“Savannah,” he grits out.
I glance up. The muscles of his neck are strained, his eyes closed tight. His jaw is tight; fists are clenched at his sides. I run my hands up his thighs and cup his balls in my hands as I continue to bob my head up and down his length. I squeeze my hand a little causing him to moan.
“Christ, Savannah.” He looks down and a small smile tugs at his lips. “Beautiful.” I bring him closer, taking him deeper. I can feel the building of tears at the corner of my eyes but I don’t stop. He hesitates but then I feel him wrap his fingers in my hair. He takes control as he thrusts his hips each time he brings me closer. I close my eyes, relishing in the fact that I’m pleasing him. “Fuck, Savannah. You feel so good, baby.” He increases the speed and I keep up. “Those fucking lips.” I cup his ass with my hands as he continues to work my mouth up and down his shaft.
Before I know it, he pulls me up to my feet. With his hand still wrapped in my hair he takes my mouth to his. He’s ravenous. Biting my lips, sucking on my neck. I whimper as he continues to assault my skin with hardened kisses. He bites down on my flesh between my neck and shoulder. I can feel the sting of blood as it rushes to the surface, marking me. “Do you want this?”
“God, yes.”
He reaches for the hem of my dress and pulls it over my head, tossing it in the corner. His hands reach the back clasp of my bra and he yanks it free. Startled, he gives me a wink and places a chaste kiss upon my lips. He takes a step back, standing in front of me, hands on his hips, completely nude. His eyes sweep over my body and I become shy, embarrassed of my imperfect figure.
I swallow as I take him in. His cock is hard and standing at attention. His chest tatted with colorful designs that flow down both arms. Abs that are hard by sight, but soft to the touch. He stalks towards me making me back up until my knees hit the mattress. I fall back and push myself towards the head of the bed. Sin follows, continuing to stalk. The look in his eyes is primal.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted this?” he asks. I shake my head, unable to use my words. His eyes hold me hostage. “From the moment you were on the back of my bike and I felt your arms wrapped around me. How your tits felt pressed up against my back. I’ve wanted these legs wrapped about my waist since the moment I felt them pressed into my thighs...” He grabs my leg and yanks me to him. “I knew this is where it would lead.” He runs his nose up my neck, biting the lobe of my ear. His hand moves up my thigh, pulling my panties away from my body. “I fought it.” He says as his fingers enter me. Oh, my God. I arch my back, pushing myself into the feel of his fingers. “I fought you,” He pumps his fingers into my heat again. “I’ve struggled with these feelings that you’ve awakened within my soul.” He kisses me, hard. “I know I’m not good for you, Savannah, but that doesn’t matter anymore.”
He takes hold of my nipple and sucks me into his mouth, hard. I groan as he bites down. “You see, sugar, you’re mine.” His fingers work me, his tongue laps at my nipples, taking turns between the two. “Body and soul.” I can feel how hard he is as he pumps against my body.
“Please.” I beg. “Please.”
“Please what, baby?” He breathes against my skin. “Do you want this?” he asks as he pushes his fingers deeper, hitting my G spot.
“Yes, yes, yes.” I don’t ever what this feeling to end.
He has me so worked up that my orgasm hits me, without warning and I cry out. Sin takes my mouth with his, muffling my cries of pleasure. I ride his hand as he continues to work me increasing the intensity of my aftershocks. He slows his motion as my body relaxes. Totally satiated, I watch him as he sucks his fingers clean. His tongue snakes around the rim of his lips, savoring my taste. “Let’s get these off.” He says as he slides my panties down my legs.
He rolls on his back, pulling me with him so that I’m straddling him. I can feel the hardness between my legs. I rock my pelvis as I bend over and place a soft kiss to his lips.
“Thank you.” I know he’s hurting, I’m sure he needs his release and I plan on giving it to him. I kiss him again, rocking into him.
“Sugar.” He pulls back. “You’re playing with fire. Do you know that?” I nod as I kiss him again. “Savannah, we have to stop.” He holds my hips still.
“Why?”
“It’s not right.” Rejection crashes through me. I scramble to get off him but his grip only tightens. “Don’t.” He tells me. “Look at me. Now.” His voice is full of authority and I obey. “Don’t do that. Don’t start thinking that I don’t want you because you know that’s not it at all.” His eyes flick between our two bodies. “Obviously.” He smiles. “But I know there’s something going on with you. So spill it, what’s wrong? What’s gotten into you?” I can’t meet his eyes. Without warning, he snakes his arms around my body and flips us so that I’m now on my back with him hovering over me. His hand brushes the hair from my face. “Sugar,” he pleads.
“Nothing. It’s nothing.” I hold his gaze. “Hormones, I guess. Feeling a little vulnerable.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Don’t ever think this is rejection.” He kisses my neck, my collarbone, where I know he’s marked me. “This is me, doing the right thing and letting you decide without a shadow of a doubt that I’m what you want. That we are what’s best for you and the baby.” His hand caresses my stomach. “This life isn’t easy, sugar, you know that. It’s not just me, a ‘normal guy’ doesn’t describe the person that I am, that I’ve always been. But I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” His eyes show so much, more than he’s willing to express to me, and that’s okay. “I’ve made my decision.”
“I’ve made mine too.” I give him a small smile. “I’ve never felt like this and I don’t want to go through life without you.” I rest my hand upon his cheek.
He closes his eyes. “Doing the right thing isn’t always easy.” He leans into my hand. “I’m always going to try to do the right thing when it comes to you two.”
“I know, Matty.” I pull myself up, placing both hands on the side of his face. “You’re a good man, Matthew Sinclair.” His eyes widen, cocking his eyebrow at my words. He gradually shakes his head in disagreement. “You deserve all the happiness in the world. I’m honored that you want that with me, with us.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, allowing my words to sink in. Acceptance is hard for him. He had his demons that still pry their way to the surface and put doubt in his mind. He wraps his hand around my wrist. I know he’s going to pull away. I know he doesn’t agree with what I just said, but needs to believe it. “I love you, Matthew.” His eyes snap open at my confession.
His body stiffens muscles go ridged against me. He pulls back, turning his head, not wanting to hear the words I just said. I know he feels the same. He hasn’t done what he’s done for me if there isn’t love in his heart. “Sin.” He blanches at me using his club name. But maybe that’s the key. Maybe Sin is the one who needs to realize that I love him. I think Matthew is capable of accepting my love, but maybe Sin is the one who needs the convincing. “I’m lying here, naked with you. Confessing my love to you.” He continues to look away. “Hey.” I push on his shoulder. “I need you to look at me.” He turns his head in my direction, unshed tears fill his eyes. “I love you. You, Sin. I love all of you.”
“I love you. You, Sin. I love all of you.”
Her words are music to my ears. How cliché is that? I’ve never had the desire to hear some chick tell me she loves me. My mother and my sister’s words were always enough. After Sienna died, my mother seemed to tell me even more. Maybe she is making up for the fact that I would never hear it come from my sister’s mouth again.
When I was away at boot camp and then overseas hearing those words made me believe that, what I was doing was worth it. I fought for my country, to keep my family safe from the worldwide threats. Maybe I felt keeping the world in order would help the fact that my father and the MC has so much unrest that I couldn’t control or help. Territory wars were so much harder t
o win than those we fought overseas. I never expected to have my life end up the way it has. I never would have guessed that I would earn the love of someone who is worth so much more than what I have to offer.
I pull her wrist, the one that I’ve had in my hand, and bring her closer to my chest. I bury my face into her neck, breathing her in. She’s my peace, my heaven, my sins’ salvation. I can no longer hold back the tears. My body shakes as this new emotion surges through it. The only emotion that I’ve been familiar with all these years is anger. Anger is powerful; the rage that anger can invoke in someone can be deadly. The wrath, fury, and irritation can destroy the lives of those around you, even when you don’t intend for it to happen.
But this is different.
I pull her even closer to me and she wraps her arms around me. Her body shakes with the same emotion. She whimpers as she continues to whisper that she loves me.
Me.
She loves me.
This beautiful creature who has turned my life upside down loves me. She’s handing me her heart, one that has been stomped on and shattered for years. She’s entrusting me with something so precious. For the first time in my life, I feel the calmness that I’ve always yearned for. Something I never thought I would find is here now. I lean back from her embrace and peer into her eyes. They shine with tears; her nose is red, cheeks reddened by her emotion. She’s so damn beautiful.
“You deserve my love, Sin.” She says, trying to convince me. “Please, let me love you.” She will never have to ask for permission, never again.
“I love you, Savannah.” I bring my lips to hers. “Though my mind has fought me tooth and nail, my heart won out. I love you, sugar.” The grin on my face hurts it’s so wide.
Her body sags in relief as she lets out another cry. “Oh, thank God,” she says, smiling. “That was about to be the most awkward moment of my life. I mean look at me.” Her hands brush the length of her body. “I’m naked. You’re naked and I just told you I loved you after you wouldn’t make love to me. And I’m pregnant, I’m fat and I just told you I loved you.” She nervously rambles.
“Hush, sugar.”
“I love you.” She tells me again.
I chuckle. “I know, baby. You’ve told me.”
*****
Savannah’s body is wrapped around mine, our legs intertwined. I’ve learned that she needs to be wrapped around my front while either I’m lying on my back or she needs to be behind me while she holds me at night.
I’m sure this is something that she needs to feel safe. Me wrapping my large frame around her makes her feel too confined, maybe uncomfortable and that’s something I never want her to feel with me. Her soft breaths feather against my neck. The steady breathing tells me she’s sound asleep. I continue to rub my hand up and down her arm. She fucking loves me and I love her. The thought brings a smile to my face. Something spooked her tonight. The Savannah that I saw leaning against the wall is not the one I’ve come to know.
I scan my room, looking for a sign, something that can tell me what was really on her mind. I’m not going to push her. I want her to feel safe with coming to me with her shit. Maybe she just had an emotional night with Jenni, walking down memory lane or some crap like that. I wasn’t expecting her back with me tonight. I figured the girls would want to spend the night together, braid each other’s hair and shit. I know Sienna used to love that crap. Do women ever grow out of that?
I notice an envelope by the door. I slowly pull my body out from under Savannah positive that I won’t wake her. Usually once she’s out, she doesn’t wake easily. I bend over and see two initials that make my blood boil. Tyson fucking Redding’s initials stare back at me.
*****
I know it’s late by the time I get to Cut’s house. This is his time with Lily. Night is the only time he gets with her, still afraid of what dangers prying eyes in the daylight might bring to her. We both know the night isn’t any safer for him to come see his wife, but no one ever tells him that. If this brings him peace in this fucked up situation, so be it. Once we have Louie’s daughter back and he hands over his father, Cut’s fear will finally be laid to rest. Living in fear of losing someone you love unconditionally used to be so foreign to me. Now, I completely understand. I don’t need to have loved Savannah for as long as Cut’s loved Lily to understand the meaning of it being unconditional. I think I proved that when I told my brother I would leave the only life I knew to make sure she and the baby stayed safe.
I pull up and park my bike down the street from their house. Another condition. Be as stealthy as possible. Do not draw attention to her or the house. Driving my loud ass bike down a residential street screams, ‘look at me’, so I park at the end, near a busy intersection and pray it isn’t ripped off. Walking this street is something I’ve done a hundred times. I’ve often wondered why he pays a mortgage for a house off the compound when we have several houses sitting empty. But she can’t live near us, it’s too obvious, too dangerous and there is no way she would be able to live a normal life coming and going from the club. Maybe once the history is finished, he can move Lily to the compound, closer to Savannah and the baby.
I scan the houses, bikes laid in the yards, basketball hoops attached to garages. Everything seems so normal. A life I didn’t grow up in, but a life I want the baby to have. I’m sure Savannah grew up on a street like this. Do I have to stay at the club? Would she mind taking up one of the houses? Would Cut be willing to let me live outside the compound? So many things undecided. So many loose strings. This is the next generation of the club. New rules need to be put in place. Once we take care of Louie’s father, I’m sure the future will be a lot brighter. Well, as bright as it can get when you’re dealing with a MC.
I softly knock on the door. I hear shuffling coming from the living room. I’m sure Cut is giving her his warning, not knowing who’s standing on her porch at nearly midnight. “It’s me.” I say, letting her know she’s safe. She unlocks the latch and pulls the door open. “Lily.”
“Sin?” She questions me, her eyes skirt over my face as she looks over my shoulder.
“I need him.” She nods, opening the door only slightly wider so I can step into her house.
“What the fuck!” Cut stands behind the door, gun loaded safety off.
“Sorry, brother.” I hear the click of the safety.
“I’ll give you two sometime.” Lily smiles at me. “It’s good seeing you.” She goes up on her toes and brushes her lips against my cheek.
“It’s good seeing you too. Hopefully soon, I’ll be seeing you more.” Confusion clouds her eyes, but she doesn't say anything.
I follow Cut into the kitchen where he opens the fridge, pulls out a beer for him and water for me. Since I’m lacking a kidney, I stopped the alcohol intake years ago. I didn’t need to risk my health any more than I do with living a life of a biker, so I stay sober. Always. “Here.” I shove the envelope into his chest before I take a seat in one of the stools. He drops the bottle onto the wooden top of the island.
“What’s this?” He asks as he opens it. I don’t answer him. He’ll see it for himself soon enough. His eyes cut to me. “Where did you get this?” He tosses the paper onto the counter.
“Savannah dropped it in my room. Wherever she found it, it did a number to her head. She was on me, throwing herself at me.”
“And you’re complaining because why?” He smirks.
“Stop fucking around. This is serious shit, and you know it. If this were Lily–”
“Don’t–”
“I love her.” Cut looks physically affected by my confession.
“Well, fuck me. My little brother has finally found his heart and is willing to love someone other than the people who share our blood.” He pushes the letter towards me. “It still doesn’t change how we’re going to proceed with Redding.”
“How can you even say that? This proves that he isn’t likely to just go away. He wants Savannah and that baby and he thinks he has t
he power to make that happen.”
“He doesn’t.” Cut says matter-of-factly.
“He has the money.”
“We have the connections.”
“His connections are dirtier. His connections trade kids and spill blood as if it’s nothing. I’m not willing to put her or the baby in any danger and that will always be a possibility while he’s still breathing.”
“Lick will teach him a lesson.”
“He’s above lessons and you know it. He’s Tyson fucking Redding. He thinks he walks on water and his money can buy him anything he wants. It's not happening. I'm not losing another person who I love.”
“You’re making rash decisions, Sin. Your mind is going crazy with scenarios that may never happen. You can’t keep doing this.” He slams his hand on the counter. Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath. When he looks back at me, I can see the momentary anger vacant from his eyes. “You can’t keep living with the what-ifs. You need to keep your head clear of that shit. One-step at a time. Let Lick do his thing. If he hasn’t budged, then and only then will we reevaluate the situation. I'm not willing to have blood on the club’s hands if I can avoid it.
“I'm not having her taken away from me and I am telling you this. If I feel she’s in any danger, if I have the slightest feeling that he’s around, I'm ending him.”
I grab the letter from the counter and make my way to my bike.
The ride from Cut’s back to the club does nothing to ease the worries that I have festering in my mind. Tyson needs to be dealt with and he needs to learn his lesson. He may think he’s something to write home about in Texas, but on the streets of Las Cruces, he’s just a pretty boy with a God complex. That shit doesn’t fly, especially in Fury territory. “Where you been?” Lick walks up to me as I pull my leg from my bike.
“Are you my keeper?”
“Don’t go there with me, little one.” I hate when he calls me that shit. He may be bigger in size, but I’ve seen more death and destruction in my day that would make him cower in the corner. “I’m just wondering what’s so important that you’d leave that piece of ass unattended.”
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