I look to my right and see her staring out the window, lost in thought. Her rusty brown hair is gathered in a loose braid. Her breasts have continued to grow, as has her stomach. Jenni and my mother make sure she’s eating right and with her lack of nausea, she’s finally gaining the proper weight. Last week she was complaining about a sharp pain she felt every now and then. It didn’t settle too great with me so I took it upon myself to give Doc a call with our concerns. Doc assured me that it’s a normal part of her body changing.
When we spoke, he encouraged me to make an appointment with an actual baby doctor. Someone is going to have to be there during delivery. Doc wanted to be there, but he didn’t want to be the one doing the actual delivery. It’s not his place and he didn’t want to risk Savannah or our baby. Ours. Based on his recommendation, yesterday we met with an actual OBGYN. I knew Savannah wanted the words of a specialist to ease her mind on how the pregnancy is coming along and she got her reassurance. The baby is on track and thriving in the security of her mamma’s belly.
“Where are we going?” she finally asks. I was hoping we’d get where we were going before the questions started.
I grab her hand and thread our fingers together. “Just making a purchase.” I tell her. She hasn’t started the baby shopping yet. She doesn’t like that she doesn’t have her own money to purchase the baby’s things yet. I’ve tried to tell her that she works. She should be paid for all the hours she puts into the shop and the bike building aspect of the business. Things are looking good, so good that I hope it makes Cut see how things can be. We still have the little factor that Louie hasn’t given up his father yet, but word is, Louie Sr. is found, so it’s now just a matter of time.
“What are you doing, Matthew?” She uses my name when she tries to butter me up. It doesn’t take much, because I would give my left nut to make this girl happy.
“Just thinking of the baby, sugar.”
“No.” She gasps as we pull into the dealership. The car is already picked out and paid for.
“Yes.” I throw my mother’s car into park. In the rearview mirror, I see Hawk and Lick pull in right behind us. “No arguing. This is a need, not a want. The baby needs something to travel in and we won’t have to be borrowing wheels to get around.”
“It’s too much.”
“No.” I shake my head. I take her hand and press my lips to her knuckles. “I got a killer deal. Took your fancy car as a down payment so it worked out well.”
That was tricky. I had to call in a favor through the club for that one. Luckily, some of our customers had to do some matters of business on the down low. Getting someone to forge Tyson’s signature was easy. Being the big shot that he is, his chicken scratch is all over the internet. “How?” She questions and I just give her a pointed look. Which in turn she gives me an eye roll.
“I don’t want you to change who you are.” She tells me. I know her worries. They’re the same as mine, but here’s the thing that I’ve finally come to understand. We are better off as changed people, both of us.
“You aren’t changing me in any ways that I don’t want. I’m still me. Still the biker with the fucked up past. But we are both better now as the people we are becoming. I'm one hundred percent certain of that.” I lean in and kiss her cheek. I’m out of the car before she can continue to tell me how she hates me taking care of her. I’m not just taking care of her, I’m taking care of us and for the first time in a very long time, I enjoy that I’m thinking of myself right along with someone else.
“What did you get yourself?” Lick asks as they approach us. “Got yourself a pussy wagon, didn’t you?”
“Fuck you.” I tell him as I bump my shoulder with his. “It’s a midsize SUV, not a fucking pussy wagon.”
“I have to admit, man.” Hawk cuts in, “I was thinking of a minivan.”
“Jesus you two, I’m carrying one child, not an entire soccer team.”
“Not saying you were, sweetheart, but Lord knows that man is going to have you knocked up before the first one’s off the tit.” I give Hawk the dirtiest scowl I can manage.
*****
Savannah is waiting in the service area as they give the car one more go through. Lick has taken my mother’s car back to her while Hawk waits with me. “What do you have planned after all this?” He asks me.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you’ve got the girl and the soon to be baby, but you can’t think you guys are going to continue to live in your room. That’s not gonna work, and there’s no way in hell Tyson is going to allow is child to live in a biker club.”
“Well, first off. Redding aint got shit to do with the baby. Not now and not ever. I don’t give a shit if my DNA isn’t running through her little veins; she’s mine, through and through. That fucker better not step foot into their line of sight for the remainder of his miserable life. “
“Alright, I got you on that.”
“As for the living arrangements? I’m going to talk to my brother about that. The club isn’t as big as it used to be. Those houses are sitting empty and I think it’s time to bring life back into them, into the club. Starting with him and his wife.”
“You think he’ll bring Lily into the fold?”
“I think he will once he gets out of his own head about the dangers of what the past might bring to the present. Once Louie Sr. isn’t walking God’s green Earth, my brother is going to feel better about a whole lot.”
“True that.” Hawk agrees. “Hey, man,” he looks down at his chucks. “I need to take some time away. It’s my mom.”
Rose left Hawk before he could realize what a good mother actually is. I don’t think he was even in school yet when she took off. Her abandonment of him scared him big time. He doesn’t see that commitment can be real and feels love is a falsehood. My mother gave him everything that he needed. She attended every mother-son activity in school, but the thing is, everyone knew, he knew that she wasn’t his mother, but a substitute. A better one than the real thing in my opinion. I’ve learned never to push Hawk when it comes to his feelings because the only thing that will happen is that he’ll close you off. So I nod, without so much as a comment, only a question. “When do you leave?”
“Tonight.”
I hope he knows what he’s doing.
“Mijo.” I hear my mother’s voice from behind me.
I’ve been trying to get as much work done as I can on the special project that I started a few weeks back. I know Savannah has a little over two months left before the baby gets here, but I need to get this thing done. This is the prototype of what the investors are waiting to see. They wanted to see some diversity before they come to a deal with our brand. After the impromptu meeting I attended, they requested to see something up close, and not just on the sketchpad. They want to see my ability to build, so I’m bringing my ‘A’ game. This is my best work to date. I have to say that Savannah is a huge reason for this, all of it. This is what all of Savannah’s hard work has been building up to. Her countless emails, conference calls, and support have gotten my passion noticed in the best way possible. This isn’t just about me, but about the club, my brothers who’ve supported me when I gave them every reason not to. If the moneymen like what I produce, then the deal is done. Devil’s Fury will be branded, Fury by Choppers West. Our style of choppers with a bigger name backing us. “Mama.” I look up and see she’s holding a brown paper bag. “What do you have there?” I ask.
“Just some food for my son. You can’t keep making masterpieces if you keel over from starvation, now can you?” She says with a smirk.
“True.” I wipe down the metal that I'm polishing, smoothing the seams.
“Is Savannah still out?”
“Yeah. She and Jenni, along with Lick, have been out shopping for baby stuff.”
She finally relented and gave into my demands for her to start purchasing the necessities for the baby. Since then, she’s dragged both Jenni and Lick out almost every day hunting fo
r the best deals on everything from diapers to a rocker. I’ve only had to go twice and it wasn’t so bad.
*****
“What do you think of this?” I watch as Savannah runs her hands over the deep cherry wood of a sleigh type crib.
The store she’s taken me to smells like baby powder. It’s bright, airy and I’ve noticed that I’m the only man in here that looks out of place. Wearing my Fury shirt and boots is a drastic comparison to the other men who are either wearing polos and khakis or plaid button up shirts. Funny thing is, before it would have bothered me. The looks that I’m getting from the men, the gawking from their pregnant wives. It would have rubbed me the wrong way, but now? Now the way Savannah is lit up I couldn’t care less for the constant leering eyes. My girl is glowing with happiness and I’m glad that I’m the one who’s partly responsible for that. “Whatever you want, sugar.”
Standing behind her, I place my hands on her shoulders. She leans into me instantly; I love how her body fits perfectly into mine. I nuzzle my nose into her neck and she lets out a soft giggle. Placing soft kisses on her skin, I watch as her flesh pebbles beneath my touch. “I love you.” I tell her. I’m not stingy with telling her. The feeling consumes me. Sometimes I feel like my chest is going to burst, and other times, it’s frustrating because I feel that I’ll never be able to show her how much she means to me.
She turns in my hands and her eyes meet mine. She runs her hand up over my chest, up my neck and she threads her fingers through the nape of my hair. “I love you too.” She gives me a small smile but her eyes are what tell me everything I need to know. This woman is mine and no one else’s. Our love is new, but no less as important as others who have been with their soul mate for years. Savannah and I had this bond. We were once lost in the life we were both simply existing in. Neither of us living until the moment we found each other.
“May I help you?” The voice of the saleswoman breaks the connection. Her interruption almost makes me want to snap at her, but the smile on Savannah’s face calms the best within.
“We’ll take the crib.” I say without taking my eyes from this gorgeous woman standing before me. I hear some sort of agreement from the sales lady but I pay her no attention.
“You’re going to spoil her.”
“Damn straight, sugar.”
*****
“She’s doing well; don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I do. She’s so much different from when she first got here.” I wipe my hands on the shop rag and throw it over the seat of the bike. I rip open the brown bag and find a couple of foil wrapped burritos.
“You are too. Oh, mijo, your father would be so proud of you.”
I can’t say that his approval doesn’t mean anything to me because it does. He was my father, a man who loved his family. But I know if he were alive, I wouldn’t be living my life to please him. He taught me to be my own man, and I believe I’m doing that every day now. I know what my mother is speaking of; it’s how far I’ve come since I found Savannah. I know that I’m not the same man who first found her behind that convenience store. “I agree with you.”
“What are your plans?”
“We still have time, Mama. She’s only twenty-five weeks.”
“It’s going to go fast and the baby is going to be here before you know it. I thought we were going to speak with your brother about taking claim to one of the houses here.”
“I had planned on it, but I’ve been busy and haven’t had the chance.”
“Your brother loves you, Devin will support whatever–”
“What will I support?” Cut’s voice comes from over my shoulder.
“Ah, mijo, here. I made you a burrito.” She takes the second burrito from my bag and hands it to my brother.
“You think you’re sly, don’t you, woman?” I question her.
She cocks her eyebrow. “I don’t know what you mean?” she lies. “Anyway your brother and I were just talking and I think that he needs to open up one of those houses and get it set up for when Savannah comes home with the little one. I don’t want her to have to bring that baby home to that room. The clubhouse is no place for a baby.”
Cut turns towards me. “You agree with that?”
“I agree that I don’t want Savannah to have to bring the baby back to that atmosphere. That’s no place for a baby. You and I both know that.”
“What were you planning on doing?”
“Well, I haven’t really thought about it. It still seems so far away.”
“But it’s not, Matthew.” Mama breaks in.
“I want some place safe for them to go. I want a place where I can go and get away from all of this. It’s either going to be here in one of the clubhouses or off club property. Those are my options. I feel that we’ve kept those houses empty for years now and there needs to be life brought back to them. But this is your MC and I’m going to do what you want. I’m not going to go against your wishes by opening up a house when that’s not something that you want.”
“I think it’s a good idea.” Cut agrees.
“You do?” My mother and I both question.
“Yeah. I think things are going to be changing around here for the better and it’s time to open those houses back up. No more living scared.”
“And you? Are you going to practice what you preach? Are you going to bring your wife home and start a family here?”
“There isn’t a place I’d rather her be.” He takes his foil wrapped burrito and walks out. I look at my mother and she’s standing there smirking at her success.
2 weeks later
“We got him.” Cut pushes through the doors of the garage.
“What?”
“Louie Sr. We got him. Junior just delivered him to the warehouse. It’s time.”
It’s time. Fuck me. After many weeks of nothing, Louie finally came through on his promise. A promise that I never thought he would keep. I wipe the grease from my hands as my mind races with the things I want to do to that man. There has never been so much revulsion, hate, and loathing for one person. He ripped my family apart and I’m going to take pleasure in shredding the life from him.
*****
“I called Lick. He’s going to meet us. I want him there, just in case.” My brother says from the driver’s seat. “The girls are supposed to be held up at the house. Bubba suggested we get them as far away from the club just in case this is a setup. I figured that is the safest place since I’m sure it’s not known to many people. Lily is there with them. Bubba said he will stay there, for protection.”
The adrenaline courses through my body as I watch the city pass by. My fists continue to clench with anticipation. I feel the strain in my muscles and I welcome the pain. The wind whips through the cab of the truck as my brother drives us out to the old warehouse. The same warehouse where my sister and father’s lives ended. This is Diablo’s territory. That fact doesn’t sit too well with me, but it’s the way it has to be. Louie promised us there wouldn’t be any interruption, no retaliation for us to be in their territory.
When we pull up to the old metal building there's a calm in the air. The heat of the day has been replaced with the setting sun. The breeze blows and I can almost feel the presence of my sister. I pray it’s because she’s here supporting me and not because she hasn’t been able to move on from the place where her life was so brutally taken from her.
“You going to be able to handle this?” I give a jerky nod. “Hey.” He places his hand on my arm. “I want you to know that I didn’t have any of the other guys involved in this because I felt this is something we need to do. This isn’t about the club right now. It’s about you, me, and the loss we feel as a family. Not as an MC. This right here has never been about the MC.” I nod again, unable to form words. “This is it, Matthew. This is the day you let go of all the shit you’ve been living with for the past few years. It’s right here that you let dad and Sienna rest. This is the day that you let it all go, no more holding on to the pas
t..”
I turn and face my brother. He looks so much like my father. This has burdened him just as much as it has me. We’ve both reacted in our own ways, but he’s right, it’s time to move on. “It’s time for both of us to stop living in fear.” He nods in agreement.
Cut pulls on the gigantic metal door. The screeching of the metal as it rolls along the pavement send chills up my back. I’m the first to step into the warehouse. Cut shuts the door with a slam. The lock slides into place, securing us inside. My eyes scan the large area. I purposely avoid the figure off to the side, but I know he’s there. I can hear his muffled pleas of begging coming from behind what I’m sure is his taped mouth.
The location is almost how I’ve seen it in my nightmares. Huge metal beams make up the structure, plastic covered sky lights draw what little light is left from the sun into the building. Large hooks hang from thick chains. This was once used as an old slaughterhouse, it seems fitting now. My feet brush against the concrete as I step further in to the building. I swallow back the emotion as I picture what my sister must have gone through in here. My eyes survey the ground, looking for any sign of my sister. Years have passed and I know that it’s not logical to see any evidence of her. Maybe I just want a sign from her that what I’m about to do is what she would have wanted.
Breathing deep, the scent of must and mildew enter my lungs. This place reeks of death. I roll my shoulders as I feel my brother come up behind me. He bumps my shoulder as he continues his stride to the piece of shit strapped down to the chair. It’s then that I finally allow myself focus my attention on Louie, Sr.
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