand back through his black hair. “If I had to guess, it means she sure as fuck won’t be into you for money but dude… How many bitches back in AZ get with us because of the bad boy image and how well did that end for any of us?” he asked.
“I don’t think it’s like that,” I said. “Bailey’s different.”
“Yeah, we’ve heard that song and dance outta you before,” Arch said skeptically. He wasn’t wrong, but this time I could feel it, down to my fuckin’ bones.
I looked my twin in the eye and told him the fuckin’ truth, “I’m pretty sure I feel the way I do about Bailey the way you do about Maren. Fate’s cruel joke, man. If I recall we just threw down over that shit not long ago.
“Yeah, yeah we did…”
“I’d really fuckin’ hate to repeat that experience, bro. It was so not one of my favorite things.”
“Jesus,” Arch said, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. “You’re fuckin’ balls deep into this chick and then some, ain’t yah.”
“Not ready to make her my ol’ lady or anything yet, but yeah, bro; I dig her. I dig her the way I’ve never dug another chick in my life.”
Nox and Arch exchanged a worried look, and Arch nodded finally, “Just be careful, Rush. We all know you like to leap before you really look and it’s burned you but good in the past.”
He had me there. I nodded and sighed, saying, “I promise you, I got both eyes wide open this time and it seriously feels like the stakes have never been higher.”
“Do you at least got a good feeling about this?” Nox asked, grimacing. I looked my brother in the eye.
“When we’re together, I ain’t got a fuckin’ doubt in my mind that if it weren’t for all the extra bullshit, she and I would be totally cool.”
“But?” Arch said.
“I don’t think it would be money that fuckin tore us apart. If anything, it’ll be her rich mamma or the club that’ll do it and that scares me. It really does.”
Archer squinted at me, “Are you seriously sayin’ what I think you’re sayin’?” he demanded and I jerked back and asked, “What the fuck you think I’m sayin’?”
Nox blew out his cheeks and said, “It seriously sounds like you’re saying you’d leave the club over this girl if it came down to a choice between them.”
“No, man. I would never leave the club over pussy. I’d stay, but what I am sayin’ is it would hurt way worse than a case of road rash. The scars would be the same kind of forever, too.”
“You sure she feels the same way?” Archer asked me.
I nodded, I’d seen it in her eyes that night, the words, cheesy as they were, echoing faintly through my brain… One… two… I think I love you.
“Yeah, man, I really do.”
“Then you’ll figure it out,” Nox said, “If you guys are meant to be, the club will rally, man. They did with Maren.”
“And either her family will get on board or they’ll lose her.”
“You haven’t even met her, what makes you so sure?” I demanded.
“I’ve met Dray, and she comes from his mamma’s stock, don’t she?”
“She’s his cousin, yeah.”
“’nuff said, that kind of ornery don’t skip a generation. It’s solid in the bloodline.”
“God, we are so fucked when it comes to Noah and Chandler,” Nox said, rolling his eyes and the look on Archer’s face had us both busting up laughing.
“Yeah, don’t I know it?” he asked, and killed his beer.
There wasn’t enough beer in the world.
Chapter 20
Bailey
I laughed and leaned against the kitchen counter and said, “That’d be great, thank you, Dray.”
“No problem,” he said into my ear and stuttered for a second, stumbling over his words as if he were trying to decide if he wanted to speak. He, of course, did… he was his mother’s son after all. “Hey, Bales, you got a thing for our boy, Rush?”
I pressed my lips together and thought to myself, way more than a thing, but still, I was my mother’s daughter in some ways and needed to decide just how much to share. I decided on honesty with Dray, thinking that surely he wouldn’t use it against me later.
“Yeah, yeah I do… I uh, I’m not sure what to do with that, you know?”
I heard my cousin let out an explosive breath on the other end of the line before he said, “Well whatever you do, don’t tell your mom until you’re absolutely sure about things.” I could hear the unease in his voice and tearing a page out of Rush’s manual, I waited him out.
“Just, go easy on him if this is just a fling for you, Bailey. Dude’s been hurt a lot.”
“I don’t know what this is, Dray, it’s not like anything I’ve ever experienced before, but it’s not my intention to hurt anyone. I’m just trying to save my farm and what’s left of my family here.”
“Not sure a relationship with one of us is going to help your cause on that last part,” he said and I know he was just being honest, but the truth hurts, doesn’t it?
“I wonder if this was how Aunt Tillie felt,” I said chewing my bottom lip. A long heartbeat of silence and Dray cleared his throat.
“Only one person you can ask about that, Bales, and that’s my pops.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“It was a little before either of our time. Do you want to talk to him?” he asked.
I shook my head realized he couldn’t see it, and said, “Not right now, I honestly just want to cook some dinner and get some sleep. It’s been a long day.”
“Right, I’ll go find Rush and send him in your direction.”
“Thanks, I kind of figured he’d lose track of time.”
“It’s nice you want to cook for him, thanks for treating us like human beings.”
“You guys are human beings, and you’re helping me. Why wouldn’t I treat you as such?”
“I really ain’t got much to say to that, Bales.”
“Right, my mom, I should have known the answer to that one. I’m sorry, I’m just really, really, tired. All of this is just so mentally and emotionally draining.”
“I know when the shit gets heavy, being with my Em makes everything better,” he confided.
“That’s sort of what it’s like when Rush is around, it’s just easier somehow.”
“That’s a keeper, Bales. That’s a keeper. I’ma go get him for you.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
He ended the call and I set my phone on the dining room table. I sighed and went into the kitchen. Rush had told me it took forty-five minutes to an hour to get here from the club where his woodshop was, so that meant I had about that time to do my prep work and start cooking. I liked to cook, I just didn’t have much occasion to do it. It was no fun cooking for one and a lot of the farm hand’s wives had them bring me food all the time.
Renaldo said it was a sign of respect and gratitude, to turn them down would hurt feelings, so I had way more than enough to feed myself and the guys if need be. I shared where I could and before my dad had died would do a quart
erly picnic and barbecue potluck. I hadn’t precisely stopped the tradition but I may have missed it with everything going on and no one had seen fit to remind me.
I reminded myself staunchly to schedule one and get the preparations in order sometime this week. That I couldn’t let morale slip any further. Renaldo was out of his medically induced coma but it would be weeks if not months of rehab before he could return to work. If he could ever return. It was still too early to tell and that was depressing. I’d gone to visit him and he’d been upset. He didn’t know why this had happened to him and swore up and down that he’d just placed that bet and had lost, that the money wasn’t even due and that he would have been able to cover it easily.
I’d told him not to worry and that there would be a job waiting for him regardless. That even if he couldn’t come back full time, or do things the way he’d used to, that there would always be work somewhere in some way at Blue Hills for him.
The whole thing was just so damn depressing, so I fought to look on the bright side. To do something nice for myself and for Rush. A quiet evening in. I think we both needed it. I’d even bought ice cream.
I set about the kitchen, pulling out ingredients and utensils, setting up pans that I would need and setting out the steaks to rest. I was busy chopping up the vegetables I was planning to roast for the recipe when I froze. The front door opened and I looked up from what I was doing. I’d locked it. I know I’d locked it, and there were very few people who had a key. Philip, my mother, Caleb, and Renaldo… Rush didn’t, in fact, the person who came through the door shouldn’t, but then again Ken was my brother’s best friend so it wasn’t like I needed more than one guess as to where he got the brass colored key he used to let himself in.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I demanded by way of greeting.
“You’re locking your doors now, Bailey? Since when?”
“Since a bunch of men beat the shit out of my lead groom and someone poisoned my horse; that’s when, and when were you going to answer my question?”