“I don’t know how. I feel sick when I think of what I said, what I did. You were right there. You’re so incredible. Why isn’t that enough?”
“The obsession isn’t real love. It’s an addiction. I think that you’ve done great, that you’re doing great. You focus on things you can control. You surround yourself with people and activities that help you be your best self. It’ll get better. I want to be with you through this. I want to make this easier for you. I’m sorry that I screwed up. I should have been with you. I should have protected you from exposure to Oliver, but on the other hand, I feel like you seeing Cole, resisting the pull, it helped you get over him.”
I took a shaky breath and bent down to pull a notebook out of my bag. I didn’t know what to say. Maybe Sean was right, but how was I supposed to feel okay about any of this? I took a deep breath and began outlining my weekend. I had things to do.
“What list are you making? Deciding whether or not I’m worth keeping?”
I turned to stare at him. His face was emotionless, his lips pressed together. “I’m organizing my singing for the weekend. You’re worth more than anything to me. I’m sorry that I barricaded my room. It wasn’t you I was trying to keep out.”
He raised a pale eyebrow skeptically. “I still have the list, the one you made after Terramore. Getting rid of me was #3.”
My heart ached and I couldn’t breathe. “I need you, Sean, but I’m tired of being such a sucky girlfriend.”
“You’re not my girlfriend. You’re my fake Vashni wife and Soremni fiancé.”
“Fine. I’m tired of being a sucky fake Vashni wife and Soremni fiancé. Happy?”
He laughed, actually laughed. “I am, actually. We’re having a conversation about difficult things. On our way to a romantic destination, just you, me, and Spyguy. It looks like it’s going to be an easy season and I won’t have to break my promise to you about the dimatrax. I have you in Cierdeep with me. You’re working incredibly hard, doing your absolute best at every little thing. You don’t even hum.”
“Except in my sleep.”
He brushed my face with his hand before he shook his head and focused on the control panel. “What’s on your list?”
I looked down at the things I was going to sing. “A lot of them are my own compositions, but I’ve really missed singing my egotistical playlist. That’s kind of my stress relief. I didn’t realize how much I do it until Terramore happened and I…” I grabbed his hand, holding on tight while he smiled slightly but didn’t look at me. “I can’t do that again. You have to promise to stop me if I ever lose control along those levels again.”
“I promise. I also promise that I won’t let it get that far. Your first test was the concert. Our mothers, Oliver, and you didn’t lose your control for a moment. I’m watching you, testing you, learning your limits. The trouble is that they keep growing. It seems as soon as you gain control over a certain size of water, your abilities multiply exponentially. Do you want Lucien or your mother with you on the island?”
I shook my head. “No. I can do this. Maybe you shouldn’t be there either.”
His hand closed around mine like iron. “I’m going to stay with you. I need to see what you’re capable of. I need to take measurements of the water, density, temperature, hydro-electric energy, and of course, watch the show. It’s a pity that we can’t sell tickets for what you can do.”
“It’s such a pity.” I shook my head slightly but didn’t try to get my hand back. Good thing because he wasn’t letting go.
Chapter 27
We took the ship to a floating airport and then a jet from there to another small island. The second ship we took was all gray, ugly, and old. It creaked and I had to climb down the ladder to get into the hold, like a real submarine.
Not a sub, a rocket, an underwater rocket. It went fast. Vroom. The total trip was four and a half hours. We moved briskly between ships, my boots on the tarmac loud and bold, like I knew what I was doing.
I had no clue. Junie was still in Terramore. She’d be taking videos of Owen and Sorsha at a dinner and concert that night. Hanne would be going in tomorrow morning for a few hours at the internship, working on the dome plates after tonight’s concert. Gertie had a group project she was doing research for with a girl who hated me because I was dating Sean.
And me. What was I doing? Something about singing to get it out of my system for another week, but that wasn’t enough. I had to get this. If I did happen to bring the ocean to life again, I had to be able to control it. I needed to be able to hold up millions of tons of water that I’d brought to life instead of being crushed by it. Maybe if I could get that, I’d be able to control myself around Oliver.
The land rose ahead of us as we neared the island. I expected coral stuff and phosphorescent flowers, you know, like Terramore or Cierdeep, but it was just rocks, not even a lot of fish the closer we got to the island. It was clear why once the ship surfaced and we neared the stone dock that trailed into the gray sea.
“There’s nothing green.”
“There’s a little grass by the house. The wind scours everything else off,” Sean said, gripping my shoulder for a moment before he turned and started hauling things out of the back of the ship and up the ladder. Water. We had to bring water?
Spyguy took a big container of water up the ladder on his shoulder and that left me. I took a smaller box and got up the ladder, onto the dock and then followed Sean and Spyguy inland. There was a wall of rocks to my left, the ocean to my right with the three foot walkway between. The path rose the further inland we got, and Sean was right. There were some tufts of gray-green grass here and there on the way to the hut. House was not the right word for the building hunched down away from the wind. The wind gusted harder and whistling filled the air, sharp and piercing.
I followed Sean and Spyguy into the house, shivering from the wind in just my t-shirt.
“Put that box in the bedroom,” Sean said, pointing at a wooden door with chipped and peeling yellow paint.
The bedroom was a room with a bed. A small bed and not a lot of room. There wasn’t any electricity, no heat, no running water. I put the box on the bare mattress and went back to the door. Sean was hooking up the water to a tank or something.
“What is that?”
“Stove.”
“What are we going to burn?”
“Nothing. I brought an afrateau.”
I nodded like I knew all about that. “Do you need help? I’d kind of like to get started.”
Spyguy frowned at me while Sean continued screwing the water piece to the metal part. “You’re going to start with singing, keying the water to your emotions and voice?”
“Yep. I’ll just walk around this island paradise.”
“Just a minute.” Sean finished with the water process then turned towards me. He raised an eyebrow, winked at me then took off his shirt. Spyguy made a sound and left the teeny hut.
I stared at the shirt Sean held out towards me. “What are you doing?” His chest was so much better than perfect. It was Sean’s. There was nothing that compared to him. Nothing.
“You have a slicker in a box, but it’s still on the ship. I’ll bring it to you after we’re finished unloading.”
I took his shirt, his fingers brushing my hand for a moment that made my heart pound. “You’ll be cold,” I said, fingering the soft fabric. It smelled like him.
“The colder I get, the more mucous I’ll produce. I’m going swimming in these waters. I may as well get on with it.” His smile was so sweet. The corners of his eyes crinkled and my stomach tightened.
“Right. Don’t forget that mucous from a bottle is always an option.” I pulled on his shirt and rolled up the sleeves.
We walked out together, rather, I walked out first while he waited then followed me because we probably wouldn’t fit through the small door at the same time.
I headed further inland, past the house while he went back down the path between the rocks and t
owards the ship. I watched him go, walking backwards slowly. Loose shale shifted under my boots, but I didn’t fall. When he was out of sight, I turned around and started humming, ‘I’m too sexy.” He really was too sexy for his shirt. No, he was too sweet for his shirt. He’d always been like that, giving me the shirt off his back when I needed it.
I wrapped my arms around my waist and sang louder. I explored the island all afternoon until the sky was dark and thunder rumbled on the horizon with flickers of lightning. The wind picked up and shrieking started as the wind went through the spears of stone that jutted up around the island creating tunnels of sound. They were actually really complicated music patterns that I couldn’t quite follow, but I’d get it. Eventually.
I headed back to the house, my made-for-dark eyes keeping me from tumbling down the rock-strewn path. I was hungry. No one was in the dark hut. In the kitchen I found a box of jelly sticks. Not exactly gourmet, but it would work. Singing, even quietly while I’d covered the island, I’d unknotted a little bit of the tension in my chest, but I felt exhausted. It was like I’d been trying to sing into a really loud vacuum, louder, and louder, trying to be heard. I hadn’t been loud, but the effort was straining.
After eating jelly sticks, sitting at the little, teeny table, I had a difficult time getting up. I needed a nap after all those late, late nights and throwing my voice into the wind.
I went into the small room expecting it to be how I left it, bare mattress, but instead it was all happy, yellow and blue quilts, with delicious white pillows and down comforters lit by a mellow golden glow ball.
Our clothing was hung on the wall, t-shirts and jeans mostly. I grabbed one of Sean’s clean t-shirts for my pajamas then tumbled into bed. I fell asleep almost immediately.
At first it was deep, restful, but then things got a little bit weird. I opened my eyes, but they weren’t my eyes. The light in the room was cool and dim from the tiny window. I sat up and stretched while golden locks were the only things I wore. The small door opened and a man came in. He was golden, like Sean, but bigger. He swamped the space as he came towards me. I held out my arms to him, welcoming him home. He dropped to his knees beside the bed, but his head was still even with mine.
“It’s been too long,” I murmured, brushing my hands over his slick bare shoulders.
“I’m sorry that I made you wait,” he said in a language I didn’t know. He pulled me against him, held me so tight, as though I were the most precious thing in the world. Then he stabbed me in the back.
I sat up as agony speared through me along with my scream. Not my scream. The island was screaming outside the dark window. I took a deep, shuddering breath. The dream had felt so real, like I’d stepped into someone’s memories. I could still smell his skin, more like Spyguy than Sean. I could see the tenderness in his eyes and then the flint as he did what needed to be done—killing the Siren.
I pulled up my knees and shivered under the blanket. A warm hand pressed against my back and Sean mumbled, “Nightmare?”
I turned and crashed against his chest, breathing in his scent, his warmth. His arms came around me, but so different from the dream guy. He was my peace, my heart, my love.
“I love you.”
He laughed, a low rumble in his chest. “I’m glad. I was worried you wouldn’t want me in your bed.” He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer. “Even with the wind howling, I sleep much better with you than without.”
I smiled into his shoulder, but it took me some time to fall back asleep. The dream had felt so real. Why had he killed her?
I slept late, waking up with Sean still under my cheek, a nice smear of my drool mixing with his own mucous.
I propped my chin on my hands and stared at Sean. He stared back, eyes clear. He’d been awake for awhile, but hadn’t left me. He raised an eyebrow while his soft lips curved deliciously.
“Good morning. What would you like for breakfast? Our options are jelly sticks, jelly sticks, and jelly sticks.”
“Hm. I think I’ll just eat you.” I nibbled on his chest. Mm. I found myself sliding up until his throat was in my mouth. I didn’t mean to mark him, but he tasted so good and I hadn’t really had him in my arms for so long.
After I’d had my pre-breakfast snack, leaving a purple mark on Sean’s throat between two of his tattoos, I got out of bed.
He stayed there, arms over his head so I got an extremely delightful view. “You look very good in my shirt. I should give you all of them.”
“Then you’d be shirtless. I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
I pulled on my jeans and then changed with my back to him. It felt a little bit awkward, but also not. I glanced over my shoulder and he was watching me, his expression unreadable.
“Are you getting out of bed today? It’s not like you to wait around. Are you sick?”
He smiled, kind of slow, kind of sweet. “I got all the receptors placed. Today I get to relax, enjoy the view, maybe cook something.”
“The view?” I faced forward and quickly pulled my t-shirt over my red lace bra. “I don’t actually like lace bras. I wish your buyer would get me some thick cotton.”
“Neon, right? I’ll let her know.”
I turned around, fully clothed. “Or you could tell me who she is so I can let her know.”
He frowned and shook his head. “You don’t know her language.”
“What language?”
“French.”
“So, the buyer who supplied all those goo dresses in Terramore isn’t a Soremni?”
“No.”
There was something about the way he lay there, beautiful in the dim morning light, but also ridiculously self-satisfied. “You aren’t telling me something.”
“Go, Siren. Sing to the ocean.”
“And you’re going to stay in bed?”
“Does that bother you?”
“Kind of. Sean, why did you date me when you thought I was human? Was it all because it was a convenient ploy to keep other girls away from you?”
“It was a ploy to keep other guys away from you.”
“Oliver.”
“Yes, Oliver, but also every other guy who looked at you. I was nervous that you’d kiss another human and become obsessed again. The most irritating thing I’ve ever experienced was watching you stalk Cole, mindlessly adoring him.”
“So, it wasn’t because you liked me even as a human?”
“Of course not. Why would I like you in your neon underwear and your dad’s parka?”
“So when I was getting dressed in your car and you were staring at me like a completely not human person, you were just checking to see if my back had gills?”
“No. I was watching you get dressed. Human anatomy had never been so intriguing.”
“But you knew that I wasn’t compatible to your species, and you get sick with humans.”
“But not with you. I gave you CPR. I did not get sick from it.”
“And if I was human?”
“I’m not the first Soremni or Vashni to fall for a human girl. Half-breeds seem to do it regularly.”
“But we couldn’t breed.”
“No, but we could have sex.”
I frowned at him while my heart pounded rapidly. “You’re telling me that you would have married me even if I didn’t have gills?”
“That’s the way I was headed. I don’t know how to do things halfway, and you’re the only person I could see. You still are. Gills, obsession, it doesn’t change how I feel about you. You’d better leave or come back to bed.”
I stared at him, beautiful, saying sweet things that killed me. “I’ll go. Jelly sticks are calling me. Seriously, you’re being too sweet. Trying to soften me up for something, aren’t you?”
He laughed, beautiful, golden. “I might be. I’ll tell you when I figure out what it is exactly.”
I left him in bed, warm, inviting, beautiful, but I wasn’t here to be happy. I was here to bring the ocean to its kne
es. And keep it there. The sooner I got things under control, the sooner we could get married for real.
At the end of our weekend, I knew the rocks fairly well, had climbed through most of the hollows, but I still sometimes got turned around in the maze of rock formations. Sometimes I thought I heard laughter up ahead, laughter that changed to screams when I got close. I didn’t have any more weird dreams. Sean stayed with me at night. He caught fish and cooked them on our little stove. Sunday morning at breakfast, which was a jelly stick, I sat on my chair and watched Sean gathering the food supplies, packing up.
I’d take one more hike around the island before we headed back. “Do you want to come with me?” I asked.
He turned to look at me. “Don’t you want to say goodbye privately?”
I snorted. “To the creepy rock sculptures or the wind? My voice gets so lost here. I thought I could connect with the water anywhere, but this place is weird.”
Spyguy came in. “Are we ready to go? Tide is favorable. We’ll make good time.”
“I was going to take another walk around the island.”
He nodded. “Make it quick.”
“Take as long as you like,” Sean contradicted, frowning at Spyguy.
Spyguy gave Sean a flat look. I grabbed my jacket and followed Spyguy outside. “What was that?” I asked him once we’d left the hut.
“Your mate playing games he doesn’t understand.”
“What games?”
“How to tame a Siren. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.”
I frowned at him. “You think it’s bad that I’m trying to get the Siren under control?”
“I think it’s stupid to wake the Siren inside of you before you have control. Sirens are connected to the ocean. The ocean feels what they feel, but it isn’t only one way. The Siren starts to feel what the ocean feels, what it needs. The ocean has no conscience, no scruples.”
Water Games (Watergirl Book 4) Page 24