Sin

by Torrie Robles

  “Come here.” He puts his hand behind my neck, pulling me to him until we were only inches apart. “You make me see things I’ve had my eyes closed to for so long, Sugar.” He places a kiss on my forehead. His lips are soft. I close my eyes, living in the moment, relishing in the feel of his touch. His lips brush against my cheek, then the other. He nips at my jaw line and I turn my head giving him access to my neck, willing him to kiss me.

  His tongue licks up my throat as he presses his lips to me. I moan, pulling him by the waist, making our bodies flush against each other. I can feel the effect I’m having on him. His desire stirs something inside of me. Longing, wanting, and needing to be touched in a way I’ve never been touched before.

  “Sin.” I moan, grinding my pelvis into his erection. “Please.” He stops, hearing my plea.

  “Sugar.” He wraps his arms around my body. “There’s so many things I want to make you feel, Savannah.” He kisses the top of my head. “But there are so many reasons why I can’t right now.”

  Feeling the sting of rejection, I push against his body. “Please let me go.” My voice sounds muffled against his bare chest.

  His hold tightens around my body. “You can feel that I want you. I know you do. There’s nothing that I’d like more, but I have things I need to work out. Too many things floating around my head. So please just let me hold you. Let me feel you. I stop the struggle once I hear his pleas. My body relaxes against his. “Sleep, baby.” He kisses my head again and whispers, “And please be patient.”

  "Matthew."

  "Sienna?"

  "Matthew can you hear me?"

  "I can hear you, but I can't see you." I tried to see the beauty that was once my sister, but all I see is blackness. "Sienna, I can't see you where are you?"

  "I'm here, Matthew. I'm always here, brother. I'm always with you, with my hand on your shoulder, supporting you."

  "I miss you little sister."

  "I know. I know you've been struggling with so much, but you can't continue to be sad because it makes me sad. I'm still a part of you. I feel what you feel and I want happiness, big brother. We deserve happiness and it's up to you to get it. Shine bright, Matthew Sinclair, shine bright."

  The sound of my sister's voice slowly fades away as the dream drifts to my subconscious. The early morning sun filters into the room. I begin to stretch reaching out for Savannah. It's been one month since Savannah first shared my bed and I opened up to her about my scars and the time I'd spent in the military. Since then, we've spent our nights talking in the darkness of my room.

  *****

  “You were not ten when you had your first kiss.” She sounds shocked by my admission.

  This has turned into our nightly routine and it’s one that I look forward to during the day. We talk and share. Funny thing is I don’t mind it. We’re laying on our bed, under the covers, hands in each other’s grasp. “Why are you shocked, sugar? I’m a lady’s man.” She lets out a humph in disagreement.

  “I can only imagine.”

  “Alright, what about you?”

  “Sixteen.” I know my expression shows my shock. “You have to remember that my life growing up was a lot more sheltered than yours was. My friend Jenni, her father was the local preacher, so kids weren’t too keen on including us in the local party scene. They saw us as the eyes of Jesus or something. Like they couldn’t do what they wanted with us there. So, my first kiss was in high school. He was the first boy who didn’t care that my best friend’s father was our town’s man of God. He was my first boyfriend too. It only lasted a couple of months, but still.”

  “Well, you got me there. I’ve never had a girlfriend.”

  She turns her head. “Seriously? You’ve never had a girlfriend? How is that even possible?”

  “Well, it’s not normal for a young kid to have a steady girlfriend when you’re coming up in the club. Sure, there were always women around, just like today. My father never pushed them on me, but I guess I’ve never had that desire to claim a chick as mine. Even when I enlisted, I never thought about having a girl waiting for me to come home. Always thought it was just a waste. Then everything happened and my life turned to shit. Getting me a girlfriend never made it on my ‘to-do’ list I guess.”

  “That’s just crazy.”

  “Might be crazy, sugar, but it’s true.”

  “Alright then, moment of truth. When did you lose your V-card?”

  I laugh and turn toward her. She mirrored my position with her head resting on the pillow. “Are you sure you really want to know that, Savannah?”

  “Sure, why not? We’re friends and friends talk.”

  “As long as this talking doesn’t lead to you painting my toes nails I’m fine with sharing. Twelve, I was twelve the first time I had sex.” I can see the look of horror cross her face. “We’re two different people, sugar, living two different lives. I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “I just wasn’t expecting you to be that young. I mean, I wasn’t even aware that boys were able to perform at that age.”

  “Believe me, we can. It may not have lasted that long.” I laugh and she smiles. “But it happened and I’m thankful it happened when it did. It was something I felt hanging over my head, I was glad to be done with it.”

  “I guess I can understand the pressure, living the life you live. Seeing how sex is so focal around here.”

  “The club had nothing to do with me wanting to lose it. It was just me. Maybe a way of pushing the fact that I wanted to grow up and get the hell outta here.”

  “I guess I can understand that.”

  “You?”

  “Me? Well, prepared to be blown away. Tyson, second date.”

  “Wow, I’m not sure I like the idea of you giving something so precious to a man who wasn’t deserving of it.”

  “At the time, I thought he was. He was different in the beginning.”

  “Well, you know what Savannah, I’d rather not hear about how you thought he was worth it. I’m not sure I can take it.”

  I pull her to me and wrap my hands around her body. Her hair smells fruity. It’s becoming my favorite smell. She assumes her normal position by snuggling into my bare chest. Like every night, my body reacts to the closeness. The desire to make her mine intensifies every night that passes, but I know I can’t cross that line. Neither of us is ready. Savannah has become so precious to me. She’s quickly becoming the most important person in my life.

  *****

  During the day, I keep my distance. I know that I’m coming to terms with my issues and I feel that I'm taking the steps I need take control of my own happiness. But there are things that are holding me back. I now crave the closeness that I’ve gained with Savannah. She’s consuming my thoughts during the day. She's all I think about, her and that baby growing in her belly.

  I work on the bikes. I’ve also been trying to figure out ways to increase business. Savannah and I have been brainstorming ideas to expand our brand and bring new customers to Fury. She’s a business genius and has even come up with ideas to get us on the map when it comes to my designs. She’s created more social media accounts than I could even keep track of. She said that I need to get my face out there if I want to gain a new customer demographic. She thinks if people saw me then they will trust the product behind the man.

  I listen to Cut and the guys on what they're doing on the other end of the business. I'm not sure if Cut understands the place I want to have in the club or if he's just tired of arguing about it, but he hasn’t been involving me in much of the bounty hunting lately. He's sending everyone else out, leaving me to do the shop business.

  *****

  I reach a little further, feeling the cold sheets of the bed. I know there isn't any reason to keep her in my bed. We haven't heard from Tyson in weeks. Hopefully he's realized that the baby isn't something that he wanted and he's found a new girl he can push around because Savannah is no longer his. I sit up and that's when I hear it. My stomach drops
when I hear the retching coming from my bathroom. Savannah. I throw on my shorts and head to the bathroom as fast as I can.

  "Sugar." I bend down, rolling my hand through her hair, trying to help her in any way I can. “What’s wrong? What can I do?”

  "Matty." She dry heaves. "I thought this was," heaves again, "supposed to be over after the first trimester." This time the heave isn't dry as I watch the clear fluids of her stomach hit the water of the toilet bowl. She isn't gaining weight like I thought she would. I know I'm no expert, but I've been reading between clients and doing my research because after all, I'm a fixer and I need to get her fixed. She thought because she wasn’t sick in the beginning that she had dodged the morning sickness bullet, but she wasn’t so lucky. Getting sick just came further along than we had hoped. The books say there isn’t anything to be worried about. Doc seems to agree. I’ve made a few phone calls without Savannah’s knowledge because seeing her suffer and me not being able to do anything is driving me insane. Having no control over the discomfort someone you care about is going through is enough to make you a bit crazy.

  "I know, sugar, I thought so too, but I guess the little one just wants to remind you he's there." I refer to him as a boy. I just have a feeling.

  "The increase size and tenderness of my boobs is reminder enough.” Then I hear her mumble, “Plus other things.”

  I can’t help but chuckle. I know what she's mumbling about. It’s all over the internet about the increase in sexual drive, hormones and all that. I know she is struggling and I feel awful about it, but there isn't anything I’m willing to do about it. I can't help her. Okay I can, but I won't because I refuse to ruin the friendship we've created. I’m not willing to enlist any of the other guys to help either. I wouldn’t even ask Hawk and I know they've become close over the time she's been here. But I'm selfish and greedy and I'm the only one who wants to feed her craving, I just can't. I give her enough alone time that she can take care of herself. Lord knows I've been jacking off every chance I get. I haven't been fucking anyone since she laid her head on my pillow. There's no way that I can bring any other woman into our bed, and I don't feel right going out to get it. I'll suffer right along with her.

  I wet a washcloth and run it down the back of her neck. She moans in relief. "You need to call Doc, Savannah, to make sure everything's alright."

  "I have. He said it's a good sign. Is this how it's going to be from now on? Is this kid going to continue to make me sick until I die?" I flinch at her words. She looks up at me, the apology written on her face.

  We've enlisted the club doctor to take care of her. She goes to his office for her check-ups. I don't like her leaving the compound, but I know there are some things she needs to leave for and making sure her and the baby is okay is one of them. The other is her weekly visits with Lily and my mother. She needs to have girl time and I know she can't get that with any of The Fallen. They have raised up against anything Savannah. They don't pay her any attention expect for the evil glance and snide remarks they say under their breaths. Especially Kara. She's stayed away from me since our confrontation. The guys have complained about their attitudes, but it's an easy fix really. We can always recruit new Fallen and kick the old ones to the curb. This isn't a lifetime type life style for the girls. The guys are always looking for something younger, fresher, and time is a girls' worst enemy. Don't know why they're wasting the time they have in the club with the nonsense that has to do with Savannah. Before they know it they'll be old, saggy, and then they'll be sent on their way.

  "It won't be forever. Do you want me to call my mother? Maybe she can make you some more of her concoctions."

  "No, I can't keep bothering her."

  "You aren't a bother, ever." There’s a knock on my bedroom door. "Come in." I yell as Savannah groans.

  "Hey." Hawk looks down at Savannah on the floor. "She sick again?" I nod.

  "Oh, shove it, Hawk. I'm in no mood.” Savannah yells.

  Hawk puts his hands up in defense. "Touchy, touchy. My bad. I don't mean to bother, but Cut wants you in jury. He's made an all hands on deck call."

  "Go." she growls from the floor, her voice muffle by her hair that I’m no longer holding back.

  I look between Hawk and Savannah. I know that I should be at the meeting but I have the need to be here for her. She hits my leg. "Go, Matty, I'm fine.”

  "I'm calling my mother." I leave the room before she has the chance to object.

  *****

  "Hey." I say as I enter the room. The table is full, some of these guys I haven't seen in a while. Hawk sits next to me. I'm across from Lick. He's been quiet lately, keeping his head down. It's not like him. Not that I'm complaining. He isn't making Savannah's life hell, so I'm all for how he's been lately.

  "Sin. I'm glad you could make it." Cut says. "Listen. We’ve received some information. Redding has been very active in the area recently."

  "What are you talking about? He hasn't attempted to contact her. The only people who've called are her parents and both she and I talk to them, frequently."

  "I don't know, man. I'm just telling you that he's been in the area and he's still working with a few of the cartels here. I'm not sure, if it's to do with your girl, or if it has to do with his other business ventures. My guess it's the latter."

  "He's moving bodies here, in Las Cruces?"

  Dyke's chair scoots back. His arms go over his chest. He's had a rough life with the club and the years show on his face. Going back and forth between him and Bubba, it’s like looking between the past and the present. Bubba is his father's son, through and through. "We've had contact with Louie Jr." My body goes rigid.

  Louie Jr. is the son of Louie Sr. The man who obsessed over my mother. The man who took my sister, tortured, raped and killed her. He is also the man who we haven't been able to find all these years. Since the death of my sister and father, he's been a ghost. As a whole, we've been able to find just about anyone our clients need found, but not this man. It's like he's dug a hole in the middle of nowhere and hunkered down all these years. We've had eyes on the Diablos and have found nothing. Like Cut, Louie Jr. took his father’s club over, but they didn't change their way of dealings.

  "What the fuck does that asshole want?" Hawk asks. "We have no dealings with him or the pieces of shit he keeps as company."

  "He needs our help."

  "Bullshit!" I yell.

  "Sin." Dyke continues. "Listen to me before you go off all hot headed. He reached out. It looks like Redding has touched something a little too close home and he's willing to make a deal."

  "What did he do?"

  "Redding has taken Louie's daughter. Thirteen, stolen from a local coffee shop. Her and a friend. Both of them gone."

  "What the fuck!" I slammed my fist into the table.

  "Easy brother." Cut warns me.

  "What kind of deal is he willing to make?" Hawk asks.

  "He's going to give a head for a head."

  "What does that mean, Dyke?"

  "He's willing to turn his father over to us, for his daughter."

  The words he just said roll through my mind as I try to grasp what it means. He's going to give us Louis Sr. to save his daughter. Fuck yes.

  "Do it." I stand up. "Tell him we'll do it."

  "Wait, Sin. There's more to it than that. I'm not going to take this deal and put the club in jeopardy, without more intel."

  "What else do you need, Cut?" I ask. "He killed our sister and I want to gut that bastard, slow and painful. This is our chance to get back at him for what he did to Sienna. You kill that fucker and you'll finally be able to go home every night to your wife, maybe have a life, kids. You won't have to live in fear."

  "That's not the reason why my marriage is the way it is."

  "That’s such bullshit, Cut and you know it. You know you live in the same fear we all do. That Louis Sr. is going to take another thing that's most important to us, just as he tried to take mom from dad and how he took Sienna
from all of us. There shouldn't be any need to discuss this. The decision is easy. We get his girl back and we kill the fucker who destroyed our mother."

  "I agree with Cut, Sin." Dyke's voice is low. "There's more to this, and we need to meet with Jr. and see if there is anything else going on here. We don't know if Redding is the one who took her. The Diablos have enemies all through this state and throughout the entire southwest region of this country. They may have heard that Redding has been sneaking around and put two and two together. We need proof before we strike."

  "Get the proof." I order.

  "Nothing without the meeting. It's gonna take a minute. But we will get the proof."

  "Okay, alright." I concede. "Set up the meeting. Get the information we need to get this fucker."

  "We need to vote." Bubba says.

  "All in favor of us working with Louie Jr. of the Diablos to save his daughter and possibly taking Louie Sr. to meet his maker?"

  The table erupted with a unanimous aye.

  As we walk out of Jury, Savannah comes out from the hallway. Her eyes lock on mine and I feel my heart race. She's fucking beautiful and even though she's sick most of the time, pregnancy makes her glow. That shit isn't just a saying or a thing. Savannah glows and it's breathtaking. No one would ever know that she was puking not even an hour ago. The natural reddish brown of her hair is slowly coming back with the help of Lily. I love how the freckles that adorn her face match the coloring of her hair. She gives me a small smile as her eyes flick around the room taking in her surroundings.

  She may not be putting on the weight like she should but that doesn’t mean her body isn’t changing. The t-shirts that once stretched across her tits nicely are now stretched to the max. I’ve tried to get her a bigger size, but she doesn’t like handouts. I need to mention to my mother that it’s time to take her shopping to get her some clothes that cover up those ample breasts. I don’t mind looking, but I don’t like the looks the other guys give when she passes by. Her stomach is finally starting to form a small pooch. I haven't told her this, but when she wraps her body around mine, I love the feel of her growing belly against my back.